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Without saying a word, your thoughts are being projected and are written all over you.
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networking-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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Your thoughts become your attitudes, which become your actions, which become your behavior, which become your habits, which become your lifestyle, and inevitably determine your outcomes. Utilize this circular truth by using positive thoughts to create positive outcomes. It is a choice you get to make every day. Choose wisely.
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Susan C. Young |
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"The directive we have so often heard, "Change your thoughts, change your life," is indeed based on the power of words. The key to your happiness, well-being, and interactions with others begins, continues, and concludes with the nature and quality of the words you hold in your mind as thoughts. Make them work for your highest good."
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networking-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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Your words have the power to shape your thoughts, your opinions, your attitudes, your self-esteem, your goals, your self-image, how others perceive you, your reputation, your behavior, and more. Your words are incredibly powerful, whether they are being used for good or for bad.
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networking-quotes
employee-engagement
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Susan C. Young |
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If you want to attract greater success, prosperity, health, and to enjoy more fulfilling relationships, craft your speech to affirm and manifest them.
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networking-quotes
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hire-keynote-speaker
motivational-leadership-speaker
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Susan C. Young |
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Choose the Happy Side of Life. Seek ways to bring humor, laughter, and joy to work. It will not only make work more fun, but it can positively impact your bottom line.
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fun-and-humor
best-motivational-speakers
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Susan C. Young |
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"Usually this kind of self-serving "honesty" will sabotage your success. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Realize that sometimes your own words can, and probably will, come back to be used against you."
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Susan C. Young |
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Have you met people who are so set on exerting their position that they are oblivious to the feelings of others? That their being right is more important than being kind? We all must consider which stance is the most beneficial. Might I suggest . . . kindness?
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Susan C. Young |
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Why do some people feel the need to throw a person's errors or weaknesses in their face or criticize their shortcomings? What benefit can they possibly receive from proving someone wrong to prove they are right? This level of insensitivity and self-centeredness leaves collateral damage in its wake and destroys positive impressions.
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Susan C. Young |
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"The Truth Can Hurt . . . "Honesty is one of your most valuable virtues, however, when used without discretion, it can reap unfavorable repercussions."
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Susan C. Young |
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"Exaggerating Your Gestures "Have you ever walked through a door and been jumped on by an over-enthusiastic dog with big paws who practically knocked you down? Some people have that effect. Being too flamboyant and over-boisterous can be overkill and push people away. Drama queens and kings have mastered these exaggerations, much to the chagrin of their observers. Remaining intentional in your gestures is a mark of poise, elegance, and maturity." --
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posture-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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As you navigate the various zones with people, a variety of specific physical and psychological responses are elicited from them. Until you know someone, avoid invading his or her personal space. Getting closer gradually demonstrates that you like the other person. This gradual and comfortable approach begins the circle of rapport--he sees that you like him, he likes that you like him, and he reciprocates by liking you back.
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expressions-of-emotion
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Susan C. Young |
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To touch or not to touch . . . that is the question. Handshakes, hugs, and other touching all have their appropriate space and place. The key to success in this area is to know when, where, and how to best put these into action.
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handshake-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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A person who offers a loose handshake, on the other hand (pun intended), may be interpreted as being uninterested, lacking confidence and self-esteem, weak, or being wishy-washy. Whether too strong or too weak, a bad handshake can set you back and close down a potentially rewarding relationship before it ever gets started.
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handshake-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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A simple handshake is not always a simple handshake. The way it is delivered can take on a million meanings and interpretations. As with every other form of body language and non-verbal communication, you are sending silent messages simply by the way you shake hands.
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handshake-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
9d4d947
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Your handshake has the power to reveal your strength of character, make a promise, demonstrate your level of respect, exercise your etiquette, and represent your business acumen. Learning how to do it well will take you far in life and in business.
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handshake-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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Your written words show up in a variety of forms: * Emails, texts, and memos * Blogging and publishing * Your website and social media * Letters of correspondence * Advertising, marketing, and promotion
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networking-quotes
employee-engagement
hire-keynote-speaker
motivational-leadership-speaker
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Susan C. Young |
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Look for all of the possible missteps in the following scenario. My friend Amy arrived at a consultation with her Hispanic business partner. The African American woman to whom they were delivering their presentation was a long-time friend of her partner's. Her partner was greeted with a hug and Amy was greeted with a handshake. The meeting was a great success. As it came to a close, the two friends hugged. With enthusiastic affection, Amy went to hug the African American client. The woman took a step, turned her shoulder to block the hug, and looked at Amy with dismissive anger. It was almost a defensive move. Her partner, recognizing this, put her arm around Amy to soften the situation and make light of the inappropriate gesture. Everything turned out fine, but Amy was baffled by the barrier. She was confused by the woman's reaction since their interaction had been cordial and positive. She wondered if she had been socially insensitive or culturally inappropriate. After much reflection, however, she realized that she had simply been too quick to assume familiarity. Thankfully, she earned and learned the lesson quickly to become more aware. Amy eventually earned the trust of her client and secured her valuable business.
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handshake-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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Rather than using these pages for a boring English lesson, I will simply encourage you to become keenly aware and pay close attention to your articulation and grammar.
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networking-quotes
employee-engagement
hire-keynote-speaker
motivational-leadership-speaker
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speaker-susan-young
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Susan C. Young |
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Smiling and Expressions of Emotion. A genuine smile is inviting, contagious, and encouraging. People do read a book by its cover and your expressions provide a glimpse for what they'll find inside.
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Susan C. Young |
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Eye Contact. Direct eye contact is one of the best compliments you can give to another. You are subliminally telling them that you are listening, they matter, and that what they have to say is important.
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emotional-intelligence-quotes
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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ASK YOURSELF: Do you appear self-confident or unsure? Do you project a calm demeanor or scream instability? Do you come across as a leader or try to stay invisible? Do you walk with purpose and intention or doubt and trepidation? Do you look vibrant and energetic, or stressed out and overwhelmed?
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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Poised Positioning * Be mindful of how you use your body to communicate. * Be fully present in the moment. * Be thoughtful and gracious in your actions. * Be fluid and elegant in your movements. * Express flow--walk in freedom and spontaneity. * Develop an unshakeable sense of authentic inner confidence and certainty. * Develop a deep respect for others. * Move slower and more deliberately. * Walk in integrity, class, and modesty. * Smile kindly and laugh softly. * Become a student of manners and etiquette.
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
customer-service-quotes
law-of-attraction-quotes
motivational-speaker-susan-young
quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
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Becoming more socially aware involves greater understanding of the dynamics of social interactions to assure you achieve harmonious outcomes.
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positive-first-impression-quotes
susanspeaks-com
employee-engagement
customer-service-quotes
motivational-speaker-susan-young
quotes-by-susan-c-young
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mindfulness
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Susan C. Young |
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"In years gone by, particularly in the East and the South, ladies would attend charm school to learn how to elegantly stand, sit, dance, and walk. Even today, there are "Cotillion" classes for young people to learn how to carry themselves with dignity and use proper social graces. I don't mind sounding old-fashioned because these culturally rich rituals lay a firm foundation for the appropriate behaviors and excellent manners necessary for a positive impression. Embracing a tried and true tradition can sometimes be beneficial. Let's avoid the awkward, embarrassing, and unsophisticated ways we see all too often."
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
customer-service-quotes
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motivational-speaker-susan-young
quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
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9 Reasons Why Improving Your Posture is Important By projecting strength and excellence in your physical presence, you will. . . 1. Look better and feel better. 2. Appear, and be, more fit and healthy. 3. Powerfully influence your mindset. 4. Appear more confident, self-assured, and competent. 5. Carry yourself with more purpose and intention. 6. Breathe deeper and get more oxygen in your body, which will improve your energy and health. 7. Reduce or prevent back pain and muscle tension. 8. Improve productivity by energizing your physiology. 9. Make a significantly more positive impression.
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
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quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
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What Does Poor Posture Look Like? * Stiff & rigid * Slumping * Slouching * Hunched over * Rounded shoulders * Overly arched back * Stumbling * Head forward In sensitivity, we must be aware that many people suffer from poor posture because of physical disability, injury, health issues, heredity, obesity, or musculoskeletal construction. These descriptions are not meant to offend or judge people who are unable to change their posture.
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
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quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
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"In his book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie encourages you to greet people with "animation and enthusiasm." This form of kinesthetic responsiveness provides a splendid example of how impactful your gestures can be while responding to others. Whether it be running up to an old friend you have not seen in a while or standing up to greet a business associate when he approaches your table, being kinesthetically responsive is an impactful way to gesture your level of interest, engagement, and enthusiasm."
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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"In her book, Ask Outrageously! my friend Linda Swindling suggests to "Mimic the body language of the most powerful people you know. They stand up straight, make appropriate eye contact, and use gestures to convey their points. Look at their feet. Usually they are placed about shoulder-width apart. They have an open stance. They smile and nod when they agree." Begin paying attention to the poise, postures, and gestures of the people whom you admire and respect the most. How do they carry themselves to project excellence? Adapting their behaviors may serve you well to enhance and improve your body language."
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posture-quotes
expressions-of-emotion
susanspeaks-com
customer-service-quotes
law-of-attraction-quotes
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quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
8d0c86c
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Expand Your Repertoire . . . Professional humorists and comedians, like Jeanie Robertson, maintain joke files filled with assorted topics, anecdotes, and titles. When something outrageously funny happens, she makes a note of it, puts it away, and saves it for the day she can integrate it into her hilarious presentations.
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emotional-intelligence
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Susan C. Young |
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Humor can heal the heart, instill hope, bring people together, and remind them that life isn't meant to be so doggone serious. Why not use it for good? There is no denying that humor's uplifting, energizing, and positive impact can transform lives for the better.
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fun-and-humor
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Susan C. Young |
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Having a second set of eyes to review what you do is an effective practice. Sometimes you will be so close to your own work that your blinders will cause you to miss tiny details which can create huge errors, and reflect poorly on your intelligence and expertise.
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networking-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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As a professional speaker and author, excellent grammar is crucial in my profession. Without the proper use of words and language, I would lose credibility and respect.
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networking-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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UN-Impressives * Lying. * Bragging. * Gossiping. * Cursing and using foul language. * Making self-deprecating comments. * Regularly expressing worry and anxiety. * Criticizing and condemning people and situations. * Demonstrating a lack of emotional intelligence or compassion.
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Susan C. Young |
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The irony is that their enthusiasm for personal revelation can backfire badly and have the opposite effect. People become their own worst enemies and don't need anyone else's help in making themselves the brunt of gossip, judgment, and ridicule. A person who overshares demonstrates a lack of dignity, maturity, and discrimination, and it may also be a strong indicator of self-absorbed narcissism and exhibitionism.
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best-motivational-speakers
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Susan C. Young |
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"As Americans, we typically move full steam ahead without much regard to mindfulness or thoughtful reflection, often to one's own detriment. Yet it is that same propensity for bold action which makes fulfilling the "American Dream" possible--where an immigrant can come to our country with nothing and achieve extraordinary things." --
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positive-first-impression-quotes
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mindfulness
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Susan C. Young |
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I have a few friends who are confined to wheelchairs for access and mobility. I don't want to always be looking down at them while they are looking up at me. To enjoy a meaningful conversation, I'm quick to kneel beside them or pull up a chair to talk at the same height. Begin to recognize the orientation of other people and align yourself with their body position and physical needs so that you may connect on a more balanced and effective level.
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expressions-of-emotion
emotional-intelligence-quotes
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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As you seek new opportunities to make favorable first impressions, be ever aware of the subtle effect that physical positioning and distance/closeness can have on your interactions with others and use this understanding to your advantage.
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expressions-of-emotion
emotional-intelligence-quotes
susanspeaks-com
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law-of-attraction-quotes
motivational-speaker-susan-young
quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
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Energy & Aura. You release your own distinctive energy signature which naturally produces a physical presence. When you emit positive energy, thoughts, feelings, and vibrations, you attract more positives into your life.
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emotional-intelligence-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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Listening is one thing; however, ACTIVE listening is quite another. The first is a passive act which does not require great involvement, whereas, the latter is a consciously aware and deliberately focused effort to actively participate in the conversation.
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healthy-conversation
positive-first-impression-quotes
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Susan C. Young |
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"In the hit movie, "Pay It Forward," a middle school child dreams of how he can change the world by being the catalyst for kindness. He begins his "social experiment" by performing a selfless act of kindness, and so begins the domino effect. As each consecutive person receives an act of kindness they, in turn, do something nice for another. The kindness becomes contagious and changes hundreds of lives for the better. Think of the global impact we could make if more people would make it their mission to simply pay if forward by BEING NICE."
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Susan C. Young |
c9cb5a4
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"Have you ever had a legitimate complaint as a customer which made you angry, upset, or frustrated? How was it "handled?" If you were dealing with an inept, uncaring, or untrained employee, they may have made matters even worse by being rude, defensive, or apathetic. Simple acknowledgment and validation of your complaint is sometimes all that is needed. Without it, you're left frustrated or upset."
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healthy-conversation
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customer-service-quotes
motivational-speaker-susan-young
quotes-by-susan-c-young
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Susan C. Young |
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ASK YOURSELF: Have you found that being nice to some people is simply not effective? When might it be wise to throw down the gauntlet and get tough or confrontational?
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just-be-nice
emotional-intelligence-quotes
positive-first-impression-quotes
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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"While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a "bitch" has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people."
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just-be-nice
emotional-intelligence-quotes
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susanspeaks-com
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motivational-speaker-susan-young
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Susan C. Young |
a5d3e28
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"Being Nice Has Its Limitations. While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a "bitch" has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people."
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just-be-nice
emotional-intelligence-quotes
positive-first-impression-quotes
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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4 Times to Get Tough . . . 1. Self-Respect--You don't have to take everything on the chin and lose the respect of yourself and others in the process. Don't be a doormat or a pushover by allowing people to disrespect or run over you. Stand firm in your beliefs and values. 2. Self-Preservation--Understand and set boundaries. Decide what is and what is not acceptable in how people treat you. Claim your power to live life on your terms and not at the whims of others' unreasonable requests and demands. 3. Protecting others--If you are a parent of a child or a caretaker of the elderly or disabled, it is your moral duty to defend them to the end. 4. Self-Defense--Have you ever felt threatened, unsafe, or abused because of another's behavior? Assert yourself and do whatever is necessary to ensure your safety. Being kind DOES NOT mean you should excuse such behavior.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Whoever came up with the idea that "nice guys finish last" must have been either very jaded or downright malicious. Why would a caring, emotionally healthy human being ever think that being "un-nice" is a virtue? Anyone who wants to get ahead in life and have quality outcomes needs to understand that kindness is a strength. You will move forward faster by making friends rather than foes."
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"17 Ways to Just Be Nice "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." --Aesop 1. Be sincere. 2. Be altruistic. 3. Practice patience. 4. Inquire and engage. 5. Keep your promises. 6. Offer help to others. 7. Acknowledge others. 8. Control your behavior. 9. Be situationally aware. 10. Be polite and courteous. 11. Use considerate manners. 12. Greet people with a smile. 13. Practice random acts of kindness. 14. Show respect for yourself and others. 15. Be complimentary and look for positives. 16. Walk in another's shoes to understand their needs. 17. Share of yourself without expecting anything in return."
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"Google Proves Nice Counts. On a quest to discover what it takes to build the "perfect team," Google launched the Project Aristotle initiative to find the answers. Over a period of several years, they surveyed hundreds of teams, conducted interviews, analyzed studies, and observed how team members interacted with one another. Google's findings revealed that "psychological safety" is the key ingredient for creating a high-functioning team. It nurtures a healthy environment that encourages freedom of expression, engaging communication, empathy for one another, caring, support, respect and, drum roll please . . . BEING NICE!"
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If you have ever experienced this type of unprofessional treatment, I doubt you would even consider giving them business in the future. Interrupting, ignoring, patronizing, or antagonizing a customer is like pouring gas on a fire and creates a more explosive situation than the original complaint. Still, it continues to happen every day, costing companies millions in lost revenue.
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Life rewards action. To get from where you are now to where you want to be requires forward movement and momentum. Although you may already know what it takes to bridge the gap, simply knowing what to do is not enough.
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Kindness is a powerful bridge builder which unifies teams, bonds friends, supports loved ones, and spreads goodwill. Tending to your bridges will fortify your relationships in such way that you will keep your invitations coming and your options open for future opportunities.
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Every time you speak, you are using your voice to connect with others, whether it is in-person, on the phone, or in a recorded message.
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The Art of Action explores specific action steps you can take for personal and professional transformation. Start by taking the initiative to be kind, courageous, and polite.
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Become a 'good finder' and seek to acknowledge the best you see in others.
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Is your voice value delivering the image you wish to convey? Is your voice coming across as smart, friendly, and positive or ignorant, rude, and negative?
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"The way you deliver the words you say becomes your "vocal image. This "vocal image" can make or break your first impressions, impact your communication, and determine how people respond to you."
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What can you do to ensure that your voice value translates into impression value?
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Every professional voice coach worth their salt will bring you back to the importance of tone, pace, and pitch. While these concepts were introduced earlier in The Art of Body Language section, we can now elaborate and take a deeper dive into how you can use your voice to improve your communications.
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It is generally believed that nearly 40 percent of your first impression will be set from the tone of your voice. Your vocal thermometer can be more impactful than the actual words you use.
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Your tone of voice can be conveyed in both the words you speak and in the words you write.
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Your tone can represent the character of your business, the strength of your resolve, and express the depths of your convictions.
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Does your tone match your intention? Is your tone of voice confusing or clarifying? Are you coming across to others as you had hoped? Once you begin to notice your tone, you can adjust as needed to make it work in your favor.
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Heed Your Speed. Are you a fast or a slow talker? Be mindful towards the person with whom you are speaking to ensure that your message is being comprehended, understood, and absorbed. If they are listening at a slower rate than you are speaking, disconnect can occur.
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Align your voice value with the tone, pace, and pitch of your listeners will help you connect on all levels.
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Have you ever paid notice to the full sound range of your voice? If you have ever been in a chorus or a singing group, you already know that they will separate the group based on each singer's pitch and assign their roles accordingly. While my speaking voice has a soprano pitch, my singing voice is a lower alto.
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A high-pitched voice may sound less authoritative, more youthful, and less experienced, whereas, a lower pitched voice may be perceived as being more authoritative, confident, and credible. It is unfortunate that listeners will make assumptions based on these differences before even knowing the depth and value of your message. Play with your ranges and find a comfortably low pitch. Practice it to see if it makes a difference in conveying more authority and brilliance.
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When your speaking style is clear, confident, and concise, your listeners will perceive you as such.
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Developing your eloquence and enunciation will reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation and misunderstanding, making your delivery more powerful.
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By speaking in a competent and confident way, your message will sound more relevant and appropriate, reflecting you in a favorable light.
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Variety is the Spice of Life. Voices come in all shapes, tones, and sizes. Some are compelling and effective, while others are grating and agitating.
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The list below begins to illustrate how different personalities can be assigned to different vocal qualities . . . * Warm * Loving * Breathy * Gravelly * Dull * Nasal * Rough * Hoarse * Gruff * Melodious * Whiny * Sultry * Twangy * Energetic * Shrill
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Your Signature Sound. In music, voice value is categorized for singers, composers, and listeners. Whether a performer's voice type is soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, or bass, they all have unique characteristics that make them unique and impressive. You, too, have a signature sound that is uniquely yours and makes you stand apart from the crowd.
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Neen James (NeenJames.com) is an eloquent and successful international speaker who stands at four-feet-eleven with a rich Australian dialect and a high-pitched voice. For years, fellow speakers with good intentions told her she needed to take voice lessons to lower her pitch to give her more depth for a compelling stage presence. With complete confidence and loyalty to her uniqueness, she ignored the naysayers and her amazing signature voice has become a powerful brand.
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Susan C. Young |
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Most people are familiar with the rich, resonant tones of James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman. Their signature voices bring strength, authority, and lyrical enjoyment. Are there aspects of your voice that you can capitalize on to make a great impression and be simply unforgettable?
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Think of the times that others remembered your name and used it kindly. How did it make you feel? When you use someone's name it makes him or her feel recognized, appreciated, and special.
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"A Sign of Respect. As our world grows more casual, we observe a tendency for everyone to use first names rather than surnames. "It is a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Young," has a completely different connotation than "Nice to meet you, Susan."
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What determines whether the usage is acceptable or inappropriate? If you want to make a great first impression with positive impact, it is essential that you know there is a difference.
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By your practice of active listening, everyone involved benefits because you . . . * are more engaged and engaging; * demonstrate that you are interested in others and what they have to say; * make others feel important, respected, understood, and appreciated; * improve your memory and retention; * affirm to others that you are an authentic, caring, and compassionate person; make a great first and last impression
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If the skill of participatory listening came effortlessly and easy for everyone, there would not be so many misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, irritations, and frustrations.
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Active listening is key to all healthy and effective communication, however, it doesn't necessarily come easily.
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Susan C. Young |
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Through the years, I have heard that the average person speaks at about 150-160 words per minute, but can listen at a rate of about 1,000 words per minute. What is going on during all that extra mind time? * Our minds are racing ahead and preparing for the next thing we are going to say. * We are preoccupied with other thoughts, priorities, and distractions. * Our subconscious filters are thumbing through our database of memories, judgments, experiences, perspectives, and opinions to frame how we are going to interpret what we think someone is saying.
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While active listening is crucial for optimal communication, we are faced with a dilemma which can perplex even the sincerest and engaged of individuals.
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"You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening. These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . . 1. The Sensual Plane: You're aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it. 2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel. 3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form."
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I was raised in an era when part of respecting your elders was to call them by Mr. or Mrs. When my children were growing up, an occasional child would call me Susan. It was jarring, felt disrespectful, and I did not like it. We reached a mutual agreement and their friends began calling me Ms. Susan. Perhaps this is more prevalent in the South, however, your awareness and consideration can help prevent social missteps.
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It is wise to use titles for people in positions of power, higher education, seniority, or maturity, unless otherwise instructed. This may sound old-fashioned, but practicing respectful traditions will earn you points and inevitably make you seem more cultured and sophisticated. This is especially true with older generations.
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To call certain people, such as your boss, teachers, professors, doctors, your parent's friends, etc. by their first names might be considered disrespectful. It is best to err on the side of caution until you know what is appropriate.
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Susan C. Young |
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Asking permission to call someone by their first name is a gesture of gentility and consideration. And once permission is granted, the gate is open for mutual respect and mutual purpose. Simply demonstrating this courtesy before making an assumption is impressive. Once permission is granted, you have earned points on both sides.
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Susan C. Young |
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When you become an actively engaged listener, you will develop the mindful awareness that active listening involves multiple layers and distinct levels.
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To make matters even more complicated, research has shown that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. This inclination not only compromises our connection with another person, but we can fail to retain vital information. All this evidence demonstrates that it is imperative that we intentionally pay closer attention and strive to become an in-depth listener.
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UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener * Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do. * Allowing your emotional reactions to take over. * Interrupting the person talking. * Replying before you hear all the facts. * Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. * Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next. * Getting defensive or being over-eager. * One-upmanship--feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share. * Imposing an unsolicited opinion. * Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.
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Being Present Years ago, I attended a conference where the keynote speaker encouraged everyone to BE HERE NOW! It grabbed people's attention and reminded us that living, loving, listening, and laughing all occur in the present moment.
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Become keenly aware of these three layers to discover whether you're listening with interest and intent for excellent communication and understanding--or are you unintentionally sabotaging potentially phenomenal conversations. Knowledge of the listening planes will raise your awareness. And as you apply these, enjoy the surprising difference.
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Susan C. Young |
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When my son Nick was five years old, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while I prepared dinner. In typical busy mother fashion, I was multitasking--cooking, cleaning, running the laundry, answering the phone, and attempting to listen to what he had to say.
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Susan C. Young |
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Listening is one of the finest ways to demonstrate our love for another human being. How many marriages could be saved, friendships healed, careers made, and opportunities enjoyed if people would simply stop what they are doing and listen deeply to what another person has to say. If practiced by everyone, this principle could be a world-changer!
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Susan C. Young |
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The process of attentive listening makes the other person feel important, valued, and heard. For Nick, listening was, and still is, love. I've never forgotten that precious moment--and the lesson!
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Susan C. Young |
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Think about the people in your life with whom you have the most engaging dialogue--the ones who will listen to you and consider your opinions regardless of the topic. They'll stop whatever they are doing to give you their full attention. They become completely present and hear you.
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The Physical Language of Listening Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . . * Make eye contact. * Nod your head; confirm. * Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention. * Lean forward. * Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity. * Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.
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Susan C. Young |
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Now let's look at the flip side. When a diligent and caring person receives your complaint, they have the power to turn a challenge into a triumph. Through active listening, they demonstrate that your satisfaction is their top priority. They not only seek to solve your problem, but they are dedicated to re-earning your trust, your respect, and keeping your business.
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Susan C. Young |
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Being proactive and intentional will enable you to create a positive experience for yourself and others.
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Susan C. Young |
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Some people not only burn their bridges, but they also torch the town! With all their deeds of drama and destruction, they leave behind an aftermath of distrust, disrespect, and disappointment. And for what? This behavior creates immeasurable suffering in all directions. It ruins reputations and business deals, shatters lives--and closes doors which can never be re-opened. These repercussions can be prevented or avoided by simply BEING NICE.
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Active listening requires being fully present and engaged in the moment.
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When you are mindfully focused, the person with whom you are communicating feels that you are making them a priority--that you value their time and their perspective. It is in these moments that we can go to deeper levels of discovery, exploration, and connection. It is one of the most valuable gifts and finest compliments you can give to another.
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To Become an Attentive Listener . . . * Observe a person's physical presence to see how their body language aligns with their message. * Recognize what is being said on the surface. * Engage your intuition to hear the meaning, purpose, and motivation behind their message. * Be aware of your own internal responses and how you are feeling. * Put yourself in their shoes to better understand their perspective.
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Susan C. Young |
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Becoming an empathetic listener helps you to better understand how another person feels and why they communicate as they do.
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Your heightened awareness of their perceptions, experiences, emotions, and personality styles can reveal why they feel the way they do so that you can choose your responses wisely and compassionately.
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My success with customers on the telephone wasn't by using pushy sales methods, but by engaging people in meaningful conversations which could lead to friendships on the phone before I ever met them. I would ask questions, listen to their stories, respond to their needs, develop rapport, and earn their business. When we would finally meet in person, it felt less like an introduction and more like a reunion. It was not only good business, we had fun in the process!
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For sixteen years, I had a spectacular real estate career in Tallahassee, Florida. I loved receiving telephone inquiries and making cold calls. I knew that if I could meet people on the phone, I could usually turn them into buyers.
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Susan C. Young |
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"When I am working with groups of thirty or fewer people, there is a powerful name exercise that I do to break the ice, start with humor, and begin my program with positive energy. One by one, each person will introduce themselves using an adjective that describes their personality that starts with the first letter of their name. "Spontaneous Susan," "Dependable Dave," and "Happy Helen" are a few quick examples. The benefit for the participants is twofold: it makes each person feel good and it makes people laugh. Additionally, it enables me to learn their names so that I can integrate them into the entire presentation for full engagement and participation."
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Susan C. Young |
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Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
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"Mary Kay Ash, the founder of the Mary Kay Cosmetic empire, taught her teams that most people have a sign hanging around their necks that says, "Make me feel special." Answer that need in others through nurturing words, deeds, and actions, and you will be amazed by the ease with which people respond to you. What can you do to make other people feel special?"
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Many salespeople make the mistake of talking about how great they are and what they bring to the table. If they would simply take a breath, shift their mindset, and instead present ways to help solve their client's problems, they would capture more new business.
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"Most everyone has the classic question stamped on their forehead that asks, "What's in It for Me?" It is not a matter of being self-centered, arrogant, or narcissistic; it is simply a natural and instinctive response to gauge how we are going to best interact and deal with another person."
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Clown Around . . . Nancy Weil of The Laugh Academy gives people she meets red clown noses and shows them how to use them. Promoting laughter as a cure for stress and negativity, she makes a positive and memorable impact and gives others permission to play.
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"Well Hello Halo! It is human nature for us to make generalized judgments about a person using only a couple of traits. The "Expressivity Halo" Theory explains how we connect various personalities to specific facial expressions and assign assumptions about that person." --
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Proper posture conveys that you are ready to take command and master new situations. When you project this level of confidence, you will instill confidence in others.
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"In 1966, American anthropologist Edward T. Hall specified four distinct distance zones to describe the perception of physical space around us. Understanding these zones and honoring their invisible boundaries will give you a sixth sense about another person's "space" as well as your own. Intimate Zone (less than 2') --This zone represents our personal space and is reserved for the most trusted and loved people in our lives. Touching, hugging, standing side by side, and engaging in private conversations is common and encouraged. When an interloper violates this personal space, great discomfort and awkwardness can be created. What to do? Take a step back or sideways. Personal Zone (2'-4') --This is the distance for interaction with good friends, family, social gatherings, or parties. It's an easy and relaxed space for talking, shaking hands, gesturing, laughing and making faces. Social Zone (4'-12') --This zone seems to be an appropriate distance for casual friends, colleagues, and acquaintances to interact. It is the comfortable distance we maintain while interacting or addressing large groups of people. Public Zone (over 12') --This is the distance we keep from strangers or persons with little acquaintance. It provides the greatest distance between people. This is a safe space that still allows us to experience community and belonging with new people."
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Susan C. Young |
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Know your audience! With the high level of cultural sensitivity these days, it is often better to err on the side of caution. If you don't want your humor to come back and bite you, don't hurt one person to entertain another. We can have humor without making fun of other people.
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"I have noticed generational humor exists as well. Since our frames of reference and cultural influences vary, there is a lot of room for misinterpretation and the potential to not "get it."
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Don't try to make a joke just to make a joke. Sometimes, as human beings, we so want to fit in and connect that we try TOO hard to be something we are not. It's okay if you're not the life of the party. It's fine if you're not a stand-up comedian. Just be you. Real life provides real humor when we're paying attention to it. Share what makes you laugh.
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Susan C. Young |
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Think of fun ways you can connect with your business or social circles. When you're with your tribe--or like-minded people--they'll laugh and learn right alongside you.
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Susan C. Young |
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Your grammar is crucial to your image, brand, and reputation. It reflects upon your level of intelligence, education, experience, upbringing, and native geography. Poor grammar can totally bomb a job interview, make someone delete your email request, cause people to judge you behind your back, or dismiss you as being a poor communicator. It is all preventable!
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Susan C. Young |
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There will be times when you would be wise to err on the side of caution. And rather than making a magnificent misstep, zip your lip and bite your tongue for personal and professional self-preservation.
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Zip Your Lip & Bite Your Tongue The discreet communicator knows when it's time to speak and when it's time to listen. He conscientiously refrains from opening a topic of discussion if it is bad timing or inappropriate. He will stop, look, learn, and listen for cues to ensure he doesn't get caught with his foot in his mouth.
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Susan C. Young |
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Oversharing Why do some people feel the need to share their deepest, darkest secrets with complete strangers or on social media? How could saying too much, too soon possibly help their case or earn the respect of others? Perhaps their insatiable need to share every sordid detail of their existence satisfies a yearning to get attention, gain sympathy, or make friends.
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Research by the Income Center for Tradeshows found that people are twice as likely to remember you if you shake hands. According to the American Management Association, it takes only one-fortieth of a second to create a human bond. Whether you shake someone's hand, squeeze their arm, or touch their shoulder, make these moments count to be remembered favorably.
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"Confession. Years ago, I was invited to a cocktail party for an Asian-American networking group. As I introduced myself to a Japanese businessman, I reached out and firmly shook his hand. Much to my embarrassment now, I automatically took my other hand and wrapped our hands in a "hand hug." This is a common gesture of friendship in the South. As his wife approached, however, she appeared appalled and felt disrespected that I was touching her husband. Our cultural differences were marked. Despite this cultural mishap, I was able to redeem myself. We all moved past it and delighted in an interesting conversation. Physical touch is a touchy topic (pun intended), especially when various cultures are involved."
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Handshakes, Hugs & Other Touching. Learning how to touch appropriately can elevate your presentation, demonstrate respect, and convey confidence.
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Orientation & Proximity. Be aware of the orientation between yourself and others so that you can be sensitive and responsive to their comfort zones.
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Since we are all unique and individual, being cognizant of different personality styles will help you better recognize where others are coming from to minimize barriers, build trust, and catapult your newfound communication skills into meaningful connections. The savvy socializer knows this all.
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The Art of Communication shares insights to help you communicate with a higher awareness and focused intention and meet people on their level to increase clarity and understanding.
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When you begin conversations with confidence and listen attentively, you will become more flexible and adaptable in most any situation.
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Sometimes you must earn the right to be included. Otherwise, you may appear awkward or pushy.
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When a person is focused completely on self it is nearly impossible to be mindful of others at the same time. That is a contradiction for healthy communication, networking, and relationship building.
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People love to be happy, enjoy a hearty laugh, and simply have fun. When you're happy, everything feels right in the world and life is good. Knowing that this is a universal yearning, what can you do to feed the need and bring out the best in others?
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"Having a sense of humor can be one of your greatest assets and equip you with an undeniable "attractor factor." The benefits extend far past a quick wit and spontaneous laughter. It can help you lower stress levels in yourself and others, diffuse difficult situations, interact more easily, and provide health benefits for improved well-being."
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Humor lightens our spirits, comforts us through the challenge, brings people together, and helps us to remember the positive sides of life. When your presence and personality bring this welcomed delight and joy to others, you are a pleasure to know and you leave them wanting more.
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"When I was a young and aspiring speaker, I sought mentorship from a man who had been a Dale Carnegie trainer for decades. Eagerly wanting to know how to improve my stage presence and build my career, I contacted Dr. Joe Carnley in Destin, Florida and invited him out to lunch. After we placed our order at the Harbor Docks Restaurant, he dove right in and gave me some of the best advice of my life. He said, "Susan, you have to make them laugh! When they leave your presentations, you want them to feel better and leave happier than when they came in. Help them enjoy your time together." He continued to describe the magical power that humor has over the human spirit. When we craft humor into our speeches, we can take our audiences on a journey they will never forget. Immediately after our delightful lunch ended, I drove straight to a Books-a-Million store and headed for the humor section. Since I was not a particularly funny person, I needed all the help I could get. For over an hour I stood there reading titles, flipping through funny books, and enjoying outrageous belly laughs, giggles, and snorts. People were staring, and probably thinking, "I want what she is having!" The humor section was one of the smallest in the entire bookstore, but it may well have been the most important. When I turned around, I noticed the opposite aisle was the "Self-Improvement" section. It ran half the length of the store and displayed hundreds of books. At that cathartic moment, I had a huge "Ah-Ha" moment."
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If people would read more of these humor books, they wouldn't need all those self-improvement books!
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"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you!" After buying an armload of funny books filled with clean jokes, one-liners, and speech openers, I discovered how truly "spot-on" Joe had been. Inserting humorous zingers throughout my programs has worked like a charm and improved my presentation skills."
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Life wasn't meant to be so serious. Enjoy life, be fun, spend time with people who make you happy, widen that smile, and laugh out loud. Learn to laugh at yourself.
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Your self-talk is a silent force working behind the scenes that determine how you present yourself to the world.
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How's your humor? What can you do to have more humorous lines to use in the right place at the right time? I highly recommend it! Laughter is the best medicine indeed. Not only will you enjoy the experience yourself, but the people around you will enjoy the entertainment.
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"When Humor Falls Flat "Humor is not a "one-size fits all" guarantee. What is hilarious to one person may be offensive to another. By being emotionally intelligent and self-aware, you can discern how, when, why, or where to be funny . . . or not. You might be walking on thin ice and risk making a damaging first impression if you use humor that is: * At the expense of others. * Thoughtless sarcasm. * Belittling or condescending. * Hitting below the belt. * Creepy or profane. * Raunchy humor with sexual innuendo. * Politically incorrect. * Mean-spirited."
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