|
027c405
|
More and more clearly as the scones disappeared into his interior he saw that what the sensible man wanted was a wife and a home with scones like these always at his diposal.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
41f931f
|
You can't press your suit and another fellow's trousers simultaneously.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
e5437d1
|
The High Street was full of farmers, cows, and other animals, the majority of the former well on the road to intoxication. It is, of course, extremely painful to see a man in such a condition, but when such a person in endeavouring to count a perpetually moving drove of pigs, the onlooker's pain is sensibly diminished.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
0fca443
|
Deep down in his heart the genuine Englishman has a rugged distaste for seeing his country invaded by a foreign army. People were asking themselves by what right these aliens had overrun British soil. An ever-growing feeling of annoyance had begun to lay hold of the nation.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
c072567
|
If you are a millionaire beset by blackmailers or anyone else to whose comfort the best legal advice is essential, and have decided to put your affairs in the hands of the ablest and discreetest firm in London, you proceed through a dark and grimy entry and up a dark and grimy flight of stairs; and, having felt your way along a dark and grimy passage, you come at length to a dark and grimy door. There is plenty of dirt in other parts of Rid..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
53d8cbd
|
As an energetic Socialist, I do my best to see the good that is in him, but it's hard. Comrade Bristow's the most striking argument against the equality of man I've ever come across.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
bd7eae1
|
One uses the verb 'descend' advisedly, for what is required is some word suggesting instantaneous activity. About Baxter's progress from the second floor to the first there was nothing halting or hesitating. He, so to speak, did it now. Planting
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
0bfd1d0
|
Normally he was fond of most things. He was a good-natured and cheerful young man, who liked life and the great majority of those who lived it contemporaneously with himself. He had no enemies and many friends. But today he had noticed from the moment he had got out of bed that something was amiss with the world. Either he was in the grip of some divine discontent due to the highly developed condition of his soul, or else he had a grouch. O..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
a7cd708
|
We part, then, for the nonce, do we?' 'I fear so, sir.' 'You take the high road, and self taking the low road, as it were?' 'Yes, sir.' 'I shall miss you, Jeeves.' 'Thank you, sir.' 'Who was that chap who was always beefing about gazelles?' 'The poet Moore, sir. He complained that he had never nursed a dear gazelle, to glad him with its soft black eye, but when it came to know him well, it was sure to die.' 'It's the same with me. I am a ga..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
a132a39
|
No wonder Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoi's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city reservoir, he turns to the cupboard, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
e8c8cbc
|
This woman always made Freddie feel as if he were being disemboweled by some clumsy amateur.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
81035b7
|
Tell me," said Ashe gratefully, leaning forward in an attitude of attention, "all about the lining of your stomach."
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
cf06de7
|
I mean to say, millions of people, no doubt, are so constituted that they scream with joy and excitement at the spectacle of a stuffed porcupine-fish or a glass jar of seeds from Western Australia - but not Bertram. No; if you will take the word of one who would not deceive you, not Bertram. By the time we had tottered out of the Gold Coast village and were working towards the Palace of Machinery, everything pointed to my shortly executing ..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
795926c
|
Do you mind not intoning the responses, Jeeves?" I said. "This is a most complicated story for a man with a headache to have to tell, and if you interrupt you'll make me lose the thread. As a favour to me, therefore, don't do it. Just nod every now and then to show that you're following me." I closed my eyes and marshalled the facts. "To start with then, Jeeves, you may or may not know that Mr Sipperley is practically dependent on his Aunt ..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
b5dd22a
|
I read it twice, then I said, "Well, why don't you?" "Why don't I what?" "Why don't you wish her many happy returns? It doesn't seem much to ask." "But she says on her birthday." "Well, when is her birthday?" "Can't you understand?" said Bobbie. "I've forgotten." "Forgotten!" I said. "Yes," said Bobbie. "Forgotten." "How do you mean, forgotten?" I said. "Forgotten whether it's the twentieth or the twenty-first, or what? How near do you get ..
|
|
humour
forgetfulness
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
eab6df0
|
Change of scene is the thing. I head of a man. Girl refused him. Man went abroad. Two months later girl wired him "Come back, Muriel." Man started to write out a reply; suddenly found that he couldn't remember girl's surname; so never answered at all, and lived happily ever after."
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
dae42c3
|
There's no doubt about it, being a policeman warps a man's mind and ruins that sunny faith in his fellow human beings which is the foundation of a lovable character. There seems to be no way of avoiding this.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
0878e98
|
He was rigidly truthful, where the issue concerned only himself. Where it was a case of saving a friend, he was prepared to act in a manner reminiscent of an American expert witness.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
c87f038
|
Mother always used to say, 'If you want to succeed in life, please the women. They are the real bosses. The men don't count.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
af719a3
|
However devoutly a girl may worship the man of her choice, there always comes a time when she feels an irresistible urge to haul off and let him have it in the neck.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
d315902
|
A dog without influence or private means, if he is to make his way in the world, must have either good looks or amiability.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
4970442
|
Lord Chesterfield said that since he had had the full use of his reason nobody had heard him laugh. I don't suppose you have read Lord Chesterfield's 'Letters To His Son'? ...Well, of course I hadn't. Bertram Wooster does not read other people's letters. If I were employed in the post office I wouldn't even read the postcards.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
2d9d8d3
|
You can't tell me if there are any special subjects to avoid when talking to him, can you?' 'Special subjects?' 'Well, you know how it is with a stranger. You say it's a fine day, and he goes all white and tense, because you've reminded him that it was on a fine day that his wife eloped with the chauffeur.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
6ded9e3
|
Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn't eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or just coming away from eating an egg? I tell you, the good old egg is the foundation of daily life. Stop the first man you meet in the street and ask him which he'd sooner lose, his egg or his wife, and see what he says!
|
|
egg
eggs
wife
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
de57c32
|
All nice girls sketch a little.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
7b80dca
|
The drowsy stillness of the summer afternoon was shattered by what sounded to his strained senses like G.K. Chesterton falling on a sheet of tin.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
d8ce3f8
|
One more toot--just one single, solitary suggestion of the faintest shadow or suspicion of anything remotely approaching a toot--and may the Lord have mercy on your soul.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
0182ba0
|
I went into the kitchen ten minutes back. The cat was sitting on the mat." Beale's narrative style closely resembled that of a certain book I had read in my infancy. I wish I could remember its title. It was a well-written book."
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
dbe0403
|
I remember when I was a kid at school having to learn a poem of sorts about a fellow named Pig-something--a sculptor he would have been, no doubt--who made a statue of a girl, and what should happen one morning but that the bally thing suddenly came to life. A pretty nasty shock for the chap, of course, but the point I'm working round to is that there were a couple of lines that went, if I remember correctly: She starts. She moves. She seem..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
768f989
|
We Woosters can bite the bullet.
|
|
p-g-wodehouse
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
14f4554
|
The club book was never intended to be light and titillated reading for the members. Its function is solely to acquaint those who are contemplating taking new posts with the foibles of prospective employers. This being so, there is no need for the record contained in the eighteen pages in which you figure. For I may hope, may I not, sir, that you will allow me to remain permanently in your service?
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
1fe1a3f
|
As a rule, from what I've observed, the American captain of industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a captain of industry again.
|
|
science
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
ebe86dd
|
I was conscious of a passing pang for the oyster world, feeling--and I think correctly--that life for these unfortunate bivalves must be one damn thing after another.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
8191b25
|
After all, golf is only a game,'' said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is any kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they're saying.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
69f3ffb
|
Ah, well,' I said resignedly, 'if that's that, that's that, what?' 'So it would appear, sir.' 'Nothing to do but keep the chin up and the upper lip as stiff as can be managed. I think I'll go to bed with an improving book. Have you read The Mystery of the Pink Crayfish by Rex West?
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
18a7663
|
He is England's premier fiend in human shape.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
8dc5737
|
I am familiar with the name Bassington-Bassington, sir. There are three branches of the Bassington-Bassington family - the Shropshire Bassington-Bassingtons, the Hampshire Bassington-Bassingtons, and the Kent Bassington-Bassingtons." "England seems pretty well stocked up with Bassington-Bassingtons." "Tolerably so, sir." "No chance of a sudden shortage, I mean, what?" "Presumably not, sir." "And what sort of a specimen is this one?" "I coul..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
e804a31
|
One of the King Georges of England-I forget which-once said that a certain number of hours' sleep each night-I cannot recall at the moment how many-made a man something, which for the time being has slipped my memory.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
8c0fd62
|
On broader lines he's like those chappies who sit peering sadly over the marble battlements at the Pennsylvania Station in the place marked "Inquiries." You know the Johnnies I mean. You go up to them and say: "When's the next train for Melonsquashville, Tennessee?" and they reply, without stopping to think, "Two-forty-three, track ten, change at San Francisco." And they're right every time. Well, Jeeves gives you just the same impression o..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
18b0cd0
|
By the way, I may have misled you by using the word 'tea'. None of your wafer slices of bread-and-butter. We're good trencher-men, we of the Revolution. What we shall require will be something on the order of scrambled eggs, muffins, jam, ham, cake and sardines. Expect us at five sharp." "But, I say, I'm not quite sure - " "Yes, you are. Silly ass, don't you see that this is going to do you a bit of good when the Revolution breaks loose? Wh..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
d7690a7
|
Little as he knew of women, he was aware that as a sex they are apt to be startled by the sight of men crawling out from under the seats of compartments.
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
1ea2d24
|
A fellow told me one about Wembley yesterday," I said, to help on the cheery flow of conversation. "Stop me if you've heard it before. Chap goes up to deaf chap outside the exhibition and says, "Is this Wembley?" "Hey?" says deaf chap. "Is this Wembley?" says chap. "Hey?" says deaf chap. "Is this Wembley?" says chap. "No, Thursday," says deaf chap. Ha, ha, I mean, what?" The merry laughter froze on my lips. Sir Roderick sort of just waggled..
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
0b929f5
|
I appear inadvertently to have caused much trouble, sir." "Jeeves!" I said. "Sir?" "How much money is there on the dressing-table?" "In addition to the ten-pound note which you instructed me to take, sir, there are two five-pound notes, three one-pounds, a ten-shillings, two half-crowns, a florin, four shillings, a sixpence, and a halfpenny, sir." "Collar it all," I said. "You've earned it."
|
|
|
P.G. Wodehouse |
|
9ee1436
|
On writing Jeeves and Wooster stories]: You tell yourself that you can take Jeeves stories or leave them alone, that one more can't possibly hurt you, because you know you can pull up whenever you feel like it, but it is merely wish-full thinking. The craving has gripped you and there is no resisting it. You have passed the point of no return.
|
|
humour
humor
jeeves
|
P.G. Wodehouse |