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f3371bc
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His voice just shot through me. It's amazing, the things your body will do just when you don't want them to: heart speeding up, fingers aching. I'd always liked his voice, low and laid-back, the kind of voice that made you listen, a voice that still caused me to teeter when I heard it saying my old nickname.
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Sara Zarr |
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3c07320
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It happened right then; he looked at me and it was the thing I'd been waiting for but didn't know it. I don't mean anything corny like I fell in love or even into a crush or anything like that. It was more a feeling like when I'd get picked first for volleyball or find one of those stupid school candygrams in my locker. It was knowing someone else thought about me for more than one second, maybe even about me when I wasn't there.
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Sara Zarr |
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17ca8a9
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There are so many pieces to grief. Sad pieces, angry pieces, guilty pieces, pieces of regret, and pieces that are a certain kind of pain that doesn't even have a word.
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Sara Zarr |
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f990164
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Death changes things,' I said. 'It happens and you can't stop it. You don't have a choice. This is different.' 'Life changes things, too.
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Sara Zarr |
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1baab29
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You don't get anything without giving up something.
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Sara Zarr |
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6e5ed3e
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I can be human to strangers and coworkers, just not to the people who actually care about me.
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Sara Zarr |
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14cb1f9
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You didn't call me last night." "Was I supposed to?" He looked down. "Just figured now that you had my number...Kept my phone on all night, just in case." He laughed. "I started to worry that it didn't work. Actually went out to a pay phone to test it." "You could have called me. That way you left me after lunch on Saturday, I figured..." I ended there and shrugged, not wanting to be mad at him or get into any kind of argument. "Anyway, aft..
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Sara Zarr |
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9efa9e6
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Wait in the car." He opened the door and started to climb out. "Hold on! How long should I give you? What if you don't come back in a certain number of minutes? Should I call the cops?" "Don't do anything. Don't call anyone. I'll be fine." "But what if you're not?" "Then go home." And with that, he got out and jogged down the street, like if I heard screams or gunshots or whatever I would just drive on home like nothing happened. Well, good..
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Sara Zarr |
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56fc112
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How did you find me?" "I've followed you for a long time." He must have mistaken the look on my face for alarm or fear, and said, "Not literally. I just mean I never lost track." But it wasn't fear, or anything like that. It was an instant of realization I'd have a lot in the coming days: I'd been thinking of him as coming back from the dead, but the fact was he'd been there all along. He'd been alive when I cried in my room over him being ..
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Sara Zarr |
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a27d6c1
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At least you know what you want. I don't know what I want." Then he was quiet for a long time. We were almost home before he said, "Just want to be with you. Like this." My heart sped up. I made a joke. "That's probably not a viable career option." "Yeah," he said, laughing a little. "Probably not."
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Sara Zarr |
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c27d26d
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I'm going to check on you in the night," he said. "At random intervals of my choosing." "I figured."
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Sara Zarr |
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4544a6a
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This was why Mom had told me to keep an eye on her. As tough as Dixie was, when it came to Dad she was a regular girl who wanted her father to love her. So
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Sara Zarr |
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90fef61
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The Lord doesn't give a person more than he knows they can bear.
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Sara Zarr |
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0c8f109
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Is this okay with you, Jenna? For him to stay here?" "Yeah," I said. "It's good. You have no idea what it takes for him to ask for help." I spent all evening in Alan's office, reading at his desk and keeping Cameron company. Mostly he slept, snoring lightly and once in a while murmuring unintelligible something into his pillow. I turned my chair so that I could look at him whenever I wanted, at his face or at the bare foot that stuck out fr..
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Sara Zarr |
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5661111
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We should just get a giant bottle of bargain vodka or something," Gil said, pushing his gorilla mask back on his head. "Not classy," Steph said. "This is a special night, not a frat party." "Special? Classy??" Ethan asked. "Steph. We're seniors in high school going trick-or-treating. We look like third-rate street performers."
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Sara Zarr |
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d1c2b49
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Story of a Girl By:Sara Zarr *Lexile:760 SRC:12 pts. *Personal Issues *Choice of getting a job to move out *Major Choice *In Process of making it happen *It effects her bother his girlfriend and their baby, because they will move out with her too. *Sometimes we need to take choices that will make your life easier and also others.
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Sara Zarr |
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9df33e9
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I didn`t say it didn`t feel good..." They never tell you this part in sex ed, how to talk about what you did and why you did it and what you thought about it, before, during, and after."
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Sara Zarr |
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e5ffa4f
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Only, don`t mistake a new place for a new you. I`ve done that more than once. You asked me before why I stay here. Maybe that`s why," he said, "now that I think about it. Might as well deal with myself right here. It`s as good a place as any."
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Sara Zarr |
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46a4ef5
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I thought of what Cameron said about the day I came across the yard to him to ask him to be in my club. About how I had guts. About how I was brave and strong. He was around to tell me these things now, to remind me, but I was going to have to learn to remember them myself, and believe them. I got up, crept to Alan's office, and went in. "Cameron? Cam?" He didn't move, and appeared to be fast asleep. I'm not sure what I wanted. To look at h..
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Sara Zarr |
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b02cb1a
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As much I love to imagine being alone in an orderly lab, I also know you can't stay in there forever and expect to do good work. Life is one of those experiments meant to be conducted in a stimulating, messy environment.
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Sara Zarr |
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2e00d54
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And a pencil-line drawing of a house. And under a piece of Scotch tape a ring, just a cheap ring with a blue glass stone. , it read.
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Sara Zarr |
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1a8079a
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Alan, as per his usual routine, got up early and peeked into my rom to check on me. What he found were his teenage stepdaughter and her childhood sweetheart curled up in the same bed, sound asleep and draped all over each other. He hissed my name, alarmed: "Jenna!" "Wha-?" I sat straight up, immediately aware of what was happening and how it all looked. I clambered over Cameron, who was just coming to consciousness, and followed Alan into t..
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Sara Zarr |
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036d36b
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Is that the destiny of all friendships, no matter how good they are? To die out or fade away? To end?
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Sara Zarr |
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0eea446
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counted because things in my life had a way of disappearing on me, and I'd learned not to trust what I thought was there. What
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Sara Zarr |
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8308b3e
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Why do people...we...why do we drag around like life is so awful?' Why did they forget that there was so much to love? He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. 'I guess...because there's a lot that is awful. That's the struggle of getting old. To make sure you don't let what's hard or painful or whatever obscure the beauty.
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Sara Zarr |
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63caa20
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Trust me, Jennifer. Just...trust me." I drove another block or two. "Why should I?" "Why shouldn't you?" But I knew it wasn't his fault, any more than it was mine. It wasn't like either of us had control over our lives. We were at the mercy of our parents, both of us. Anyway, I'd already turned the car toward the freeway entrance. I turned on the car radio and we drove twenty minutes without talking. When the exit finally came into view, u..
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Sara Zarr |
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789b0db
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He crouched down next to me. I put my hand on the hem of his jeans. It was the first time I'd touched him since that day in the cafeteria line. "I've got so much to tell you," he said, so quietly I almost couldn't hear. "Been thinking about how to even start." "Start anywhere," I whispered. "I just want to know." "I feel like I've already told you everything, in a way. I've been talking to you in my head for eight years, writing epics and s..
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Sara Zarr |
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dab2bc0
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There was a present on the front seat of Ethan's car, a Gap box tied with a white ribbon. "Happy birthday, Jenna," Ethan said, leaning over to kiss me, his lips cool from the iced chai he stopped for every morning. I opened the box and pulled out an orange sweater with a cream-colored stripe down the arms. "Thank you. I love it." "I know," he said, pulling away from the curb. "That's what you said when you handed it to me at the store and t..
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Sara Zarr |
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0c5118a
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Ethan didn't know anything about the fat girl, the Cootie Twin, the loner and reject. The only person who had ever picked Jennifer Harris was Cameron Quick, and sometimes when I was with Ethan I felt the smallest twinge of guilt, like being with him was a betrayal. The one thing that could never die or be buried was my loyalty to Cameron for everything he'd done for me and what we'd been through together, even if that loyalty was to a ghost..
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Sara Zarr |
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606e6b7
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We don't have to do this," I said. His jaw set in a way that reminded me of how he'd look some times back in grade school, standing around the fringes of s kickball game or on that bench by Mr. Lloyd's room. "We do, though." I shook my head, staring at the house. Right then, a woman walked out, carrying a bag of trash. "Let's ask her if we can go in," Cameron said. "Go ?" He turned to me. "Yeah." I lowered my voice to a whisper. "Shouldn't..
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Sara Zarr |
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8f174a0
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Where do you think you're going? I turn to see him, Cameron's dad. He is tall, a lot taller than my mom and most of the teachers at school, and has Cameron's big eyes. he says, studying me with a smile. He sounds nicer now. Maybe he's just a regular dad, maybe what I heard him saying to Cameron before wasn't really mean, maybe it was like a joke. I don't know how fathers are. Mine's been gone since I was two years old. Maybe they are like..
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Sara Zarr |
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8bcf8fc
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At the corner of K street and Fourth Avenue, I slowed down to let a pedestrian cross, a boy around my age. Maybe because he was so tall or maybe because of the way he walked-with a determined leaving into the cold-I couldn't take my eyes off him. His face was angled away from the car, and I got this strange urge to make him turn around so I could see it. I pressed my hand to the horn, but no sound came out, which was a relief. What was I th..
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Sara Zarr |
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bc261fa
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reigning Miss Predictability," Steph said, "proudly representing the fine state of Utah." "My inability to be spontaneous is part of my charm." "It's true. You wouldn't be you otherwise."
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Sara Zarr |
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5f4b1ab
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Why did you come back to Salt Lake?" I knew the answer before I asked the question and he knew I knew, and it was like you could see the shadow of it hanging there between us. "I needed to see you," he finally said. "It's hard to explain." "You don't have to." "I tried telling my mom once what happed that day. Showed her the hole in the window screen and Moe and even after that she said it was complicated, that my dad's a complicated man an..
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Sara Zarr |
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eb5eaaf
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I don't understand, Jenna, why you couldn't give him a ride home?" Mom struck the archetypal Mom pose-hands on hips, perplexed look on face, head tilted at that angle. "He walked home in the pouring rain. With a cold, I might add." "I didn't know he had a cold. I was at the JCC with Steph," I said, knowing that was not going to fly. Cameron padded into the kitchen on bare feet, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. "It's fine," he said. "I d..
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Sara Zarr |
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bcf9f96
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Do you ever feel helpless?" "Helpless, useless, clueless. And old. Don't forget old."
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Sara Zarr |
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6b95690
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Does all this have anything to do with Cameron coming back?" "Basically." She didn't put any letters down. Our game had effectively stopped. "I know you might think you want to be with Cameron that way," she said, "but remember it's been such a short time that he's been back, and-" "It's not that." "Are you sure?" "I don't picture us together, like a couple. It's more like..." "Like a brother?" "Mom, could you just listen?" She clamped her ..
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Sara Zarr |
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031524d
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The doorbell rang during dinner. Alan got up to answer, saying, "If it's the missionaries I might let them in. I'm too tired to put up a fight."
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Sara Zarr |
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599339f
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We're going to trick-or-treat," she said. "I don't care how old we are. We are going to exploit the free candy situation to its maximum potential because it might be our last chance, ever."
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Sara Zarr |
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6718e73
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Watching Cameron come toward us I could see why Katy used the words "hot" and "gorgeous" to describe him-he definitely had nice hair and a long, lean body with broad shoulders, and the eyes. I wondered what Jordana would think now if she saw him. He set his tray on the end of the table, not particularly near any of us. "Everyone," I said, "this is Cameron Quick." Ethan stood to reach over the table and shake his hand. "Hey. I'm Ethan." "We ..
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Sara Zarr |
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8623e76
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That's what music did. It made you feel. ... Music, her grandfather always told her, was language. A special language, a gift from the Muses, something all people are born understanding but few people can thoroughly translate.
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Sara Zarr |
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6b9a4a1
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I think about how there are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. I don't mean the usual faint impression...And I don't just mean that they change you. A lot of people can change you...It's the change you remember, the firsts and what they meant, not really the people...I'm talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much apart of you as your own SOUL. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing,..
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Sara Zarr |
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76cedbf
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I won't drink at the party," he said quickly. "If you don't want me to, I won't. I swear it right now. My hand is on a stack of Bibles." I paused. "That's very chivalrous." "Chivalrous would be my middle name, if I could spell it."
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Sara Zarr |
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b482ec1
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When do you think you're leaving?" I asked. "I don't know. Probably soon. Got what I came here for." "Even though we didn't go back to your old house?" "That was only part of it," he said. "Not the main thing." A few more big flakes of snow drifted down from the starlit sky. "And what was the main thing?" "This," he said. "Right here."
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Sara Zarr |