|
da3924c
|
There are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. . . Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
f77324d
|
Forgetting isn't enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and agian. They circle you, like sharks. Until, unless, something, someone? Can do more than just cover the wound.
|
|
memories
|
Sara Zarr |
|
5d0fd3f
|
Because love, love is never finished. It circles and circles, the memories out of order and not always complete.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
8d00685
|
That's how you know you really trust someone, I think; when you don't have to talk all the time to make sure they still like you or prove that you have interesting stuff to say.
|
|
trust
|
Sara Zarr |
|
93edc5b
|
the past only had whatever power you gave it; life was what you made it and if you wanted something different from what you had, it was up to you to make it happen.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
7418293
|
Remember that no matter where I am or what I'm doing I've got a special place inside me that's all for you. It's been there since the day we met.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
a424eeb
|
You were never what I wanted to forget.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
14a3d6a
|
Life was mostly made up of things you couldn't control, full of surprises, and they weren't always good. Life wasn't what you made it. You were what life made you.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
536e596
|
I'm talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much a part of you as your own soul. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless. If you had a lifetime to talk, there would still be things left unsaid.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
29617d8
|
Can it really be love if we don't talk that much, don't see each other? Isn't love something that happens between people who spend time together and know each other's faults and take care of each other?...In the end, I decide that the mark we've left on each other is the color and shape of love.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
c885af3
|
I had them all fooled into believing I was normal and well-adjusted, a rock of sensibility who could always be counted on to have a positive attitude.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
02e4b9e
|
No one measures a life in weeks and days. You measure life in years and by the things that happen to you.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
7b4ddb4
|
And he left. I watched him walk out - he didn't say good-bye, he didn't even look back. It scared me, how easy it was for him to do that.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
61c4479
|
Sometimes rescue comes to you. It just shows up, and you do nothing. Maybe you deserve it, maybe you don't. But be ready, when it comes, to decide if you will take the outstretched hand and let it pull you ashore.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
98c7579
|
Life needed a fast forward button. Because there were days you just don't want to live through, not again, but they kept coming around and you were powerless to stop time or speed it up or do anything to keep from having to face it.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
40b86dc
|
I think about how there are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. I don't mean the usual faint impression: he was cute, she was nice, they made me laugh, I wish I'd known her better, I remember the time she threw up in class. And I don't just mean that they change you. A lot of people can change you - the first kid who called you a name, the first teacher who said you were smart., the first person who crowned you best fr..
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
f731470
|
Other memories stick, no matter how much you wish they wouldn't. They're like a song you hate but can't ever get completely out of your head, and this song becomes the background noise of your entire life, snippets of lyrics and lines of music floating up and then receding, a crazy kind of tide that never stops.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
ec4aff6
|
I'm still going to love you, always. And in the rock-paper-scissors of life, love is rock. fear, anger, everthing else...no contest.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
7c22d76
|
I lived too much in my head instead of the real world.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
6111074
|
And I don't just mean that they change you. A lot of people can change you--the first kid who called you a name, the first teacher who said you were smart, the first person who crowned you best friend. It's the change you remember, the firsts and what they meant, not really the people.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
56499a4
|
I wonder how you're supposed to know the exact moment when there's no more hope.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
394f858
|
It's just so out of control. Life, I mean. The way it flies off in all these different directions without your permission.
|
|
time
|
Sara Zarr |
|
95cf8c0
|
we had each other. I never needed anyone else. That's the difference between you and me. You need all these people around you. Your friends, your boyfriend, everyone. Every single person has to like you. I only ever needed one person. Only ever needed you.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
b002bcd
|
And part of being American is respecting all people's right to be whatever they want to be and at the same time respecting your own right to bitch about it, as long as you're educated and can reason your way through your bitching.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
f260760
|
The importance of our connection, what it meant to find each other again, the way it made what happened to us and between us not be a waste, not be for nothing. He would know, he had to know, that not saying good-bye would be the worst end of all.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
ced20fb
|
Sometimes you should have something you don't need but that you want.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
cc6186f
|
It's a jagged thing in my throat, how much I miss her.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
3553bfc
|
He felt it too, the air between us, the invisible lines that something or someone had drawn to connect us. That's the way I remember it.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
babcddd
|
Sometimes I still stare into space and think about Cameron. I think about how there are certain people who come into your life and leave a mark. I don't mean the usual faint impression: He was cute, she was nice, they made me laugh, I wish I'd known her better, I remember the time she threw up in class. And I don't just mean they change you. A lot of people can change you - the first kid who called you a name, the first teacher who said you..
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
5470f67
|
The kind of life I want is to be a person who would get a personal note every day.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
ded9f5c
|
Sitting and waiting for something to happen was the worst kind of torture.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
b902d7c
|
But as I get older I think - can it really be love if we don't talk that much, don't see each other? Isn't love something that happens between people who spend time together and know each other's faults and take care of each other? In the end I decide that the mark we've left on each other is the color and shape of love. That's the unfinished business between us. Because love is never finished. It circles and circles the memories always out..
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
83d85ab
|
Ethan and I are done," I said finally. "I'm sorry." "He was my first boyfriend." "I know." "The only real boyfriend I've had. I'm a senior in high school and he was my only real boyfriend." "I know." "And I won't find another one at Jones Hall. That is guaranteed." "Okay." "This is all very sad and tragic," I said. Alan unwrapped a sleeve of Smarties. "Yet, oddly, you don't seem that upset." "I know."
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
300b679
|
My whole life has been one big broken promise.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
4167fea
|
That's how life feels to me. Everyone is doing it; everyone knows how. To live and be who they are and find a place, find a moment. I'm still waiting.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
4b09ca2
|
Try a little tenderness ...
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
efe5411
|
It's not words, so much, just my mind going blank and thoughts reaching up up up, me wishing I could climb through the ceiling and over the stars until I can find God, really see God, and know once and for all that everything I've believed my whole life is true, and real. Or, not even everything. Not even half. Just the part about someone or something bigger than us who doesn't lose track. I want to believe the stories, that there really is..
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
9afff0d
|
Live in the present. Take care of the relationships in front of you now. Most friendships have a natural life, and when they've lived that out, you'll know.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
6c9a792
|
I looked at my hand resting on the shelf of the prop cabinet, thinking of the scars that were there whether anyone could see them or not.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
ebb8730
|
I never had a connection like that to anyone, where every day you think about what you'll tell them and you wonder what they're doing, and you know they're wondering what you're doing.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
f0cca60
|
the mark we've left on each other is the color and shape of love. That's the unfinished business between us. because love, love is never finished.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
b68a15f
|
What brings two people together anyway?
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
07ba6cb
|
I don't want these memories to become slippery, to just disappear into the thin air of life the way most things seem to. I want them to stick - even the bad ones - so I repeat them often.
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |
|
0a196c6
|
We'd walk home together in the foggy summer night and I'd tell her about sex; the good stuff, like how it could be warm and exciting--it took you away--and the not-so-good things, like how once you showed someone that part of yourself, you had to trust them one thousand percent and anything could happen. Someone you thought you knew could change and suddenly not want you, suddenly decide you made a better story than a girlfriend. Or how som..
|
|
|
Sara Zarr |