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173ac7f
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It's inappropriate for the queen of the dead to be afraid of ghosts.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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5352d35
|
You have attained maturity; display it for us, if you please.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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e46fcac
|
Hell couldn't be worse than a WalMart after midnight, right?
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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e0b92ac
|
You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.
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humour
funny
humor
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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6a3ad3d
|
I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!"
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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87ba47c
|
We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like politicians.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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27fbf5a
|
I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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98c54a9
|
Take your hands off her, Sinclair told the guy behind me, Or they'll write books about what I'll do to you.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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f5fe1d1
|
I--I adore you, too. Well, I don't know if I adore you. That's not really the word I'd use. But I--I--" I managed to wrench it out. God, this was hard! "I love you." "Of course you do," he said, totally unsurprised. "WHAT? I finally tell you my deepest, most personal feelings and you're all, 'Yeah, I already got that memo'? This, this is why you drive me nuts! This is why it's so hard to tell you things! I take it back."
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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9809c02
|
He snarled at me. "This isn't over yet, Betsy." "Excellent," I said. "I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'."
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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bdd4fd4
|
They weren't moving. Perhaps I was dazzling then with my ineptitude. It had happened before.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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df3492b
|
Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as--" "Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca."
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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4fc4ddb
|
I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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9a3119d
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Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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2c64405
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He's all right. His hair is cute." Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love." "I'm not in love." "'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call." " I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank." "Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!" " Will you simmer. I certainly am not."
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humour
in-love
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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29752f1
|
I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago." "Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?"
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funny-and-random
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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68a53e7
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Did vampirism encourage Stockholm syndrome?
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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e59efe3
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Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life! And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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ab66bc4
|
I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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dd64832
|
Sinclair doesn't love your sister." "Not yet." I said darkly. "Give him time." "Look, I'm sure he's interested in her--" "Wait till you see her. Just wait." "Like he doesn't have pussy thrown at him from cars?" "What a horrifying mental image."
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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5112cc0
|
I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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e55e185
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Elizabeth Anne Taylor April 25, 1974 - April 25, 2004 Our Sweetheart, Only resting
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tombstone
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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d179d2f
|
It's nice to see you again, Laura." "Thank you, Mrs. T-" "No, no, no. Please, my name is-" "Mud," I suggested. "Mud Barfbag Taylor. Call her Asshat for short." ~Laura, Antonia, Betsy"
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the-ant
laura
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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c0d4fde
|
George you were very very bad to run away from Alice. Very bad But you were very good to stomp Sinclair when he was being a dick so I think we'll call this a wash.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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dd5b2eb
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I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.
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humor
fashion
vampires
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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a55f036
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I zoomed in on the shoe department like a blonde homing pigeon. Shoes, shoes everywhere! Ah, sweet shoes. I truly think you can take the measure of a civilization by looking at its footwear.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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0e7d42b
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Darling, I have a penis. Ergo I have no preferences.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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eaf6097
|
I swore we'd never be together, but--' 'Your inner whore would not be denied.' she finished.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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2b56477
|
There's more than one way for a girl to Google a cat.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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3ebcd20
|
Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?" "Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth." "Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms."
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humour
funny
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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f24ccf8
|
Also,I loathe it when you refer to me as dude" Eric Sinclair to Betsy"
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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41ac999
|
You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don't look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma'am." "Sit up. Arf," I teased. "What about her?" Jessica cried, pointing in my general direction. "She's more in need of an etiquette lesson than I am." "Yeah," I said, "but I'm the Queen. With a capital fucking Q. Hey, you're looking me in the eyes for too long! Eric, make her stop!"
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humor
vampires
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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6aa35e2
|
It never failed--I'd buy a new journal, write like a madwoman for ten pages, then lose total interest in the process. Three months later, I'd start the whole process all over again. I think I just liked buying new notebooks.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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f640c7b
|
My my Laura Goodman. I must say that is a charming name for a charming young lady." "Eric's old." I broke in. "Really really old." "Er-- really?" Laura asked. "Gosh you don't look even out of your thirties." "Tons of face-lifts. He's a surgical addict. I'm trying to get him help." I added defensively when they both gave me strange looks."
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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c0284c8
|
She couldn't tell where his pupils ended and the irises began; looking into those eyes was like looking into a well where children had drowned.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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26a8da7
|
Why is it suddenly uncool to spell? That's all I want to know.
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queen-betsy
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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ce054b2
|
Touch my things again, whether I'm dead or not, and I'll kick your ass up into your shoulder blades.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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3e1ed88
|
I've always assumed he'd be around to be, you know, yelled at and taken for granted. And of course I was wrong. Nobody's going to put up with that forever.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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eaa0077
|
Why don't you mind your own fucking business?" I snapped. "If I want to take my sister to my place of business, that's my own damned business and not any of your business." Was I overusing the word business? Fuck it. "So mind your own business."
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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19b948e
|
I'm in a Roadrunner cartoon, Sinclair. And I'm the coyote.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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1e7009d
|
I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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1eb8cc4
|
Yeah, well, it's been a super fun week. And by 'super fun' I mean 'horrible and endless'.
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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43ca6a4
|
Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?
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MaryJanice Davidson |
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a6fb146
|
What's amazing is that she was possessed by Satan for almost a year and nobody noticed anything unusual!
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humor
possessed
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MaryJanice Davidson |