5aace8c
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Giovanni had awakened an itch, had released a gnaw in me. I realized it one afternoon, when I was taking him to work via the Boulevard Montparnasse. We had bought a kilo of cherries and we were eating them as we walked along. We were both insufferably childish and high-spirited that afternoon and the spectacle we presented, two grown men jostling each other on the wide sidewalk and aiming the cherry pits, as though they were spitballs, into each other's faces, must have been outrageous. And I realized that such childishness was fantastic at my age and the happiness out of which it sprang yet more so; for that moment I really loved Giovanni, who had never seemed more beautiful than he was that afternoon.
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lovers
love
bisexuality
playfulness
giovanni-s-room
homosexuality
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James Baldwin |
7c7e007
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But I felt that it was my heart which was broken. Something had broken in me to make me so cold and so perfectly still and far away.
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distant
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
heartbroken
detached
dissociation
cold
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James Baldwin |
8caf5de
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I had to get out of there for my face showed too much, the war in my body was dragging me down. My feet refused to carry me over to him again. The wind of my life was blowing me away.
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life
leave-taking
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
inner-turmoil
goodbye
separation
sad
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James Baldwin |
800a860
|
"Maybe everything bad that happens to you makes you weaker," said Giovanni, as though he had not heard me, "and so you can stand less and less."
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life
weakened
weaker
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
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James Baldwin |
36690c0
|
"He smiled, "Why, you will go home and then you will find that home is not home anymore. Then you will really be in trouble. As long as you stay here, you can always think: One day I will go home." He played with my thumb and grinned. " ?" "Beautiful logic," I said. "You mean I have a home to go to as long as I don't go there?" He laughed. "Well, isn't it true? You don't have a home until you leave it and then, when you have left it, you never can go back."
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giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
paradox
home
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James Baldwin |
69f91a6
|
The morning weighs on my shoulders with the dreadful weight of hope and I take the blue envelope which Jacques has sent me and tear it slowly into many pieces, watching them dance in the wind, watching the wind carry them away. Yet, as I turn and begin walking toward the waiting people, the wind blows some of them back on me.
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hope
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
last-lines
sad
symbolism
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James Baldwin |
8b00033
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No matter how it seems now, I must confess: I loved him. I do not think that I will ever love anyone like that again. And this might be a great relief if I did not also know that, when the knife has fallen, Giovanni, if he feels anything will feel relief.
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love
one-and-only
one-true-love
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
declaration-of-love
never-again
relief
sad
|
James Baldwin |
8c9bac6
|
I stared at absurd Paris, which was as cluttered now, under the scalding sun, as the landscape of my heart.
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heart
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
paris
|
James Baldwin |
44ce3d2
|
"I do not know what I would do if you left me." For the first time I felt the suggestion of a threat in his voice--or I put it there. "I have been alone so long--I do not think I would be able to live if I had to be alone again."
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relationship
romantic-relationship
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
suicidal
threat
|
James Baldwin |
a42abda
|
I loved her as much as ever and I still did not know how much that was.
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relationship
love
uncertain
romantic-relationship
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
confused
|
James Baldwin |
16af428
|
The Americans have no sense of doom, none whatever. They do not recognize doom when they see it.
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giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
cultural
doom
blind
americans
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James Baldwin |
94cd7d9
|
To begin with, the room was not large enough for two. It looked out on a small courtyard. 'Looked out' means only that the room had two windows, against which the courtyard malevolently pressed, encroaching day by day, as though it had confused itself with a jungle.
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humor
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
|
James Baldwin |
ca29477
|
But she saw nothing in my eyes--she stared at me as though I had made a long journey on a white charger all the way to her prison house.
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simile
knight-in-shining-armor
miscommunication
romantic-relationship
giovanni-s-room
james-baldwin
|
James Baldwin |
85a966b
|
"One of these days," he said. "Everything bad will happen--one of these days."
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giovanni-s-room
portent
james-baldwin
pessimistic
bad
ominous
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James Baldwin |