Whenever we have something that we are good at--something we care about--that experience and passion fundamentally change the nature of our first impressions.
"Some people look like they sound better than they actually sound, because they look confident and have good posture," once musician, a veteran of many auditions, says. "Other people look awful when they play but sound great. Other people have that belabored look when they play, but you can't hear it in the sound. There is always this dissonance between what you see and hear" (p.251)."
Sylvia's first impression of Allegra was that no one had ever before had such a beautiful baby. Jocelyn's first impression of Grigg was that he had nice eyelashes and a funny name, and didn't interest her in the slightest. Prudie's first impression of Bernadette was that she was startling to look at and dull if you listened, which you hardly ever had to do. Bernadette's first impression of Prudie was that, in all her long years, she had rarely seen such a frightened young woman. Grigg's first impression of Jocelyn was that she appeared to think sharing an elevator with him for a few floors was some sort of punishment. Allegra's first impression of Sylvia was blurred with her first impression of the larger world. For me? she'd asked herself back when she had no words and no way to even know she was asking. And then, when Sylvia, and then, when Daniel had first looked into her eyes -- More for me?
When visitors come to a worship service in my own religious tradition, a great deal depends on how warmly they are welcomed and whether they feel included or excluded by what they hear during the short time they are with us. We may have exactly one shot at communicating who we are to people who know nothing about us - or who think they already know a lot about us - but who, in either case, will remember us at the embodiment of our entire tradition, the prime exemplars of our faith.
The voice of the inner critic is mean, unforgiving, punishing, and downright hurtful. When you allow it to run roughshod over your happiness and emotional well-being, it can wreak havoc on your peace of mind and leave you feeling anxious, fearful, and depleted.
Demoralizing self-talk leads to a self-destructive mindset, making everything in life more difficult. Not only that, how you feel about yourself oozes out of your pores and makes a bad impression on others.
We all can give in to our inner critic. I don't know about you, but I would never allow anyone to speak to me the way I speak to myself! I wouldn't be their friend!
Self-confident people don't make their self-esteem, self-image, happiness, or self-confidence dependent on another person's approval, validation, or acceptance.
"Wouldn't you rather have the respect of your friends and colleagues than succumb to pressure to do and say things that are out of character in order to feel accepted? You can overcome this habit simply by learning to say "no."
What we often forget is that most everyone else has dealt with the same struggles and uncertainties. You get to pick your response when this doubt creeps in. Will you allow it to undermine your confidence, or instead, choose to look at it objectively?
With an objective eye, take an inventory of your successes and enlist the honest feedback of a trusted and respected mentor or peer. Chances are they see you in a better light than you see yourself!
"You will be stuck with you for the rest of your life so learn to be your own best friend. Take a moment, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, "I love you." It feels awkward at first. Do it anyway. Begin a great friendship with YOU!"
If you want to appear more confident--speak slowly, articulately, clearly, and deliberately. Communicating with clarity will not only help you build more confidence in yourself, but it will inspire respect from others.
Gracious pride is a powerful motivator and an exceptional quality. It drives a person to strive for excellence, keep promises, not give up, be more resilient, maintain optimism, and hold their head high while enduring challenge and change.
Grace is an attitude of generosity toward our fellow humans. We are not easily offended and do not look to judge and label others. With a spirit of graciousness, we are amiable, benevolent, and charitable.
They emanate an essence of caring, love, and compassion towards the people they know, and generously extend their aura to the new people they encounter.
These people do exist and are a pleasure to know. Their keen communication skills are attentive to what you want, what you are thinking, saying, or not saying. They want to hear how you are and what you've been up to.
While it may seem to be a mysterious, ineffable quality--charisma is enhanced and enriched by a person's attitude and confidence, their aims and optimism, expressive body language, and natural effervescence.
What do confidence and command look like when you see them? Moving one step past a healthy self-esteem, they project an air of authority, respect, and deliberate intention.
"Charisma and charm are endearing qualities which go hand in hand to make others feel "lighter, happier, and a little in love" when they are around you."
When they are authentically engaged, their positive impressions create memorable moments and leave a lasting impact. Physical beauty becomes irrelevant because their exuberance and engagement bring out the beauty in you.
"True confidence is not something that can always be determined by a first impression. It may take a few interactions to detect whether a person is full of false bravado or if they are the "real McCoy."
In our natural world, it is the strongest of the species that claim their space, seek out new territories, explore their surroundings, and learn how to survive and thrive. It is those same qualities that enable us to apply confidence and command to transcend the mediocre and achieve outstanding results.
When your inner critic undermines your confidence, inner conflict, anxiety, and agitation take over. It tells you that you are not good enough, smart enough, handsome enough, worthy enough, or basically just plain NOT enough. It takes a toll on your self-confidence, doesn't it?
Even the smartest and most successful of people will experience lower self-confidence occasionally, but the difference is that they deliberately shift out of it and refuse to stay there.
Yes, learning curves can be painful, exhausting, trying, scary, and intimidating. How did you learn to ride a bike? One pedal, one balance, one turn, and one step at a time.
"Every one of your first encounters begins with a "blank canvas" which provides you with unlimited opportunities to color your world in the ways you most desire."
If you wouldn't want to hang out with someone who was constantly bashing you with a barrage of belittling insults, why would you allow them to live in your head?
As with art, first impressions are not rigid or carved in stone. Rather they are agile and adaptable, depending on the inspiration, the artist, the observer, the medium, and the circumstance.
Making an excellent first impression may seem old-fashioned to some, but the realities of life confirm that the first impression is a lasting one--impactful enough to change your life and even outlive you altogether.
The discovery that making great first impressions can be a learned skill helped me to understand that we can and do have power over how we affect and impact others and on how well we are received in this world.
The Art of Being lays the foundation for your first impressions, because if you get this part wrong not much else matters. All other efforts may be diminished or wasted.
Someone who is being gracious, kind, and passionate is more likely to achieve what they want in life than someone who is being petty, cruel, or resistant.
Becoming the person you want to be draws from being your best and doing your best as you allow your personality, passions, and purpose to shine through.
Are you being real? When people meet you, are you straight up and natural--the real deal? If you are, then you will appreciate what it means to approach life always being YOU.
Standing in your personal truth enables you to transcend social layers of happenstance and get to the heart of matters--revealing what is raw and real.
Human resource directors and hiring managers tell me they usually know within the first thirty seconds of a job interview whether or not the person is even a viable candidate.
"Why is a first impression so important?" Because these brief seconds can be the make-or-break, live-or-die, or yes-or-no basis for building rapport, earning trust, winning friends, or making the sale."
"1. "Whether a first impression is made by way of a mere glance, a warm smile, a visit to your website, your poise and speech, or a formal introduction, it sets the stage for your relationships, personally and professionally."
The number 8 is well-rounded, circular, continuous, consistent, connected--and eternal. These are the same outcomes you can create and enjoy when you turn a positive first impression into a constructive and lasting one.
As we observe and experience varying degrees of difficulty, negativity, loss, hurt, anxiety, and fear in life, we yearn for the reassurance that our relationships are safe.
The days of the pushy salesmen and self-serving narcissists are over. That type of behavior quickly alienates and pushes people away because it offends and can't be trusted.
People must believe that you are real and are who you say you are, otherwise they will not want to do business with you, much less make the effort to move forward in starting and building a relationship.
Dignity is a quiet strength which reflects your deep honor and self-respect. It is a gracious pride without narcissistic projection and portrays a calm awareness and generosity of spirit regardless of the environment or circumstances.
Confidence is silent, humble self-assurance. Moving one step past a healthy self-esteem, confidence projects an air of authority, trust, and respect--a commanding, respected presence.
Confidence is not a goal or a final ending point where you arrive and then stop once you reach it. Rather, it is the satisfaction and reward you achieve by stretching to, and beyond, the best of your abilities.
Building self-confidence is like building a muscle. Your confidence grows in response to your intensity of usage and the level of performance you require from it. If you don't use it, you may lose it. Stretch, flex, life, and build!
You will build confidence by continuing to put yourself into new and innovative situations where you can learn new skills, grow your education, test your strengths, and improve your abilities.
"We are each a work in progress--special and unique. By learning and living the "Art of First Impressions," you can design a masterpiece of which you can be proud." --
Interestingly, being yourself allows others to be themselves. Even with crazy imperfections, being a bona fide genuine person is the best any of us can be--messy flaws and all!
Do you generally feel uncomfortable around people whom you perceive to be perfect? Is there really such a thing as the perfect person? Of course not! Our flaws are often what differentiates us from each other, and no person is perfect.
"Authenticity isn't just about saying "this is who I am"--it is also about being flexible enough to recognize and appreciate the uniqueness in others--honoring the mutual respect for being authentic and true."
Think of the people whom you love, like, trust, and admire. Isn't their integrity the golden thread which elevates them to a higher standard in your eyes and in your heart?
Sharing your passion with others will not only enlighten them to your dedication and commitment, it can enable you to garner their participation, collaboration, cooperation, and endorsement.
"When your passion is aligned with your purpose, you are unstoppable! It is in that zone of high octane congruence that you are turned on and "cooking with gas."
Passionate people are great about discovering what lights their fire and going for it. They might be encouraged by others who share their passion, but they don't rely on others to tell them what they need to do or how they need to do it.
When employees lack passion, it is nearly impossible to deliver excellent customer service. Doesn't it make you less inclined to want to do business with them as well?
It can't be taught to all, but people who deliver exceptional work, merely by relaying their passion through what they say and do in the workplace, are priceless.
When employees are motivated and love what they do you will see higher productivity, less turnover, healthier communication, increased loyalty, and a happier environment.
I simply needed to excavate passion lost by being resilient, resolving the blockages, and healing. As soon as I did, the passion, and joy, burst forth.
Many people have never discovered the power generated from a heart of service. They show up to life projecting a right of entitlement in which their needs are their first priority and they will do whatever it takes to forward their own agenda without any concern for how it impacts others. This behavior pushes people away, creates barriers to trust and communication, and leaves a bad impression.
If you're always taking, you will inevitably experience resistance and struggle. Without realizing it, you may be creating a firewall that is blocking you from receiving exactly the things you most desire.
Do you genuinely love people? Or at least make an effort to like them? Your first impressions will be made easier and more successful when you start with your heart.