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Even if you're not broadcasting your personal life to the universe through social media, choose your confidants wisely and with discretion. Your ability to keep your personal details close to your vest will encourage others to feel that you are trustworthy enough to be trusted with their personal details.
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UN-Impressive Acts of Indiscretion * Forwarding other people's emails without getting permission. * Throwing other people under the bus to save yourself. * Talking loudly, being boorish and insensitive to the others around you. * Flagrant cheating. * Burning bridges. * Talking smack. * Dissing your competitor to your customer. * Oversharing and revealing too much personal information about yourself and others. * Breaking trust by sharing someone else's secrets. * Being passive-aggressive to manipulate a situation or person. * Saying one thing and doing another. * Being two-faced. * Lying by omission. * Dispensing bulls#@%!
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Earning Trust & Cooperation The number one thing which stands between you and meeting a new person is tension. What is the number one thing which stands between a sales person and their prospect? You guessed it . . . tension. One of our first priorities as we initiate a first impression must be to focus on how to effectively minimize or eliminate tension. Regardless of your relationship or venue, when tension is high, trust and cooperation are low. When tension is reduced, trust and cooperation increase. It is an inverse relationship. So, how can you move to reduce tension in your first impressions to increase trust and cooperation? Put yourself in their shoes and seek to relate to them with an equal footing on a level playing field. Demonstrate how you can bring value to their lives.
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"In our digital world today, handwritten notes are an "old school" way to make people feel important. Email is easy and Facebook birthday messages are now the norm, however, taking that extra step makes your efforts extra special. Whether it is a thank you note, birthday greeting, or a card of congratulations, taking the time to extend this personal consideration makes a person feel like you care. Be the surprise in someone's day and make them feel important."
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Indiscretion and poor judgment not only can destroy a positive first impression, they also can have lasting negative consequences for which there is no return. Even years into the future, moments of indiscretion in the past can come back to bite you when you least expect it.
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The best safeguards you have are to live with dignity, love, and self-respect, and to make choices you can be proud of in the first place. Even as an adult, I still think to myself--what would my mother say?
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Discretion is the Larger Part of Valor Discretion represents both your personal self-respect and the respect you have for other people. A discreet person has the wisdom to differentiate between good and bad, right and wrong, and favorable and unfavorable.
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"To Disclose or Not Disclose I just saw a poster: "Dirty laundry goes here (laundry basket) not here (Facebook logo)." Online and in person, withholding personal information is a discreet way of regulating what people learn, think, and know about you. There are times when keeping it real and keeping it honest will reveal your authenticity and trustworthiness, but there are other times, however, when things are better left unsaid or locked away. Hence the term TMI, meaning "Too Much Information!" Discretion is part of "keeping it real" in professional (and self) respect."
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Be a Discovery Expert. Be inquisitive. A wonderful way to get to know someone is simply by asking questions. The more you ask, the more you can learn . . . about people, work, life.
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Use Fun & Humor. Humor lightens spirits, comforts through a challenge, brings people together, engages, and entertains. Bring delight and joy to others and you will leave them wanting more.
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So, what if you are not naturally funny? Don't get discouraged. Do your research, gather ideas, and find your fun. Seek ways to laugh. Not only will doing this provide you with new material for making a great first impression, but laughter will bring you personal delight and satisfaction. Putting a smile on someone's face is one of the best gifts you can deliver.
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Discretion & Good Judgment . . . The flagrant lack of decorum, reckless behavior, and poor judgment exhibited in our world today continues to astound. Even those who never dreamed they'd be caught in their most embarrassing moments risk public exposure from the ever-present smart phones and non-stop social media.
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You are the only one who can determine what feels right to you. Before baring your soul to the world and telling it all, consider a few scenarios which deserve your discretion. * Does your date really need to hear what a jerk your ex was and why your marriage ended? * Will disclosing details of your childhood betray the people who love you the most? * Will disclosing your health history create unfair bias? * Will revealing the dysfunctions of your last team help you get that new job or improve the new team? * Will telling someone how you screwed up alienate their affection or friendship? * Will exerting your opinion alienate others and make them avoid you? * Will talking smack about your competitor build consumer confidence?
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Trust and rapport are essential for moving a positive first impression forward to create a meaningful and lasting connection. They are the heartbeat of business, the backbone for high performing teams, and the secret sauce for healthy relationships.
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I, however, typically trust people until they prove me wrong. As an energy-sensitive person with a highly intuitive nature, I pick up on clues as to whom I can trust or should be wary of. I will take my chances and continue living with my heart wide-open. Having faith in humanity and expecting the best from others improves my happiness and well-being.
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What are those behaviors that make us take pause to think twice about a person's trustworthiness? Guarded body language, lack of eye contact, nervous fidgeting, interrupting, speaking ill of others, lying, arrogance, and gossip to name a few.
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Trust and rapport are listed in that order because without first building trust, healthy rapport is not possible.
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We all know that person--the one who wakes up on the right side of the bed; the one who surely consumed a bowl of sunshine for breakfast; the one who asks how you're doing and means it. How do they emanate that much light? How can we also appear more friendly and personable? How can we be that light for others?
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"Is it possible to be friendly and engaging every day? Of course not. Everyone has their moments. I once read a quote from an anonymous author who said, "It's okay to have a bad day-- just don't unpack and live there." I love that. As an example, imagine waking up and stubbing your toe as you get out of bed. You can respond in one of two ways. You can allow it to start your day off on the wrong foot and go through the rest of your day in a bad mood--souring everything and everyone in your path. OR . . . you can say, "Oh great--sh*t happens, the day's got to get better from here!" Then set your intention to look for the good things that head your way for the rest of the day. You have the power to pick."
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If you want to impress someone with how much you know, the best thing you can do is talk to them about . . . them. People typically love to share their stories and are delighted when others show genuine interest in hearing about: their families, what they do for fun, their opinions, where they are going on vacation, their happiest memories, their hobbies, or even where they grew up.
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When you are genuinely interested, your authenticity reveals itself in your body language, attitude, facial gestures, eye contact, and overall responsiveness.
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"Years ago, my mentor, Mary Seals and I shared a mutual acquaintance who was successful in sales, but had a questionable reputation. I told her, "I really like him, but I can't trust him as far as I can throw him." Mary bluntly replied, "Susan, if I can't trust someone, I don't like or respect them. Her comment caused me to reconsider always giving people the benefit of a doubt and to instead be wary when someone demonstrates a lack of integrity."
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"Animation. Enthusiasm. Sincerity. Excitement. Acceptance. Have I just described your family dog? You're happy to see him because he is so happy to see you. It is no wonder dogs are called "Man's Best Friend" with attributes like that. Their natural propensity for joy makes them among the most personable and friendly creatures on the planet. Human beings could learn a thing or two from their eager and earnest approach to life."
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People who exude these qualities are treasures indeed--not only to the friends they make and strangers they meet, but to the companies who employ them.
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Think about the impact you have on the people around you every day. How do you interact with them? Is your presence uplifting or are do you bring a dark cloud?
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We can choose how we present ourselves to the world--and we should. From a sales perspective, who would you rather work with? Someone who is friendly and amiable or someone who is stiff and unyielding?
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Rather than trying hard to be interesting and focusing on yourself, turn your attention to filling that need in others.
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Strengthen your first impressions by making the intentional effort to first earn people's trust, and rapport will naturally follow.
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"Can I Trust You? Years ago, I heard Lou Holtz speak at a national conference. His rock-solid reputation preceded him--he is the only coach in the history of college football to take six different football teams to a bowl game. He is not only well-respected for his ability to elevate football programs, but to elevate individuals as well. During his humorous and entertaining keynote, he taught a few small lessons which carried big meanings. He shared that every person you meet is privately asking themselves three questions: 1. Do you care about me? 2. Do I like you? 3. Can I trust you? When you make an authentic, sincere, and dignified effort to create a positive first impression, you increase your chances of receiving a "Yes!" to those questions. Unfortunately, if someone you meet answers "No!" you've got an uphill battle to earn their business or develop a friendship."
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"The South is known for its "Southern Hospitality," and I feel fortunate to have grown up in such a friendly and caring culture. Our remarkable mother has always exemplified these qualities and has been a consistent role model for making other people feel valued and important. She will approach new people in most any situation to gift them with a smile and a moment of her time. Regardless of their role, position, or stature, she confidently engages others with animation, enthusiasm, and interest. Her gentility makes people feel emotionally safe and cared for. This degree of friendliness melts resistance, lowers barriers, and opens hearts by valuing humanity. Almost always, her personal connections develop with feelings of mutual respect, appreciation, and friendship."
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What About the Social Introvert? Perhaps you don't want to talk! Maybe you prefer to speak only when responding to another person. If you tend to be more reserved and less gregarious, the expression on your face will speak volumes. A pleasant expression and a genuine smile communicate friendliness and approachability that will lead you to a positive experience. Your body language engages--without words.
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Fine-tune your rebounding and resiliency skills. Teach yourself different ways to stay mentally in the moment by projecting a friendly and positive vibe in everything you do. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe. So be conscientious of your impact--it's powerful!
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Sometimes we break people's trust accidentally. An infraction such as not returning a phone call, missing a deadline, being late for an appointment, divulging a confidence, or speaking out of turn can damage our perceived character and reputation.
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The bottom line is that, as human beings, we all crave belonging and connection. This only happens when trust is established and continuously cultivated.
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When a leader nurtures an environment of trust, respect, and honesty--business soars, creativity and problem-solving are inspired, and collaboration enables people get more done in less time.
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"Top sales professionals will confirm that nurturing their "sphere of influence" is essential to their success. When trust and rapport are well cultivated, it can yield tremendous bottom-line results."
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Trust and rapport are the connective tissue for gaining and maintaining healthy relationships. They provide people with the comfort and reassurance that they are doing business with an organization who cares.
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Wise leaders know that being personable ad friendly is the highly-prized personality for employees who are meeting, greeting, and engaging on the front lines with customers. They are the real ambassadors of good will who make positive first impressions for the organization. Their affinity for being personable and friendly can boost the attractor factor for winning business, loyalty, and rave reviews.
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As soon as someone believes you cannot be trusted, you are stopped dead in your tracks. Whether this perceived loss of trustworthiness is true or false, the perception alone can be damaging.
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I've Got to Trust You to Like You People want to do business with people whom they like and trust. If anything in a business presentation raises concerns or doubt about your trustworthiness, everything shuts down. And then there's little hope of moving forward in a positive way--you're done.
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"Going with Your Gut Your natural instincts are a great barometer for a person's trustworthiness. Listen to your gut when something feels amiss. When your natural "Spidey-Sense" kicks in, it may alerting you to red flags you would not see on the surface otherwise."
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10 Ways to Be More Personable and Friendly 1. Listen more than you speak. 2. When you do speak, ask questions of the other person before volunteering your own story. 3. Show a genuine interest in what the other person has to share. 4. Keep the focus on the other person. People love to talk about themselves--their kids, their significant other, their pets, their job, etc. 5. Keep a positive attitude, a smile, and eye contact. 6. Be the glue that holds the conversation together. And learn to be the glue that keeps other groups of people together. 7. Laugh at other people's jokes. 8. Take the initiative to say hello and introduce yourself. 9. Get in tune with other people's emotions. 10. Embrace small talk as a positive way to begin new conversations.
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"While some may consider being friendly an appealing personality trait, I challenge you to see it as a valuable skill. In a world where we are continuously bombarded with negativity and anxiety is at an all-time high, a warm and friendly person is a welcome relief. Training yourself to be the friendly "calm in the storm" makes you a true asset to your business, your family, and your community."
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Is it better to be interested or interesting? Good question. People will be more interested in you when you first demonstrate that you are interested in them.
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Be fiercely curious about who they are, what they do, what they like, and what they need. If you pay attention to them, they will pay attention to you.
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communication skills, quotes by Susan C Young, relationship quotes, trust, speaker Susan Young, first impressions quotes, best motivational speakers, best keynote speakers, curiosity and being interested, customer service quotes
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When trust is broken, foundational cracks occur which weaken the entire relationship. As with concrete, no amount of filling and patching you apply with the hope of fortifying the fracture will ever repair the weakness caused by the rift.
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Take steps to be humble, sincere, and authentic, and apologize if necessary. If a relationship is valuable to you, it is worth your concern and effort to make it right.
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As you rock rapport, you will open doors, earn loyalty, establish long-term relationships, and promote mutually respectful interaction. How can you break the ice and move toward creating a positive connection?
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For leaders, trust can make all the difference in the viability of their teams. When there is mistrust or low connectivity, teams can falter and fight--making productivity and profitability suffer.
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How Can You Show You Are Interested? * Pay close attention. * Ask how you can help. * Ask probing questions. * Practice great listening. * Invite people to participate. * Express curiosity without judgment. * Find a way to help others achieve their goals. * Keep your mind open to innovative ideas. * Make introductions and connect like-minded people. * Get to know people first before talking about yourself. * Consider how and why they feel/think/believe as they do.
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When we trust someone or something, we place our faith and confidence in their word, reliability, and deeds. Without trust and rapport, a relationship can be cut short before it ever gets started.
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People consider trust differently. Some approach a new relationship with a degree of skepticism and want the other person to earn their trust before it is freely given. Their reluctance is often influenced by a previous experience when they were hurt, betrayed, or let down by others.
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11 Tips for Building Rapport 1. Adapt to the other person's energy level. 2. Assume rapport. 3. Be open and friendly. 4. Exude warmth and approachability. 5. Find common ground or mutual agreement. 6. Keep your commitments and always follow through. 7. Make eye contact. 8. Soften your voice, your smile, and your eye contact to convey openness and interest. 9. Match and mirror a person's gestures and body language. 10. Pay attention. 11. Validate the other person by asking questions and showing sincere interest in their answers.
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These special people are genuinely warm, sincerely kind, and put people at ease with their inviting nature and light-hearted conversation. They are easy to talk to, easy to like, and bring a positive vibe to even the most stressful situations.
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Are you the one who strives to brighten other people's days or are you the one waiting for others to do that for you? These are choices that can and do make a huge difference in the value you bring to the table, personally and professionally.
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"From a leadership lean, are you the BOSS that creates fear and rules with an "iron fist" or are you a LEADER who listens and connects with your team members to create a culture where collaboration and creativity can thrive?"
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It is easier to do business and work with people who are most like ourselves.
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"Strategic Commonality "Social media has capitalized on helping people find others who share their similar interests, shared experiences, and common passions. With social media, we are easily able to target potential customers who would be ideal for our business pursuits and professional development."
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What gives you your sense of importance and makes you feel special? Who and what bring out the best in you? What does it take to make you feel like a million bucks and ready to take on the world? When people make you feel important, doesn't it elevate them in your eyes? Learn to do the same for others.
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"We all have an innate desire to feel important, be special, and feel appreciated. Considering the universal drive to have those needs met, it is one of your best ways to move past making a positive first impression and turn it into a lasting one"."
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The Gift that Keeps on Giving I once had a lovely real estate client named Jane who was an elderly lady living alone. Her sons lived far away in the Pacific Northwest and she rarely saw them. I became her Realtor when she decided she needed to down-size from her larger home and buy a smaller one. Throughout this transition, we would talk, laugh, share, and bond. After we successfully completed her transactions and got her comfortably situated in her new home, I stayed in touch to nurture our friendship. Over a year later, I got a call from her son in Seattle who was calling to inform me that his mother had passed away. And at the reading of her will it was revealed she had requested that when it the time came to sell the property in her estate, they were to call Susan Young. By making her feel special and important, I earned not only her friendship, but her loyalty and continued business.
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It can be a mean world; sadly, there is no shortage of rude people. Throughout my travels, I pleasantly discovered that if you are friendly to others, they will usually mirror the same in return. Regardless of which cities or countries I visit, the majority of people I encounter tend to be friendly, personable, and caring.
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Most people want, need, and respond positively to gestures of kindness and goodness. This universal friendliness connects humanity.
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By taking a personal interest in other people's lives, you are demonstrating selflessness, grace, and respect.
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ASK YOURSELF: Your closest friends want to know all about the details of your life and want to hear what is happening in your life. How can you be that type of person for others?
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If you truly want to impress someone, remember points they shared in previous conversations and mention it when you reconnect.
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When you ask people about themselves, are you just being polite or do you truly want to know? When you focus your intention and questions on them, it makes them feel special and valued. However, if you don't sincerely want to know, it can backfire as appearing insincere.
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"Encouraging quality communication will make it easier for you to establish rapport, gather information, and increase understanding. You can use this "fishing" technique for personal relationships, social events, sales calls, and professional correspondence."
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"A closed-ended question, however, is one which could be answered with a one-word answer or a simple "yes" or "no." It can bring a dynamic dialogue to an awkward halt or stalemate. You can easily flip the encounter around by making a little more effort."
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When you sincerely want to connect on deeper levels and encourage other people to talk about themselves, use open-ended questions to stimulate your conversation and get the ball rolling.
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Socrates would teach his pupils by asking them intelligent and probing questions. By using their critical thinking skills and problem-solving abilities, they could discover the answers for themselves and retain their lessons longer. By using this same approach for Socratic Selling or Socratic Communication, there is no telling how much you might teach and solve for another person, all the while creating a memorable encounter.
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So, how can you move beyond awkward silence with virtual strangers to becoming new friends? By asking great questions! Once a few inquiring questions were placed, I would let them do all the talking.
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Once you start looking, you will discover unlimited links and openers for nurturing camaraderie. Do you drive the same car? Did you attend the same college? Do you both write with your left hand? Love vacationing in Paris? Prefer sushi over pasta? Both have twins? Attend the same church? Each run marathons? Enjoy the same television shows? Have the same breed of dog? While downright basic, these shared commonalities can often bring a sense of familiarity and affection even for people whom you have never met.
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I recently heard of a real estate professional who LOVES to cook. So, her niche market? Foodies. She attends local restaurant events and cooking classes and turns strangers into friends and clients. Her closing gift to new homeowners? A recipe box. Then she sends new recipe postcards every month to tuck inside. Isn't that a smart way to stay connected in a meaningful way?
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In our high-tech world today, there are unlimited ways with which you can search for people, places, and events to connect you with like-minded people. Food enthusiasts? There are local cooking classes. Gardening fans? There are flower shows and garden expos. Kids in school? Join the PTA and get involved. There are clubs and groups for almost any interest these days and venturing out to make those connections is a powerful way to expand your insights, your network, and even your business.
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When all else fails, Mother Nature has provided you with a great social default for finding commonality with others. Since weather is a universally shared experience, it enables you to jump into a conversation with anybody and everybody. While discussing the weather may sound boring, trite, and predictable, it is a safe and the certain ice-breaker that can help you build commonality regardless of who you are addressing. As I write this, we have icy rain! It's never a boring topic.
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"Professional Networking "The first week I lived in Madison, WI, I sought a local chapter meeting for ATD (Association for Training Development). Having belonged to the same organization in Florida, I knew it would be a comfortable way to meet new people and make new friends. Knowing we would have a lot in common, I entered the room of strangers feeling confident and hopeful. As everyone took turns introducing themselves, it was easy to see our common denominators. I briefly mentioned that I was new to the area, was a professional speaker, and a member of the National Speakers Association. Within minutes of mentioning NSA, a fellow participant approached me, shared that she was a member too, and our lively conversation began. The positive first impression we made on each was so powerful and captivating that we continued our conversations for months to come. Now, two years later, Tina and I are the best of friends and I have every confidence we will be for life. You never know when an amazing person will walk into your life when you seek common bonds and camaraderie."
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"Instant Access "When my twins were born, I moved abruptly from being a professional career woman to a full-time, stay-at-home mom. The role shift opened a new door of commonality which surprised and delighted me. I was instantly welcomed into a special "Motherhood Club," where before I never would have related. It felt as if I was suddenly bonded with mothers worldwide. It's important to remember--nothing stays the same, nor do we."
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"Memory Makes Magic Happen "Have you ever been away from someone for a while and when you are reunited after a long absence, they ask about something or someone whom you talked about previously? My friend Teresa Palm is an amazing massage therapist. Months can go by between our appointments, however, without missing a beat, she can start up our conversations exactly where we left off ages ago. Her memory has always impressed me and demonstrated that she is interested enough to remember things which were meaningful to me. She always conveys a sincere interest which makes me feel great."
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A wise business practice is to become a prolific note-taker if you aren't already. When you've had a great conversation or interaction with someone--whether it is on a conference call, Skype, in a meeting, or even in passing--jot down a note or two about your time together. Then you can reference it the next time you see each other or speak again. Since most of us don't have as extraordinary a memory as my friend Teresa Palm, taking notes is a smart and easy way to show that you are interested and care.
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Show Them You CARE. In the business world, mastering conversational skills and paying attention to the details can take you to the top and help keep you there!
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"Teddy Roosevelt has been credited with saying, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Think about that from a sales perspective."
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"We've all known that one salesperson whose primary motivation in a transaction is to earn a commission--regardless of their customer's needs. From their body language to their self-driven talking points to the "close three times and then some" techniques-they come across as egocentric and uncaring."
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On the other hand, when presented with a service-minded professional who strives to deliver the best possible experience, aren't you duly impressed? They are genuinely interested in learning about your wants, needs, and desires to help ensure you achieve your goals. They are the kind of person you'll turn to again and again--not only for your own business but to refer to others as well.
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Be inquisitive. You already know what you know. A straightforward way to learn something new is simply by asking questions. The more you ask, the more you can learn . . . about life and work, about other people, and about yourself.
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Open-ended questions open doors for new discoveries and opportunities. They encourage others to speak their truths, share their experiences, and express their ideas.
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In medicine, prescription before diagnosis is malpractice. Asking the right questions will help you discover a person's needs and concerns so that you can respond intelligently and appropriately. Yet salespeople, consultants, or managers often try to push their solutions on you before they even know what your needs are. This is a fast way to alienate people and push you toward their competitor, isn't it?
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Use questions to find out where people are, where they want to be, and how you can help them cross the great divide. When I was in real estate, there were times when brand new clients would get into my car for a day of touring and house hunting. In many cases, I had never met them before. My first goal was to break the ice and build rapport as fast as possible so that our time together would be enjoyable, interactive, and successful for all of us.
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People love to talk about themselves. When you provide them with an opening and a platform for them to do so, you will be amazed by how your conversations can blossom.
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"What do you do? It's amazing how people will qualify, quantify, judge, assess, and form complete opinions about you based on that one age-old question. It is a boring, uncreative default setting for attempting to engage a new person. Spice it up and try something new. Instead, ask "What do you do for fun?" Your creativity will make you more memorable and help you stand apart from the crowd."
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"Tell me about yourself" is one of the best icebreakers and conversation openers you can have. Learn to ask questions using this phrase as the guide. Let the other person do the talking and they will think you are the most delightful conversationalist they have ever met. When you make the effort to do this for others, they feel relevant and valued."
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"11 Benefits of Asking Questions "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing." - Albert Einstein 1. Builds rapport. 2. Nurtures creativity. 3. Grows your knowledge and awareness. 4. Exercises critical thinking and problem-solving skills. 5. Makes the other person feel valued. 6. Helps you make thoughtful decisions. 7. The better our questions, the better our answers. 8. Keeps you agile and open to new ideas. 9. Improves your memory and retention. 10. Helps you stay informed and relevant. 11. Enables you to discover a new world of possibilities you would not have known otherwise." --
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Finding commonality with another person can help you create an instant bond by transcending social differences and going straight to creating rapport. Finding common ground allows you to connect the dots in the big picture to discover what feels most comfortable, how to connect, and where you might fit in when meeting new people.
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When people are like you, conversations flow naturally and feel more relaxed, don't they? You know what to say, how to talk, what to expect, and how to understand them on an intuitive level.
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Wouldn't it be wonderful to enjoy this level of simplicity in all relationships, regardless of differences? You can. Begin taking the initiative to find common ground with others and you will soon lay solid foundations on which to build great first impressions.
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"The romantic notion of "opposites attract" works well in fairy tales. However, science proves that "like attracts like" for healthy communication and successful relationships. Social psychologists have long relied upon the "Similarity Attraction Theory" to explain why we are more positively inclined toward people who are the most like ourselves. Similarity reduces uncertainty and gives us a comforting degree of psychological safety. It is no wonder, then, that "birds of a feather flock together." Our tribe understands our vibe."
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Establishing social certainty helps you build trust, develop rapport, and strengthen your connection. However, the right questions might lead you to find a niche of commonality in someone who is very different from you. It can be professionally and personally rewarding.
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"Along with the "Law of Attraction" there is also an "Attractor Factor" for easily building camaraderie and commonality for making a positive first impression. Seek to find: 1. Shared History 2. Shared Stories 3. Shared Interests 4. Shared Attitudes 5. Shared Experiences 6. Shared Beliefs and Values"
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Identifying, developing, and connecting on these points of reference will provide you with a rich resource of information from which to engage in stimulating conversations and connect on meaningful levels.
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"This insightful quote I once heard stays with me: "Tell me what gives you your sense of importance and I will tell you what you are. That is the most important thing about you. That is what determines your character." Some people get their sense of importance through their charitable works and community service. Some get it through the diplomas on their walls and the letters behind their names, while others may get their sense of importance from the cars they drive, the balance in their bank accounts, or the size of their homes. Different strokes for different folks. Regardless of what their motivators may be, notice what a person's hot button is and you will have the key to nurturing your new relationship in a positive way."
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13 Ways to Make Other People Feel Important 1. Ask people questions about themselves, their interests, their families, their passions and their lives. 2. Catch people doing things right, pat them on the back, and acknowledge them for a job well done. 3. Celebrate their successes. 4. Be lavish in your compliments and sincere in your praise. 5. Be appreciative and say thank you. 6. Listen with genuine interest. 7. Respect their opinions. 8. Encourage people with words of affirmation and validation. 9. Brag about people behind (and in front of) their backs. 10. Make the time and space to be fully present and engaged. 11. Spend quality time together. 12. Share your authentic self and be real. 13. Offer comfort and compassion.
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"Every time a new client hires me for a keynote, workshop, or coaching session, the first questions I ask them are, "What are the 3 top challenges your organization is dealing with? What are your goals? What problems would you like for me to help solve?" Using their own answers, I am able to design a program that is customized specifically around their needs. It takes the focus off of Susan and centers my complete attention toward making them feel important."
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Find Your Funny Bone . . . Life provides plenty of material for things for you to laugh at. Seek irony, coincidence, and the abundance of simple humor in life's little absurdities.
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Check Your Ego at the Door. A big part of creating valuable, long-term connections requires setting your ego aside. For some, it's a struggle to not be the center of attention, of the conversation, or of the universe! People feel more valued, respected, and connected when they feel seen and heard. And that's hard to do if it's always all about you. Once you get into the practice of connecting and communicating with people in a way that draws them to you, conversations will be more engaging, and the end result is much more rewarding.
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Whether you master the art of asking questions to become a skilled communicator, start conversations, or to connect in a more meaningful way, questions can help you build rapport and strengthen relationships.
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Curiosity adds depth to what you know and to your life experience.
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Well-crafted and open-ended questions typically begin with What, Why, When, Who, How, and Where, all of which can prompt the most delightful of conversations.
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In sales, this tactic comes across as pushy, arrogant, and uncaring. It doesn't have to be this way. Admittedly, it may take great restraint to resist the temptation to dominate a conversation, but when you do, you are rewarded with an appreciation for your interest and attentiveness. Simply by changing your approach and becoming a discovery expert, you will receive relevant answers for how to better connect and serve others.
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Push versus Pull Marketing. Who wants to be pushed around? I certainly don't. Statements push and questions pull. Don't you prefer the latter? Questions pique interest and can keep the dialogue flowing when your other alternatives aren't as attractive or magnetic.
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Watch, Listen, & Learn . . . Broaden your sense of humor by watching funny movies and shows, reading funny books, visiting live comedy shows, or enjoying YouTube clips.
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Let Sleeping Dogs Lie When I hear someone expressing an adamant opinion which is diametrically opposed to my own, I have a strong temptation to try to convince them otherwise. But what value is there in attempting to prove another person wrong? How would that solve anything?
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Use Discretion & Good Judgment. Don't share your most embarrassing moments with public exposure. Doing what is right is not always easy and can require uncommon courage. Be brave my friends, living right is its own reward.
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Make Others Feel Important. We all have an innate desire to feel important, be special, and feel appreciated. In your words and behavior help others feel important.
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The dictionary defines discretion as the quality of showing discernment, the ability to make responsible decisions, and behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense to others or revealing private information. Doing what is right is not always easy and can require uncommon courage. Be brave my friends, living right is its own reward.
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The variety of political positions shared on Facebook in the 2016 Presidential Election was both entertaining and, sadly, destructive. I observed friends of a lifetime divide into different camps and sacrifice their friendships through argument and debate. As an avid reader and political junkie, I had to hold myself back from expressing my opinions or presenting factual evidence which would obliterate others' claims. Why would I jump into the fray? All it would do is hurt the friendship. Rarely does arguing political positions change an opinion or belief.
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Be Personable & Friendly. People who are genuinely warm and sincerely kind are easy to talk to, easy to like and bring a positive vibe to new encounters and social situations.
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Choose the Happy Side of Life. Seek ways to bring humor, laughter, and joy to work. It will not only make work more fun, but it can positively impact your bottom line.
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"Usually this kind of self-serving "honesty" will sabotage your success. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Realize that sometimes your own words can, and probably will, come back to be used against you."
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Have you met people who are so set on exerting their position that they are oblivious to the feelings of others? That their being right is more important than being kind? We all must consider which stance is the most beneficial. Might I suggest . . . kindness?
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Why do some people feel the need to throw a person's errors or weaknesses in their face or criticize their shortcomings? What benefit can they possibly receive from proving someone wrong to prove they are right? This level of insensitivity and self-centeredness leaves collateral damage in its wake and destroys positive impressions.
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"The Truth Can Hurt . . . "Honesty is one of your most valuable virtues, however, when used without discretion, it can reap unfavorable repercussions."
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Expand Your Repertoire . . . Professional humorists and comedians, like Jeanie Robertson, maintain joke files filled with assorted topics, anecdotes, and titles. When something outrageously funny happens, she makes a note of it, puts it away, and saves it for the day she can integrate it into her hilarious presentations.
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Humor can heal the heart, instill hope, bring people together, and remind them that life isn't meant to be so doggone serious. Why not use it for good? There is no denying that humor's uplifting, energizing, and positive impact can transform lives for the better.
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The irony is that their enthusiasm for personal revelation can backfire badly and have the opposite effect. People become their own worst enemies and don't need anyone else's help in making themselves the brunt of gossip, judgment, and ridicule. A person who overshares demonstrates a lack of dignity, maturity, and discrimination, and it may also be a strong indicator of self-absorbed narcissism and exhibitionism.
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"Mary Kay Ash, the founder of the Mary Kay Cosmetic empire, taught her teams that most people have a sign hanging around their necks that says, "Make me feel special." Answer that need in others through nurturing words, deeds, and actions, and you will be amazed by the ease with which people respond to you. What can you do to make other people feel special?"
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Many salespeople make the mistake of talking about how great they are and what they bring to the table. If they would simply take a breath, shift their mindset, and instead present ways to help solve their client's problems, they would capture more new business.
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"Most everyone has the classic question stamped on their forehead that asks, "What's in It for Me?" It is not a matter of being self-centered, arrogant, or narcissistic; it is simply a natural and instinctive response to gauge how we are going to best interact and deal with another person."
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Clown Around . . . Nancy Weil of The Laugh Academy gives people she meets red clown noses and shows them how to use them. Promoting laughter as a cure for stress and negativity, she makes a positive and memorable impact and gives others permission to play.
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Know your audience! With the high level of cultural sensitivity these days, it is often better to err on the side of caution. If you don't want your humor to come back and bite you, don't hurt one person to entertain another. We can have humor without making fun of other people.
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"I have noticed generational humor exists as well. Since our frames of reference and cultural influences vary, there is a lot of room for misinterpretation and the potential to not "get it."
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Don't try to make a joke just to make a joke. Sometimes, as human beings, we so want to fit in and connect that we try TOO hard to be something we are not. It's okay if you're not the life of the party. It's fine if you're not a stand-up comedian. Just be you. Real life provides real humor when we're paying attention to it. Share what makes you laugh.
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Think of fun ways you can connect with your business or social circles. When you're with your tribe--or like-minded people--they'll laugh and learn right alongside you.
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There will be times when you would be wise to err on the side of caution. And rather than making a magnificent misstep, zip your lip and bite your tongue for personal and professional self-preservation.
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Zip Your Lip & Bite Your Tongue The discreet communicator knows when it's time to speak and when it's time to listen. He conscientiously refrains from opening a topic of discussion if it is bad timing or inappropriate. He will stop, look, learn, and listen for cues to ensure he doesn't get caught with his foot in his mouth.
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Commonality & Camaraderie. By identifying, developing, and connecting powerful points of reference to others, you will have a rich resource of information from which to engage in stimulating conversations and connect on amazing levels.
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"Having a sense of humor can be one of your greatest assets and equip you with an undeniable "attractor factor." The benefits extend far past a quick wit and spontaneous laughter. It can help you lower stress levels in yourself and others, diffuse difficult situations, interact more easily, and provide health benefits for improved well-being."
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Humor lightens our spirits, comforts us through the challenge, brings people together, and helps us to remember the positive sides of life. When your presence and personality bring this welcomed delight and joy to others, you are a pleasure to know and you leave them wanting more.
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"When I was a young and aspiring speaker, I sought mentorship from a man who had been a Dale Carnegie trainer for decades. Eagerly wanting to know how to improve my stage presence and build my career, I contacted Dr. Joe Carnley in Destin, Florida and invited him out to lunch. After we placed our order at the Harbor Docks Restaurant, he dove right in and gave me some of the best advice of my life. He said, "Susan, you have to make them laugh! When they leave your presentations, you want them to feel better and leave happier than when they came in. Help them enjoy your time together." He continued to describe the magical power that humor has over the human spirit. When we craft humor into our speeches, we can take our audiences on a journey they will never forget. Immediately after our delightful lunch ended, I drove straight to a Books-a-Million store and headed for the humor section. Since I was not a particularly funny person, I needed all the help I could get. For over an hour I stood there reading titles, flipping through funny books, and enjoying outrageous belly laughs, giggles, and snorts. People were staring, and probably thinking, "I want what she is having!" The humor section was one of the smallest in the entire bookstore, but it may well have been the most important. When I turned around, I noticed the opposite aisle was the "Self-Improvement" section. It ran half the length of the store and displayed hundreds of books. At that cathartic moment, I had a huge "Ah-Ha" moment."
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If people would read more of these humor books, they wouldn't need all those self-improvement books!
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Oversharing Why do some people feel the need to share their deepest, darkest secrets with complete strangers or on social media? How could saying too much, too soon possibly help their case or earn the respect of others? Perhaps their insatiable need to share every sordid detail of their existence satisfies a yearning to get attention, gain sympathy, or make friends.
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Life wasn't meant to be so serious. Enjoy life, be fun, spend time with people who make you happy, widen that smile, and laugh out loud. Learn to laugh at yourself.
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How's your humor? What can you do to have more humorous lines to use in the right place at the right time? I highly recommend it! Laughter is the best medicine indeed. Not only will you enjoy the experience yourself, but the people around you will enjoy the entertainment.
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"When Humor Falls Flat "Humor is not a "one-size fits all" guarantee. What is hilarious to one person may be offensive to another. By being emotionally intelligent and self-aware, you can discern how, when, why, or where to be funny . . . or not. You might be walking on thin ice and risk making a damaging first impression if you use humor that is: * At the expense of others. * Thoughtless sarcasm. * Belittling or condescending. * Hitting below the belt. * Creepy or profane. * Raunchy humor with sexual innuendo. * Politically incorrect. * Mean-spirited."
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relationship-quotes
communication-skills
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Susan C. Young |