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8526ae3
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In a world in which success was the only virtue, he had resigned himself to failure.
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Joseph Heller |
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db09db0
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After he made up his mind to spend the rest of the war in the hospital, Yossarian wrote letters to everyone he knew saying that he was in the hospital but never mentioning why. One day he had a better idea. To everyone he knew he wrote that he was going on a very dangerous mission. "They asked for volunteers. It's very dangerous, but someone has to do it. I'll write you the instant I get back." And he had not written anyone since."
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Joseph Heller |
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2b43653
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The frog is almost five hundred million years old. Could you really say with much certainty that America, with all its strength and prosperity, with its fighting man that is second to none, and with its standard of living that is highest in the world, will last as long as...the frog?
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Joseph Heller |
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ac3887c
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Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours.
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Joseph Heller |
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47c39fd
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Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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Joseph Heller |
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38eb594
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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Joseph Heller |
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89f59dc
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His specialty was alfalfa, and he made a good thing out of not growing any. The government paid him well for every bushel of alfalfa he did not grow. The more alfalfa he did not grow, the more money the government gave him, and he spent every penny he didn't earn on new land to increase the amount of alfalfa he did not produce. Major Major's father worked without rest at not growing alfalfa. On long winter evenings he remained indoors and d..
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Joseph Heller |
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aa0511b
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Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't,
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Joseph Heller |
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383761c
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Help!' he shrieked shrilly in a voice strangling in its own emotion, as the policemen carried him to the open doors in the rear of the ambulance and threw him inside. 'Police! Help! Police!' The doors were shut and bolted, and the ambulance raced away. There was a humorless irony in the ludicrous panic of the man screaming for help to the police while policemen were all around him. Yossarian smiled wryly at the futile and ridiculous cry for..
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Joseph Heller |
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4b41a31
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Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.
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Joseph Heller |
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fff2d60
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I'm cold,' Snowden said softly, 'I'm cold.' 'You're going to be all right, kid,' Yossarian reassured him with a grin. 'You're going to be all right.' 'I'm cold,' Snowden said again in a frail, childlike voice. 'I'm cold.' 'There, there,' Yossarian said, because he did not know what else to say. 'There, there.' 'I'm cold,' Snowden whimpered. 'I'm cold.' 'There, there. There, there.
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Joseph Heller |
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34dd44e
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The colonel dwelt in a vortex of specialists who were still specializing in trying to determine what was troubling him. They hurled lights in his eyes to see if he could see, rammed needles into nerves to hear if he could feel. There was a urologist for his urine, a lymphologist for his lymph, an endocrinologist for his endocrines, a psychologist for his psyche, a dermatologist for his derma; there was a pathologist for his pathos, a cystol..
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Joseph Heller |
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c23b5e4
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Because it's better to die on one's feet that+n live on one's knees," Nately retorted with triumphant and lofty convivtion. "I guess you've heard that saying before." "Yes, I certainly have," mused the treacherous old man, smiling again. "But I'm afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one's feet than die on one's knees."
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Joseph Heller |
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afbb7f0
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Yossarian - the very sight of the name made Colonel Cathcart shudder. There were so many esses in it. It just had to be subversive. It was like the word "subversive" itself. It was like "seditious" and "insidious" too, and like "socialist," "suspicious," "fascist" and "Communist." It was an odious, alien, distasteful name, a name that just did not inspire confidence."
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Joseph Heller |
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6b79eb5
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They're not going to send a crazy man out to be killed, are they?" "Who else will go?"
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joseph-heller
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Joseph Heller |
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97c479d
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Haven't you got anything humorous that stays away from waters and valleys and God? I'd like to keep away from the subject of religion altogether if we can." The chaplain was apologetic. "I'm sorry, sir, but just about all the prayers I know rather somber in tone and make at least some passing reference to God."
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public-prayer
religion
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Joseph Heller |
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f63484e
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He was polite to his elders, who disliked him. Whatever his elders told him to do, he did. They told him to look before he leaped, and he always looked before he leaped. They told him to never put off until the next day what he could do the day before, and he never did. He was told to honor his father and his mother, and he honored his father and his mother. He was told that he should not kill, and he did not kill, until he got into the Arm..
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Joseph Heller |
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f59e6db
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When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.
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Joseph Heller |
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d333e12
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That's another thing that pisses me off about that Michelangelo statue of me in Florence. He's got me standing there uncircumcised! Who the fuck did he think I was?
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Joseph Heller |
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1c685de
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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Joseph Heller |
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fc98321
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I get the willies when I see closed doors.
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phobias
willies
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Joseph Heller |
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56ca1d7
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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Joseph Heller |
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cffca8d
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I have a feeling that someone nearby is soon going to find out something about me that will mean the end, although I can't imagine what that something is.
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Joseph Heller |
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d219208
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He made so many people uneasy. Everyone was always very friendly toward him, and no one was ever very nice; everyone spoke to him, and no one ever said anything.
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Joseph Heller |
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6f905e0
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I frequently feel I'm being taken advantage of merely because I'm asked to do the work I'm paid to do.
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work
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Joseph Heller |
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1176fc7
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I see everything twice!
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Joseph Heller |
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5107abb
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But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.
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Joseph Heller |
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f52d89a
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Captain Flume was obsessed with the idea that Chief White Halfoat would tiptoe up to his cot one night when he was sound asleep and slit his throat open for him from ear to ear. Captain Flume had obtained this idea from Chief White Halfoat himself, who did tiptoe up to his cot one night as he was dozing off, to hiss portentously that one night when he, Captain Flume, was sound asleep he, Chief White Halfoat, was going to slit his throat ope..
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Joseph Heller |
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6bf3c24
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Clevinger is a very bright guy, a Harvard man, who knows everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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Joseph Heller |
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ae06d60
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He could not make them understand that...having a good time bored him and was not worth the effort.
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Joseph Heller |
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0ba165b
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It sure is a pleasure not having Flume around in the mess hall any more. No more of that 'Pass the salt, Walt.'" "Or 'Pass the bread, Fred.'" "Or 'Shoot me a beet, Pete."
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Joseph Heller |
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2cc6d5d
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Colonel Cathcart is our commanding officer and we must obey him. Why don't you fly four more missions and see what happens?" "I don't want to." "Suppose we let you pick your missions and fly milk runs?" Major Major said. "That way you can fly the four missions and not run any risks." "I don't want to fly milk runs. I don't want to be in the war anymore." "Would you like to see our country lose?" Major Major asked. "We won't lose. We've got ..
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Joseph Heller |
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79923f6
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All you've got to do is lie there a few minutes and die a little.
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Joseph Heller |
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50de42e
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They think that they're smart and that the rest of us are dumb.
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Joseph Heller |
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a1f59d6
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But I'm afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one's feet than die on one's knees. That is the way the saying goes.
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Joseph Heller |
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d14a843
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They began to invent humourless, glum jokes of their own and disastrous rumours about the destruction awaiting them at Bologna. Yossarian sidled up drunkenly to Colonel Korn at the officers' club one night to kid with him about the new Lepage gun that the Germans had moved in. 'What Lepage gun?' Colonle Korn inquired with curiousity. 'The new three-hundred-and-forty-four-millimeter Lepage glue gun,' Yossarian answered. 'It glues a whole for..
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Joseph Heller |
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9b66e24
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What could you do? Major Major asked himself again. What could you do with a man who looked you squarely in the eye and said he would rather die than be killed in combat, a man who was at least as mature and intelligent as you were and who you had to pretend was not? What could you say to him?
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Joseph Heller |
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3f4a0b4
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His response to them as sexual beings was one of frenzied worship and idolatry. They were lovely, satisfying, maddening manifestations of the miraculous, instruments of pleasure too powerful to be measured, too keen to be endured, and too exquisite to be intended for employment by base, unworthy man. He could interpret their naked presence in his hands only as a cosmic oversight destined to be rectified speedily, and he was driven always to..
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Joseph Heller |
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24e8daa
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Yossarian's attitude toward his roommates turned merciful and protective at the mere recollection of Captain Black. It was not their fault that they were young and cheerful, he reminded himself as he carried the swinging beam of his flashlight back through the darkness. He wished that he could be young and cheerful, too. And it wasn't their fault that they were courageous, confident and carefree. He would just have to be patient with them u..
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Joseph Heller |
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51f7457
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The chaplain had sinned, and it was good. Common sense told him that telling lies and defecting from duty were sins. On the other hand, everyone knew that sin was evil and that no good could come from evil. But he did feel good; he felt positively marvelous. Consequently, it followed logically that telling lies and defecting from duty could not be sins. "The chaplain had mastered, in a moment of divine intuition, the handy technique of prot..
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wisdom
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Joseph Heller |
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fdb8a4b
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It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar. What the hell does it mean when they disappear somebody?
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Joseph Heller |
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14d5368
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Why don't you use some sense and try to be more like me? You might live to be a hundred and seven, too." "Because it's better to die on one's feet than live on one's knees," Nately retorted with triumphant and lofty conviction. "I guess you've heard that saying before." "Yes, I certainly have," mused the treacherous old man, smiling again. "But I'm afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one's feet than die on one's knees. That..
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inspirational
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Joseph Heller |
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a69df4d
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He loved her manner of sleepy acquiescence when they lay on the beach at dusk. He drew solace and sedation from her nearness. He had a craving to touch her always, to remain always in physical communication. He liked to encircle her ankle loosely with his fingers...to lightly and lovingly caress the downy skin of her fair, smooth thigh with the backs of his nails or dreamily, sensuously, almost unconsciously, slide his proprietary, respectf..
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Joseph Heller |
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071d2b8
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What the hell are you getting so upset about?" he asked her bewilderedly in a tone of contrite amusement. "I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears. "But the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be."
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faith
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Joseph Heller |