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efad874
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They need to get a good PR guy." "What's a PR guy?" "They're kind of like the old Greek sophists who played with words until you believed up was down. PR guys get paid to make people believe that a pile of shit is an investment in soil fertility. Professional liars." "Ah!" Manannan's expression lit with comprehension. "They are politicians?" "No, they're smarter and less pretty. They advise politicians."
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Kevin Hearne |
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7858d41
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Put your affairs in order, mortals," she boomed, as a gust of wind--yes, wind inside my shop--blew their hair back. "I will feast on your hearts tonight for the offense you gave me. So swears the Morrigan." I thought it was a bit melodramatic, but one does not critique a death goddess on her oratory delivery."
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the-morrigan
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Kevin Hearne |
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132b3cd
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Demons smell like ass--nasty ass that slithers down your throat, finds your gag reflex, and sits on it with authority.
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Kevin Hearne |
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1b9dbb6
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Side effects from doggie joy may include face lube and leg-humping" ~ Oberon"
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Kevin Hearne |
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6bb356f
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They may have been victims at one time, but what you have to focus on is what they are now.
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granuile
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Kevin Hearne |
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0177624
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I still didn't know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking into a cage fight with a demon. Hell, she could open the door with a Glock 9 in her hand and put a bullet in my ear, or throw a cat at me, or call me a damn hippie.
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Kevin Hearne |
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940e489
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but greatness is in the act of creation and not necessarily in the finished product. Creating is the yin to the yang of our consumption and the doorway to beauty that we all want to walk through. Creating is how I tell the world I love it." I"
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Kevin Hearne |
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d3b21df
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Yes, you're adorable, aren't you? Are you a good boy, Snugglepumpkin?" Oberon wagged his tail and came over within petting distance. "Oh, yes, you are a good boy, yes, you are." She stopped making sense and instead made high-pitched squeals of delight as she scratched Oberon's giant head; the rest of us stood and watched as a woman with an advanced degree completely lost her mind. Okay,"
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Kevin Hearne |
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4968e23
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Druids were supposed to be forces of preservation, not destruction, and I could not dance around the fact that my stupid pride had turned me into a misbegotten cockwaffle.
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pride
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Kevin Hearne |
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d2eaacb
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when you thumb your nose at the laws of physics like you've been doing, the universe tends to get you back through biology." Atticus"
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Kevin Hearne |
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4455678
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That wasn't English she was speaking: it was the language of diplomacy.
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Kevin Hearne |
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99ab35a
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Perhaps he'd been using Just for Gods hair cream.
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Kevin Hearne |
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b553ff3
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Oberon:"She's a very clever girl, the kind you dont' take home to Ogma."
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dog-sense
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Kevin Hearne |
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5f1b052
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come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon"
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humor
sarcasm
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Kevin Hearne |
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7740636
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That wasn't so bad. She said, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin. What was it? That was a Rocky Mountain oyster, also know as a Montana tendergroin. No. I just ate bull's balls? Only one, but yes, you just tore up a tasty testicle. Congratulations!
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Kevin Hearne |
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960540b
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The sun cannot shine as bright without a proper darkness to counter it. The world had gone a bit gray.
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Kevin Hearne |
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984573d
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We should be going in there with a thousand naked warriors who fight like wet cats with dodgy bowls.
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Kevin Hearne |
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4e24e68
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You ever notice the rampant child neglect going on in faery tales" ~ Oberon"
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Kevin Hearne |
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3015976
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The function of assholes in the world, just like the asshole we all have, is to spread shit around.
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Kevin Hearne |
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5dcdf53
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Anyone with a cursory knowledge of mythology knows that it is suicidal to sexually harass a goddess. Look what Artemis did to that guy who stumbled across her bathing.
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Kevin Hearne |
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ed61011
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Celibacy is a terrible idea, adhered to by people who hate themselves and want everyone else to do the same. You should do what you want to do, you know.
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Kevin Hearne |
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f37d3fe
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Hopefully next time I won't be recovering from an assassination attempt, and then I'll do better.
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Kevin Hearne |
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6f19c27
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Gaia has left us wonder wherever we go, if we only open our eyes to it." ~ Atticus"
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Kevin Hearne |
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6291607
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There ye go again," my archdruid said. "Using your colon instead of yer brain. Ye believe yer thinkin' because yer workin' hard, but all yer doin' is squeezin' out shit."
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Kevin Hearne |
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fcff74d
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Grody is in the eye of the beholder.
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Kevin Hearne |
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e2c2b96
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That's what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside." "
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humor
tricked
kevin-hearne
oberon
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Kevin Hearne |
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2815e6b
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Huh... guess they didn't want a cracker after all. Another myth BUSTED
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two-ravens-and-one-crow
oberon
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Kevin Hearne |
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14739c8
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I forgot how good it feels to be rooted. And to be rooted is not the same thing at all as being tied down. To be rooted is to say, here I am nourished and here will I grow, for I have found a place where every sunrise shows me how to be more than what I was yesterday, and I need not wander to feel the wonder of my blessing. And when you are rooted, defending that space ceases to be an obligation or a duty and becomes more of a desire.
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rooted
home
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Kevin Hearne |
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d3d057a
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Why don't high school math teachers ever come up with cool problems like this? If a 150-pound Irish wolfhound launches himself at seventeen miles per hour at a 250-pound draugr, will that dead motherfucker go down? The answer is Hel yes.
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Kevin Hearne |
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f589ad7
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But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.
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irony
sarcasm
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Kevin Hearne |
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c385b5d
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She'd made life poignant for the Irish. The terror she inspired gave peace its serenity; the pain she caused gave health its lustre; her failure to love made me grateful for my ability to do so, and I realized, far too late, that though I never did or could have loved her as she might have wished, I should have loved her more.
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death
love
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Kevin Hearne |
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9832592
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Technology is always perfectly dependable until it isn't.
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star-wars
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Kevin Hearne |
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163e430
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there's no damsel with a tragic history in there? With a name like the Three Craftsmen, they each should build something awesome for a beautiful princess to try to win her favor and then two of them would die.> You must be thinking of stories from other cultures. Irish women tend to kick ass and do whatever they want. For exhibits A, B, and C, I give you the Morrigan, Brighid, and Flidais.
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Kevin Hearne |
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e82c434
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Leif stared at me, utterly still, the way only vampires and pet rocks can manage.
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Kevin Hearne |
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336c7d5
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That's it," Flanagan said, his thick hands gripping the bar and his eyes wide. "I'm getting back on the wagon and I'm never getting off again. Oh, Jesus, look at that." "I'm looking," Jesus said. Flanagan flicked an annoyed glance at him"
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Kevin Hearne |
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cb2c1e1
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this guy is pretty slick, Atticus. What else do you think he has in his pockets? Maybe a thick salami for me?> I almost dropped the goblets. Gods, Oberon, it's a good thing no one can hear you. It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay? Especially this guy. Laughter bubbled forth from Jesus as he poured two generous shots for us. "I like your hound, Siodhachan." He turned his head a bit to address him. "Hello, Obe..
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Kevin Hearne |
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b238a4f
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I quietly cast camouflage on myself, which is the nearest I can come to invisibility. It binds my pigment to my surroundings, so that I become practically invisible when I remain still. People can see me if I move quickly, but if I imitate the Rock of Gibraltar they have to really know I'm there to spot me. I figured it was best: Naked women rarely welcome the approach of strange naked men, except in porn movies.
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humor
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Kevin Hearne |
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bfb722d
|
But for me, the true attraction of America is that it's practically godless. When I was younger and dodging the Romans, I could hardly walk a mile in Europe without stepping on a stone sacred to some god or other. But out here in Arizona, all I have to worry about is the occasional encounter with Coyote, and I actually rather like him. (He's nothing like Thor, for one thing, and that right there means we're going to get along fine. The loca..
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Kevin Hearne |
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59ce0e5
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You must be thinking of stories from other cultures. Irish women tend to kick ass and do whatever they want. For exhibits A, B, and C, I give you the Morrigan, Brighid, and Flidais. Fair enough. So who's the god of cooking among the Tuatha De Danann? I don't think there is one. So the ancient Irish had a god of brewing but not cooking? We had our priorities straight.
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Kevin Hearne |
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5dbfb93
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No matter how old I get, I keep running into people who are smarter, nobler, and kinder. I really ought to start listening to them and telling my pride to shut up. I had gods tell me not to go to Asgard. I had witches tell me not to go to Flagstaff. You told me this plan wouldn't work. But I barreled ahead anyway for my own reasons. I still have plenty of growing to do.
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pride
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Kevin Hearne |
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29e0291
|
It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian.
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Kevin Hearne |
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fe1ac7c
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Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father's instruction on how to die well can be distilled to a simple slogan: Die angry at maximum volume. (Dying silently is out of the question; the world's last Druid should not go gentle into that good night.) During
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Kevin Hearne |
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fa289db
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It's only a slight modification of causality.
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Kevin Hearne |
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2dcf1c5
|
never thought I'd see a jaguar brought to its knees by rhino shit." Oberon"
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Kevin Hearne |