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504a02b
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You know what sucks about prophecies?" "They never predict anything fun," Granuaile answered. "Just once I'd like to hear a prophet tell someone, 'Thou shalt win a bitchin' Camaro on a game show.' "
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Kevin Hearne |
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0d800aa
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Saying good-bye properly afforded me a measure of peace. It was a binding of a different sort, absent of the earth's power, but still hard proof that there is magic yet in the world.
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magic
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Kevin Hearne |
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a94bbbf
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Its dead eyes were fixed on me and I'm sure it had no trouble locating me by sound, because I was hollering incoherently in an attempt to die angry at maximum volume.
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Kevin Hearne |
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8b3e974
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I don't have enough information to make a rational decision. It's like you're asking me to order a drink according to how me nipples are feeling instead of telling me what they're ready to pour.
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Kevin Hearne |
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92e58c6
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To seek absolution from humanity would be to seek my own folly. One may speak of forgiveness here, and another may actually mean it there, but legions remain who would condemn a starving man to amputation for pinching a crust of bread. We are petty creatures who seek to aggrandize ourselves by feasting on the dignity of our fellows.
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Kevin Hearne |
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dbcd30a
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sure as a frog's ass is watertight.
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Kevin Hearne |
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fa7001c
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Canine Psychology 101. Seriously don't look at it, (the T bone steak) Look for the dastardly villain." Atticus" --
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Kevin Hearne |
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81f625b
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Atticus: You hear that? The nice blonde in her thirties is actually over 140 years old. : Oberon: She must use that Oil of Olay stuff. I wonder if it would get rid of the wrinkles on a shar-pei?
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Kevin Hearne |
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ad6cb3e
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That was it. Owen grabbed his arm, yanked it toward him, and head-butted the punk. He went down with a yelp and Owen stood up, kicking his chair away behind him. "Respect your elders, lad!" The inn got quiet the way things will when shit gets real."
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Kevin Hearne |
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7a22a84
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Being immortal did not make me invincible. Look at what the Bacchants did to that poor Orpheus fella.
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Kevin Hearne |
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17926a4
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He didn't spend time on niceties like saying hello. He answered the phone with, "Have you changed your mind about Thor?" "Um ... no," I said, and he promptly hung"
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Kevin Hearne |
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49e372e
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What are you so pleased about?" "I only drink a little at a time, like half a cup ever four or five months, to maintain my current age. Half a cup has a mild laxative effect." "What kind of effect?" "Laxative. It means it loosens the bowels." "Half a cup has... But you just had me drink a whole pot!" "That's why I brought you the shovel..."
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Kevin Hearne |
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d061801
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Our minds are all that defend us from the horror of the void. The majority of the time we simply think about something-anything-else, and that itself is an act of defiance against the vast nothing of the universe.
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Kevin Hearne |
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9b5fcf2
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With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand. It's so much easier. Why can't humans do that?
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Kevin Hearne |
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9a87680
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You will need to make an effort to appear a little less scruffy.
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malina
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Kevin Hearne |
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22bec18
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Their numbers swell like viruses until they madden someone with a large army.
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bacchals
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Kevin Hearne |
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436150d
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Of course, I didn't choose to fail. Failure is rarely a conscious decision and it's often out of our control, determined by things like physics and circumstance and other people. What we can always control, however, is our reaction to failure.
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Kevin Hearne |
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a7c7d45
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I beamed at him. "You're my favorite sea god, you know." "Aw, get your nose out of me arse. Just make life interestin' as ye promised."
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Kevin Hearne |
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9e755ce
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The Alfar took out thirty dark elves? Oh. Well, they're very welcome. I'll send them some fine Irish whiskey as soon as possible, if you'll be so kind as to deliver it to them. Because if someone saves you from a potentially life-threatening fight, you owe them booze. It's a rule that transcends time and cultures.
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Kevin Hearne |
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a60e445
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An Druides be, thanne answere me: whos love in Eire is moste fyn and fre?" Herne "whether in bedde or in feeld do ye meet, Flidais awaiteth your limbes to greet." Atticus"
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Kevin Hearne |
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a3d8ba0
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Atticus makes gigantic mistakes at times. But there are also times like this one when he makes of his life a poem and achieves an apotheosis of sorts, when his years manifest as wisdom and he spies a path forward that no one else sees until he points it out. And in this case that means not allowing swords to fall where they may.
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wisdom
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Kevin Hearne |
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8b41ffc
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I hurt in places I didn't know were places.
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Kevin Hearne |
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2826356
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I Keep a Wholesome Table." Manannan Mac Lir"
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stating-the-obvious
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Kevin Hearne |
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10694ae
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Flidais nods in approval. "Respect for life. Good." I want to ask where her respect for life is, why she thinks it is all right to treat animals like puppets and force me to kill one of them in some sort of sick game."
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Kevin Hearne |
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09eacc7
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it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!">"
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Kevin Hearne |
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ad1d846
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I sighed. You can go harass the construction workers if you want. I even give you permission to sniff their asses. Oberon stopped panting and pricked up his ears at me. Sure, why not? They're construction workers. They'll tease one another about it, especially if you sneeze afterward. But if you startle them, they might knock you upside the head, so watch out. Oberon levered himself off the ground, his tail wagging.
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Kevin Hearne |
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29ccd56
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The mourning of a loved one never ends with a funeral. It comes back every so often, like a stage performer eager for a curtain call and expects you to be loud about it. ...I gave it all the lung capacity I had.
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mourning
love
funeral
giants
plague
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Kevin Hearne |
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1c78908
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It was one of those decisions you make when you have too much testosterone bubbling around in your system, or when you've been raised in a culture of ridiculous machismo, as I was.
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Kevin Hearne |
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b456dcf
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I could only strive to live so that my merit outweighed my discredit.
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Kevin Hearne |
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750caff
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So in a sense it's we with faith who create gods, not the gods who create us. And, if that's the case, then it's we who created the universe.
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Kevin Hearne |
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e77af03
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There is heroism to be found in great battles, it is true; warriors with stable knees who fight and know that they will die for an idea or for the safety of loved ones back home. But there are also people who spend their entire adulthood at a soulless job they despise to make sure their children have something to eat that night so that one day those kids may lead better, more fulfilling lives than their parents. The warrior and the worker b..
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heroes
inspirational
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Kevin Hearne |
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55045ce
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Who else can walk around in a suit like that and then disappear without a trace?" "That's easy," Granuaile replied. "Keyser Soze." She blew on the tips of her fingers. "Poof. He's gone."
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humor
granuaile
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Kevin Hearne |
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b21a5fc
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A man's supposed to shit himself after he dies, son, not before.
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Kevin Hearne |
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cc4176a
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I find the college children delightful. I would like to have a drink with them too." "No, Leif, you want to drink of them, and they can sense that subconsciously"
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Kevin Hearne |
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bc2c49f
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Oberon perked up, "Awesome! I've never seen a base model elf before! But they come with bonus dudes?"
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Kevin Hearne |
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ca542e3
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Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you."
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princess-bride-jokes
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Kevin Hearne |
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36b18c3
|
The grin on his face wasn't the affable, friendly sort; it was more like the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bugfuckeringly insane.
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Kevin Hearne |
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b6a0497
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You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can't understand what that means until you've read a few chapters and your eyes have glazed over and someone has to revive you with a defibrillator.
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Kevin Hearne |
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665a3f5
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Gods blast it, I was asking ye where you shite in the city, not where I should do it!
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Kevin Hearne |
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a39a745
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Americans say all men created equal. These words very good. Make men feel special. They know is not true, not really, but they always say is true, and they point to these words and say, Ideas like this make us strong. They turn mouse into bear. They turn dog into bear. Everything can become strong like bear if you think with American brains. But if everything is bear, what do bears eat? Americans
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Kevin Hearne |
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09d6a1a
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rooted is to say, here am I nourished and here will I grow, for I have found a place where every sunrise shows me how to be more than what I was yesterday, and I need not wander to feel the wonder of my blessing.
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Kevin Hearne |
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8f1cca2
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A morbid thought wandered into my consciousness and said hello: If Basasael ate my dumb Druid ass, would the Morrigan be able to bring me back fully functional, resurrected from--what? Angel poop? That raised another question, at once metaphysical and profane: Do angels, fallen or otherwise, have assholes?
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Kevin Hearne |
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076d305
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Ragnarok will begin in the next few days, and it won't end well for anyone, because apocalypses tend not to include happy endings.
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Kevin Hearne |
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e7c91bc
|
we are on the payrolls of two dozen different companies as consultants, but we do absolutely nothing for our paychecks, just like normal consultants.
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Kevin Hearne |