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eb1bacd
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"Oh, I know. They're dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they're not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they're "little people," I'm sorry! Can't believe I have to be politically correct when you're the only one who can hear me."
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humor
oberon
dog
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Kevin Hearne |
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cff2346
|
Are you going to kick somebody's ass? I don't know. Maybe. Well, I'm not going to worry. I've watched you spar with that martial arts dummy in the backyard lots of times, and you always win. Thanks, buddy. I'll see you soon.
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humor
oberon
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Kevin Hearne |
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a82fc2c
|
"Did Genghis Khan take his coffee black?" Oberon asked me. After my bathtime story, he wanted to be the Genghis Khan of dogs. He wanted a harem full of French poodles, all of whom were named either Fifi or Bambi. It was an amusing habit of his: Oberon had, in the past, wanted to be Vlad the Impaler, Joan of Arc, Bertrand Russell, and any other historical figure I had recently told him about while he was getting a thorough cleansing. His Liberace period had been particularly good for my soul: You haven't lived until you've seen an Irish wolfhound parading around in rhinestone-studded gold lame."
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oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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e2c2b96
|
"That's what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside." "
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humor
tricked
kevin-hearne
oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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2815e6b
|
Huh... guess they didn't want a cracker after all. Another myth BUSTED
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two-ravens-and-one-crow
oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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9b56839
|
"Out, out, thou strumpet Fortune!" I cried with all the venom of Charlton Heston. Oberon asked. "It's a Shakespearean word for whore." "
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oberon
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kevin hearne |
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b4303e3
|
You don't even know if she really likes you, Oberon said as we exited and I unlocked my bike. She could be doing her customer service routine and stringing you along in hopes of a big tip the next time you come in. With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand, it's so much easier. Why can't humans do that?
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oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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d298f4a
|
"All right. I do not think she will attack, though. She is a nice inhuman." "You mean nonhuman. Inhuman is an adjective," I said, as I rose from the lawn and padded softly around the left side of the house to the backyard. "Hey, I'm not a native speaker. Give me a break."
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oberon
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kevin hearne |
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3ddf561
|
You mean nonhuman. Inhuman is an adjective, I said, as I rose from the lawn and padded softly around the left side of the house to the backyard.
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oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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657245a
|
"I dispelled my invisibility for a few seconds in his full view, a finger resting provocatively on my lower lip, giving him a come-hither look under a streetlight. His jaw and the bottle of Zubrowka dropped at the same time. It shattered, drawing his eyes to the sidewalk, and I took the opportunity afforded by his distraction to disappear again. "That was mean," Oberon said, watching the man look wildly around for me and pawing at his eyes as if to clear them. Why? I asked. I've done him no harm. "Yes, you have. You will haunt him for the rest of his life. I know from experience." You're haunted by someone flashing you on a street corner? "No. It was a dog park. Atticus and I were just arriving and she was leaving." Oh, here we go. "She was so fit and her coat was tightly curled and she had a perfect pouf on the end of her tail like a tennis ball. I saw her for maybe five seconds, until she hopped into a Honda and her human drove her away. And now I can't see a Honda without seeing her." But that's a good thing, isn't it? Kind of romantic? A vision of perfection you can treasure forever, unspoiled by reality. "Well, I don't know. In reality I'd like to try spoiling her, if she was in the mood." Look, Oberon, that man is lonely. He's too skinny and sweaty, and I'm willing to bet you five cows that he's socially awkward or he wouldn't be staggering drunk at this hour. But now, for the rest of his life, he will remember the na**d woman on the street who looked at him with desire. When people treat him like something untouchable, he will have that memory to comfort him. "Or obsess over. What if he starts wandering the streets every night looking for you?" Then he's misunderstood the nature of beauty. It doesn't stay, except in our minds. "Oh! I think I see. That's true, Clever Girl! Sausage never stays, because I eat it, but it's always beautiful in my mind."
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philosophy
granuaile
hunted
kevin-hearne
oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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abf1c9a
|
"I don't remember the whole thing, because it was very long, but Atticus recited it for me once, and there was a line that went like this: "Cry ham hock and let slip the hogs of war!" I know you might not agree, but for me that was the best thing Shakespeare ever wrote." You mean, "Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war" from Julius Caesar? "No, I don't think that's it. There was ham in there; I'm sure he was talking about ham. They were going to battle hunger." I think you might have been hungry when you heard it, Oberon."
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shakespeare
humour
granuaile
iron-druid
kevin-hearne
oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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da0c130
|
"I've never run this far before," he said at one point. "Or this fast for so long. It's better than sticking your head out a car window, that's for sure." My theory is that Oberon might be a master of Tao. He always sees what we filter out. The wind and the grass and something in the sky, sun or moon, shining on our backs as we run: They are gifts that humans toss away like socks on Christmas morning, because we see them every day and don't think of them as gifts anymore. But new socks are always better than old socks. And the wind and grass and sky, I think, are better seen with new eyes than jaded ones. I hope my eyes will never grow old."
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dogs
nature
beauty
philosophy
inspirational
taoism
new
granuile
hunted
kevin-hearne
old
oberon
|
Kevin Hearne |
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f173772
|
[I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to fling other kinds of poo around? I mean, you get opposable thumbs and this is what you do with them?]
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funny
oberon
monkeys
|
Kevin Hearne |