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9a5055b
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I woke in bed, sweating and breathing heavily. It was the third time I'd had this nightmare: reliving that horrible feeling of falling, out of control, toward the ground. I was now on month two of just lying there prone, supposedly recovering. But I wasn't getting any better. In fact, if anything, my back felt worse. I couldn't move and was getting angrier and angrier inside. Angry at myself; angry at everything. I was angry because I was s..
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Bear Grylls |
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bae9574
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In the end I concluded, nothing ventured, nothing gained. (A vital ethos to follow if life is to have flavor, I have since learned.) I knew I should at least attempt Selection. If I failed, well at least I would fail while trying. Facedown in the dirt. Knowing that I had given it my all. (Oh, and what's more, I knew that the SAS required secrecy from anyone attempting Selection, which was perfect. If I failed, I concluded, at least no one ..
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Bear Grylls |
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8ffcc6a
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Sometimes it takes a knock in life to make us sit up and grab life. And I had just undergone the mother of all knocks. But out of that despair, fear, and struggle came a silver lining--and I didn't even know it yet. What I did know was that I needed something to give me back my hope. My sparkle. My life. I found that something in my Christian faith, in my family, and also in my dreams of adventure. My Christian faith says that I have nothin..
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Bear Grylls |
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7763325
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I was soon discharged from the rehab center and sent back to the SAS. But the doctor's professional opinion was that I shouldn't military parachute again. It was too risky. One dodgy landing, at night, in full kit, and my patched-up spine could crumple. He didn't even mention the long route marches carrying huge weights on our backs. Every SF soldier knows that a weak back is not a good opener for life in an SAS squadron. It is also a clich..
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Bear Grylls |
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ddf95eb
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My time at Eton did develop in me a character trait that is essentially, I guess, very English: the notion that it is best to be the sort of person who messes about and plays the fool but who, when it really matters, is tough to the core. I think it goes back to the English Scarlet Pimpernel mentality: the nobility of aspiring to be the hidden hero. (In fact, I am sure it is no coincidence that over the years, so many senior SAS officers ha..
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Bear Grylls |
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ab8420d
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I was soon discharged from the rehab center and sent back to the SAS. But the doctor's professional opinion was that I shouldn't military parachute again. It was too risky. One dodgy landing, at night, in full kit, and my patched-up spine could crumple. He didn't even mention the long route marches carrying huge weights on our backs. Every SF soldier knows that a weak back is not a good opener for life in an SAS squadron. It is also a clich..
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Bear Grylls |
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9e64e68
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That afternoon, I went to Henry with a suggestion. Michael and Graham were still ill. But I was feeling almost fit again. "Why not let Geoffrey and me head up to camp two, so we can be in position just in case the typhoon heads away?" It was a long shot--a very long shot--but as the golfer Jack Nicklaus once said: "Never up, never in." Sure as hell, I wasn't going to stand any chance of the summit, sitting here at base camp twiddling my thu..
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Bear Grylls |
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6a5652a
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In 1996 the disasters on the mountain had robbed Neil of the chance to go above camp four. Two years on he was here again--only this time the summit was within his reach. He felt strong and waited anxiously for Mick to arrive. They would need to be together to manage the last ridge and the Hillary Step. Something told Neil that things were not going right. As the precious minutes slipped by, as he waited for Mick and the others to reach him..
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Bear Grylls |
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f881441
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That New Year I was invited to stay with one of my old school buddies, Sam Sykes, at his house on the far northwestern coast of Sutherland, in Scotland. It is as wild and rugged a place as anywhere on earth, and I love it there. It also happens to boast one of my favorite mountains in the world, Ben Loyal, a pinnacle of rock and steep heather that overlooks a spectacular estuary. So I did not need much encouraging to go up to Sam's and clim..
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Bear Grylls |
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16976fe
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On the third day, I asked if she would like to climb Ben Loyal with me--with anyone else who fancied coming along. None of the guys wanted to join me and I ended up with a group of four girls, including Shara. We spent two hours crossing the marshy moon grass to reach the foot of the mountain before starting up the steep slope toward the summit ridge. It was fairly sheer, but essentially we were still going the "easy" way. Within two hundre..
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Bear Grylls |
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c7acc5a
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As we pulled up at the big school gates, I saw tears rolling down my dad's face. I felt confused as to what part of nature or love thought this was a good idea. My instinct certainly didn't; but what did I know? I was only eight. So I embarked on this mission called boarding school. And how do you prepare for that one? In truth, I found it really hard; there were some great moments like building dens in the snow in winter, or getting chosen..
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Bear Grylls |
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c525a70
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I soon found my feet, and was much less homesick than I was at prep school. Thank God. I learned that with plenty of free time on our hands, and being encouraged to fill the time with "interests," I could come up with some great adventures. A couple of my best friends and I started climbing the huge old oak trees around the grounds, finding monkey routes through the branches that allowed us to travel between the trees, high up above the gro..
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Bear Grylls |
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130495e
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Among the dead was Rob Hall, one of the most highly acclaimed mountaineers in the world. He ran out of oxygen attempting to rescue a stricken climber. He collapsed from a lethal combination of exhaustion, oxygen deprivation, and the cold. Somehow, as night fell and the thermostat plummeted, he managed to hold on. Rob endured a night at 28,700 feet with temperatures as low as minus fifty degrees centigrade. Then at dawn he spoke to his wife,..
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Bear Grylls |
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4b40d51
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The school regime refused to make it easy for us on the dress side of things, and it dictated that even if we wanted to walk into the neighboring town of Windsor, then we had to wear a blazer and tie. This made us prime targets for the many locals who seemed to enjoy an afternoon of beating up the Eton "toffs." On one occasion, I was having a pee in the loos of the Windsor McDonald's, which were tucked away downstairs at the back of the fas..
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Bear Grylls |
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13283ce
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That same day we drove to Seville to celebrate. I asked someone for the name of the smartest hotel in Seville. Alfonso XIII, came the reply. It is where the King of Spain always stays. We found the hotel and wandered in. It was amazing. Shara was a little embarrassed as I was dressed in shorts and an old holey jersey, but I sought out a friendly-looking receptionist and told her our story. "Could you help us out? I have hardly any money." S..
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Bear Grylls |
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a1e4825
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Whatever doesn't kill you only serves to make you stronger. And in the grand scheme of life, I had survived and grown stronger, at least mentally, if not physically. I had come within an inch of losing all my movement and, by the grace of God, still lived to tell the tale. I had learned so much, but above all, I had gained an understanding of the cards I had been playing with. The problem now was that I had no job and no income. Earning a l..
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Bear Grylls |
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cdb6788
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Many people find it hard to understand what it is about a mountain that draws men and women to risk their lives on her freezing, icy faces--all for a chance at that single, solitary moment on the top. It can be hard to explain. But I also relate to the quote that says: "If you have to ask, you will never understand." I just felt that maybe this was it: my first real, and possibly only, chance to follow that dream of one day standing on the ..
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Bear Grylls |
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62708b1
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The next night was New Year's Eve, and I made a secret plan with Shara to meet her outside the back door on the stroke of midnight. "Let's take a walk," I suggested. "Sure. It's midnight, minus five degrees, and pitch black, but hey, let's walk." She paused. "But not up Loyal," she added, smiling. And so we walked together along a moonlit track. , I told myself. But plucking up the courage with a girl this special was harder than I had thou..
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Bear Grylls |
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bb375d6
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Standing, balanced precariously on the narrow top of a drainpipe, you had to give a good leap up to grab hold of the narrow ledge, and then swing your whole body up and over. It took some guts, and a cool head for heights. Get it wrong and the fall was a long one, onto concrete. In an attempt to make it harder, the school security officers had put barbed wire all around the lip of the roof to ensure such climbs were "impossible." (This was ..
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Bear Grylls |
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5288db1
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During my time at Eton, I led regular nighttime adventures, and word spread. I even thought about charging to take people on trips. I remember one where we tried to cross the whole town of Eton in the old sewers. I had found an old grill under a bridge that led into these four-foot-high old brick pipes, running under the streets. It took a little nerve to probe into these in the pitch black with no idea where the hell they were leading you;..
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Bear Grylls |
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43b7951
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Over the next few days we spent every waking moment together. We made up silly dances, did puzzles in the evening, and she stood smiling on the beach waiting for me as I took my customary New Year's dip in the freezing cold North Atlantic. I just had a sense that we were meant to be. I even found out she lived in the next-door road along from where I was renting a room from a friend in London. What were the chances of that? As the week drew..
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Bear Grylls |
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5e00b2a
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Eton's great strength is that it does encourage interests--however wacky. From stamp collecting to a cheese-and-wine club, mountaineering to juggling, if the will is there than the school will help you. Eton was only ever intolerant of two things: laziness and a lack of enthusiasm. As long as you got "into something," then most other misdemeanors were forgivable. I liked that: it didn't only celebrate the cool and sporty, but encouraged the..
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Bear Grylls |
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fea6842
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Mum was always so generous to Lara and me growing up, and it helped me develop a very healthy attitude to money. You could never accuse my mum of being tight: she was free, fun, mad, and endlessly giving everything away--always. Sometimes that last part became a bit annoying (such as if it was some belonging of ours that Mum had decided someone else would benefit more from), but more often than not we were on the receiving end of her genero..
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Bear Grylls |
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1be1556
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I remember, one week, we all started playing strip poker. , I thought. It wasn't really even poker, but was more like: pick an ace and lose an item of clothing. I tried one night to rig the cards so that I could end up naked with Stephie, this girl I really fancied. I carefully counted out the cards and the aces, and rather unsubtly made sure I was sitting next to her, when we started playing. Annoyingly, she then swapped places when someo..
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Bear Grylls |
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eb9d39b
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The summer of 1999, we went on holiday to Spain to visit my cousin Penny, who runs a horse farm in Andalucia. It is a beautiful, wild part of the country. Shara would ride out early each day in the hilly pine forests and along the miles of huge, deserted Atlantic beaches. I was told I was too tall for the small Andalucian ponies. But I didn't want to be deterred. Instead I ran alongside Shara and tried to keep up with the horse. (Good train..
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Bear Grylls |
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63d840c
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I thought. My goodness, that was a beautiful prospect. Somehow I had to get on that chopper with him. I packed in thirty seconds flat, everything from the past three months. I taped a white cross onto my sleeve, and raced out to where Neil was sat waiting. One chance. Neil shook his head at me, smiling. "God, you push it, Bear, don't you?" he shouted over the noise of the rotors. "You're going to need a decent medic on the flight," I repli..
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Bear Grylls |
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42ad47e
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There had always been this part of me that had never really believed that I could make it. Ever since that hospital bed and my broken back, a little part of me, deep down, had thought it was all sheer madness. And that part of me hadn't always felt so little. I guess too many people had told me it was foolish. Too many had laughed and called it a pipe dream. And the more times I heard them say that, the more determined I had become. But sti..
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Bear Grylls |
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397bd0a
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I thought. My goodness, that was a beautiful prospect. Somehow I had to get on that chopper with him. I packed in thirty seconds flat, everything from the past three months. I taped a white cross onto my sleeve, and raced out to where Neil was sat waiting. One chance. Neil shook his head at me, smiling. "God, you push it, Bear, don't you?" he shouted over the noise of the rotors. "You're going to need a decent medic on the flight," I repli..
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Bear Grylls |
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169f0bc
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I reassessed the map and my timing. I had to come up with a plan to get myself out of this mess, and fast. I turned 90 degrees and started to climb back up onto the high ground that I had just come off. This was way off-route, I should be heading down, but I just knew that the high ground would be better than fighting a losing battle in the bog. I had done that before--and lost. The wind was blowing hard now, down from the plateau, as if t..
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Bear Grylls |
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d3f8900
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This general lack of sleep really got to me. And little can prepare people for how they will react when deprived of it--over multiple days. Everything suffers: concentration, motivation, and performance. All key elements for what we were doing. But it is designed that way. Break you down and find out what you are really made of. Underneath the fluff. I remember during one particular lecture (on the excruciatingly boring topic of the differe..
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Bear Grylls |
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3d31c77
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The meeting was set for between 0300 and 0500 hours. Matt and I reached the RV early and sat and waited. Deep in a thorny thicket, the wind and rain having returned now, I pulled my hood over my head to try and keep warm. We waited in alternate shifts to keep awake. But Matt, like me, was dead tired, and soon, unable to stay awake any longer, we both fell asleep on watch. Bad skills. I woke just as I heard the rustling of the other patrols ..
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Bear Grylls |
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802a789
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The day before our final exercise had begun, the DS had made the briefing crystal clear. "Don't give them anything or they will exploit it. Be smart. Stay focused despite the pain and fatigue. Slip up for a second and you fail. And no one is your friend, until you see me walk in wearing a white cross on my sleeve. Only then is the exercise over." "The Red CROSS is not my white cross; a vicar's CROSS is not my white cross...the offer of a ho..
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Bear Grylls |
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899d552
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Tentative is no power.
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Bear Grylls |
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a775ec3
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While Mum was a busy working mother, helping my father in his constituency duties and beyond, Lara became my surrogate mum. She fed me almost every supper I ate--from when I was a baby up to about five years old. She changed my nappies, she taught me to speak, then to walk (which, with so much attention from her, of course happened ridiculously early). She taught me how to get dressed and to brush my teeth. In essence, she got me to do all ..
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Bear Grylls |
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2c55fd2
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The journey up to battle camp started badly. "If you can't even load a bloody truck with all your kit properly, then you've got no bloody chance of passing what's ahead of you, I can assure you of that!" Taff, our squadron DS, barked at us in the barracks before leaving. I, for one, was more on edge than I had ever felt so far on Selection. I was carsick on the journey north, and I hadn't felt that since I'd been a kid heading back to schoo..
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Bear Grylls |
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f201824
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Finally, finally, I was thrown into this tiny, dark cell. It all went quiet. But I instantly noticed the warmth. And I could just make out the shape of the room under the crack in my blindfold. I waited. I was half-naked with my camouflage jacket pulled back halfway down my back, and I was huddled over shivering. I must have looked a mess. I could taste the snot smeared down my face. A hand pulled my blindfold off and a light went on. "Rec..
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Bear Grylls |
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8798b08
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Back in the barracks, those of us still left were white-faced and very shaky, but we were so relieved that the ordeal was finally over. Trucker looked particularly bad, but had this huge grin. I sat on his bed and chatted as he pottered around sorting his kit out. He kept shaking his head and chuckling to himself. It was his way of processing everything. It made me smile. , I thought to myself. We all changed into some of the spare kit we h..
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Bear Grylls |
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d7b5337
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Meals were often eaten standing up, and I wasn't quite sure why they had bothered to issue us with beds, we got to see them so little.
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Bear Grylls |
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8b94ea2
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Just under the South Summit I could make out the shape where Rob Hall lay. He had died up here some twenty-four months earlier. His body, half covered in drift-snow, remained unchanged. Frozen in time. A stark reminder that those who survive the mountain do so because she allows you to. But when she turns, she really turns. And the further into her grasp you are, the greater the danger. Right now, we were about as far into her grasp as it w..
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Bear Grylls |
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9dd35d6
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At the end of the ridge we leaned on our ice axes and looked up. Above us was the legendary Hillary Step, the forty-foot ice wall that formed one of the mountain's most formidable hurdles. Cowering from the wind, I tried to make out a route up it. This ice face was to be our final and hardest test. The outcome would determine whether we would join those few who have touched that hallowed ground above. If so, I would become only the thirty-..
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Bear Grylls |
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3dcc883
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I remember once, on a family skiing trip to the Alps, Dad's practical joking got all of us into a particularly tight spot. I must have been about age ten at the time, and was quietly excited when Dad spotted a gag that was begging to be played out on the very serious-looking Swiss-German family in the room next door to us. Each morning their whole family would come downstairs, the mother dressed head to toe in furs, the father in a tight-fi..
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Bear Grylls |
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3e75d72
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There is little courage involved in setting out on a journey where the destination is certain and every step in between has been mapped in detail. Bravery is about leaving camp in the dark, when we do not know the route ahead and cannot be certain we will ever return. While I was serving in the military, I suffered a free-fall parachuting accident in Southern Africa, where I broke my back in three places. I then spent 18 months back in the ..
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Bear Grylls |
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5ba92c9
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But one thing I know for sure: it is only by doing what we fear that we can ever truly learn to be brave.
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Bear Grylls |
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578a45e
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If we were caught pointing at a map with a finger, instead of a blade of grass or something sharp, we had been threatened, by the unforgettable Sgt Taff, that he would 'Rip that finger off and beat you to death with the soggy end!' It's a threat that I enjoy passing on to my boys when we are reading a map together nowadays.)
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Bear Grylls |