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8e6bde7
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I have no idea what cunnilingus is - certainly no one I've met in Wolverhampton can afford it.
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Caitlin Moran |
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e269ab5
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Kun kyynisyydesta tulee oletuskieli, leikkisyys ja kekseliaisyys katoavat. Kyynisyys jynssaa kulttuurin kuin kloori, se pyyhkii pois miljoonia pienia, orastavia ideoita. Kyynisyyden vastaus kaikkeen on "ei". Kyynisyys saa olettamaan, etta pettymys on vaistamaton. Ja tama on perimmiltaan syys siihen, miksi ihmisista tulee kyynisia. He pelkaavat pettymyksia. He pelkaavat, etta joku kayttaa heita hyvakseen. He pelkaavat, etta heidan viattomuut..
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Caitlin Moran |
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7d2ef59
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THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE HAVING SEX WITH BICYCLES. Men don't remotely care if you're wearing sexy underpants or not.
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Caitlin Moran |
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495506c
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Cynicism is, ultimately, fear. Cynicism makes contact with your skin, and a thick black carapace begins to grow--like insect armor. This armor will protect your heart, from disappointment--but it leaves you almost unable to walk. You cannot dance in this armor. Cynicism keeps you pinned to the spot, in the same posture, forever. And of course, the deepest irony about the young being cynical is that they are the ones that need to move, and d..
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Caitlin Moran |
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d142212
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Their lives are the same for generations. There is no social upheaval that will really affect them. If you're comfortably middle-class, what's the worst a government policy could do? Ever? Tax you at 90 percent and leave your bins unemptied on the pavement. But you and everyone you know will continue to drink wine-- but maybe cheaper-- go on holiday-- but somewhere nearer-- and pay off your mortgage--although maybe later.
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Caitlin Moran |
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027020b
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Friends, we live in a caffeine world. We think in a caffeine way and we live caffeine lives.
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Caitlin Moran |
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d8e3626
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Strip clubs let everyone down. Men and women approach their very worst here.
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Caitlin Moran |
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55cef65
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And how are . . . Mummy's stitches?" This, I was slightly thrown by. I knew my mother had had forty-two stitches after the birth, and that she was washing the stitches every day with warm salty water--she made me go and get the warm salty water--but she hadn't passed on much more information about her vagina than that. I knew from Spiritual Midwifery (Ina May Gaskin, Book Pub Co., 1977) that postpartum women were often loath to share the de..
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Caitlin Moran |
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d98f7e3
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Sitting in seat 14A, in the sun, I float on a full-moon, tidal joy unlike anything I've ever experienced. I am getting incredibly high on a single, astounding fact: that it's always sunny above the clouds. Always. That every day on Earth- every day I have ever had- was secretly sunny after all....I feel like I've just flown 600 miles per hour head-on into the most beautiful metaphor of my life: If you fly high enough, if you get above the c..
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hope
summer
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Caitlin Moran |
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cb2caf7
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imagine what we'll be able to build when we really need something. When the floods start, and the graphs spike red, and we panic. When the last tiger dies, followed by the last polar bear, and the last song thrush, and we are alone - feeling the terrible melancholy, and dishonour, of being the only species left on the planet. Then - when the apocalypse arrives, finally, on our doorstep - we will galvanise, and raise forests, and refreeze th..
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Caitlin Moran |
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fef4df3
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My favourite place in the world - the south beach at Aberystwyth -has a sewage outfall pipe on it
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Caitlin Moran |
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c409994
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And later, over a glass of wine -- because you drink wine now, because you are grown -- you will marvel over what you did. Marvel that, at the time, you kept so many secrets. Tried to keep the secret of yourself. Tried to metamorphose in the dark. The loud, drunken, fucking, eyeliner-smeared, laughing, cutting, panicking, unbearably present secret of yourself. When really you were about as secret as the moon. And as luminous, under all thos..
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Caitlin Moran |
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46c3b0a
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In short, how can you tell when some sexism is happening to you? Well, in this matter, what ultimately aids us is to simply apply this question to the issues: Is this polite? If we--the entire population of the earth, male and female alike--are just, essentially, 'the guys,' then was one of the guys just...uncouth to a fellow guy? Don't call it sexism. Call it 'manners' instead. When a woman blinks a little, shakes her head like Columbo, an..
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Caitlin Moran |
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7917503
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your midthirties...is the age that women usually start to feel confident. Having finally left behind the...awfulness of your twenties...your thirties are the point where the good stuff kicks in...How odd, then, that as your face and body finally begin to display the signs (lines, softening, gray hairs) that you've entered the zone of kick-ass eminence and intolerance of dullards, there should be pressure for you to...totally remove them. Gi..
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Caitlin Moran |
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d02ddf1
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Two women at the same event wearing the same outfit is a disaster. But two women at the same event singing the same song is a party. And two women at the same event talking about Doris from Fame is a friendship for life. Fill yourself with words, choruses, and heroes, like you're supposed to fill your wardrobe with shoes, brooches, and belts.
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women
empowerment
songs
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Caitlin Moran |
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c0d0e5a
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It demeans a society to rely on random acts of mercy, Johanna.
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Caitlin Moran |
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64465ce
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She is also my only friend--apart from Emily Pagett, who reminds me of Baba in The Country Girls (Edna O'Brien, Hutchinson, 1962), in that she often spreads lies about me--but which I tolerate, because she also tells me gossip about other people, which is fascinating. Even if it's also not true. I recognize that ultimately you have make your own amusement.
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Caitlin Moran |
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3cd4d70
|
I can assure you--we have a lot of experience in being amateur!" I say when she mentions the "amateur experience." She doesn't laugh. No one ever laughs when I make these kinds of jokes. When Bill Murray says shit like this, people completely lose it. I wish I was Bill Murray. I hope everything I've read about evolution is wrong, and I eventually evolve into him. It's one of only three plans I have."
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Caitlin Moran |
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499781e
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Musicals are strictly for homosexuals and womenfolk," Kenny says drily, in a way that's so post-post-post-ironic it actually stops being communication, and simply becomes confusing and unhelpful."
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Caitlin Moran |
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378a0be
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This is Pat," he says, introducing me to a man who is also drunk. "Because I'm Pat too! We're two Pats! He's a Protestant," he adds in a stagy whisper, "but we've sorted it all out."
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Caitlin Moran |
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12d34e5
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Because this injunction for all women to have children isn't in any way logical. If you take a moment to consider the state of the world, the thing you notice is that there are plenty of babies being born; the planet really doesn't need all of us to produce more babies.
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world
pregnancy
sexism
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Caitlin Moran |
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1af86e5
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Algun dia encontraras una version de ti misma que hara que te besen, o que te granjeara amistades, o que te inspirara, y tu tomaras buena nota: te quedaras toda la noche, afinando, y luego improvisaras a partir de un breve fragmento de melodia que funciono.
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Caitlin Moran |
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cb7451a
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I am getting incredibly high on a single, astounding fact: that it's always sunny above the clouds. Always. That every day on earth--every day I have ever had--was secretly sunny, after all. However shitty and rainy it is in Wolverhampton--on the days where the clouds feel low, like a lid, and the swarf bubbles and the gutters churn to digest--it's always been sunny up here.
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Caitlin Moran |
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f0df4c8
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I was holding his hand. I banked every jealous look, and became limitlessly wealthy on them.
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Caitlin Moran |
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b9a3d9a
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Every time your heart gets broken, breathe deep - it grows bigger as it mends. Imagine each line of red scar tissue on it with pride - the same pride you'll one day have for stretch marks on your belly, after having a baby. Skin and hearts tear to make great things. Don't be afraid. 8)
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Caitlin Moran |
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22f40f3
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If I'd had to guess, before, what "being pissed" felt like, I would never have guessed this unusual result: your knees feel warm, and your anxiety alchemizes down into something syrupy, and pleasant, and malleable. Like all medicines, it tastes revolting--but it makes you better. It makes you better."
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Caitlin Moran |
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f6301b5
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Every woman who chooses - joyfully, thoughtfully, calmly, of their own free will and desire - not to have a child does womankind a massive favour in the long term. We need more women who are allowed to prove their worth as people; rather than being assessed merely for their potential to create new people. After all, half those new people we go on to create are also women - presumably themselves to be judged, in their futures, for not making..
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woman
decision
children
sexism
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Caitlin Moran |
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1d521d9
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As I've not been kissed before, I'm not really sure how you activate this function on a man.
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Caitlin Moran |
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1c5a255
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I don't understand, then, why, in the midst of all this, pregnant women - women trying to make rational decisions about their futures and, usually, that of their families, too - should be subject to more pressure about preserving life than, say, Vladimir Putin, the World Bank, or the Catholic Church.
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woman
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Caitlin Moran |
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5c8c08c
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I've learned what my contemporaries will have learned in their first terms at college, or university--that the first friends you make in a new place are the ones you usually spend the next three terms trying to lose, and that it's the people who are quietly holding back, and standing in the corner, that you will want to be with, when your second year comes around.
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Caitlin Moran |
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4e6071c
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Feminism has had exactly the same problem that "political correctness" has had: people keep using the phrase without really knowing what it means." --
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Caitlin Moran |
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1964c02
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It would be boring to say how much we laughed. He lay in his bed, and told stories, and would go quiet - asleep? - and then he would giggle, and then I would giggle, and he would say, 'You put the phone down,' and I would say, 'No, you put the phone down.' At one point, he staggered in for a piss, three feet from where I lay - a thunderous unloading of whisky, Guinness and gin. 'You put the phone down,' he said. 'No - you put the phone down..
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Caitlin Moran |
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9e60f3a
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Anyone who has a sibling will know what that is--a punch that really hurts quite a lot, and that is meant to, but that you cannot take offense at, or retaliate against, because you went out of your way to get it--because sometimes you want your sibling to punch you. No one knows why this is.
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Caitlin Moran |
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34652dd
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We need more women who are allowed to prove their worth as people, rather than being assessed merely for their potential to create new people.
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Caitlin Moran |
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30f05c6
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It was good to be gay on Top of the Pops years before it was good to be gay in Parliament, or gay in church, or gay on the rugby pitch. And it's not just gay progress that happens in this way: 24 had a black president before America did. Jane Eyre was a feminist before Germaine Greer was born. A Trip to the Moon put humans on the Moon in 1902. This is why recent debates about the importance of the arts contain, at core, an unhappy error o..
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arts-and-humanities
arts-education
arts-funding
funding-for-the-arts
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Caitlin Moran |
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a2a40e8
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there is no crueler or more inappropriate present to give a child than estrogen and a big pair of tits.
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Caitlin Moran |
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813509b
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The reason they don't ask me when they're having kids, of course, is because men can, pretty much, carry on a normal life once they've had a baby.
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Caitlin Moran |
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cae75fa
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A nok tudjak, hogy a munkahelyen egy lazan, hetkoznapian vagy akar lomposan oltozott not nem vesznek olyan komolyan, mint egy hasonloan oltozott ferfi kollegat. A farmeres, tornacipos csajokat nem leptetik elo. A farmeres, tornacipos ferfiakat igen. A nok kulsejet altalaban egyenertekunek tartjak azzal, akik vagyunk - es epp ezert gyakran ez hatarozza meg, hogy mi tortenik velunk.
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Caitlin Moran |
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eb9d8d2
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Overeating is the addiction of choice of carers, and that's why it's come to be regarded as the lowest-ranking of all the addictions. It's a way of fucking yourself up while still remaining fully functional, because you have to. Fat people aren't indulging in the "luxury" of their addiction making them useless, chaotic, or a burden. Instead, they are slowly self-destructing in a way that doesn't inconvenience anyone. And that's why it's so ..
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Caitlin Moran |
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04e3400
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You don't live in London. You play London - to win. That's why we're all here. It is a city full of contestants, each chasing one of a million possible prizes: wealth, love, fame. Inspiration.
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wealth
quote
love
inspirational
fame
london
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Caitlin Moran |
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9c71111
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And yet, despite the multiplicity of times we've done it, it is still a funny, exultant, true thing - where for a short time you turn into something else and fly; where you stop fretting and wanting, and are simply alight with joy - and all while never venturing beyond the walls of your room. And I would put our continued success down to one simple thing. At the end of every tumbling session, one of us will turn to the other and say, "Thank..
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sex
marriage
long-term-relationships
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Caitlin Moran |
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7e52829
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There's no self-expression or joy in these joints-- no springboard to self-discovery, or adventure, like any decent night out involving men, women, alcohol, and taking your clothes off. Why do many people have a gut reaction to strip clubs? Because inside them, no one is having fun.
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Caitlin Moran |
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4bac2ef
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In the 21st century, we don't need to march against size-zero models, risible pornography, lap-dancing clubs, and Botox. We don't need to riot or go on hunger strikes. There's no need to throw ourselves under a horse, or even a donkey. We just need to look it in the eye, squarely, for a minute, and then start laughing at it.
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Caitlin Moran |
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ff46620
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John Kite was the first person I'd ever met who made me feel normal. That when i talked "too much," it was not the point where you walked away, going, "You're weird, Johanna," or "Shut up, Johanna" - but that was when the conversation actually got good. The more ridiculous things I said - the more astonishing things I confessed - the more he roared with laughter, or slapped the table and said: "That is exactly how it is, you outrageous item..
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Caitlin Moran |