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c9a3877
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So, Cameron," Steph continued, "auditions for the school play are next week. You should come. We need more males of the species to try out." "Not my thing," Cameron said. "okay, so you don't want to be onstage. You could be backstage." "With Jenna," Gil said helpfully. "She's the stage manager-" Ethan talked over Gil. "But if it's not our thing," he said, "it's not your thing. You don't even have to a thing if you don't want." "Right," Ka..
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Sara Zarr |
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0195088
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They're lucky," I said. I was already imagining our good-bye-we'd both cry, we'd have a good long hug, we'd say things we might be scared to say if we knew we had to look each other in the eye the next day. "I don't know about that. I can be a pain." He laughed then, and bit into a donut. "You might have noticed." I laughed, too. "Might have."
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Sara Zarr |
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8554fc4
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Remember that time we got snowed in at school? Everyone had to wait for their parents to get them, but our parents didn't come." "God," I said, "I'd forgotten. Why can't I remember any of this stuff without being reminded?" "School bus driver had to take us home eventually. We were the only two kids on the bus." "I can picture us," I said, "sitting next to each other on that backseat. It's such a sad scene, really." I felt him look at me. "..
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Sara Zarr |
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49bb36c
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You have to dig down and find some part of you that doesn't care what people think, doesn't care if it's hard, doesn't care if it hurts, doesn't care if you have to momentarily experience humiliation, uncertainty, fear.
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Sara Zarr |
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25d1cf2
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I can't believe this crap. Jolly ranchers? Gummy worms?" Katy rifled through the pile of candy she'd dumped onto Steph's floor. "Where's the chocolate? Where's the candy corn?" "I Jolly Rangers," Steph said, helping herself to Katy's rejects, her boobs in danger of breaking loose from her Renaissance dress. Gil watched, fascinated. "Remind me who you are again?" "Um, Juliet? From " She popped a candy into her mouth. "Shakespeare?" "Did t..
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Sara Zarr |
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1d7f1f9
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The sight of them (her friends) let a little air into her soul.
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Sara Zarr |
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dc8fe7e
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Stuff happens to most people. One thing going wrong, I mean. One family member missing a chance to help. One who cuts you off. One person with her own shit to deal with. One of those things isn't enough to send you falling through the cracks. But all of them together, they accumulate. An abandoned mother here. A missing uncle there. A disappearing father 2 generations back. A friendship broken by fear or mistrust or addiction. Genes that ma..
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sisters
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Sara Zarr |
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42e5035
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We had this time. We had this little bit of time together for being honest. It felt sharp and finite, like it could end any second without warning. "I know you want me to be different than I am," I said. "But you could have helped me be more of what you wanted by actually talking to me. Telling me things."
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sisters
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Sara Zarr |
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6e5a754
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The American dream is kind of stupid, anyway. Slave ninety percent of your life so that you can spend the last ten percent of it doing nothing? And there's no guarantee you even make it far enough to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Look at the state of the world. At this rate it's all going to implode any second, anyway, and you could...die unexpectedly. So you should do what makes you happy.
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Sara Zarr |
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906bc1a
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All my life the only reliable person, the one I could count on, the one who hasn't abandoned me, is me.
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Sara Zarr |
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2634ea2
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Das wird sich alles finden. Everything will be okay.
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Sara Zarr |
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25229f1
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Why do we drag around like life is so awful?' Why did they forget that there was so much to love?
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Sara Zarr |
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de09327
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You used to not give a damn about anything, but that was because you were brave, not cynical. You used to have so much courage.
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Sara Zarr |
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71a8aa4
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Why do you want to come in?' Because I'm lonely, I think. Why does anyone ever want to be with another person?
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Sara Zarr |
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eca6524
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He said I didn't need to save him.' 'But you want to.' 'Yeah. But I can't. Right?' 'Probably not. Usually not.
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Sara Zarr |
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2986a56
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I think about how there are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. ... And I don't just mean that they change you. A lot of people can change you... I'm talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much a part of you as your own soul. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. My mom was right about that. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundre..
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Sara Zarr |
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480aca3
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Can it really be love if we don't talk that much, don't see each other? Isn't love something that happens between people who spend time together and know each other's faults and take care of each other? ... In the end, I decide that the mark we've left on each other is the colour and shape of love. That's the unfinished business between us. Because love, love is never finished.
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Sara Zarr |
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8763dd3
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Right now I would love to have a personal message from God. I want to believe the way I used to, when my dad or mom or sometimes both of them would pray with me at night and I would picture God listening, kind-eyed and bearded. He was real to me, as real as my own parents. I don't know when God stopped being someone I saw as my true friend, and turned into something I'm mostly confused about.
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Sara Zarr |
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7260f12
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Now I think miracles are things that happen in stained glass, and on dusty Jerusalem roads thousands of years ago. Not here, not to us. Not when we need them.
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Sara Zarr |
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40a3a10
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Mom always says that doubt is just another way of expressing faith... This is different than doubt. This is something I've never felt before, a total absence of whatever it is that's made me who I am, on the inside, all my life.
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Sara Zarr |
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9e59c57
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Right now it's like we're three islands, and nothing but oceans between us.
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Sara Zarr |
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511de82
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And, to our collective surprise, it turned out that for a person who doesn't like people, I'm pretty good at this customer service stuff.
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Sara Zarr |
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acf5ec8
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And I'll dream about living there one day myself, about boats and bicycles and water, and a dog running next to me on the road, in the green, green afternoon light.
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Sara Zarr |
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25fa207
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I'd been in bed for an hour without falling asleep, going over my day and all the ways I had been weird at school.
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Sara Zarr |
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0b938fd
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You are beautiful, Lucy. Inside and out. And that hurts, too. It hurts more specifically. More personally.
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Sara Zarr |
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c7d486d
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When Dad & I used to tell each other to try a little tenderness we meant calm down, be soft, stop having to be right, give a person the benefit of the doubt for a change.
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Sara Zarr |
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11d50ee
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These days with Dylan - when we're together - it's more friendly and cozy than romantic and exciting, but it still soothes me. Isn't that more caring about myself, though, than loving him? Shouldn't love have at least a little to do with the other person, separate from yourself? But how can you see anything or anyone in the world apart from yourself? I mean, everything we experience is subjective, since we have no way of experiencing it oth..
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Sara Zarr |
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004f5af
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Her door is cracked only a tiny bit, and her room is dark. Through the crack I can see her legs on the bed and hear her crying. Not like the big sobbing you do when something tragic and unexpected happens. It's the quiet kind of crying that can go for hours, when over and over again you try to stop, try to tell yourself it's going to be okay, but another part of yourself can't stop thinking about the thing that's breaking your heart.
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Sara Zarr |
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86c9ab7
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And when you can't stand yourself, you don't want people around who are constantly saying how much they love you, because you know you don't deserve it.
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Sara Zarr |
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06092be
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Because every thought she had, everything she observed around her, every conversation, every experience, everything that made her laugh - she imagined telling him, or him watching. She wanted herself, the particular way he saw her and the way she like to be seen by him, reflected back, over and over. It was like there was this letter to him in her head that she was always writing and never getting to send. It reminded her of being a kid and..
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Sara Zarr |
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3ae9105
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I couldn't see beyond the walls of our apartment or the few miles between home and school. Every day was about getting through it. Every weekend was about getting back to school, where there could be some structure and my routines.
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sisters
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Sara Zarr |
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0f28dc6
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Kip is still one of my best friends. When you have a shared experience with someone who showed you some kindness when you needed it most, it sticks with you.
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sisters
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Sara Zarr |
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f35b737
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All summer they'd been pushing me towards my freedom and now I wanted to claim it
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Sara Zarr |