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Our heightened individualism means that, not only do we expect perfection in all things, but we expect to produce this perfection ourselves.
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Barry Schwartz |
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the more our connections to others weakens. In his book Bowling Alone, political scientist Robert Putnam focused attention on the deterioration of social connection in contemporary life. And in this context it is relevant that the incidence of depression among the Amish of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, is less than 20 percent of the national rate.
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Barry Schwartz |
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The best you can do is keep yourself from brooding about it.
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Barry Schwartz |
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PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN TO SOCIAL COMPARISON LARGELY BECAUSE they care about status, and status, of course, has social comparison built into it.
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Barry Schwartz |
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his book Choosing the Right Pond, economist Robert Frank exposes just how much of social life is determined by our desire to be big fish in our own ponds. If there were only one pond--if everyone compared his position to the positions of everybody else--virtually all of us would be losers. After all, in the pond containing whales, even sharks are small. So instead of comparing ourselves to everyone, we try to mark off the world in such a wa..
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Barry Schwartz |
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the dissatisfaction that comes with social comparison can be fixed by teaching people to care less about status.
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Barry Schwartz |
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no matter how much a person has, it may not be enough.
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Barry Schwartz |
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As I mentioned in Chapter 4, economist Fred Hirsch argued in his book Social Limits to Growth that while technological development may continue to increase the number of people who can be fed from an acre of farmland or the number of children who can be inoculated against polio for $1,000, there are certain kinds of goods that no amount of technological development will make universally available. For example, not everyone will be able to o..
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Barry Schwartz |
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Hirsch calls goods like these positional goods, because how likely anyone is to get them depends upon his position in society.
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Barry Schwartz |
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Students work to get good grades even when they have no interest in their studies.
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Barry Schwartz |
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Happy people have the ability to distract themselves and move on, whereas unhappy people get stuck ruminating and make themselves more and more miserable.
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Barry Schwartz |
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Certainly, it is safe to say that, based on available research, social comparison does nothing to improve one's satisfaction with the choices one makes.
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Barry Schwartz |
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So, once again, satisficing appears the better way to maintain one's autonomy in the face of an overwhelming array of choices.
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Barry Schwartz |
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The more difficult information gathering is, the more likely it is that you will rely on the decisions of others.
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Barry Schwartz |
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The illusion that each person can have the body that he or she wants is especially painful for women, and especially in societies, like ours, in which the "ideal" body is extremely thin." --
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Barry Schwartz |
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The research that my colleagues and I have done suggests that, not surprisingly, maximizers are prime candidates for depression.
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Barry Schwartz |
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To understand this, we need to make a distinction between what is good for the individual and what is good for the society as a whole, between the psychology of personal autonomy and the ecology of personal autonomy. In a study focused on twenty developed Western nations and Japan, Richard Eckersley notes that the factors that seem best correlated with national differences in youth suicide rates involve cultural attitudes toward personal fr..
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Barry Schwartz |
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hedonic lag. Lane says that there is "a tendency of every culture to persist in valuing the qualities that made it distinctively great long after they have lost their hedonic yield." This, he says, "explains a lot of the malaise currently afflicting market democracies." The combination of hedonic lag with the mixture of psychological benefits and ecological costs of the culture's emphasis on autonomy and control makes it extremely difficult..
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Barry Schwartz |
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Rather it is the result of a complex interaction among many psychological processes that permeate our culture, including rising expectations, awareness of opportunity costs, aversion to trade-offs, adaptation, regret, self-blame, the tendency to engage in social comparisons, and maximizing.
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Barry Schwartz |
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human possibility, awash in material abundance. As a society, we have achieved what our ancestors could, at most, only dream about, but it has come at a great price.
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Barry Schwartz |
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I believe there are steps we can take to mitigate--even eliminate--many of these sources of distress, but they aren't easy. They require practice, discipline, and perhaps a new way of thinking. On the other hand, each of these steps will bring its own rewards.
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Barry Schwartz |
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The benefits of having options are apparent with each particular decision we face, but the costs are subtle and cumulative.
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Barry Schwartz |
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Restricting yourself in this way may seem both difficult and arbitrary, but actually, this is the kind of discipline we exercise in other aspects of life. You may have a rule of thumb never to have more than two glasses of wine at a sitting.
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Barry Schwartz |
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But if you've been convinced by the arguments and the evidence in this book, you now know that choice has a downside, an awareness that should make it easier for you to adopt, and live with, a "two options is my limit" rule. It's worth a try."
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Barry Schwartz |
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It is choosers who create new opportunities for themselves and everyone else. But when faced with overwhelming choice, we are forced to become "pickers," which is to say, relatively passive selectors from whatever is available."
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Barry Schwartz |
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it's impossible to be a maximizer about everything. The trick is to learn to embrace and appreciate satisficing, to cultivate it in more and more aspects of life, rather than merely being resigned to it. Becoming a conscious, intentional satisficer makes comparison with how other people are doing less important. It makes regret less likely. In the complex, choice-saturated world we live in, it makes peace of mind possible.
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Barry Schwartz |
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On the other hand, the more we think about opportunity costs, the less satisfaction we'll derive from whatever we choose. So we should make an effort to limit how much we think about the attractive features of options we reject.
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Barry Schwartz |
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There are some strategies you can use to help you avoid the disappointment that comes from thinking about opportunity costs: Unless you're truly dissatisfied, stick with what you always buy. Don't be tempted by "new and improved." Don't "scratch" unless there's an "itch." And don't worry that if you do this, you'll miss out on all the new things the world has to offer."
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Barry Schwartz |
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Instead you might consider adopting a simple routine: 1. Keep a notepad at your bedside. 2. Every morning, when you wake up, or every night, when you go to bed, use the notepad to list five things that happened the day before that you're grateful for.
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Barry Schwartz |
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We can mitigate regret by Adopting the standards of a satisficer rather than a maximizer. Reducing the number of options we consider before making a decision. Practicing gratitude for what is good in a decision rather than focusing on our disappointments with what is bad.
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Barry Schwartz |
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So, to be better prepared for, and less disappointed by adaptation: As you buy your new car, acknowledge that the thrill won't be quite the same two months after you own it. Spend less time looking for the perfect thing (maximizing), so that you won't have huge search costs to be "amortized" against the satisfaction you derive from what you actually choose. Remind yourself of how good things actually are instead of focusing on how they're l..
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Barry Schwartz |
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So to make the task of lowering expectations easier: Reduce the number of options you consider. Be a satisficer rather than a maximizer. Allow for serendipity.
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Barry Schwartz |
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Following the other suggestions I've made may sometimes mean that when judged by an absolute standard, the results of decisions will be less good than they might otherwise have been--all the more reason to fight the tendency to make social comparisons. So: Remember that "He who dies with the most toys wins" is a bumper sticker, not wisdom. Focus on what makes you happy, and what gives meaning to your life."
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Barry Schwartz |
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I want a pair of jeans--32-28," I said. "Do you want them slim fit, easy fit, relaxed fit, baggy, or extra baggy?" she replied. "Do you want them stonewashed, acid-washed, or distressed? Do you want them button-fly or zipper-fly? Do you want them faded or regular?" I was stunned. A moment or two later I sputtered out something like, "I just want regular jeans. You know, the kind that used to be the only kind." --
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Barry Schwartz |
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Instead you might consider adopting a simple routine: 1. Keep a notepad at your bedside. 2. Every morning, when you wake up, or every night, when you go to bed, use the notepad to list five things that happened the day before that you're grateful for. These objects of gratitude occasionally will be big (a job promotion, a great first date), but most of the time, they will be small (sunlight streaming in through the bedroom window, a kind wo..
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Barry Schwartz |
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Ninety percent of adults spend half their waking lives doing things they would rather not be doing at places they would rather not be.
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Barry Schwartz |