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cc9a923
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Your gift for euphemism continues to thrive. But I think I have heard of such modern relationships. There is a colloquialism for them, yes? They are boogie calls." "Boogie? Oh! Nice try. You were very close. They're known as booty calls." "That's what I said. Booty calls." "You said boogie--" The Morrigan's eyes flashed red for the briefest moment, and I cleared my throat. "Pardon me. I must have misheard you. Quite right."
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Kevin Hearne |
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8125647
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When a fight comes at ye, it's not going to ask if you're in shape for it! Ye have to be ready whenever it comes, and the day I'm not ready for a fight is the day I'm dead!
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Kevin Hearne |
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a730af7
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When in doubt, know your way out, I always say." "I thought you always said, 'When in doubt, blame the dark elves.'" "Well, yeah, that too." "I don't think those are very practical solutions to doubt," Oberon said. "They don't leave you feeling satisfied. 'When in doubt, eat your neighbor's lunch' is better, because then you would at least be full."
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funny
druid
elves
lunch
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Kevin Hearne |
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6e94ddf
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Like the honey badger, the werewolf takes what it wants.
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Kevin Hearne |
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0c191ab
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I have salted my hatred and cured it, stored it in a dark cellar of my mind against the day when I could let it be my only nourishment. The day is finally come, and I will tear into this meat and savor its taste.
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Kevin Hearne |
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8cf84b0
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A son of a Jedi Knight? I thought the Jedi weren't allowed such relationships." That wrung an half ironic grin out of me. "Guess I'm not allowed, then."
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star-wars
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Kevin Hearne |
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4760bb4
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Nature doesn't ask your permission; it doesn't care about your wishes, or whether you like its laws or not. You're obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.
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Kevin Hearne |
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2793992
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You haven't lived until you've seen an Irish wolfhound parading around in rhinestone-studded gold lame.
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Kevin Hearne |
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9c017de
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The future is a many-forked path," she said, "and only you can choose which one to follow." "I know that. What I don't know is what waits at the end of those paths." "Victory or death. Choose well."
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Kevin Hearne |
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dbfaf47
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We arrived someplace where the ground was as blue as the sky. Startled by our sudden appearance, blue pheasants erupted out of the blue grass and shat blue shit.
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Kevin Hearne |
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ddd134b
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The danger of growing old is growing comfortable and complacent at the same time. We should seek out the new and strange and applaud it and throw wild fecking parties whenever it walks into our lives. We should be building roads in and out of our own wee heads rather than erecting walls around them.
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Kevin Hearne |
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bec3722
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Do you think I'm some sort of sex-starved loser?" "Well, you are American." "What!" Great festering tapir tits, that was a stupid thing to say."
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Kevin Hearne |
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5d6c61d
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Vampires inspire screams, not squees.
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Kevin Hearne |
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ea0f6a3
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You, sir," I said, "have all the dignity of a badger with the clap. Shark shit has more fiber than you. I'm going to tie you nuts-first to a monkey's cage and make a mix tape of the resulting noise. Then I'm going to take a bag of marshmallows and a pair of granny panties and--" Coyote"
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Kevin Hearne |
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6489cc3
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His eyes were glowing egg yolks, burning Scut Farkus eyes to make your kidneys cringe.
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Kevin Hearne |
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e2d00ea
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misbegotten cockwaffle.
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Kevin Hearne |
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c399e3d
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And the Morrigan, I noted, had been right about thrice-cursed trickster gods. They were torrential fucksluices spraying their happy juices on the innocent and the damned alike.
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Kevin Hearne |
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372053a
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They say, 'You know nothing, Jon Snow.
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Kevin Hearne |
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21b8eae
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Better to ask forgiveness than permission and to answer their shenanigans with even better shenanigans.
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Kevin Hearne |
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b20f3fe
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When you're driving, you don't focus on everything at once, but you have peripheral awareness of it, right? You focus on what you need to at any given moment, whether it's the car in front of you, the jackass in the lifted truck passing you, or the sirens behind you, whatever. Everything exists, everything is there, but you don't have to see it all at once. Does that help? You don't have to see all the bindings you're seeing right now. Just..
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focus
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Kevin Hearne |
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e688d49
|
wooden plaque hangs from a nail, reading THE MASTER IS OUT, and I shake my head and flip it around. The other side also says THE MASTER IS OUT.
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Kevin Hearne |
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15343ac
|
not complaining. I'm lobbying. It's this whole other word.>
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Kevin Hearne |
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a54bd63
|
this is weird, I feel like I should be telling you a story right now." Oberon"
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inside-jokes
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Kevin Hearne |
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c375df6
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The smallest sprout shows there is really no death, / And if ever there was it led forward life ... / All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses, / And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
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Kevin Hearne |
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670bf21
|
Oberon Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right. Quick, to the Geekmobile!"
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Kevin Hearne |
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3160a81
|
Where are we going? I don't know yet. Anyplace is good, so long as there's sausage and bitches.
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Kevin Hearne |
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3ddf561
|
You mean nonhuman. Inhuman is an adjective, I said, as I rose from the lawn and padded softly around the left side of the house to the backyard.
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oberon
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Kevin Hearne |
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a0082cc
|
It had been a long time since I'd felt any desire to truly inflict pain upon another person. I tend to take the long view on dealing with irritating people--as in, I'm going to outlive whoever irritates me, so the problem will eventually go away. I had privately changed "This, too, shall pass" into "You, too, shall die," and it helped me avoid all sorts of conflict."
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Kevin Hearne |
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08b1ce3
|
Witches and I generally don't get along. Druids look at the tapestry of nature and try to make sure the weave of it remains strong, reinforcing the binding amongst all living things and sewing up the threads on the edges that fray and unravel. Witches, on the other hand, often punch holes in the tapestry in the pursuit of personal power, making deals with dark, supernatural forces that want nothing more than to see nature perverted and dest..
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Kevin Hearne |
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d71227c
|
Did you just say Ragnarok is poppycock?
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Kevin Hearne |
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bb0a535
|
We don't need to play her witch's games. They always want to get you and your little dog, too.>
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Kevin Hearne |
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973a4b3
|
Brain death didn't allow one time to heal, and the brain was the warehouse for the spirit. Punch a hole in that and you'd shuffle off your mortal coil right away. Keeping your coil unshuffled was the problem.
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Kevin Hearne |
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fd736c0
|
I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad. I had certainly earned it, but I raced to avoid it if I could; there was no way I wanted to fell that.
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Kevin Hearne |
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ea54406
|
The function of assholes in the world, just like the asshole we all have, is to spread shit around. They are loathsome and dirty and smell extraordinarily bad, but they are also vitally necessary.
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Kevin Hearne |
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fbfd3cf
|
So after I killed him and stowed his body next to the doe, I sampled his smoothie concoction in the parking lot and found it to be quite delicious.
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Kevin Hearne |
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dd361c3
|
PR guys get paid to make people believe that a pile of shit is an investment in soil fertility. Professional liars." "Ah!" Manannan's expression lit with comprehension. "They are politicians?"
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politicians
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Kevin Hearne |
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d6ad7d3
|
Behind me, I heard my apprentice growl, "All your base are belong to us, Niko."
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Kevin Hearne |
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363f739
|
Then again, it's difficult to dislike a man who takes pleasure in giving away free beer.
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Kevin Hearne |
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386bc92
|
Guilt ferrets are bastards.
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Kevin Hearne |
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ae356d3
|
People still need to know that ye would fix everything if ye could.
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Kevin Hearne |
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dae9cec
|
Betrayal always comes wrapped up in a friendly cloak. It's one of the first things I learned in the Senate.
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star-wars
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Kevin Hearne |
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6ce1582
|
Law is all that separates us from barbarism and the howling within; it is a necessary leash on our darker natures.
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Kevin Hearne |
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3383235
|
He thought in silence before answering. "I don't think loneliness is a thing that can be borne: it's so heavy and crushing for something that is essentially emptiness. It's like being trapped beneath a boulder, this immovable weight that presses your ribs and slowly steals your breath. And so it must simply be endured, and you do that by looking away. I hope you will not be offended if I admit that I am looking away right now. Every minute ..
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Kevin Hearne |
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7205d1a
|
The beard of Odin told you that he wasn't a hippie or a barbarian or a fantasy author but a god who could bring order to chaos.
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Kevin Hearne |