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Frankl observed, "In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice." *"
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Instead of contradicting pessimistic or negative statements, acknowledge them. Happiness leeches are often less emphatic when they feel that others recognize their views. * Act the way I want to feel; behave the way I want to behave. Too
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Gretchen Rubin |
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c1baa87
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Elias Canetti observed, "One lives in the naive notion that later there will be more room than in the entire past."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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how a couple fights matters more than how much they fight.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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9f2193d
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I feel unsettled at any time when I'm not writing. And I mean that. There's a sense of peace, and of being in the right place, that I experience only when I'm writing.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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4e4c587
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Studies show that if you have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter, you're far more likely to describe yourself as "very happy."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Obligers, however, often dislike their Tendency. They're vexed by the fact that they can meet others' expectations, but not their expectations for themselves.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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ed5aa8a
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One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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004196a
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I was comforted by the words of my model Benjamin Franklin, who reflected of his own chart: "On the whole, though I never arrived at perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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37e2709
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The harder the push, the greater the Rebel push-back. I laughed when a Rebel friend told me, 'No one can tell me to do anything. I recently got an email saying "Please read" in the subject line, and I immediately deleted it."
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rebellion
personality
don-t-tell-me-what-i-can-t-do
rebel
resistance
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Gretchen Rubin |
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28425da
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As one Questioner pointed out, 'The Rebels' best asset is their voice of dissent. We shouldn't try to school it out of them, or to corporate-culture it out, or shame it out. It's there to protect us all.
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rebellion
rebel
dissent
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Gretchen Rubin |
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7e1ae8d
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Habits are the invisible architecture of daily life.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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182a5d0
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I was reminded of Lord Kelvin's observation, overbroad but nevertheless thought-provoking: "When you cannot express it in number, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind." --
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Gretchen Rubin |
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c3c5e14
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Aaron Beck, founder of cognitive behavioral therapy, maintains that people find it easy to notice what their partners do wrong, but not what they do right, so he suggests keeping "marriage diaries" to track partners' considerate behavior; one study showed that 70 percent of couples who did this tracking reported an improved relationship."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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46ac78a
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As the weeks wore on, along with keeping a food journal, I added a new monitoring habit: No seconds. When people preplate their food and eat just one helping, they eat about 14 percent less than when they take smaller servings and return for more helpings.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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fb71bf7
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Lack of sleep negatively affects mood, memory, immune function, and pain sensitivity; it makes people more likely to fight with their partners; it contributes to weight gain.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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90adb7f
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So where should we start? It's helpful to begin with habits that most directly strengthen self-control; these habits serve as the Foundation for forming other good habits.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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6ca77d7
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Are you a morning person or a night person (Lark or Owl)? Do you enjoy spending time outdoors, or do you prefer not to deal with weather? Are you motivated by competition? Do you enjoy exercising to strong music and a driving beat, or do you prefer a quiet background? Do you respond well to some form of external accountability (a trainer, a running group), or is internal accountability sufficient? Do you like to challenge yourself with exer..
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Gretchen Rubin |
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9c0a73b
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IF IT'S ON THE CALENDAR, IT HAPPENS
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Gretchen Rubin |
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74945e3
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Scheduling makes us far more likely to convert an activity into a habit (well, except for Rebels), so for that reason, I schedule even some slightly ridiculous habits, such as "Kiss Jamie every morning and every night." Habits grow strongest and fastest when they're repeated"
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Gretchen Rubin |
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f73ae74
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Although many people believe that habits form in twenty-one days, when researchers at University College London examined how long people took to adopt a daily habit, such as drinking water or doing sit-ups, they found that, on average, a habit took sixty-six days to form.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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4f8281a
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Consistency, repetition, no decision--this was the way to develop the ease of a true habit.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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9f6affa
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In one study, when subjects made a shopping list for what they'd eat in a week, more chose a healthy snack instead of an unhealthy snack; when asked what they'd choose now, more people chose the unhealthy over the healthy snack.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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61c23fb
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A regular work schedule can help procrastinators because progress and engagement relieve their anxiety.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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d7a190e
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William Butler Yeats. "Happiness," wrote Yeats, "is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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01df450
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Exercise for sanity not vanity.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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b88f8b8
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Whenever I start a new book, I think, "This is the most interesting subject of all time. It's sad, I'll never enjoy writing another book as much as I enjoy this one." Every time, I'm convinced. And then I change my mind when I start the next book."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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8b351ac
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Just taking one drifting step can you set you in a course that's very hard to stop.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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8c00026
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Happy people make people happy, but I can't make someone be happy, and No one else can make me happy.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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a7738bd
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It's a very unsettling and interesting exercise to think about the people in my life and to imagine myself in a minor, supporting role. How do I fit into their fates? Am I helping?
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Gretchen Rubin |
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02a8f51
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If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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Studies show that if you reward people for doing an activity, they often stop doing it for fun; being paid turns it into "work."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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For Moderators, the first bite tastes the best, and then their pleasure gradually drops, and they might even stop eating before they're finished. For Abstainers, however, the desire for each bite is just as strong as for the first bite--or stronger, so they may want seconds, too.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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6356e13
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One thing that continually astonishes me is the degree to which we're influenced by sheer convenience. The amount of effort, time, or decision making required by an action has a huge influence on habit formation.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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4d052ba
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The Strategy of Safeguards requires us to take a very realistic--perhaps even fatalistic--look at ourselves. But while acknowledging the likelihood of temptation and failure may seem like a defeatist approach, it helps us identify, avoid, and surmount our likely stumbling blocks.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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8423bde
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Of the Four Tendencies, Obligers struggle most often against the temptations of loopholes. Rebels don't make excuses to justify doing what they want; Upholders and Questioners feel a greater pressure from their own inner expectations to resist loopholes. Obligers act when they're held externally accountable, so they look for loopholes to excuse them from that accountability.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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0c2934d
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Tomorrow Loophole: As part of my investigation of First Steps, I'd identified "tomorrow logic." Now doesn't matter, because we're going to follow good habits tomorrow."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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a10d09e
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False Choice Loophole: This is the loophole-seeking strategy I most often invoke. I pose two activities in opposition, as though I have to make an either/or decision, when in fact, the two aren't necessarily in conflict.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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4f7bf26
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Arranging to Fail Loophole: It's odd. Instead of fleeing temptation, we often plan to succumb.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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5da6229
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This Doesn't Count" Loophole: We tell ourselves that for some reason, this circumstance doesn't "count."
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Gretchen Rubin |
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7713a4a
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Concern for Others Loophole: We tell ourselves that we're acting out of consideration for others and making generous, unselfish decisions. Or we decide we must do something in order to fit into a social situation.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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f211fcc
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For this reason, it's often worthwhile to invest in systems of accountability. A chief benefit of fitness trainers, financial planners, life coaches, executive coaches, personal organizers, and nutritionists, in addition to their expertise, is the accountability they provide. For Obligers, most of all, this kind of external accountability is absolutely essential.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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e1c2559
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Fake Self-Actualization Loophole: Often, a loophole is disguised as an embrace of life or an acceptance of self, so that the failure to pursue a habit seems life-affirming--almost spiritual.
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Gretchen Rubin |
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321a7be
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The fact is, while some habits are almost unbreakable, some habits remain fragile, even after years. We must guard against anything that might weaken a valuable habit. Every added link in the chain strengthens the habit--and any break in the chain marks a potential stopping point.
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Gretchen Rubin |