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e484cb6
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Science cannot close the fist of reason around the miracle of consciousness any more than I can turn my sword into a light saber.
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Kevin Hearne |
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90866c0
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Pastafarians
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Kevin Hearne |
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7c89adc
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We want somebody to rescue us from other people. From talking to them, I mean, or from the burden of giving a damn about what they say. We don't want to be polite and stifle our farts, now, do we? We want to let 'em rip and we want to be with someone who won't care if we do, who will love us regardless and fart right back besides.
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Kevin Hearne |
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df1fcec
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The Celtic ideal for clothing was that it had to be easy to move in if you needed to fight and easy to take off if you wanted a quickie.
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Kevin Hearne |
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e91ddc6
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For me, the times I always regret are missed opportunities to say farewell to good people, to wish them long life and say to them in all sincerity,
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Kevin Hearne |
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6b2deaa
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He could focus my attention on how perfectly sublime life can be at times. Such moments are ephemeral, and without his guidance I might have missed many of them, working so hard to get somewhere that I would fail to recognize when I had arrived.
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Kevin Hearne |
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a842967
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Fucking H!" the vampire shouted, shaking his free left fist. He enunciated the g very clearly and projected his voice from his diaphragm, like a trained opera singer. "It's fuckin' A, not H, but yeah, Leif, go ahead, let's throw down." Leif paused and frowned. "Do you not mean we should throw up?" "No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet." "Ohhhh," he said..
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Kevin Hearne |
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c64c71a
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Yes, I felt guilt. Somehow I had pushed Fand to the precipice without realizing it, and had I not been so blind, perhaps she wouldn't be trying to pull us all over the edge with her now. I was sure Manannan felt it too-the crushing questions of how we got to this place and whether we could have avoided it, where we went wrong, and whether we would ever learn how not to cock up other people's lives in the course of living our own.
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philosophy
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Kevin Hearne |
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be952b0
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I hope that if I ever travel two thousand years into the future, there will still be bacon.
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Kevin Hearne |
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573c0f3
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So my free advice is to always find something to love and to make you laugh--something that will keep you in the here and now. Hounds are good at it, and they work for me. They may or may not work for you.
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Kevin Hearne |
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d1b2141
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War always takes your life, sometimes not all at once.
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wisdom
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Kevin Hearne |
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76473dc
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I knew it would annoy her. She'd deliberately tried to provoke me, and one cannot sass me with impunity.
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Kevin Hearne |
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9f489bd
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Pick a system--any system, legal or ecclesiastical--and you'll start to wonder at how anyone could think it was fair. And then you'll realize it was never meant to be fair but rather was intended to protect the interests of the powerful, and then you're wading through a swamp of cynicism and your day's ruined.
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Kevin Hearne |
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f78a40d
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If it pleases me, then it is good and I want more; If it displeases me, then it must be destroyed as soon as possible, but preferably in a way that enhances my reputation so that I can achieve immortality in the songs of bards.
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Kevin Hearne |
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5f0bf85
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You're going to need a dann big can of big spray! Or maybe a rocket-propelled grenade. I have one in the garage, you want it?
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Kevin Hearne |
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1bc7fcf
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First, we need to get a buttload of nails." "A buttload? How much is that?" "Uh ..." Granuaile rescued me with her superior knowledge of indefinite units of measurement. "I believe that's slightly more than a shitload but much less than a fuckton."
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Kevin Hearne |
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8cefd42
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Atticus, ixnay issingpay off the oppercay.>
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Kevin Hearne |
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b036d0a
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Morrigan visited me in my dreams. It tore me away from a nightmare where I was trying to teach high school science to a room full of creationists, so I was mightily relieved to see the Chooser of the Slain.
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Kevin Hearne |
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725593f
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Few things trigger old memories so quickly as authority figures from our youth. I'm not saying those memories are necessarily good ones; they're simply old and tend to cast us back into roles we thought we grew out of long ago. Sometimes the memories are warm and blanket us like a mother's love. More often, however, they have the sting of hoarfrost, which bites at first, then numbs and settles in the bones for a deep, extended chill.
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Kevin Hearne |
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9180ec0
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I bet it's a universal truth: You eat your pie or go home.
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Kevin Hearne |
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87bdcc8
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Some o' the words in this book might not be immediately pronounceable for some readers because they have foreign origins. Heck, I needed help myself. But I like learning new words and how to say them, so I'm providing a wee guide here for a few names and such in case you're of a like mind and want to know how to say them out loud. No one is going to confiscate your cake if you say them wrong, but you might score a piece of cake if you say t..
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Kevin Hearne |
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72c1ff6
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Cunning is better than running.
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Kevin Hearne |
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aa80d39
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Pain fades, but freedom is an enduring joy.
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Kevin Hearne |
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3ebff35
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Don't hate the Meat Lord, Atticus. Just offer him steak sauce and words of praise.
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Kevin Hearne |
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d90e03c
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But in doing so--moving forward, in Greta's mind--he's still dealing with the past. It's always strung out behind us, innit, attached to our arses like a roll of toilet paper we trail out of the bathroom, pointing the way to the giant shite we just took. It doesn't matter if we flushed it down: Everyone still knows what we did there. So it's fine to say it's all done and you have no connection with the past, that you're a new person every s..
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Kevin Hearne |
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33bd457
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When The Empire Strikes Back first came out in 1980 and I saw Luke summon his lightsaber to his hand in the wampa cave, I remember thinking, "Whoa! Awesome!" And then, after I'd seen it maybe ten more times, I wondered, "Where'd he learn how to do that?" My nine-year-old self never suspected that one day I'd get the chance to provide the answer, and I'm grateful to Del Rey and Lucasfilm for making it happen."
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Kevin Hearne |
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ccead69
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The ladies in the beer commercials were hot, no doubt, but when a goddess wants to make an effort, no one else can even open the jar of mustard, let alone cut it.
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Kevin Hearne |
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4386c3f
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Strange how we unconsciously steer ourselves into new spectacular mistakes while trying to avoid repeating our past failures.
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Kevin Hearne |
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7eefd83
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Sometimes you simply need to say thank you to someone, to be grateful for the road behind and the road ahead and the place you're at, and gods are very good at accepting those feelings. And for all that humanity asks them for intercession with this crisis or that, it's important when things go well to be thankful or at least conscious of your good fortune, whether the gods deserve the gratitude or not. We strive so much to achieve these sma..
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Kevin Hearne |
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506eb29
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Defend the honor of your arse-munching couch.
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Kevin Hearne |
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6514288
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It is a catalyst for suicide and untold other acts of selfishness and stupidity. I cannot think of a more poisonous emotion.
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Kevin Hearne |
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47a9542
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Oi! Pay first, then run away screaming if you want!
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Kevin Hearne |
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56b24ee
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Two days ago she watched me kill someone, and she offered me her backyard as a place to hide the body." "Truly?" Magnusson raised his eyebrows in surprise. "That's a fine woman."
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Kevin Hearne |
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d9403c8
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My hens all died and my plow is broke My well is dry and my yak just croaked My farm's all rotted straight down to the roots But I don't care because now I can wearrrrr--! My worldwide, superglide, yellow-dyed, verified, Certified, ratified, justified and dignified, Qualified ironside, fortified and purified, Bona fide, amplified, khernhide boots!
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songs
humor
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Kevin Hearne |
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f08d527
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If you've got some hopelessly over matched heroes fighting evil and some Imperial types marching, John Williams is your guy. You need a song to make people reach for a box of Kleenex, talk to Randy Newman. But if you want creepy atmospherics and spine-shivering chords to back up your casual death threats, you gotta bring in Danny Elfman.
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Kevin Hearne |
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2941c0d
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there's anything I learned from studying philosophy, it's that everything turns to shit--but
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Kevin Hearne |
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cbcddda
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so I drop the rock and cross my arms in front of me, suddenly self-conscious in the presence of two goddesses who look like comic book heroines.
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Kevin Hearne |
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6445722
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My dad's idea of bonding was throwing me in the tar pits to teach me a lesson, though I'm not sure what the lesson was, except to stay the hell away from Da.
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humor
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Kevin Hearne |
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83ac70a
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craven weasel puke
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Kevin Hearne |
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f10e7fc
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maple-flavored whale shit.
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Kevin Hearne |
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af7c11d
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On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger.
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Kevin Hearne |
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147b652
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There are only three things you can do when something falls from the sky," my archdruid used to say. "Get out of the way, get underneath some shelter, or give it some reason to change its mind about falling on you." Then he threw a pissed-off rooster at me. I"
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Kevin Hearne |
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440b764
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I just shook hands with a naked goddess. What was that she called you? She-ya-han? Does that mean dumbass in Old Irish or something?
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Kevin Hearne |
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80f00f6
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Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox, and it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!">"
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Kevin Hearne |