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There is beauty in an image that highlights a connection to oneself, rather than a distance from one's partner.
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Esther Perel |
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0a2dfd1
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People often ask, Why is infidelity such a big deal today? Why does it hurt so much? How has it become one of the leading causes of divorce? Only by taking a brief trip back in time to look at the changes of love, sex and marriage over the last few centuries can we have an informed conversation about modern infidelity. History and culture have always set the stage for our domestic dramas. In particular, the rise of individualism, the emerge..
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marriage
history
infidelity
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Esther Perel |
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49383ca
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I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. --J. Edgar Hoover
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Esther Perel |
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8b463fb
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At their peak, affairs rarely lack imagination. Nor do they lack desire, abundance of attention, romance, and playfulness. Shared dreams, affection, passion and endless curiosityall these are natural ingredients found in the adulterous plot. They are also ingredients of thriving relationships. It is no accident that many of the most erotic couples lift their marital strategies directly from the infidelity playbook.
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marriage
relationships
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Esther Perel |
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0061ca1
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Humans have a tendency to look for things in the places where it is easiest to search for them rather than in the places where the truth is more likely to be found.
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relationships
truth
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Esther Perel |
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b7aba2d
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When we select a partner, we commit to a story. Yet we remain forever curious: what other stories could we have been part of? Affairs offer us a window into those other lives, a peek at the stranger within. Adultery is often the revenge of the deserted possibilities.
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possibilities
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Esther Perel |
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894b5d3
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It is ironic that some people, like Guy, will minimize the emotional involvement to lessen the offense ("It meant nothing!"), while others, like Charmaine, will highlight the emotional nature of the bond for exactly the same purpose ("Nothing happened!")."
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Esther Perel |
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07fb875
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In our efforts to protect ourselves from intimate betrayal, we demand access, control, transparency. And we run the risk of unknowingly eradicating the very space between us that keeps desire alive. Fire needs air.
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Esther Perel |
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6223ee6
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Pentru ca sunt de parere ca o criza de infidelitate poate avea rezultate pozitive, am fost adeseori intrebata: "Deci, in cazul unui cuplu care are probleme, ii recomandati o relatie extraconjugala?" Raspunsul meu? In cazul bolilor terminale, multi oameni au experiente pozitive, care le schimba viata. Dar nu recomand o relatie extraconjugala, tot asa cum nu "recomand" sa ai cancer. ... Cand un cuplu vine la mine dupa ce membrii sai s-au conf..
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love
hurt
infidelity
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Esther Perel |
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48de1fc
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Le spun adeseori pacientilor mei ca, daca ar putea sa aduca in relatiile lor conjugale macar o zecime din indrazneala, zburdalnicia si verva pe care le aduc in relatiile lor extraconjugale, viata de acasa ar fi complet diferita. Imaginatia noastra pare sa fie mai bogata in relatiile adulterine decat in cele oficiale. ... Partenerii nostri nu ne apartin; sunt doar imprumutati, cu optiunea de a reinnoi contractul... sau nu. Faptul ca ii putem..
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marriage
imagination
love
infidelity
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Esther Perel |
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25d462a
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As the adage says: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
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Esther Perel |
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dbdbc9e
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Now that these men and women and the generations who have followed can have as much sex as they want, they seem to have lost their desire for it.
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Esther Perel |
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Often, when one partner insists that they don't yet feel acknowledged, even as the one who hurt them insists they feel terrible, it is because the response is still more shame than guilt, and therefore self-focused.
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Esther Perel |
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696004f
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He invites us to recognize that our values evolve as we mature and "move from an understanding of ethical and moral issues in black and white absolutist terms to comprehending the gray ambiguity of most matters."6"
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Esther Perel |
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When we channel all our intimate needs into one person, we actually stand to make the relationship more vulnerable.
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Esther Perel |
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08e5f8b
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Our partners do not belong to us; they are only on loan, with an option to renew--or not. Knowing that we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment; rather, it mandates an active engagement that long-term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency, in the most positive sense.
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Esther Perel |