|
772cba7
|
Like all terrible golfers, Dr. Remond Courtney believed that nothing was too extravagant for his game. He wore Arnold Palmer sweaters and Tom Watson spikes, and carried a full set of Jack Nicklaus MacGregors, including a six-wood that the Golden Bear himself couldn't hit if his life depended on it.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
b5200bb
|
If God was my co-pilot, Yancy once groused to Burton, I'd have the fucking pedal to the metal soon as I left the garage.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
4ed4f22
|
Whether he's still a threat to innocent doors remains to be seen. By
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
0f8f928
|
Wahoo's father had absolutely no use for creeps who beat on small animals, especially kids.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
2f61cb7
|
ass
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
cd03254
|
A.Q., Keyes remembered, stood for Asshole Quotient. Skip Wiley had a well-known theory that the quality of life declined in direct proportion to the Asshole Quotient. According to Wiley's reckoning, Miami had 134 total assholes per square mile, giving it the worst A.Q. in North America. In second place was Aspen, Colorado (101), with Malibu Beach, California, finishing third at 97.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
e5dca3c
|
dollars!
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
8d38e19
|
The detective had moved to Fort Lauderdale from St. Paul because his wife had inexplicably yearned to experience humidity.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
1d22835
|
Donald Trump. I
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
f780951
|
I wouldn't trust the guy alone with my bowling ball, that's what a horndog he is.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
b2c61cd
|
Stranahan told her not to mistake arrogance for pride. "A guy like Chaz can revive his ego with the palm of his hand."
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
39acc71
|
Wouldn't it be a treat, Chaz thought, to have just one goddamn day when nobody fucked with my head?
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
c986ec4
|
One more crash," he'd warned my dad, "and you're fired." The guy acting like"
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
0186ae5
|
Nobody with a living brain cell goes into the newspaper business for the money. They're in it because digging up the truth is interesting and consequential work, and for sheer entertainment it beats the hell out of humping product for GE or Microsoft.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
299f355
|
Garrett said, "Dude, here's the killer--Dana told 'em he was you!" "Oh, nice." "What a butthead, huh?" "And they probably believed him," Roy said. "Not even for a minute." "Was he alone?" Roy asked. "Anybody else get arrested?" Anybody like Beatrice Leep's stepbrother? he wanted to say. "Nope. Just him," Garrett said, "and guess what--he's got a record!" "A record?" "A rap sheet, dude. Dana's been busted before, is what the cops told my mom..
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
ee527b8
|
Eugenie Fonda sat on the balcony of her sixth-floor room, fanning her freshly painted toes and watching the sun melt like sorbet into the Gulf of Mexico. Her third Bacardi was sweating cool droplets that snaked down her bare tummy.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
2bd9c71
|
The vista from atop the poinciana was timeless and serene--a long string of egrets crossing the distant 'glades; a squadron of white pelicans circling a nearby bay; a pair of ospreys hovering kitelike above a tidal creek. It was a perfect picture and a perfect silence.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
3e3e6c7
|
determined
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
36172f0
|
The Curse of the Iguana," he muttered to himself, slouched in the rain."
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
6c1ee5d
|
What happened to your eye, young lady?" "I fell down the stairs. What happened to your hair?"
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
2e9a3d5
|
Her affliction was one of the heart, not the brain. She felt things too deeply and acted on those feelings, and for that there was no known cure. It would explain why all those medicines never worked.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
9a8f84d
|
ass.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
13f52b4
|
devastated
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
d1681d6
|
Derek wants to do this totally wild and raw." "Slow and dumb doesn't mix with wild and raw." "Thanks for your input, Mr. Cray." "Seriously. The man almost got killed by the world's laziest alligator."
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
80fd1d8
|
I fell down the stairs. What happened to your hair?" Raven's face purpled. "I don't know what you mean."
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
a127728
|
Wahoo feared he would be killed.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
32422a0
|
At heart Chaz Perrone was irrefutably a cheat and a maggot, but he had always shunned violence as dutifully as a Quaker elder. Nobody who knew him, including his few friends, would have imagined him capable of homicide. Chaz himself was somewhat amazed that he'd actually gone through with it.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
a3fe13c
|
Charles Regis Perrone was a biologist by default. Medical school had been his first goal--specifically, a leisurely career in radiology. The promise of wealth had attracted him to health care, but as a devoted hypochondriac he was repelled by the idea of interacting with actual sick people.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
d1e4eee
|
Honey's outlook on men was sinking to a point of abject revulsion. The day was new, yet she'd already been ridiculed by a soulless twit and kidnapped by a reeking pervert.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
1015aa9
|
It's hopeless, Honey told herself. The cocky telephone hustler would go home to Texas unchanged, as vapid and self-absorbed as ever. That a dolt so charmless could attract both a wife and a girlfriend was as dispiriting as it was inexplicable.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
1833b86
|
Maureen closed her eyes. " Listen to me, Earl. It's yourself you ought to be thinking about. Life goes by so darn fast, every wasted moment is a crime." One blue eye opened and fixed on him. "And every crime is a wasted moment."
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
50112a4
|
Now, re-reading Macauley by firelight, Sammy Tigertail struggled to envision the noble and fiercely insulated culture so admiringly documented in those pages. He wondered what the journalist-preacher would say about the twenty-first century clans that eagerly beckoned outsiders to tribal gambling halls, tourist traps and drive-through cigarette kiosks. For not the first time the young man contemplated the crushing likelihood that the warrio..
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
e25069a
|
Malcolm J. Moldowsky did not hesitate to address United States Congressman Dave Dilbeck as 'a card-carrying shithead.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
66f5818
|
But she's just a stripper.' Moldowsky grabbed Dilbeck's shirt. 'Fanne Fox,' he said, 'was just a stripper. Donna Rice was just a model-slash-actress. Elizabeth Ray was just a secretary who couldn't type. Gennifer Flowers was just a country singer. Don't you get it? Ask Chuck Robb. Or that horny idiot Hart. Teddy Kennedy, for pity's sake. They'll all tell you the same: in politics, stealing is trouble, but pussy is lethal.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
73f1940
|
Those who ignore history are doomed to get their nuts cut.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
9fcde5f
|
Malcolm J. Moldowsky could see the ugliness unfolding. It would take all his subterranean talents to save the sugar bill, and he couldn't do it if Dilbeck got caught in a sex scandal. After years of slithering through political gutters, Moldowsky was still amazed at how primevally stupid most politicians could be, on any given night.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
78e24f2
|
and a surly young burglar (handcuffed to his chair) who'd been bitten by a police dog in a very sensitive area of his body.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
2daa920
|
In appearance though, Darrell seemed anything but a criminal. Erin was still naive enough to believe that all crooks had bad teeth, greasy hair and jailhouse tattoos. She assumed that cleancut, good-looking men enjoyed the same natural advantages as cleancut, good-lucking women: the world treated you better, and consequently there was no reason for unwholesome behavior.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
8e1c61a
|
I thought this was supposed to be a class neighborhood, what they call upscale. Hell, I live in a trailer park, and I wouldn't let my dogs take a leak on somebody's personal vee-hicle.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
7409f0f
|
Ellis dutifully opens the top half of the bisected lid... and there's Jimmy Stoma. All things considered, he looks pretty darn spiffy. Better, in fact, than he did on some of his album covers. He's so lean and fit, you wouldn't guess he once outweighed Meat Loaf.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
c7a1baa
|
Damn if Oprah wasn't yakking with three movie actresses about what a hassle it was to be famous and have photographers snooping around, following you to the grocery and the ATM, whatever. Tool didn't feel one tiny bit sorry for her and them other gals, on account of they was rich enough to build twenty-foot walls around their mansions if they wanted. Butlers, bodyguards, the best of everything. Tool found himself thinking about Maureen, the..
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
c2cdc73
|
Janet Bunterman had no reason to believe her husband, who for several years had been carrying on a relationship with a bisexual Danish couple who owned a consignment shop in Pasadena. Sometimes he accompanied them on long weekends to Ojai or Moab. Janet Bunterman tolerated Ned Bunterman's antics because he did a semi-competent job of managing their daughter's earnings, and because Janet herself was sweatily involved with her thirty year old..
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
6cca44c
|
Okay, I'll adopt a kid. That would be huge. No, three kids! Tell Maury to get all over it.' 'Honey, no,' Janet Bunterman said. She endeavored to squelch the idea without stating the obvious: that her daughter was unfit to care for a goldfish, much less a child.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |
|
1fdf9b4
|
His face appeared to have been massaged with an industrial cheese grater and then retouched with a glue gun.
|
|
|
Carl Hiaasen |