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80761e1
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There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.
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humorous
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Douglas Adams |
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a202ff3
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In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn't cope with, and that terrible listlessness which starts to set in at about 2:55, when you know that you've had all the baths you can usefully have that day, that however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the papers you will never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to fo..
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Douglas Adams |
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53b4567
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After a fairly shaky start to the day, Arthur's mind was beginning to reassemble itself from the shell-shocked fragments the previous day had left him with.
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Douglas Adams |
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eec1865
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Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.
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Douglas Adams |
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20705f3
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I have detected disturbances in the wash.' 'The wash?' 'The space-time wash.' 'Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?' 'Eddies in the space-time continuum.' 'Ah...is he. Is he.' 'What?' 'Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?
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Douglas Adams |
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efc0f17
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Sherlock Holmes observed that once you have eliminated the impossible then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
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Douglas Adams |
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8aa7dea
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Yes, it is true that sometimes unusually intelligent and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think that's something you might have to consider.
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Douglas Adams |
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96f9720
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A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to the sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach again. It drifted back to sea.
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Douglas Adams |
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1413ecc
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Why?' is always the most difficult question to answer. You know where you are when someone asks you 'What's the time?' or 'When was the battle of 1066?' or 'How do these seatbelts work that go tight when you slam the brakes on, Daddy?' The answers are easy and are, respectively, 'Seven-thirty in the evening,' 'Ten-fifteen in the morning,' and 'Don't ask stupid questions.
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Douglas Adams |
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e0c2707
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The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy offers this definition of the word "Infinite". Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, "wow, that's big", time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get acros..
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humor
douglas-adams
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Douglas Adams |
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a4e82a2
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You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know, because that would be to replace you yourself." "Hang on, can I write this down?" said Arthur, excitedly fumbling in his pocket for a pencil."
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Douglas Adams |
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b49cf82
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How can I tell," said the man, "that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?"
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Douglas Adams |
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fb25212
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And so the Universe ended.
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Douglas Adams |
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ff65dc7
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And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.
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humour
humor
star-trek-references
grammar-humor
space-travel
science-fiction
grammar
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Douglas Adams |
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e374f28
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In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
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Douglas Adams |
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560b6bc
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He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arm out wide. "I will go mad!" he annouced."
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universe
madness
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Douglas Adams |
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13dda3b
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Having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around.
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Douglas Adams |
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dabb607
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Having solved all the major mathematical, physical, chemical, biological, sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological and psychological problems of the Universe except for his own, three times over, [Marvin] was severely stuck for something to do, and had taken up composing short dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one was a lullaby. Marvin droned, He paused to gather the artistic and emotional strength to ..
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humor
marvin
h2g2
hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy
sci-fi
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cf79fa2
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Sorry, did I say something wrong?" said Marvin, dragging himself on regardless. "Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God I'm so depressed. Here's another one of those self-satisfied doors. ! Don't talk to me about life."
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marvin
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Douglas Adams |
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92d9181
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If the Universe came to an end every time there was some uncertainty about what had happened in it, it would never have got beyond the first picosecond. And many of course don't. It's like a human body, you see. A few cuts and bruises here and there don't hurt it. Not even major surgery if it's done properly. Paradoxes are just the scar tissue. Time and space heal themselves up around them and people simply remember a version of events whic..
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time-travel
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Douglas Adams |
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b350435
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Rather than arriving five hours late and flustered, it would be better all around if he were to arrive five hours and a few extra minutes late, but triumphantly in command.
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Douglas Adams |
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242c0ad
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He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them. Between them they killed a virulent space disease he'd picked up without knowing it in the Flargathon Gas Swamps a few days earlier, which otherwise would have killed off half the population of the Western Hemisphere..
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Douglas Adams |
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ccd0fea
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It is folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know, if they exist. They have their own Universes of their own eyes and ears.
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Douglas Adams |
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41183f4
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The idea was fantastically, wildly improbable. But like most fantastically, wildly improbable ideas it was at least as worthy of consideration as a more mundane one to which the facts had been strenuously bent to fit.
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Douglas Adams |
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8ad9c7f
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Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day was for once working out so much according to plan. Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he would go mad, and now here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across the fields of prehistoric Earth.
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madness
sofa
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Douglas Adams |
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89560c9
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If you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty beach robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly familiar.
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h2g2
hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy
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Douglas Adams |
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597a903
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How to Leave the Planet 1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible. 2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House--(202) 456-1414--to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA. 3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-9051). They don't have any frien..
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Douglas Adams |
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db3dc75
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Don't blame you," said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later."
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humor
marvin
h2g2
robots
science-fiction
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Douglas Adams |
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77c89df
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The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
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religion
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Douglas Adams |
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4505f26
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and the Universe, ... will explode later for your pleasure.
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Douglas Adams |
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3a5ef40
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The more Susan waited, the more the doorbell didn't ring. Or the phone.
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Douglas Adams |
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c25e1a1
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Beauty doesn't have to be anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about? What, for that matter, is Mozart's Twenty-third Piano Concerto ?
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wodehouse
beauty-in-literature
beauty-in-nature
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Douglas Adams |
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015618f
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I don't know what I'm looking for." "What not?" "Because ... because ... I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
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Douglas Adams |
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838bfd7
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We'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent lifeforms everywhere and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys.
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Douglas Adams |
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f3b2b7e
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I'm so great even I get tongue-tied talking to myself.
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Douglas Adams |
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9f8ac70
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It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.
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Douglas Adams |
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27f4e1f
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The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder... Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe.
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Douglas Adams |
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b71f526
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What is the point? We assume that every time we do anything we know what the consequences will be, i.e., more or less what we intend them to be. This is not only not always correct. It is wildly, crazily, stupidly, cross-eyed-blithering-insectly wrong!
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Douglas Adams |
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659e9ad
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The room was not a room to elevate the soul. Louis XIV, to pick a name at random, would not have liked it, would have found it not sunny enough, and insufficiently full of mirrors. He would have desired someone to pick up the socks, put the records away, and maybe burn the place down. Michelangelo would have been distressed by its proportions, which were neither lofty nor shaped by any noticeable inner harmony or symmetry, other than that a..
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Douglas Adams |
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fc78123
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The trouble with most forms of transport, he thought, is basically one of them not being worth all the bother. On Earth -- when there had been an Earth, before it was demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass -- the problem had been with cars. The disadvantages involved in pulling lots of black sticky slime from out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm's way, turning it into tar to cover the land with, smoke to..
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trouble
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Douglas Adams |
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15497c1
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Nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren't up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up.
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Douglas Adams |
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f5c3dd0
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Looking up into the night sky is looking into infinity -- distance is incomprehensible and therefore meaningless
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Douglas Adams |
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d5c6a00
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It is most gratifying," it said, "that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives ... thank you."
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Douglas Adams |
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58b59a0
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Sir Isaac Newton, renowned inventor of the milled-edge coin and the catflap!" "The what?" said Richard. "The catflap! A device of the utmost cunning, perspicuity and invention. It is a door within a door, you see, a ..." "Yes," said Richard, "there was also the small matter of gravity." "Gravity," said Dirk with a slightly dismissed shrug, "yes, there was that as well, I suppose. Though that, of course, was merely a discovery. It was there ..
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