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2b80f0b
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Life is indeed difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we must overcome in order to survive, and partly because of our own innate desire to always do better, to overcome new challenges, to self-actualize. Happiness is experienced largely in striving towards a goal, not in having attained things, because our nature is always to want to go on to the next endeavor.
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Albert Ellis |
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e0cd312
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For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency. If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic. People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness. People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware. Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.
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Albert Ellis |
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a4c9994
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Too many people are unaware that it is not outer events or circumstances that will create happiness; rather, it is our perception of events and of ourselves that will create, or uncreate, positive emotions.
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Albert Ellis |
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1d1c056
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Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind - a biased, prejudiced, or strongly evaluative kind - of thought.
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Albert Ellis |
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6ecd4bf
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For many years now I have had the quaint idea that all humans-yes, the whole six billion of them on this planet-are out of their fucking minds.
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Albert Ellis |
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88de7a3
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If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one's feelings by controlling one's thoughts - or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.
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Albert Ellis |
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e0e158c
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You and many outstanding inventors and writers have striven for the ideal and have thereby helped yourself do remarkably well. REBT, therefore, does not oppose competition or striving for outstanding achievement. It advocates task-perfection, not self-perfection." "What does that mean?" "It means that you can try to be as good, or even as perfect, as you can--at any project or task. You can try to make it ideal. But you are not a good perso..
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Albert Ellis |
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4d49f86
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The expense of making yourself panicked, enraged, and self-pitying is enormous. In time and money lost. In needless effort spent. In uncalled-for mental anguish. In sabotaging others' happiness. In foolishly frittering away potential joy during the one life--yes, the one life--you'll probably ever have.
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Albert Ellis |
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3c90c31
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If you prefer to perform well and want to be accepted by others, you are concerned that you will fail and be rejected. Your healthy concern encourages you to act competently and nicely. But if you devoutly believe that you absolutely, under all conditions, must perform well and that you have to be accepted by others, you will then tend to make yourself--yes, make yourself--panicked if you don't perform as well as you supposedly must.
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Albert Ellis |
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8f2e8b9
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Assume that most times when you feel anxious, depressed, or angry you are not only strongly desiring but also commanding that something go well and that you get what you want. Cherchez le should, cherchez le must! Look for your should, look for your must! Don't give up until you find it. If you have trouble finding it, seek the help of a friend, relative, or REBT therapist who will help you find it. Persist!
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Albert Ellis |
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3a81d2d
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What luck! If the theories of Epictetus, Karen Horney (who first talked about the "tyranny of the shoulds"), Alfred Korzybski (the founder of general semantics), and REBT are correct, you almost always bring on your emotional problems by rigidly adopting one of the basic methods of crooked thinking--musturbation. Therefore, if you understand how you upset yourself by slipping into irrational shoulds, oughts, demands, and commands, unconscio..
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Albert Ellis |
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820eb05
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Whenever you have strong negative feelings because unfortunate things are actually happening to you or you imagine that they might occur, see whether these feelings healthfully follow from your wishes and desires to have better things occur. Or are you creating them by going beyond your preferences and inventing powerful shoulds, oughts, musts, demands, commands, and necessities? If so, you are turning concern and caution into overconcern, ..
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Albert Ellis |
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a8fc489
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Anger is the only negative emotion that people all over the world usually want to keep.
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Albert Ellis |
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4d44164
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To help people achieve the three basic REBT philosophies of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral methods, which are described in this monograph, are used.
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Albert Ellis |
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1f69eba
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you have discovered some of your unscientific beliefs with which you are creating emotional problems and making yourself act against your own interests, use the scientific method to challenge and dispute them. Ask yourself: Is this belief realistic? Is it opposed to the facts of life? Is this belief logical? Is it contradictory to itself or to my other beliefs? Can I prove this belief? Can I falsify it? Does this belief prove that the unive..
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Albert Ellis |
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4203c7f
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The concept of deservingness for one's "sins" implies that certain acts are unquestionably under all conditions "sinful." And this is impossible to prove."
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Albert Ellis |
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7a33ce4
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Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them
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Albert Ellis |
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b9f71c5
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Science is skeptical that the universe includes "deservingness" and "undeservingness" and that it deifies people (and things) for their "good" acts or damns them for their "bad" behavior. It does not have any absolute, universal standard of "good" and "bad" behavior and assumes that if any group sees certain deeds as "good" it will tend to (but doesn't have to) reward those who act that way and will often (but not always) penalize those who..
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Albert Ellis |
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4c6ee9b
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Because when you don't perform remarkably well the next time, back to slobhood you will go! And even when you do perform well, you will be anxious about not doing so next time. So you had better like your fine performance--but not deify yourself for doing it.
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Albert Ellis |
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63ce455
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Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA) instead of Conditional Self-Esteem (CSE). You rate and evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and actions in relation to your main Goals of remaining alive and reasonably happy to see whether they aid these Goals. When they aid them, you rate that as "good" or "effective," and when they sabotage your Goals you rate that as "bad" or "ineffective." But you always--yes, always--accept and respect yourself, your p..
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Albert Ellis |
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b2a8dda
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The next time you feel angry, try to become aware of some of the physical sensations and changes that are occurring in your body. Remember that physical reactions accompanying your chronic anger can lead to damage, illness, and possibly premature death.
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Albert Ellis |
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5199df7
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ln 'tmkn mn `dm lt'thr 'bdan blmDyqt l 'dh knt mytan. kyf lsbyl lan l~ lt'thr 'ql blmDyqt w 'n `l~ qyd lHy@?
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Albert Ellis |
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c889bc6
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tjnb ltrdd lmHbT. qm blwjbt lmkdr@ w lkn lDrwry@ 'w lmfyd@ 'wlan w bsr`@ 'y lywm! w dh kn trddk `l~ Hlh, Hwl 'n tkf~ nfsk blT`m 'w lqr@ 'w qm@ `lqt jtm`y@ m` lakhryn, b`d 'n tw'dy m tHwl tjnbh. w dh lm ynf` dhlk, frD `l~ nfsk `qwb@ kltHdth l~ shkhS mml lmd@ s`@ fy kl mr@ trjy' m `lyk lqym bh.
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Albert Ellis |
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23c53fd
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Keep my desires and goals in mind. Don't insist that they must or must not be fulfilled. Let me work unfrantically to achieve them. REBT
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Albert Ellis |
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11302fd
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insight will help you very little.
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Albert Ellis |
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17f7d4f
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hl tH w l Glban 'mnyk l`zyz@ `l~ qlbk l~ 'wmr qsy@? dh lm tHqq b`D lrGbt l`br@ klfwz fy mbr@ wdy@ lkr@ lTwl@ 'w mshhd@ fylm synmy'y, fnk tstmr fy Hytk dwn khyb@ 'ml kbyr@. lkn dh lm tHqq rGbt qwy@ mthl 'n tSbH bTl kr@ lTwl@ w 'n tshhd bTlk lmfDl fy hdh lfylm lmmyz lyl@, fntbh! l'n m syHSl hw 'nk stSyH GDban: "l 'Html hdh l'mr! nh 'mr mry`! nh mthyr llGDb! l ymknny tHmlh. Hyty frG@. m lm`n~ mn lstmrr!"
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Albert Ellis |
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84d0936
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REBT, then, helps you not only to understand what you "are" but to change what you harmfully think, feel, and do. It accepts your desires, wishes, preferences, goals, and values, then tries to help you achieve them. But REBT shows you how to separate your preferences from your insistences--and thus keep from sabotaging your own goals. It gives you insight into what you are now doing rather than into what you (and your damned parents!) have ..
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Albert Ellis |
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b180bf0
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You are still a person who completed a perfect project, but never a good person for doing so." "How, then, do I become an incompetent or bad person?" "You don't! When you do incompetent or evil acts, you become a person who acted badly--never a bad person."
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Albert Ellis |
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68f6e25
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By forcefully telling nasty people off, or performing other cathartic acts, you will supposedly stop your aggressive energy from building to harmful levels.
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Albert Ellis |
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699b5ed
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dh Hdth w twfyt mm tHwl tjnbh, fnHn n`dk bjnz@ fkhm@ :D ln tmwt blTb`, `l~ l`ks symwt jz mnk lw stmryt fy tjnb tlk l'f`l lty trh "mry`@". twqf `n `ml l'mwr "lshl@" lty tqwm bh `mdan ltjnb m ykhyfk. qm bm tkhf lqym bh, w mn l'fDl 'n tHwl dhlk mrran. ln ykwn dhlk l`lj lshfy lkl mshklk, l 'nny wthq 'nh sys`dk l~ Hd kbyr."
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Albert Ellis |
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f2b8418
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otDkhym l'mwr ndran m ys`dk `l~ tHsyn lwD` km 'nh sy`wd lHqan lykhrb jhwdk nHw ltGyyr. f'nt tsh`r 'n l'mwr 'sw' w kthr HbTan mm hy `lyh f`lan Ht~ nk tzydh swan. w l`wd@ bstmrr l~ lmwDw` nfsh tzyd mn lDyq ldhy yHdthh fy lnfs blDf@ l~ 'nh tj`l hdh lDyq sh`wran mstdyman. lHl ltDkhym l'mwr? 'n tqn` nfsk 'n l'mwr lsyy'@ syy'@ fqT w lyst fZy`@.
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Albert Ellis |
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7666c56
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You can figure out by sheer logic that if you were only--and I mean only--to stay with your desires and preferences, and if you were never--and I mean never--to stray into unrealistic demands that your desires have to be fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb, really disturb, yourself about anything. Why? Because your preferences start off with, "I would very much like or prefer to have success, approval, or comfort," and then end with th..
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Albert Ellis |
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3d80c62
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klm qlt lnfsk " l 'Html 'w 'Tyq hdh lwD`" tdhkr 'n lqwl l ymn` 'n lZrf ldhy tmr bh l yzl mwjwdan w 'nk ttHmlh. dh qlt "l 'Html hdhh lwZyf@" 'w "l 'Tyq hdh lzwj", ymkn l'n ts`~ l~ lstql@ 'w lTlq w hm Hln mnTqyn ltGyyr lwD`. lkn `ndm "l tTyq lwD`" lknk tZl fy lwZyf@ 'w lzwj f'nt fy lwq` ttHml lwD`, ttdhmr mn 'nh l yuHtml bynm hdh hw m tf`lh fy lHqyq@."
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Albert Ellis |
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91befb7
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Having some support and the reassurance that my family, friends, or others will help me when I am anxious will often reduce my anxiety and panic. But because such support and reassurance may not exist or may not continue, I'd better not rely on it solely. I also had better gain self-confidence and self-support. 8.
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Albert Ellis |
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21390e0
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Evolution is arranged so that a species survives, not so that it will be happy while it survives.
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Albert Ellis |
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6c0bf80
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lmdh y`qb lnsn nfsh? l'nh ys`~ bHkm lTby`@ l~ l`Zm@. bmjrd 'n ywld w ytqdm fy l`mr qlylan w ySbH mdrkan llrGb@ fy l`ysh bs`d@, ybd' bfrD lmTlb `l~ nfsh. fhw yntql Glban mn "'n 'rGb fy lnjH f`l " l~ "`lyW 'n 'njH" w mn "aml 'n 'nl `jbk" l~ "`lyk 'n t`jb by" w mn "'tmn~ lw Zrwf lHy@ 'fDl" l~ "yjb 'n tkwn Zrwf lHy@ 'fDl"
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Albert Ellis |
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1566fc8
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n khbr nfsk l'fkr lflsfy@ lf`l@ lys kfyan bl yjb 'n tqtn` bh f`lan. knsn 'nt qdr 'n trddh lnfsk mn dwn qn`@ f`ly@ w fy lwqt nfsh tkwn mqtn`an bshd@ bnqyDh. km 'nh mn lmmkn 'n tjhr b'y sh`rt llms`d@ ldhty@ l 'nk tZl Gyr mqtn` Ht~ wlw krrth lnfsk mrt `d@. lmdh? l'n ld~ lnsn `l~ l'rjH rGbt w `dt qwy@ t`Tl ltfkyr lmnTqy fy b`D l'Hyn
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Albert Ellis |
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502fd6c
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Try to remember the last time you felt extremely angry. Recall what you focused upon and how you acted. Were you able to reasonably consider good courses of action? Were you able to look at all your options? Did you make the best decision? Do you regret something you said or did? If you are like most people, you will see that you hardly think and behave at your best when you feel enraged.
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Albert Ellis |
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d9d6300
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REBT's Insight No. 1 holds that you have both healthy and unhealthy emotions
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Albert Ellis |
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7d76b19
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yjb 'n t`lm 'n mkhwfk jz mn lmkhwf lty y`ny mnh ljmy` w 'n llakhryn mkhwf Gyr `qlny@ tshlWhm wlw 'nh lyst nfsh lty t`yqk
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Albert Ellis |
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5e22274
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You mainly make yourself needlessly and neurotically miserable by strongly holding absolutist irrational Beliefs (iBs), especially by rigidly believing unconditional shoulds, oughts, and musts.
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Albert Ellis |
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e7c1009
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Annabel, one of my clients who cherished her perfectionism because she felt that it made her a fine writer and an excellent mother, was having a hard time with some of David Burns's teachings against perfectionism in his book, Feeling Good. Dr. Burns, she thought, told her to give up all ideal goals and stick only to realistic and average ones. Then she couldn't be disappointed or depressed.
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Albert Ellis |
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668b37e
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people often want to remain angry. This represents a very important difference between anger and other troublesome emotions.
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Albert Ellis |
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d3e6b3d
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'n 'nkr 'nny '`ny mn mshkl nfsy@ m`nh 'nny 'nkr 'nny 'Hlh.
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مواجهة
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Albert Ellis |