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12087b9
|
Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending."
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humor
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Eoin Colfer |
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d779382
|
We're being led by an idiot with a crayon.
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Eoin Colfer |
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f09bd37
|
Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?
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foaly
holly-short
orion
|
Eoin Colfer |
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8b1cb03
|
Sig Sauer. Nine millimetres. Thirteen in the magazine. Big bullets. One of these hits you and it could blow your head off; something even the magic can't fix. Other than that you should be all right, presuming you remembered to wear the regulation above-ground micro-fibre jumpsuit recently patented by me. Then again, being a Recon jock, you probably didn't.
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Eoin Colfer |
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026e3c4
|
Don't feel bad; I regularly reduce people to unintelligible stammers.
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Eoin Colfer |
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052da11
|
Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.
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men
future
inspirational
|
Eoin Colfer |
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c47eff8
|
Ah, yes, the trusty . If I go back in time and kill my grandfather, then shall I cease to exist? I believe, as Gorben and Berndt did, that any repercussions are already being felt. We can only change the future, not the past or present. If I go back, then I have already been back. - Artemis Fowl
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Eoin Colfer |
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a7a2903
|
HOLLY: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book? FOALY: No. I'm suggesting you do not own a copy of the rule book, and if you do, you have certainly never opened it.
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foaly
holly-short
|
Eoin Colfer |
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611c670
|
Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.
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humor
|
Eoin Colfer |
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e397849
|
So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?" "That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney." "Oh, really?" "O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?" "Very good. You should be on the stage." "It's funny you should mention that." The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually. . ." "Because my friend, Mr. McGuire, and I are also doing a stint in the Chri..
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Eoin Colfer |
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5877c2f
|
Who or what inspires you?" "I must admit that I often read my own articles in scientific journals and inspire myself."
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humour
inpiration
self-absorbed
|
Eoin Colfer |
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d9883f9
|
Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.
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|
|
Eoin Colfer |
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c7b56bb
|
Are you saying that you people knew about these amorophobots all the time?" "Of course we did. They attacked us in Iceland. Remember?" "No. I was unconscious."
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|
foaly
unconscious
iceland
|
Eoin Colfer |
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5529ba5
|
Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube?" "It's always cubes with you," noted Foaly, somewhat randomly. "What's wrong with a nice sphere?"
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Eoin Colfer |
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3205b23
|
There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.
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|
Eoin Colfer |
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5d373e2
|
I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.
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humor
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
f2a426f
|
Holly frowned at her. "Glad to see you've forgiven yourself so quickly." "Harboring feelings of guilt can have a negative affect on mental health." "Child geniuses," growled Holly. "Genii," said Minerva."
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minerva-paradizo
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
8418115
|
Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly."
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|
Eoin Colfer |
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61248c4
|
Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.
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|
Eoin Colfer |
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e5bc4f1
|
Earth," he began, ignoring the impulse to open his notes folder and count the words. He knew this lecture by heart. "Our home. She feeds us, she shelters us. Her gravity prevents us from flying off into space and freezing, before thawing out again and being crisped by the sun, none of which really matters, as we would have long since asphyxiated." Artemis paused for laughter and was surprised when it did not arrive. "That was a little joke...
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|
facepalm-humor
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
8488d6d
|
Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this. At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something like 'Any chance of another kiss later?
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humor
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
19686de
|
Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?
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Eoin Colfer |
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b17d90b
|
about Dr. Po) Just another quack spouting psychobabble.
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|
Eoin Colfer |
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ff59936
|
Foaly twitched his tail contentedly. Genius. No point in being humble about it.
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|
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
7425f8c
|
You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.
|
|
humor
juliet
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
4b77f0b
|
I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?
|
|
bivouac
date
trouble
holly
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
6f8267b
|
They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.
|
|
time
koboi
paradox
opal
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
ba52986
|
Card five hundred and thirty-four," repeated Artemis. "Of a series of six hundred standard inkblot cards. I memorized them during our sessions. You don't even shuffle." Argon checked the number on the back of the card: 534. Of course. "Knowing the number doesn't answer the question. What do you see?" Artemis allowed his lip to wobble. "I see an ax dripping with blood. Also a scared child, and an elf clothed in the skin of a troll." "Really?..
|
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humor
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
0c6ee22
|
Holly winked. 'Do I look like a fly boy to you, Fowl?' Artemis had to admit that she didn't. Captain Short was extremely pretty in a dangerous sort of way. Black-widow pretty. Artemis was expecting puberty to hit in approximately eight months, and he suspected that at that point he would look at Holly in a different light. It was probably just as well that she was eighty years old.
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|
|
Eoin Colfer |
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9e78e95
|
Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that."
|
|
sacrifice
touching
holly
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
a56a6d0
|
Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?
|
|
humor
butler
eoin-colfer
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
aeb17ea
|
Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen Annual Report Student: Artemis Fowl II Year: First Fees: Paid Tutor: Dr Po Language Arts As far as I can tell, Artemis has made absolutely no progress since the beginning of the year. This is because his abilities are beyond the scope of my experience. He memorizes and understands Shakespeare after a single reading. He finds mistakes in every exercise I administer, and has taken to chuckling gentl..
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|
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
93bc533
|
is a hundred percent accurate. Reality, however, is not as reliable.
|
|
|
Eoin Colfer |
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bba8fe6
|
Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.
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|
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
54894da
|
If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written
|
|
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
bf8c60a
|
Now I can do the bolts," she slurred. "I've been trying to focus enough magic all week." The magic shifted and swirled, finally etching a picture in the air. It was a rough picture of Foaly, and he was laughing. I hate you, centaur!" screamed Opal, lunging toward, and then through, the insubstantial image. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and then she collapsed, snoring, on the floor.
|
|
opal-koboi
eoin-colfer
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
f987d0a
|
But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart.
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|
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
8bc7c09
|
I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?!"
|
|
humor
mulch
theif
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
9d63e13
|
You don't understand!' Foaly objected. Trouble cut him off with a chop of his hand through the air. 'I never understand. That's why we pay you and your dork posse." Foaly objected again. 'They are not dorks!' Trouble found space for yet another holster. 'Really? That guy brings a Beanie Baby to work every day. And your nephew, Mayne, speaks fluent Unicorn.' 'They're not dorks,' said Foaly, correcting himself."
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|
nerds
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
4050e1d
|
The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.
|
|
lep
mud-boys
toilet
holly
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
c8ac0b8
|
A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder.
|
|
ladder
fall
pity
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
de205d8
|
Waitress: "And to drink?" Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water."
|
|
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
8bb2e5e
|
Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.
|
|
observations
|
Eoin Colfer |
|
38c36c0
|
Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. "Mmm," he mumbled around his tongue. "Horse. Tasty" "Let's go," said Foaly nervously. "Let's go right now."
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|
mulch
tasty
|
Eoin Colfer |