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4119b59
|
I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari--I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
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humor
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Ilona Andrews |
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52d3327
|
How was I supposed to know that you let two little bears hurt you, Goldilocks?" "Ah, yes, that mouth. I missed it. All mine now."
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kate
|
Ilona Andrews |
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b2d2a46
|
What happened to the alpha-wolf?" "LEGOs." "Legos?" It sounded Greek but I couldn't recall anything mythological with that name. Wasn't it an island? "He was carrying a load of laundry into the basement and tripped on the old set of LEGOs his kids left on the stairs. Broke two ribs and an ankle."
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Ilona Andrews |
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8904e36
|
You thought about dragging me into your bed this morning." "I thought about stabbing you and running away screaming. You broke into my house without permission and slobbered all over me. You're a damn lunatic! And don't give me that line about smelling my desire; I know it's bullshit." "I didn't need to smell you. I could tell by the dreamy look in your eyes and the way your tongue licked the inside of my mouth."
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Ilona Andrews |
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c9b781c
|
What's that?" "That's my attack poodle."
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Ilona Andrews |
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4f477a0
|
I just had to stay cool. Zen. No punching in the face. Punching would not be Zen.
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Ilona Andrews |
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d143457
|
I think I've been rather reasonable about this whole situation." "How do you figure?" "They are still breathing, aren't they?"
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Ilona Andrews |
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d047570
|
If the sky could dream, it would dream of dragons.
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sky
|
Ilona Andrews |
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4024b59
|
I surveyed the rest of the Council and looked directly at Mahon. "Some of you know me. Some of you have seen me fight and some of you are my friends. Have your vote. But know this: if you come to remove me, come in force, because if you try to separate me from him, I will kill every single one of you. My hand won't shake. My aim won't falter. My face will be the last thing you"ll see before you die." I jammed the knife into the table and wa..
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Ilona Andrews |
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bff22aa
|
I'd missed him so much, it almost hurt. It started the moment I left the Keep and nagged at me all day. Every day I had to fight with myself to keep from making up bullshit reasons to call the Keep so I could hear his voice. My only saving grace was that Curran wasn't handling this whole mating thing any better. Yesterday he'd called me at the office claiming that he couldn't find his socks. We talked for two hours.
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Ilona Andrews |
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a12605a
|
What's with the beard and the horse mane? You look like Rent-a-Villain." The volhv's eyes widened. He raised his hand at me. "Well you don't look... female... in your pants." "That's a hell of an insult. Did you think of it all by yourself or did you ask your god for help?"
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Ilona Andrews |
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2a79cc6
|
I said, I know why you're afraid to fight with me." "And why is that?" If he flexed again, I'd have to implement emergency measures. Maybe I could kick some sand at him or something. Hard to look hot brushing sand out of your eyes. "You want me." Oh boy. "You can't resist my subtle charm, so you're afraid you're going to make a spectacle out of yourself." "You know what? Don't talk to me."
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kate
|
Ilona Andrews |
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52d84c6
|
I think you're confused as to the nature of our relationship. You and I, we don't get along. You're a psychopathic control freak. You order me around and I want to kill you. I'm a pigheaded insubordinate ass. I drive you mad and you want to strangle me.
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kate-daniels
|
Ilona Andrews |
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b4f7152
|
Aha! So I'm not crazy." "You are most definitely crazy," Derek said. "But in a deranged, endearing way." --
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kate-daniels
|
Ilona Andrews |
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5ad6c5f
|
The rabbis paled. I'd managed to terrify holy men. Maybe I could beat up a nun for an encore.
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power-words
self-deprecating
|
Ilona Andrews |
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e3ecab7
|
Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else."
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|
funny
awesome
ascanio
threesome
kate-daniels
church
hilarious
|
Ilona Andrews |
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369b401
|
Saiman picked up a coffee mug, stared at it, and hurled it against the wall. It shattered into a dozen pieces. We looked at him. "Your date appears to be hysterical," Rene told me. "You think I should slap some man into him?" Saiman stared at me, speechless. I had to give it to Rene--she didn't laugh. But she really wanted to."
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Ilona Andrews |
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5db2c2f
|
I know it's late, but could you find a book for me? It's called The Slavs: Study of Pagan Tradition by Osvintsev." Barabas sighed dramatically. "Kate, you make me despair. Let's try that again from the top, except this time pretend you are an alpha." "I don't need a lecture. I just need the book." "Much better. Little more growl in the voice?" "Barabas!" "And we're there. Congratulations!"
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magic-slays
ilona-andrews
kate
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Ilona Andrews |
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86f4b6e
|
No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose all sense." Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. "Want to know a secret?" "Sure." "It's not the bathtub, baby." Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it. "What are you looking for?" "A pea Your Majesty." "What?" "You heard me." I jumped back as he lunged and ..
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magic
ilona-andrews
kate
hilarious
|
Ilona Andrews |
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f75786e
|
Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?" His eyes flashed. "Got any to spare?" I could've picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right."
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funny
love
kate
|
Ilona Andrews |
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dd8da37
|
Kate smirked. "What?" "Your horse looks pink." "So?" "If you paste some stars on her butt you'll be riding My Little Pony." "Bugger off." I patted the mare's neck. "Don't listen to her, Sugar. You are the cutest horsey ever. The correct name for her color is strawberry roan, by the way." "Strawberry Shortcake, more like it. Does Strawberry Shortcake know you stole her horse? She will be berry, berry angry with you." I looked at her from und..
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Ilona Andrews |
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4c751ff
|
I'm secure enough in myself to wear panties with bows on them. Besides, they are comfy and soft." "I bet." He almost purred. I gulped."
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kate
|
Ilona Andrews |
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fad73ad
|
I picked up the phone and dialed Andrea's extension. "Yes?" "He glued the chair to my ass." Silence."
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Ilona Andrews |
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702d33d
|
You will not pass!" Roman thundered. Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf."
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funny
gandalf
gunmetal-magic
ilona-andrews
roman
snarkiness
lotr
|
Ilona Andrews |
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5e7668f
|
It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?"
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magic-bleeds
|
Ilona Andrews |
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4babe68
|
Now climb, young grasshopper, so your Kung Fu won't be weak.
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|
Ilona Andrews |
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c5ce4b9
|
Men and swords. My father said that if you put any able-bodied man, no matter how peaceful, into a room with a sword and a practice dummy and leave him alone, eventually the man would pick up the sword and try to stab the dummy. It is human nature.
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swords
|
Ilona Andrews |
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b73a0a3
|
You know what I like about you? You have no sense. You sit here in my house, you can barely hold a spoon, and you're telling me 'no'. You'd pull on Death's whiskers if you could reach them.
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kate
|
Ilona Andrews |
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7cbe11c
|
You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed." I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. "He'd run like he was on fire."
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magic-burns
ilona-andrews
curran
kate-daniels
kate
|
Ilona Andrews |
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0512234
|
I make a bad mom, but I can pull off a crazy aunt.
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Ilona Andrews |
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9a11052
|
He finished the bandage and was examining it critically. "You know those things are unreliable." His voice held just a touch of reproach. "Eleven out of twelve work fine. I'd say that's better chances than getting an orgasm with a blind date and women still try."
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Ilona Andrews |
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c5c64ff
|
You said sloppy! Look, I didn't even use my sword; I hit him with my head, like a moron.
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Ilona Andrews |
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eb555c5
|
Curran looked at me. "What the hell was I supposed to do, catch the werebison as he was falling?" --
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Ilona Andrews |
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aa6de07
|
You're taking a nap? Come on, Kate, I need you for this fight. Stop lying around." "You must think you're funny." "Just saying, you have to pull your own weight. A hot body and flirting will only get you so far." "Everything I do, I learned from you, boy toy." "Boy toy?" Curran asked. "Would you prefer ?"
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kate-daniels
|
Ilona Andrews |
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89aee4a
|
Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.
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kids
on-the-edge
ilona-andrews
|
Ilona Andrews |
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359fad3
|
He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps. "I win."
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magic-burns
ilona-andrews
kate-daniels
kate
maps
|
Ilona Andrews |
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1ee2908
|
You should name him Fezzik." "Inconceivable."
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Ilona Andrews |
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79e4100
|
When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me and putting me back together, and I don't even know he's doing it. We never talk about it. We don't go to therapy. He just loves me and that's enough.
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magic-bleeds
ilona-andrews
pieces
raphael
|
Ilona Andrews |
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83038d5
|
You snore worse. At least I don't turn into a lion in my sleep." "I only did it once." "Once was weird enough, thank you."
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kate-daniels
|
Ilona Andrews |
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29ec6fa
|
Shapeshifter parenting motto--if your kid slits somebody's throat, always have a backup plan to make the body disappear.
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|
Ilona Andrews |
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70973ef
|
Just reflecting on the fact that when the Universe punches you in the teeth, it never just lets you fall down. It kicks you in the ribs a couple of times and dumps mud on your head.
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|
Ilona Andrews |
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03f2c16
|
Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.
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|
protectiveness
humourous
|
Ilona Andrews |
|
bde1435
|
You sure you don't want me to stay? I'll make you coffee and ask you about your day.
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|
Ilona Andrews |
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83a13d0
|
He grinned. "You're jealous." I considered it. "No. But when you stared at that woman like she was made of diamonds, it didn't feel very good." "I stared at her because she smelled strange." "Strange how?" "She smelled like rock dust. Very strong dry smell." Curran put his arms around me. "I love it when you get all fussy and possessive." "I never get fussy and possessive." He grinned, showing his teeth. His face was practically glowing. "S..
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Ilona Andrews |