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One parent of a Rebel explained, "The best way to wrangle the Rebel child is to give the kid the information to make a decision, present the issue as a question that he alone can answer, and let him make a decision and act without telling you. Let him make a decision without an audience. Audiences = expectations. If he thinks you're not watching, he won't need to rebel against your expectations."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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A "routine" is a string of habits, and a "ritual" is a habit charged with transcendent meaning."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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We should make sure the things we do to feel better don't make us feel worse.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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In other words, habits eliminate the need for self-control.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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It was time to expect more of myself. Yet as I thought about happiness, I kept running up against paradoxes. I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously--and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself. I was always on the edge of agitation; I wanted to let go of envy and anxiety about..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Pouring out ideas is better for creativity than doling them out by the teaspoon.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Hors d'oeuvres have always a pathetic interest for me.... They remind me of one's childhood that one goes through, wondering what the next course is going to be like--and during the rest of the menu one wishes one had eaten more of the hors d'oeuvres.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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when we give more to ourselves, we can ask more of ourselves.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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We set out to be wrecked.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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People take less food when using tongs, instead of spoons, to serve themselves.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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The first and most important habits question is: "How does a person respond to an expectation?" When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. Therefore, it's crucial to understand how we respond to expectations."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Recently I'd been intrigued to read about a self-publishing site, Lulu.com. According to the Web site, I could print a proper hardback book, complete with dust jacket, for less than thirty dollars.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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869c403
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Epicurus agreed, albeit in slightly more poetic phraseology: "Of all the things that wisdom provides for living one's entire life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Don't grieve limitations
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Information, consequences, choice. Without lectures or micro-management or rescue.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Our lives are in the space between Isaiah Berlin's "We are doomed to choose and every choice may entail an irreparable loss" and Borges's Garden of Forking Paths, where every choice produces a quantum explosion of alternate future."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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when dealing with a child who refuses to meet an expectation, it's important to try to understand the reason for that child's behavior. While a Rebel child might think, "You can't make me," a Questioner child may be waiting to hear a convincing argument about why meeting an expectation is worthwhile." --
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Gretchen Rubin |
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What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while..
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everyday-choices
habits-of-action
make-healthy-habits
prayer-life
everyday-life
fitness
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Gretchen Rubin |
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It's a Secret of Adulthood: Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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It's fun to fail, I kept repeating. It's part of being ambitious; it's part of being creative. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing badly.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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And of course, arriving at one goal usually reveals another, yet more challenging goal. Publishing the first book means it's time to start the second. There's another hill to climb. The challenge, therefore, is to take pleasure in the "atmosphere of growth,"
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Make it easy to do right and hard to go wrong.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Epicurus wrote, "We must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that be present, we have everything, and, if that be absent, all our actions are directed toward attaining it." Contemporary research shows that happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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the Strategy of Pairing, I couple two activities, one that I need or want to do, and one that I don't particularly want to do, to get myself to accomplish them both. It's not a reward, it's not a treat, it's just a pairing.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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When Obligers have the external accountability they need to meet their inner expectations, they don't experience any sense of limitation or self-frustration--and of course many environments, such as the workplace, tend to supply lots of accountability. When what others expect from Obligers is what they expect from themselves, they have the life they want.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Waldenlust." This longing takes several forms: fantasies of the freedom that dispossession would bring; nostalgia for earlier, supposedly simpler times; and reverence for the primitive, which is assumed to be more authentic and closer to nature."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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But it doesn't matter what we think a person (or ourselves) "should be able to" do--what matters is only what works for each individual. To help people change their habits or behavior, we should help get them what they need to succeed, whether that's more clarity, more information, more outer accountability, or more choices."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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In a nutshell, Rebels respond best to a sequence of information, consequences, and choice. We must give Rebels the information they need to make an informed decision; alert them to the consequences of actions they might take; then allow them to choose--
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Gretchen Rubin |
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e9ac24b
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There are many compelling reasons to exercise, but study after study shows that weight loss isn't one of them. The way to lose weight is to change eating habits.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Although people often assume that cravings intensify over time, research shows that with active distraction, urges--even strong urges--usually subside within about fifteen minutes. Drawing on intrinsic motivation makes us far more likely to stick to a behavior, and to find it satisfying.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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91ffd4c
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discouraging as he'd been, hadn't actually hit on my real worry about my project: Was it supremely self-centered to spend so much effort on my own happiness?
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Gretchen Rubin |
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The harder it is to do something, the harder it is to do it impulsively, so inconvenience helps us stick to good habits. There are six obvious ways to make an activity less convenient: * Increase the amount of physical or mental energy required (leave the cell phone in another room, ban smoking inside or near a building). * Hide any cues (put the video game controller on a high shelf). * Delay it (read email only after 11:00 a.m.). * En..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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It's a Secret of Adulthood: Make sure the things we do to make ourselves feel better don't make us feel worse.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Research shows that the more elements make up your identity, the less threatening it is when any one element is threatened.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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UPHOLDER/Obligers must be sure to articulate inner expectations and to create boundaries to protect inner expectations from outer interference.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Upholders-tipped-to-Obligers have a commitment to both inner and outer expectations, for them, the pull of outer expectations is very hard to ignore; UPHOLDER/Obligers must be sure to articulate inner expectations and to create boundaries to protect inner expectations from outer interference.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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as always, Upholders must make sure to articulate their inner expectations.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Almost always, if I make a commitment, I can stick to it, even without outside help.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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She eagerly meets society's rules and laws until they conflict with her own inner sense of justice--at which point she rejects them.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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I pegged her as a highly considerate UPHOLDER/Obliger. She's able to meet inner expectations without outer accountability, but only when outer expectations don't interfere.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Gertrude Stein remarked, "Anything one does every day is important and imposing and anywhere one lives is interesting and beautiful."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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In fact, the Upholder commitment to meeting expectations can sometimes make Upholders seem...cold. There's a relentless quality to Upholders. They're going to do what must be done even, sometimes, if that means inconveniencing other people or being out of step.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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384e3c2
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Our habits are our destiny.
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Gretchen Rubin |