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ee27e9d
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When I first thought about writing this book, I conceived of it as a book about moods, and an illness of moods, in the context of an individual life. As I have written it, however, it has somehow turned out to be very much a book about love as well: love as sustainer, as renewer, and as protector. After each seeming death within my mind or heart, love has returned to recreate hope and restore life. It has, at its best, made the inherent sad..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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2fb8672
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dhtk hw dhtk, w lkhd` `br lkhtb khlf drj@ `lmy@, 'w lqb `lmy, 'w 'y slwk w `brt mnmq@, l yzl tmm : khd`. rbm kn Drwry w lknh khd`.
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الذات
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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d33e42d
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How odd to smile during Richard's funeral. He was dead and I was smiling to myself. Grief does that. Laughter lies close in with despair, numbness near by acuity and memory with forgetfulness. I would have got used to it, but I didn't know this at the time. All I knew, was that memory had given pleasure first, then cracking pain.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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187b8c8
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Composure and self-restraint were not only desirable characteristics in a woman, they were essental. As my mother put it later, it was bad enough having to worry yourself sick every time your husband went up in an airplane; now, she was being told, she was also supposed to feel responsible if his plane crashed. Anger and discontent, lest they kill, were to be kept to oneself. The military, even more so than the rest of society, clearly put ..
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military
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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93165c8
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'y mn msh`ry Hqyqy? 'y 'n hy 'n? lft@ lshrd@ lmthwr@, wlfwDwy@, wlnshyT@, wlmjnwn@? 'w lkhjwl@, wlmn`zl@, wlyy's@, wlntHry@, wlhlk@, wlmnhk@? `l~ l'rjH Sft qlyl@ mn klyhm, waml 'l ykwn 'kthrhm.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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7f3b1d4
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Depression affects not only mood but the nature and content of thought as well. Thinking processes almost always slow down, and decisiveness is replaced by indecision and rumination. The ability to concentrate is usually greatly impaired and willful action and thought become difficult if not impossible.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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bb429fe
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I read it as if it had been written by someone else, although it was my own experience being recounted. The endless questioning finally ended. My psychiatrist looked at me, there was no uncertainty in his voice. "Maniac-depressive illness." I admired his bluntness. I wished him locusts in his land and a pox upon his house. Silent, unbelievable rage. I smiled pleasantly. He smiled back. The war had just begun,"
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manic-depression
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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2597b52
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The rites of passage in the academic world are arcane and, in their own way, highly romantic, and the tensions and unplesantries of dissertations and final oral examinations are quickly forgotten in the wonderful moment of the sherry afterward, admission into a very old club, parties of celebration, doctoral gowns, academic rituals, and hearing for the first time "Dr.," rather than "Miss" Jamison."
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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37fe371
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Far too many doctors-many of them excellent physicians-commit suicide each year; one recent study concluded that, until quite recently, the United States lost annually the equivalent of a medium-sized medical school class from suicide alone. Most physician suicides are due to depression or manic-depressive illness, both of which are eminently treatable. Physicians, unfortunately, not only suffer from a higher rate of mood disorders than the..
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suicide
mortality-rate
physicians
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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d42c36e
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kln nbny 'swr baHriyW@ dkhly@ ltSd Hzn lHy@ wlqw~ ljmH@ lmwjwd@ Glb dkhl `qwln. b'y@ Tryq@ f`ln dhlk `n Tryq lHb, 'w l`ml, w l`y'l@, 'w lymn, 'w l'Sdq, 'w nkrn ldht, w lkHwl, w lmkhdrt, 'w l'dwy@ nHn nbny hdhh l'swr Hjr@ `l~ Hjr@ Twl '`mrn. Hd~ 'S`b lmshkl hy 'n nbny hdhh lHwjz `l~ rtf` wqw@ bHyth ySbH llmr mldhun Hqyqy, Hrm mqds yb`dh `n lDTrb wl'lm ldhyn qd yshlnh, wlknh mnkhfD@ wdht nfdhy@ bdrj@ kfy@ ltsmH bdkhwl m lbHr lnqy ldhy yqy m..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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73d75a6
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When both she and I had to deal with our respective demons, my sister saw the darkness as being within and part of herself, the family and the world. I, instead, saw it as a stranger; however lodged within my mind and soul the darkness became, it almost always seemed an outside force that was at war with my natural self.
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depression
kay-redfield-jamison
anxiety
mental-illness
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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4e691ea
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kbrt bsr`@ khll tlk lshhwr, km yjb `ly lshkhS ldhy yfqd dhth, w ykwn qryb hkdh mn lmwt w mn lHfr@ l'khyr@
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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e404ad3
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Grief said C.S. Lewis is like "a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape." This is so. The lessons that come from grief come from its unexpected moves, from its shifting views of what had gone before and what is yet to come. Pain brought so often into one's consciousness cannot maintain the same capacity to wound. Grief, however creates strange sensitivity. The world is too intense to tolerate: a veil, a drink, anot..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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46928c0
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Like my father, I looked up rather more than I looked out.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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92ab2ce
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He thought of women in terms of breasts, not minds, and it always seemed to irritate him that most women had both.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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e6ad656
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I occasionally laugh and tell him that his imperturbability is worth three hundred milligrams of lithium a day to me, and it is probably true.
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funny
lithium
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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26ad272
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Others, the subject of this book, are likewise privy to their unconscious streams of thought, but they must contend with unusually tumultuous and unpredictable emotions as well. The integration of these deeper, truly irrational sources with more logical processes can be a tortuous task, but, if successful, the resulting work often bears a unique stamp, a "touch of fire," for what it has been through."
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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445a208
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I have become fundamentally and deeply skeptical that anyone who does not have this illness can truly understand it. And, ultimately, it is probably unreasonable to expect the kind of acceptance of it that one so desperately desires. It is not an illness that lends itself to easy empathy. Once a restless or frayed mood has turned to anger, or violence, or psychosis, Richard, like most, finds it very difficult to see it as illness, rather th..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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64ec6ae
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Moods are by nature compelling, contagious, and profoundly interpersonal, and disorders of mood alter the perceptions and behaviors not only of those who have them but also of those who are related or closely associated. Manic-depressive illness--marked as it is by extraordinary and confusing fluctuations in mood, personality, thinking, and behavior--inevitably has powerful and often painful effects on relationships.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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34347f7
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lw qltm ly fy tlk l'ym lty bdt bsyT@ w Gyr m`qd@ w dht lqfzt lbyD w lqb`t lws`@, nny khll sntyn swf 'kwn dhhny@ w 'tmny fqT lmwt, lDHkt w t`jbt, wwSlt lHy@,w lkny knt s'DHk kthyr bkl t'kyd!!
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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e41ec3d
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When energy is profoundly dissipated, the ability to think is clearly eroded, and the capacity to actively engage in the efforts and pleasures of life is fundamentally altered, then depression becomes an illness rather than a temporary or existential state.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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929a65d
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St. Andrews provided a gentle forgetfulness over the preceding painful years of my life. It remains a haunting and lovely time to me, a marrow experience. For one who during her undergraduate years was trying to escape an inexplicable weariness and despair, St. Andrews was an amulet against all manner of longing and loss, a year of gravely held but joyous remembrances.
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mood-disorders
st-andrews-university
kay-redfield-jamison
bipolar-disorder
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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d9f564c
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We have given sorrow many words, but a passion for life few.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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086306f
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That such a final, tragic, and awful thing is suicide can exist in the midst of remarkable beauty is one of the vastly contradictory and paradoxical aspects of life and art.
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suicide
suicidality
tormented-mind
tortured-artist
sylvia-plath
manic-depression
bipolar-disorder
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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dd002c6
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Th Chinese believe that before you can conquer a beast you first must make it beautiful.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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a3e6fd1
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The disease that has, on several occasions, nearly killed me does kill tens of thousands of people every year: most are young, most die unnecessarily, and many are among the most imaginative and gifted that we as a society have.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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8abe4ef
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kty'b swdwy Hd wntHry Twyl stmr kthr mn sn@ wnSf mndh styqZy fy lSbH Ht~ wqt ldhhb lsryry llnwm fy llyl knt sh`r nny t`ys@ bshkl l yTq wfqd@ lqdr@ `l~ lmt`@ tmm ,kn kl shyy' yjhdny ,ltfkyr lklm wlHrk@ kl shyy' kn fy lsbq mtwhj SbH ln mnTfy' .
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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8c048fc
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From the time I woke up in the morning until the time I went to bed at night, I was unbearably miserable and seemingly incapable of any kind of joy or enthusiasm. Everything--every thought, word, movement--was an effort. Everything that once was sparkling now was flat. I seemed to myself to be dull, boring, inadequate, thick brained, unlit, unresponsive, chill skinned, bloodless, and sparrow drab. I doubted, completely, my ability to do any..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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26a2155
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Feeling normal for any extended period of time raises hopes that turn out, almost invariably, to be writ on water. I
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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f81bcd7
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It is the history of our kindnesses that alone makes this world tolerable," wrote Robert Louis Stevenson. "If"
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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9eb359a
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lqd kuntu dy'man 'syr@ Hlt mzjy@ mr`b@ , rGm 'nh dy'man mdhsh@. knt `Tfy@ jdan kTfl@ , w mtqlb@ lmzj kft@, w mkty'b@ mn ldrj@ l'wl~ kmrhq@.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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18690b0
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lqd stGrq l'mr mny zmnan Twylan lky 'drk 'n lsnwt w l`lqt lnsny@ lty fqdth l ymkn strj`h, w 'n l'dh~ ldhy wq` `l~ nfsy w `l~ lakhryn l ymkn dy'man SlHh , w 'n ltHrr mn syTr@ ldw `lyk yfqd m`nh `ndm ykwn lkhyrn lwHydn hm: lmwt, 'w ljnwn.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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e1f7ad3
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It took my year in England to make me realize how much I had been simply treading water, settling on surviving and avoiding pain rather than being actively involved in and seeking out life. The chance to escape from the reminders of illness and death, from a hectic life, and from clinical and teaching responsibilities was not unlike my earlier year as an undergraduate in St. Andrews: it gave me a semblance of peace that had eluded me, and a..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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2dcac8f
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before you can conquer a beast you first must make it beautiful. In some strange way, I have tried to do that with manic-depressive illness. It has been a fascinating, albeit deadly, enemy and companion; I have found it to be seductively complicated, a distillation both of what is finest in our natures, and of what is most dangerous.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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5b3e84c
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While she might not have opted for this illness, neither does she entirely regret it; she prefers, as she writes so movingly, a life ofpassionate turbulence to one of tedious calm.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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3dbd43a
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Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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8c48b5e
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Patient reluctant to be with people when depressed because she feels her depression is such an intolerable burden on others";"
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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d8de119
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lsh`wr b'nk Tby`y l'y ftr@ Twyl@ mmtd@ y`Tyk amlan ytDH -tqryban bthbt- 'nh mktwb@ `l~ lm!
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manic-depression
mental-illness
mental-health
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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8c749f5
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During the Renaissance there was a renewed interest in the relationship between genius, melancholia, and madness. A stronger distinction was made between sane melancholies of high achievement and individuals whose insanity prevented them from using their ability. The eighteenth century witnessed a sharp change in attitude; balance and rational thought, rather than "inspiration" and emotional extremes, were seen as the primary components of ..
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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17084e5
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lost a great innocence when I understood that I and my mind were not going to be on good terms for the rest of my life. I can't tell you how tired I am of character-building experiences. But I treasure this part of me; whoever loves me loves me with this in it.
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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4c309f3
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God only knew what ran underneath the fierce self-discipline and emotional control that had come with my upbringing. But the cracks were there, I knew it, and they frightened me.
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depression
kay-redfield-jamison
anxiety
mental-illness
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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dc4c11b
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Given that, it turned out to be unnervingly easy to keep my friends and family at psychological bay: "To be sure," wrote Hugo Wolf, "I appear at times merry and in good heart, talk, too, before others quite reasonably, and it looks as if I felt, too, God knows how well within my skin. Yet the soul maintains its deathly sleep and the heart bleeds from a thousand wounds."
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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2af0867
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Profound melancholia is a day-in, day-out, night-in, night-out, almost arterial level of agony.
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mental-illness
melancholia
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Kay Redfield Jamison |
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de5625f
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Grief, however, creates a strange sensitivity. The world is too intense to tolerate: a veil, a drink, another anesthetic is required to blot out the ache of what remains. One sees too much and feels it, as Robert Lowell puts it, "with one skin-layer missing."
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grief
loss
sorrow
sensitivity
intensity
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Kay Redfield Jamison |