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72e2f3f
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In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I'll turn into a bat to get away from you." "Fight or flight." "Yes." "Only half of that is flight."
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humour
humor
transformation
paranormal
supernatural
vampires
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Adam Rex |
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cdf26da
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This is exciting," said J.Lo. "We are sneaky agent men, like Bond James Bond." "I don't know where you pick this stuff up."
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smekday
the-true-meaning-of-smekday
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Adam Rex |
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a8d57fe
|
MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW
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Adam Rex |
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41c4ad9
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it smelled the way a garage would smell if you left a bear inside it for too long.
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Adam Rex |
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006da50
|
There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good.
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gross
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Adam Rex |
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4ef60b5
|
Project: Potential was a separate class that the gifted students went to for an hour each day. The name was supposed to make it exciting, like Code Name: Cursive or Mission: State Capitals.
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Adam Rex |
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7b3cf57
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They were just people. They were too smart and too stupid to be anything else.
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Adam Rex |
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d984f6b
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I felt a stack of shelves, and these were filled with plastic bottles and maybe buckets, and one object that felt like the worst thing in the world but which turned out later to be a sandwich.
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Adam Rex |
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1ea2580
|
You are singing to the preacher," said J.Lo. "Preaching to the choir," I corrected him. "Yes. This thing."
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Adam Rex |
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4d042ff
|
As far as pets go, a cat is a nice on to have.
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Adam Rex |
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c73b658
|
He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.
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Adam Rex |
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7c69a80
|
Polly Esther Doe was born at 8:03 a.m. on August 14.
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polyester
name
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Adam Rex |
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5e8b4aa
|
Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo.
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play-doh
name
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Adam Rex |
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3be11fe
|
The Boov are having seven magnificent genders. There is boy, girl, boygirl, girlboy, boyboy, boyboygirl, and boyboyboyboy." I"
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Adam Rex |
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4babc58
|
Apocalypse Hal was on the corner by the Laundromat. Hal was a neighborhood street preacher who worked at the fish and crab place next door. He wore a sandwich board sign of Bible verses and shouted angry things at passersby like "The end times are near" and "Seafood sampler $5.99." Now his sign just read "TOLD YOU SO," and he looked more anxious than angry."
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Adam Rex |
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663c3c4
|
I'd drained our bank account, and there was less than I'd expected in the rainy-day fund that Mom had kept at the bottom of an underwear drawer in a panty hose egg labeled "DEAD SPIDERS." As if I hadn't always known it was there. As if I wouldn't have wanted to look at dead spiders. I"
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Adam Rex |
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fcebaee
|
I am rubber but you are blue. Whatevers you are saying bounces off of me and I do not remember the rest.
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Adam Rex |
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f537dcf
|
I think there's a part of the brain, probably somewhere in the back, that won't give up believing in magic. It was the part that made cavemen believe that drawing elks on stone would make for a good hunt the next day. And it's still chugging along, making you think you have lucky socks, or that your kids' birthdays will win the lottery.
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Adam Rex |
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3d72405
|
Why did you attack some girl's boots?" J.Lo looked incredulous. "She is still mad about this?" he huffed. "I TOLD her-I THOUGHT they were ANKLEwolves." "Okay, whatever. I-" "Why elsenow would a person wear fur with shortpants? It makes no sense!"
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Adam Rex |
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0193a3d
|
My partner and I are going to be run over by a rabbit driving a Citroen" just isn't the sort of thing that occurs to most people, no matter what kind of life they've led."
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Adam Rex |
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1a83412
|
She had her shoes on now, and a diaper bag slung over one shoulder. In the opposite arm she cradled Andromeda, who was wearing both her Legolas Onesie and her Keebler booties. Which seemed wrong, you know--mixing two different kinds of elves like that. So now I knew Vicki was crazy.
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Adam Rex |
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f0d7ecb
|
Control was the basis of all humor. Even at its most innocent, what was a joke or a clever comment if not a way to take control? To become King of the Moment.
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Adam Rex |
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9f278b2
|
There's a little bit of magic in every box!
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magic
funny
|
Adam Rex |
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1756583
|
When we wants to do something but cannot, that is when we think. When our consciousness awakes up and stretches its arms. That is when we imagine, and plan, and dream about the undone thing.
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Adam Rex |
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f3d837d
|
The Fay have always preferred a good story over a well-thought plan.
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Adam Rex |
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e016e9c
|
My birth certificate says "Gratuity Tucci," but Mom's called me Turtlebear ever since she learned that "gratuity" didn't mean what she thought it did. My friends call me Tip. I"
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Adam Rex |
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ba6ee07
|
Mark Twain said the difference between the right word and the almost right word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning bug, and people think he was good, right? Didn't write any decent girl characters, as far as I can tell, but otherwise fine. The
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Adam Rex |
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f655eab
|
Director Tom Stone is currently a potato farmer in Holbrook and could not be reached for comment. RECORDING
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Adam Rex |
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ce9852a
|
I jerked my head at the billboard and asked J.Lo, "What is that thing even trying to sell me, anyway?" "Eh," said J.Lo as he tried to think of how to explain it. "Is a kind of strap for people whose eyes are too big. Aslike a bra for your face."
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Adam Rex |
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564a705
|
Everybodies always is wanting to make a clone for to doing their work. If you are not wanting to do your work, why would a clone of you want to do your work?
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Adam Rex |
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1ac8515
|
But this is what I also thought as I watched the waves of trash crash over the cracked and broken road: that for the rest of us, Arizona would always be one of our places now. It would be on the list of things we own in our heads. Don't we all have this list? It's like, everything that secretly belongs to us--a favorite color, or springtime, or a house we don't live in anymore. We all gained Arizona by coming here, but for the people who al..
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Adam Rex |
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554f431
|
The sky looked really great when nearly the entire country was blacked out. Of course, now it looked dangerous, too. I wondered if it would ever be just the night sky again, and not a black sea, full of sharks. Anyway,
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Adam Rex |
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e791fcc
|
Well, naturally, some of the animals must have escaped from the Wild World Animal Park, and part of it tried to remember if anyone in school ever told us what to do when faced with a lion; but no, of course they didn't, they were too busy teaching really useful things like the state capitals.
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Adam Rex |
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83c67c0
|
I grabbed a bottle of glass cleaner because it comforted me to hold something in my hand that had a trigger, such as it was. I
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Adam Rex |
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d918669
|
Once I was in a bicycle accident, and I lay in the street for a long time afterward. People surrounded me and wouldn't let me stand up until the paramedics arrived. When they did, they asked if I knew who the president was, and what state I lived in, and how much was three times seven. When I answered everything correctly they seemed pleased, so they asked my name and I said "Gratuity," and then they wouldn't let me up until I told them it ..
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Adam Rex |
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146fd87
|
So I sang the first Italian song that came into my head, which turned out to be "Volare." I'm sure I need not mention at this point that I am a rock star, and it sounded fantastic. J.Lo"
|
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Adam Rex |
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53c6788
|
Who wants a leader who wants to be leader?" And I could see his point there. I've always sort of thought we ought to keep a close eye on anyone who wants power over others."
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Adam Rex |
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9f9b6a2
|
Sejal had not often thought of her home, or of India as a whole, as cool. She was dimly aware, however, of a white Westerner habit of wearing other cultures like T-shirts--the sticker bindis on club kids, sindoor in the hair of an unmarried pop star, Hindi characters inked carelessly on tight tank tops and pale flesh. She knew Americans liked to flash a little Indian or Japanese or African. They were always looking for a little pepper to pu..
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Adam Rex |
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438f7f2
|
Aw, hewwo, widdle Chihuahua," she said. "Hewwo."
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Adam Rex |
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ba22442
|
J.Lo looked miserable. You wouldn't think you could tell that when a person's wearing a ghost suit, but you can.
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Adam Rex |
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46e89c1
|
Ohh!" said J.Lo. "Oooooh! My tummy!" I set him down. "Are you okay? I thought they missed us." "It...must not work on humans. Feel like i could marf....Like I could marf right out my poomp," J.Lo insisted."
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Adam Rex |
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9ae34be
|
I'm part fairy,' said John. There was a quiet pause, and he eyed the man. 'Is that a problem?' 'No, sir. The United States military is very accepting of that sort of thing nowadays.
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Adam Rex |
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06d960a
|
You know what's weird, though? It's weird that the ark would be such a kids' story, you know? I mean, it's...really a story about death. Every person who isn't in Noah's family? They die. Every animal, apart from the two of each on the boat? They die. They all die in the flood. Billions of creatures. It's the worst tragedy ever," I finished, my voice tied off by a knot in my chest. I'd been speaking too fast without breathing, and I sucked ..
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Adam Rex |
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c95cef8
|
You know that part in the story where the character thinks, I bet I didn't really see a ghost after all. I bet it was just a sheet. Wearing chains. Floating through our pantry. Shrieking. I bet it was just my imagination. You know how you always kind of hate characters who think that? You hate them, and you know you'd never be so stupid not to know a ghost when you saw one, especially when the title of your story is The Shrieking Specter, f..
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Adam Rex |