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bb30b23
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If you find yourself talking to the police, my advice is to stay calm but look guilty; it's your safest bet.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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bb0295b
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Are they really gods?" "I never worry about theological questions," said Nightingale. "They exist, they have power and they can breach the Queen's peace - that makes them a police matter."
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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016989e
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What's the biggest thing you've zapped with a fireball?' I asked. 'That would be a tiger,'said Nightingale. 'Well don't tell Greenpeace,' I said. 'They're an endagered species.' 'Not that sort of tiger,' said Nightingale. 'A Panzer-kampfwagen sechs Ausf E.' I stared at him. 'You knocked out a Tiger tank with a fireball?' 'Actually I knocked out two,' said Nightingale. 'I have to admit that the first one took three shots, one to disable the ..
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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2b52027
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My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre."
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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97c8bf0
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The Metropolitan Police Service is still, despite what people think, a working-class organisation and as such rejects totally the notion of an officer class. That is why every newly minted constable, regardless of their educational background, has to spend a two-year probationary period as an ordinary plod on the streets. This is because nothing builds character like being abused, spat at and vomited by members of the public.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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528e6cb
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don't ask me why I know what an Edwardian smoking jacket looks like: let's just say it has something to do with Doctor Who and leave it at that.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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a90b998
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If you ask any police officer what the worst part of the job is, they will always say breaking bad news to relatives, but this is not the truth. The worst part is staying in the room after you've broken the news, so that you're forced to be there when someone's life disintegrates around them. Some people say it doesn't bother them - such people are not to be trusted.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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e27f759
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Dedication This book is dedicated to Sir Terry Pratchett OBE who has stood like a wossname upon the rocky shores of our imaginations - the better to guide us safely into harbour.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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554271e
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That which does not kill us," I said, "has to get up extra early in the morning if it wants to get us next time."
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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dcb2a67
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There's more to life than just London," said Nightingale. "People keep saying that," I said. "But I've never actually seen any proof."
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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4b9494e
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It's a truism in policing that witnesses and statements are fine, but nothing beats empirical physical evidence. Actually it isn't a truism because most policemen think the word 'empirical' is something to do with Darth Vader, but it damn well should be.
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police
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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1501353
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We were aiming for a cross between Kafka and Orwell, which just goes to show how dangerous it can be when your police officers are better read than you are.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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5b786c6
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He was from Yorkshire, or somewhere like that, and like many Northerners with issues, he'd moved to London as a cheap alternative to psychotherapy.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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338f8fe
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The media response to unusual weather is as ritualized and predictable as the stages of grief. First comes denial: "I can't believe there's so much snow." Then anger: "Why can't I drive my car, why are the trains not running?" Then blame: "Why haven't the local authorities sanded the roads, where are the snowplows, and how come the Canadians can deal with this and we can't?" This last stage goes on the longest and tends to trail off into a ..
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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1fef391
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But . . ." Dominic floundered around for a bit before pointing at me accusingly. "You said that there's weird shit, but it normally turns out to have a rational explanation." "It does," said Beverley. "The explanation is a wizard did it."
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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85dffcc
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On the plus side, there were no rioters in sight but on the minus side this was probably because everywhere I looked was on fire.
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positive
riots
riot
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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b930c50
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He was calling it an atonic seizure because, even if he didn't know why it had happened, it was important to give it a cool name.
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seizures
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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a103000
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The first rule about a black woman's hair is you don't talk about a black woman's hair. And the second rule is you don't ever touch a black woman's hair without getting written permission first.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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688e6af
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I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out.
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humour
sense-of-humor
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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f39f827
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Not being invited in is one of the boxes on the "suspicious behavior" bingo form that every copper carries around in their head along with "stupidly overpowerful dog" and being too quick to supply an alibi. Fill all the boxes and you too could win an all-expenses-paid visit to your local police station."
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suspicious
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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e801bed
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Keep breathing,' I said. 'It's a habit you don't want to break.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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0d54338
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Zap,' I said. 'That's the technical term for it, is it? What do you call someone who's been zapped?' 'Mr. Crispy,' said Kumar.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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a3abf1d
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I wasn't sure I found that particularly reassuring, but in the event of an attack I wasn't going to be as much use as Thomas 'Oh sorry, was that your Tiger Tank?' Nightingale.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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04233f6
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First law of gossip - there's no point knowing something if somebody else doesn't know you know it.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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a2aaa0f
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I left in a hurry before he could change his mind, but I want to make it clear that at no point did I break into a skip
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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a0846d7
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I have an idea," I said. "This better not be a cunning plan," said Leslie. Nightingale looked blank, but at least it got a chuckle from Dr Walid."
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humor
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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a5c1109
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I looked into the literature on this," said Nightingale, "and it wasn't very helpful." "There's a literature about this?" "You'd be amazed, Constable, about what there's a literature on."
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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fb6d270
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As soon as we stopped sleeping with our cousins and build walls, temples and a few decent nightclubs, society became too complex for any one person to grasp all at once, and thus bureaucracy was born. A bureaucracy breaks the complexity down into a series of interlocking systems. You don't need to know how the systems fit together, or even what function your bit of the system has, you just perform your bit and the whole machine creaks on.
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ugly-truths
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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8dd2484
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good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like base-jumping or crocodile-wrestling.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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77969d6
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I'd been too intent on the room to hear her coming up the stairs. Leslie said that the capacity not to notice a traditional Dutch folk dancing band walk up behind you was not a survival characteristic in the complex, fast-paced world of the modern policing environment. I'd like to point out that I trying to give directions to a slightly deaf tourist at the time, and it was a Swedish dance troupe.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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1d2f087
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My mum translated this in her head to "witchfinder," which was good because like most West Africans, she considered witchfinding a more respectable profession than policeman."
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witches
west-african
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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b2c69e2
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As I stepped onto the gloomy landing a word formed in my mind: two syllables, starts with a V and rhymes with dire. I froze in place. Nightingale said that everything was true, after a fashion, and that had to include vampires, didn't it? I doubted they were anything like they were in books and on TV, and one thing was for certain -- they absolutely weren't going to sparkle in the sunlight.
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humour
funny
sparkle
vampires
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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47467e6
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It's a sad fact of modern life that if you drive long enough, sooner or later you must leave London behind.
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humour
london
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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787f2e2
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Coffee arrived and the espresso was excellent, like an aromatic electric fence.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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5bbb518
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Officially she was there to liaise with me on the case, but really she was there for the wide-screen TV, takeaways and the unresolved sexual tension.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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ff6a27a
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So that's when I came up with the most ridiculous plan since I'd decided to take a witness statement from a ghost. It was a plan so stupid that even Baldrick would have rejected it out of hand.
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peter-grant
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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93e7f76
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From then on, it was even twistier B-roads through a country so photgenically rural that I half expected to meet Bilbo Baggins around the next corner - providing he'd taken to driving a Nissan Micra.
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countryside
foxglove-summer
peter-grant
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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97ddfd6
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Hyde Park Corner is what happens when a bunch of urban planners take one look at the grinding circle of gridlock that surrounds the Arc de Triomphe in Paris and think--that's what we want for our town.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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7b0fd10
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I took the swab using the collection kit that I'd borrowed from Dominic who, I realized, had left the Boy Scout scale behind and was now verging on Batman levels of crazy preparedness.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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91e2115
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It was a good plan, and like all plans since the dawn of time, this would fail to survive contact with real life.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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256c2e3
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Like young men from the dawn of time, I decided to choose the risk of death over certain humiliation.
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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9571b94
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The night may be dark and full of terrors, I thought, but I've got a big stick.
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humor
reference
got
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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01007db
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I thought.
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tolkien-references
wizards
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Ben Aaronovitch |
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1d1cede
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There are people who have been touched by, let's call it for the sake of argument, magic to the point where they're no longer entirely people even under human rights legislation. Nightingale calls them the fae but that's a catch-all term like the way the Greeks used the word "barbarian" or the Daily Mail uses "Europe."
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Ben Aaronovitch |