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With each new stage of life, we outgrow the strategies that worked for us at an earlier stage. We find ourselves in an environment that pelts us with more challenges than our current self can manage. If we don't grow bigger, we can become bitter. When our problems become too big for us, our healthiest response is to expand our capacities. That growth is qualitative. We become deeper, kinder to ourselves and others, and more capable of bliss..
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Mary Pipher |
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everything interesting happens at borders.
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Mary Pipher |
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Teresa was dying, she said, "I have worked for God all of my life and I know I will soon be dancing in heaven. But I wish I had danced more during my time on earth." No matter what situation she was"
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Mary Pipher |
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70ff6c0
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Of course, the world is not divided into two types of women: those who grow and those who don't. All of us fit into both groups almost every day of our lives. Some of the time, we are good copers and resilient human beings; in other moments, we are reactive and pessimistic. Pain, sorrow, and anger will always be with us. But with will, intentionality, and the right set of skills, we cna be happier over the long haul.
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Mary Pipher |
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64360c3
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Of course, the world is not divided into two types of women: those who grow and those who don't. All of us fit into both groups almost every day of our lives. Some of the time, we are good copers and resilient human beings; in other moments, we are reactive and pessimistic. Pain, sorrow, and anger will always be with us. But with will, intentionality, and the right set of skills, we can be happier over the long haul.
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Mary Pipher |
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f166e1e
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True grief never goes away. We learn to live with it. After a while our friends stop asking and we stop discussing our sorrows. It doesn't help us that much and we realize that almost everyone who we have confided in carries grief deep in their hearts too. We often decide that once again, our job is to cheer others up. Grief isn't just something to endure; it is also a reflection of our capacity to love. It allows us to understand the most ..
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loss
healing
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Mary Pipher |
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18e9a14
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Change may be gradual, but our realization of it comes in bursts.
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Mary Pipher |
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True grief never goes away. We learn to live with it. After a while our friends stop asking and we stop discussing our sorrows. It doesn't help us that much and we realize that almost everyone who we have confided in carries grief deep in their hearts too. We often decide that once again, our job is to cheer others up. Grief isn't just something to endure; it is also a reflection of our capacity to love. It allows us to understand the most ..
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grief
loss
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Mary Pipher |
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8dc8373
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When transitions happen and identities change , one of our greatest challenges is to find a new sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. That sounds simple, but it isn't easy. As my doctor brother observed when he retired fro health reasons, "You can just go out and buy a pound of purpose."...We construct meaning when we chose what to do, how to help, and what stories to tell ourselves."
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Mary Pipher |
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5eda0e7
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When transitions happen and identities change , one of our greatest challenges is to find a new sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. That sounds simple, but it isn't easy. As my doctor brother observed when he retired for health reasons, "You can just go out and buy a pound of purpose."...We construct meaning when we chose what to do, how to help, and what stories to tell ourselves."
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Mary Pipher |
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92beaa9
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Those who do not suffer become insufferable. Our depth comes from experiencing a wide range of emotions, including profound tragedy and our strength comes from that which could destroy us. As we grow from heartbreak, we increase out pain tolerance. As my friend Nora put it, "Leona's death prepared me for my son's burn accident, and that prepared me for this terrible moment when my sister is dying. I know how hard life can be, so I enjoy eve..
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Mary Pipher |
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dd5ea37
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Estelle doesn't wish she were married or had children, but sometimes she does wish she had someone to cook her meals and give her kisses. Instead, she walks Mingus, checks her Facebook, or reads blogs and news magazines.
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Mary Pipher |
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71a5854
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Education is teaching children to find pleasure in the right things.
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Mary Pipher |
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her realization that friendships were necessary for happiness,
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Mary Pipher |
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Most discussions about memory in older people concern deterioration and loss, but such discussions miss an important phenomenon. Our minds become less cluttered and more concerned with essentials. We develop deeper and more integrated memories. Where we put our cell phone or sunglasses is background. Foreground is a mix of memories about family, friends, history, turning points, and crucible moments.
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Mary Pipher |
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a20959a
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One of the great gifts of our later years is the possibility of authenticity, or what Margaret Fuller called the "radiant sovereign self," which comes from growing out of fears into wholeness."
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Mary Pipher |
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0b4ed80
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Bliss is an illuminating experience followed by a great feeling of acceptance and calmness. Joy and gratitude are part of this experience. We hold at the same time the deepest sorrow of the world and most exalted happiness. We experience the double nature of reality. ... One of the quickest pathways to bliss is to experience a life threatening illness. All of a sudden life's sweetness and tragedy unfurl before us. When we hear that we may o..
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Mary Pipher |
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1fb1967
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We don't see the world as it is, but rather as we are.
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Mary Pipher |
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We don't become our wisest selves without effort. Our growth requires us to become skilled in perspective taking, in managing our emotions, in crafting positive narratives, and in forming intimate relationships. We develop the skills of building joy, gratitude, and meaning into every day. By learning these lessons, we cultivate emotional resilience.
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Mary Pipher |
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ebceb2b
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At that time, our mothers were alive, our hair was brown, and we liked to stay up past midnight.
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Mary Pipher |
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24749f7
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Most of us met when we were in our vigorous thirties and forties. We were smart, energetic, and moving up. But now our energy was abating and we weren't moving up anymore. Our conversations were about health, vacations, retirement, and grandchildren.
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Mary Pipher |
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e10e765
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We wither, sag, wrinkle, crinkle, tatter, and become marked by life's events. Time and gravity, air and water wear us down, each into a unique and precious beauty, every bit as beautiful as a landscape or plant weathered by the seasons." --Stephanie Sugars"
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Mary Pipher |
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Dear sisters, I hope that we can experience bliss. I want us to sense how big life is--how intense, joyful, painful, complicated, and beautiful our lives can be. Let us embrace everything. This can be our rescue as we navigate this last stretch of the river with its treacherous currents, quicksand, deep clear waters, and silver sunsets.
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Mary Pipher |
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564bcb5
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Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can ... across the bridge that was built by your own
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Mary Pipher |
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desire to heal.
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Mary Pipher |
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Resilience is built by attention and intention.
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Mary Pipher |
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We can take responsibility for our attitudes and focus on our strengths and our joys.
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Mary Pipher |
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Sleeping beside a purring cat is the equivalent of three glasses of wine. Note: I just made that up, but, based on my experience, it seems about right.
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Mary Pipher |
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853e964
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This book focuses on the attitudes and skills we need in order to let go of the past, embrace the new, cope with loss, and experience wisdom, authenticity, and bliss.
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Mary Pipher |
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26727e8
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As long as we can do most of what we want to do, we are young-old age. When our health fundamentally changes the way we live, we have entered old-old age.
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Mary Pipher |
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90456b4
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The kinder you are to them the longer they last." Another woman asked, "What are you referring to?" Then, one by one, the rest of us chimed in, "Your knees," "Your bank account," "Your swimsuit," and "Your husband." How do we"
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Mary Pipher |
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Whether or not we have a family, we need to live interdependently with others. Our growth depends on interaction: isolation is the quickest path to stagnation.
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Mary Pipher |
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Suffering gives us empathy, while happiness gives us hope and energy.
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Mary Pipher |
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ac3793e
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We are the daughters of time, the children of mothers who fed us, rocked us, sang us songs, and kept us safe.
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Mary Pipher |
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141d3ba
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realized that the prayers had all been answered. Not by anything I did, nor necessarily by anything that happened to the people I was praying for, but rather because time had made those particular problems irrelevant. I was in a different era now. I had new problems
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Mary Pipher |
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9816e96
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we accept our grandchildren for the unique beings they are. This acceptance gives them the confidence to feel they are worthy of the deep love they are given. It helps them see the universe as safe.
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Mary Pipher |
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ebb49ce
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certain respect for resilience and the indefatigable nature of hope. Looking back on our own lives, we can see an endless cycle of crisis and growth.
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Mary Pipher |
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how did I choose my friends, what did I feel passionate about, what books I enjoyed and why, and what did I think my talents were?
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Mary Pipher |
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Great personal suffering can sometimes deepen our souls to the point they crack open and let in great beauty.
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Mary Pipher |
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My definition of wealth has varied across the years
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Mary Pipher |
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Building a good day is about making good choices involving our emotions, thinking, and behavior.
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Mary Pipher |
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Older people could see themselves as part of a circle of caring that begins with our oldest living relatives and flows down to the youngest baby.
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Mary Pipher |
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c620d05
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Unless carefully managed, a physical disability can become a social and emotional one. I didn't want to spend my life maintaining my health--I wanted to be fully alive and engaged with the world. I
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Mary Pipher |
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78220c5
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When clients focused on positive sensory memories, they often pictured their summer vacation on a beach or the aroma of their grandmother's cooking or the sound of music on a city street. These memories helped them put their pain from the past in perspective.
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Mary Pipher |