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This may be a part of your tendency to dichotomize, or to divide the world neatly into extremes such as black/white, yes/no, good/bad and right/wrong. Few things fit neatly into those categories and most intelligent folks roam around in those gray areas, rarely coming to rest on either black or white. This proclivity for being right is most clearly evidenced in marriage and other adult relationships. Discussions inevitably become a contest ..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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All rights and wrongs of every description represent shoulds of one kind or another. And the shoulds get in your way, particularly when they conflict with another person's need to have his own as well.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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The backdrop for virtually all neurosis is making others' behavior more significant than your own.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Think of yourself as too significant to live with anxiety about the things you have to do. So, the next time you know you are uncomfortable with postponement anxiety, remember that people who love themselves don't hurt themselves that way.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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d844e2e
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John Dryden called jealousy "the jaundice of the soul." If your jealousy gets in your way, and creates any amount of emotional immobility, then you can set as a goal the elimination of this wasteful thinking. Jealousy is really a demand that someone love you in a certain way, and you saying "It isn't fair" when they don't. It comes from a lack of self-confidence, simply because it is an other-directed activity. It allows their behavior to b..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Begin to view your emotional life as independent of whatever anyone else does. This will free you from the chains of being hurt when others behave differently from the way you want them to.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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ef0d4f5
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Carlos Castaneda calls a man of knowledge one who-- "Lives by acting, not by thinking about acting, nor by thinking about what he will think when he has finished acting...He knows that his life will be over altogether too soon; he knows, because he sees, that nothing is more important than anything else.... Thus a man of knowledge sweats and puffs and if one looks at him he is just like any ordinary man, except that the folly of his life is..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Replace the sentence "It isn't fair" with "It's unfortunate," or "I'd prefer..." Thus, instead of insisting that the world be other than it is, you begin to accept reality--but not necessarily to approve of it."
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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There you have the deferrer's delight. As long as you say maybe, or hope, or wish, you can use these as a rationale for not doing anything now. All wishing and hoping are a waste of time--the folly of fairyland residents.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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5db39c9
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Keep in mind that you have no responsibility to make others happy. Others make themselves happy. Thus, you may truly enjoy the company of another, but if you feel it is your mission to make them happy, then you are a dependent who will also feel gloom when the other person is down. Or even worse, you'll feel as though you let him down. You are responsible for your own emotions and so is everyone else. No one has control over your feelings, ..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Anger is not "only human." You do not have to possess it, and it serves no purpose that has anything to do with being a happy, fulfilled person. It is an erroneous zone, a kind of psychological influenza that incapacitates you just as a physical disease would. Let's define the term anger. As used in this chapter, it refers to an immobilizing reaction, experienced when any expectancy is not met. It takes the form of rage, hostility, striking..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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8f4491e
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Don't try to delude yourself into believing that you enjoy something that you find distasteful. You can dislike something and still not have to be angry about it.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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db96949
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You may have a social disease, one that will not go away with a simple injection. You are quite possibly infected with the sepsis of low-esteem, and the only known cure is a massive dose of self-love.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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5237470
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Once you recognize just how good you are, you won't have to have others reinforce your value or values by making their behavior conform to your dictates. If you're secure in yourself, you neither want nor need others to be like you. For one thing, you're unique. For another, that would rob them of their own uniqueness, and what you love in them are just those traits that make them special and separate. It begins to fit. You get good at lovi..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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The logic of being able to choose your self-pictures applies to all of the photographs of you that are lodged in your brain. You are as socially adept as you choose to be. If you dislike the way you behave socially, you can work at changing the behavior and not confusing it with your own self-worth.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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0cbe428
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Guilt is the most useless of all erroneous zone behaviors. It is by far the greatest waste of emotional energy. Why? Because, by definition, you are feeling immobilized in the present over something that has taken place, and no amount of guilt can ever change history.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Begin to view the past as something that can never be changed, despite how you feel about it. It's over! And any guilt that you choose will not make the past different. Emblazon this sentence on your consciousness. "My feeling guilty will not change the past, nor will it make me a better person." This sort of thinking will help you to differentiate guilt from learning as a result of your past."
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Nothing is more important than anything else. The child collecting seashells is not doing something more right or wrong than the President of General Motors making a major corporate decision. They are different. Nothing more!
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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6b8bfe0
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Who decides the rightness? That is the question that can never be answered satisfactorily. The law doesn't decide if it's wrong, only if it's legal.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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1449894
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If your life is better, it is because you have done something constructive to make it better.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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ea799e1
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As long as you feel that you have to do anything because it is expected of you in a particular relationship, and your doing it creates any resentment or your not doing it any guilt, you can count yourself as having work to do in this erroneous zone.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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186fe91
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Even if you are deliberately avoiding dominant people (parent, spouse, boss, child), you are still being controlled by them in their absence if you are experiencing emotional immobilization because of them.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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7eebac1
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Recognize your desire for privacy and not having to share everything you feel and experience with someone. You are unique and private. If you feel you must share everything then you are without choice, and of course, a dependent.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Healthy fulfilled people are free from guilt and all the attendant anxiety that goes with using any present moments in being immobilized over past events. Certainly they can admit to making mistakes, and they can vow to avoid repeating certain behavior that is counterproductive in any way, but they do not waste their time wishing that they hadn't done something, or being upset because they dislike something that they did at an earlier momen..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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These individuals are always enjoying simply because they see the folly of waiting to enjoy. It is a natural way of living, very much like that of a child or an animal. They are busy grabbing present-moment fulfillment, while most people spend their lives waiting for payoffs, and never being able to seize them.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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This lack of emotional involvement in problems makes them able to surmount barriers that remain insurmountable to others.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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For these people a problem is really only an obstacle to be overcome rather than a reflection of what they are or aren't as a person. Their self-worth is located within, and therefore any external concerns can be viewed objectively, rather than as in any way a threat to their value. This is a most difficult trait to understand, since most people are easily threatened by external events, ideas, or people. But healthy, independent people do n..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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They do not equate being successful in any enterprise with being successful as a human being. Since their self-worth comes from within, any external event can be viewed objectively as simply effective or ineffective. They know that failing is merely somebody else's editorial opinion and not to be feared since it cannot affect self-worth. Thus, they will try anything, participate just because it's fun, and never fear having to explain themse..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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When someone else has more privileges, they see that as a benefit to that person, rather than as a reason for being unhappy. When playing an opponent they want him to do well, rather than wishing a poor performance in order to win by default. They want to be victorious and effective on their own, rather than gaining through the shortcomings of others. They do not insist that everyone be equally endowed, but look inward for their happiness. ..
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy because of the thoughts that you have about the people or things in your life. Becoming a free and healthy person involves learning to think differently.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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You are the person responsible for how you feel. You feel what you think, and you can learn to think differently about anything--if you decide to do so.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Seize the present moment as the only one you have. And remember, wishing, hoping, and regretting are the most common and dangerous tactics for evading the present.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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03c1dc9
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You can be motivated out of a desire to grow rather than a need to repair your deficiencies. If you recognize that you can always grow, improve, become more and greater, that is enough.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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I encouraged people to cultivate a way of believing that could overcome the conditioned belief in their limitations.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Because I know that time is always time And place is always and only place And what is actual is actual only for one time And only for one place I rejoice that things are as they are
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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ec29501
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After a great deal of discussion and negotiations, I receive a telegram informing me that they are going to make an exception because I am a veteran who has become a gigantic pain in the ass.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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lose interest in seeking approval.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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allowing life's natural rhythm to flow unimpeded through you.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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Blaise Pascal, who said, "All man's troubles derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone."
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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My book is developing into a guide for cutting through a lifetime of emotional red tape. I've written it not because of my advanced educational training, but more in spite of it.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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18d147b
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I want people to trust in their own magnificence. My
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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17072ce
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see your role in the transformation of the planet.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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things that are forced grow for a while, but then wither away.
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Wayne W. Dyer |
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release the need to control your life.
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Wayne W. Dyer |