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c55b053
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Why am I here?" Wukong chuckles, throwing his head back in unrestrained glee. "A philosophical question! The answer is simple: to learn and to grow." "No, I mean, why am I here right now?" The Buddha cocks his head at me and shrugs. "The answer is the same, and will remain the same days and months and years hence."
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Kevin Hearne |
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a3565e2
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Peradventure
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Kevin Hearne |
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7c18ef1
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When in a fight for your life, you never, ever fight fairly. Honor and sportsmanship are wonderful in games that don't matter, but it's the honorable guys who always die in real battles. "When there's blood involved," I'd told her, "you always use every advantage you have to make sure it's theirs that spills and not yours. If you want to feel guilty about taking unfair advantage afterward, you go ahead and feel that shit. But live to feel i..
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Kevin Hearne |
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2193456
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The essence of Druidry is training the mind to both handle contradictory input and construct contradictory output.' 'I continued to lecture a bit more, to disguise the fact that I was getting my ass handed to me by my dog.
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politicians
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Kevin Hearne |
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edeadb4
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didn't deserve that kind of trauma. He was so tiny.>
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Kevin Hearne |
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9b71384
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I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,
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Kevin Hearne |
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e833df4
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poxy shitweasel,
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Kevin Hearne |
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91caccf
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why shouldn't we let him go." "I can score you some Girl Scout Cookies. You can't get Thin Mints in Poland, can you?" "Be serious." "Samoas, then?" Malina simply glared at me. "All right," I said, "what do you want?" "You have given me the impression that we'd be not only saving your life but saving the world. We need more than cookies for that." "
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Kevin Hearne |
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8947cfc
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chased by Polish curses that seemed to Doppler-shift bizarrely into "Never Gonna Give You Up," and after I thought of it I couldn't believe I'd just rickrolled myself."
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Kevin Hearne |
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a0485d9
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Now, I know I am not much of a craftsman," I said, busily knotting the vines into a circle, "but greatness is in the act of creation and not necessarily in the finished product. Creating is the yin to the yang of our consumption and the doorway to beauty that we all want to walk through. Creating is how I tell the world I love it." I"
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Kevin Hearne |
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687c35d
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you can't unchoose anyone's choices, least of all your own. All you can do with your past is try to grow out of it. Darren
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Kevin Hearne |
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cceda00
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Well, if that's how it happened, I don't like how Etain was never given a choice. Both Midhir and Eochaid should have been kicked in the marble bag for behaving like her hoo-ha was something they could buy and sell" ~ Granuaile"
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Kevin Hearne |
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5a7860f
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the bog was already bigger than a king's ego and at night darker and more dangerous than a badger's arsehole--ye just really didn't want to be pokin
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Kevin Hearne |
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f76eeb4
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Great. What if she decides to kill me?" "That will test our bargain quite severely," the Morrigan replied with a smirk. "Morrigan?" "Relax. We have a bargain. But have the good grace to pretend to be dead if she decides to kill you." "What if she decides to set me on fire and watch me burn?" "Then that's going to hurt. Scream all you want, but turn it off at some point and she'll figure you for dead."
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Kevin Hearne |
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d05a67f
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No,
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Kevin Hearne |
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6e5d689
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As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time. You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can't understand what that means until you've read a few chapters and your eyes have glazed over and someone has to revive you with a defibrillator.
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Kevin Hearne |
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df2252b
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Sexual repression is conduct unbecoming a Celt." I shrugged. "Better that than having to deal with guilt ferrets."
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Kevin Hearne |
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8d509cb
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The plan was simple. Once on the Plain of Idavoll, we were going to follow the immortal strategy of Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh and "announce [our] presence with authority."
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bull-durham
ebbie-calvin-nuke-laloosh
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Kevin Hearne |
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a62abd3
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I wasn't ready for a fight. But as I drew even with Oberon and put a calming hand on the back of his neck, the blood drained from my face when I saw a lone figure limping toward us across the dry red rock. It looked like a little old lady, and she could not have been more out of place; it was like watching Elmo ride in to the Sturgis biker rally in South Dakota. Granuaile
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Kevin Hearne |
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5e44e78
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Are you telling me you're lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?
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Kevin Hearne |
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0306169
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I turned my back on Coyote without saying another word. He didn't want to know what I was going to do with those granny panties. Surprisingly, Granuaile did. "Sensei, what were you going to do with those marshmallows and panties?" she whispered as we walked together. "I mean, I'm sure it had to be dire, but it just didn't sound as threatening as the potential havoc a monkey could wreak on his sack." "There was more to that recipe," I admitt..
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Kevin Hearne |
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7df55f3
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This bastard is so guilty he already has his lawyer here.
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iron-druid-chronicles
humorous-quotes
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Kevin Hearne |
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6af4b80
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when a soul turns as black as Black World, these old spirits find them a comfortin' touch of home, and if they're called to move in, they will. That's what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside." "
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Kevin Hearne |
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338c54c
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When you're in the middle of a killing field and the fucking Chooser of the Slain tells you to do something, you do it
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realism
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Kevin Hearne |
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22e21dd
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What Sherlock does is train his mind to remember details, access them as needed, and then spy the hidden pattern in them. It's like spotting animals in clouds: The vapor's the same for everyone, but sometimes you're the only person who can see what's floating there, because you have the proper angle and the imagination to see it. And that's the magic of Sherlock Holmes--his talent for synthesis and discovery. Anyone can train the mind to ab..
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Kevin Hearne |
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f8e056e
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I don't think there is one. We had our priorities straight.
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Kevin Hearne |
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c7f8c54
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When in doubt, know your way out, I always say." "I thought you always said, 'When in doubt, blame the dark elves.' " "Well, yeah, that too." "
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Kevin Hearne |
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63080d5
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I jumped up and down and swore violently in seventeen languages.
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humorous
iron-druid-chronicles
humorous-quotes
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Kevin Hearne |
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bd27e45
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Does anyone have a gun?" The looks I got in response suggested that I'd asked about something profoundly distasteful, like trickle-down economics or the poetry of William Blake."
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Kevin Hearne |
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421e410
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We should be going in there with a thousand naked warriors who fight like wet cats with dodgy bowels." "You can go naked if you want," the bastard says to me, ignoring my advice." --
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Kevin Hearne |
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c9d405b
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The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.
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Kevin Hearne |
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d4ebd42
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but underneath that lurked horrors, like a syphilitic dick hidden under a blanket.
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Kevin Hearne |
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c30c432
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Trees are always the cure for your modern bollocks.
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Kevin Hearne |
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c04ae46
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They should kick it old school with the Bard.>
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Kevin Hearne |
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b6d771d
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I thought Sundays were supposed to be relaxing. As a male citizen of America, I'm entitled on Sundays to watch athletic men in tight uniforms ritualistically invade one another's territory, and while they're resting I get to be bombarded with commercials about trucks, pizza, beer, and financial services. That's how it's supposed to be; that's the American dream.
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Kevin Hearne |
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c2107d1
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Sophie Betsuie lost her composure and returned to the hogan, crying. She was beating herself up with a club made out of the words if only, and I knew what it felt like. If only I hadn't done this. If only someone else hadn't done that. I hoped she would learn sooner, rather than later, that you can't unchoose anyone's choices, least of all your own. All you can do with your past is try to grow out of it.
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Kevin Hearne |
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8ff967b
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But sometimes we do things that make no sense except in some arcane calculus hidden in our emotions.
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Kevin Hearne |
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3501d71
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We should make a pit trap with spikes in the bottom. You make the pit and I'll make the spikes.
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Kevin Hearne |
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bd022a6
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I know that when ye think o' love you're supposed to think o' kissy faces and scented soap and hummin' happy songs together, but there's another vital part to it that people rarely admit to themselves: We want somebody to rescue us from other people. From talking to them, I mean, or from the burden of giving a damn about what they say.
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Kevin Hearne |
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9159f04
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And we can seek therapy or religion to provide us relief like balm on chafed skin, but that's denying our own power to heal ourselves and trying to silence old pain with new opiates.
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Kevin Hearne |
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c050929
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for now, bread and mead call us, appetites whetted, to witness what I have been nursing, encased in iron, licked by flame, and tended with relish.
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poetic-blessings
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Kevin Hearne |
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3579faa
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T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.
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Kevin Hearne |
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7ebdfcb
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They were lounging, in fact, in an almost ostentatious manner, as if to say to passersby like myself, "Look uponst my exquisite lounging, foolish mortal, and mourn that you will never lounge with such cosmopolitan savoir faire."
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Kevin Hearne |
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2cc9725
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An elderly diner from a neighboring table had been dying for an excuse to stare at the exotic woman with rubies around her neck, and now Laksha had provided her one by laughing so loudly. She noticed the woman's stare and waggled her finger between us and explained, "We were just talking about goatfucking." The woman's eyes bulged in shock--and so did those of her dinner companions--but rather than scold Laksha for being so rude, they hasti..
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Kevin Hearne |