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Another reason to avoid stopping a good habit is that, sadly, starting again is often far harder than starting the first time. It's natural to think, "Oh, I did this before, it will be easy to do it again," but often it's much harder to start again. True, taking that first step the first time around can be hard, but there's also a special energy and optimism to launching a new habit. When I've tried to summon up the same energy for restarti..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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All I did was read a book, and that action unleashed an enormous force: the Strategy of the Lightning Bolt.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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A reader posted about a more modest change: "I dreaded my dentist appointment because I knew they'd ask how often I floss. It occurred to me that I could just floss every day, and then that question would never bother me. It puzzles me why the solution suddenly became so obvious and so easy in that moment."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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This was exactly what I had noticed about the "stopping" aspect of First Steps. When we try a new habit for the first time, it feels full of promise, even if it's arduous. But most of that excitement is gone the second time, and the habit's drawbacks are more apparent. Plus, there's the discouraging feeling of having lost ground, of going backwards. "Hang in there," I said."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Eventually I learned to reject this advice. Somehow, I figured out that it was easier for me to resist certain temptations by never giving in to them.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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How can I deprive myself of something without feeling deprived? When it comes to habits, feeling deprived is a pernicious state. When we feel deprived, we feel entitled to compensate ourselves--often, in ways that undermine our good habits.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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I realized that one way to deprive myself without creating a feeling of deprivation is to deprive myself totally.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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It would be impossible for me to eat one square of chocolate a day. For the rest of the day, I'd be thinking about that bar of chocolate. In fact, I discovered that the question "Could you eat one square of chocolate every day?" is a good way to distinguish Abstainers from Moderators. All Moderators seem to keep a bar of chocolate stashed away to eat one square at a time. (Maybe this explains the mystery of why chocolate bars are divided in..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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This freedom from decision making is crucial, because when I have to decide--which often involves resisting temptation or postponing gratification--I tax my self-control.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Habits speed time, because when every day is the same, experience shortens and blurs; by contrast, time slows down when habits are interrupted, when the brain must process new information.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Generally, I've observed, we seek changes that fall into the "Essential Seven." People--including me--most want to foster the habits that will allow them to: 1. Eat and drink more healthfully (give up sugar, eat more vegetables, drink less alcohol) 2. Exercise regularly 3. Save, spend, and earn wisely (save regularly, pay down debt, donate to worthy causes, stick to a budget) 4. Rest, relax, and enjoy (stop watching TV in bed, turn off a ce..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. Therefore, it's crucial to understand how we respond to expectations.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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One-Coin" Loophole: Whether we choose to focus on the single coin or the growing heap will shape our behavior."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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By catching ourselves in the act of invoking a loophole, we give ourselves an opportunity to reject it, and stick to the habits that we want to foster.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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When we distract ourselves, we purposefully redirect our thoughts, and by doing so, we change our experience. Distraction can help us resist temptation, minimize stress, feel refreshed, and tolerate pain, and it can help us stick to our good habits.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Although people often assume that cravings intensify over time, research shows that with active distraction, urges--even strong urges--usually subside within about fifteen minutes.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Drawing on intrinsic motivation makes us far more likely to stick to a behavior, and to find it satisfying.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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The second reason rewards pose a danger for habits is that they require a decision. A habit, by my definition, is something we do without decision making.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Maintaining a healthy weight requires us not to follow a temporary diet, but to change our eating habits forever.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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By finding my reward within the habit itself, with a reward that takes me deeper into the habit. If I look outside a habit for a reward, I undermine the habit. If I look within the habit for the reward, I strengthen the habit.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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book Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar
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Gretchen Rubin |
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By helping us to feel energetic and happy, healthy treats can play a key role in fostering good habits, but we must guard against the temptations of unhealthy treats. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, regret, loss of control, and other negative consequences kick in.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Two kinds of clarity support habit formation: clarity of values and clarity of action. The clearer I am about what I value, and what action I expect from myself--not what other people value, or expect from me--the more likely I am to stick to my habits.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Clarity is one reason that the Strategy of Scheduling is so helpful. It's important to have time to write; to have time with my family; to read. Instead of spending my day in a chaos of warring priorities, and feeling as though whatever I do I'm leaving important things undone, I can use the clarity of Scheduling to guarantee that I have time and energy to devote to each activity that matters.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Besides clarity of values, another kind of clarity supports habit formation: clarity of action. The more specific I am about what action to take, the more likely I am to form a habit. A habit to "be more mindful," for instance, is too vague to be a habit, but "have a moment of gratitude every time I walk into my apartment building" or "take a photo of something interesting every day" are concrete actions that can become habits."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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To achieve greater clarity in my actions, I often invoke a "bright-line rule," a useful concept from law. A bright-line rule is a clearly defined rule or standard that eliminates any need for interpretation or decision making."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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The fact is, changing a habit is much more challenging if that new habit means altering or losing an aspect of ourselves.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. You
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Gretchen Rubin |
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nothing was insurmountable if I did what I knew ought to be done, little by little. My
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Gretchen Rubin |
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People's biggest worries include financial anxiety, health concerns, job insecurity, and having to do tiring and boring chores.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Each day gave me a new opportunity to push the task off until tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'd feel like dealing with it. "Start now," I finally thought. "Just take the first step." I started with the smallest possible step,"
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Gretchen Rubin |
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else. Self-measurement brings self-awareness, and self-awareness strengthens our self-control.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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A conversation with a Moderator friend revealed another telling distinction. "I got a sundae from my favorite ice-cream store," she told me, "and it was delicious. But after a while, I could hardly taste it. I let a friend finish it." "I've never left ice cream unfinished in my life," I said. For Moderators, the first bite tastes the best, and then their pleasure gradually drops, and they might even stop eating before they're finished. For ..
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four-tendencies
moderator
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Gretchen Rubin |
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I should tailor my habits to the fundamental aspects of my nature that aren't going to change. It was no use saying "I'll write more every day if I team up with another writer, and we race to see who can finish writing a book faster," because I don't like competition."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Some people love finishing, and some people love opening--both literally and figuratively. Finishers love the feeling of bringing a project to completion, and they're determined to use the last drop in the shampoo bottle; Openers thrill to the excitement of launching a new project, and find pleasure in opening a fresh tube of toothpaste.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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He that stumbles, and does not quite fall, gains a step.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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In fact, novelty lovers may do better with a series of short-term activities--thirty-day challenges, for instances--instead of trying to create an enduring, automatic habit.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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At the heart of this home is my family; where my family is, is home. If I lived by myself, home would be the place peopled with reminders of everyone I loved. My home is a place of unconditional belonging, which is part of its pleasure, part of its pain- as Robert Frost wrote, home is "something you somehow haven't to deserve." At home, I feel a greater sense of safety and acceptance, and also of responsibility and obligation."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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To do the intellectually demanding work of writing, I leave my home office and my three beloved computer monitors to work at the wonderful old library that's just a block from my apartment. The atmosphere of a library helps me to think. When I want to take a break, instead of heading to the kitchen for a snack, I wander among the many floors of books.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Home Every room should include something purple Keep pens, a notepad, and a pair of scissors in every room Write down anything I need to remember If something's important to me, I should reserve time for it in my schedule, make a place for it in my home, and build relationships around it
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Gretchen Rubin |
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A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labours of a spasmodic Hercules.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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This was exactly what I had noticed about the "stopping" aspect of First Steps. When we try a new habit for the first time, it feels full of promise, even if it's arduous. But most of that excitement is gone the second time, and the habit's drawbacks are more apparent. Plus, there's the discouraging feeling of having lost ground, of going backwards."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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By giving something up, I gain.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Studies show that if you reward people for doing an activity, they often stop doing it for fun; being paid turns it into "work." Parents, for example, are warned not to reward children for reading--they're teaching kids to read for a reward, not for pleasure."
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Gretchen Rubin |