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"Ambiverts typically . . . * Can process information both internally and externally. They need time to contemplate on their own, but consider the opinions and wisdom from people whom they trust when making a decision. * Love to engage and interact enthusiastically with others, however, they also enjoy calm and profound communication. * Seek to balance between their personal time and social time, they value each greatly. * Are able to move from one situation to the next with confidence, flexibility, and anticipation. "Not everyone is going to like us or understand us. And that is okay. It may have nothing to do with us personally; but rather more about who they are and how they relate to the world."
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Susan C. Young |
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We've all known the proverbial conversation hog who dominates a discussion and pays little notice to another person's input. They're so busy talking about themselves, we can barely slide a word in edgewise. Don't be that guy!
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Susan C. Young |
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Conversational Chameleon We know that chameleons are lizards who are famous for their ability to change their colors and fit in as their environments require. This ability enables them to change themselves for safety, survival, and healthy well-being. Their colors adjust to reflect their mood, their surroundings, and serve as camouflage when necessary. Fossils prove they have been on this planet for over eighty million years, so they must be doing something right. Their innate ability for adaptability deserves appreciation, respect, and further consideration. It obviously works!
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Susan C. Young |
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"All in Good Time. The ancient Buddhist saying shares, "When the student is ready, the master will appear." When the timing is right, lessons are learned and miracles can happen. However, when the timing is "out of sync," even the best of intentions can be met with resistance."
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Susan C. Young |
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"The Rhythm of Relationships It's not a mystery that there are certain people with whom we "click" and others with whom we don't. In the movie, Forrest Gump, Forrest proclaimed that he and Jenny got along like "peas and carrots." I once heard Tony Robbins say that if you are with the right person, a relationship does not take a lot of work. When relationships are in rhythm, everything is made easier."
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Mindful Awareness. Be fully involved in the moment--right now! Developing this ability instills a sixth sense for navigating connections. Be intentional and thoughtful; listen and care.
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Conversation Starters. Your first words will not only shape your first impression, but they can create amazing connections, lead you to your dream job, or help you discover a new best friend.
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Susan C. Young |
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Active Listening. Practice this skill. You enhance communication; this confirms that the message another conveys is well received and thoroughly understood. You get it!
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Susan C. Young |
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"Voice Value. Your voice makes a first impression. Is your voice coming across as smart, friendly, and positive or ignorant, rude, and negative? The way you deliver the words is your "vocal image."
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Being a conversational chameleon allows you to do that. One day I may be speaking to the CEO of a global company and the next to my four-year-old nephew. Just as you would not talk to your eighty-year-old grandmother the same way you would talk to a twenty-three-year-old co-worker, adapt your own behavior to the person with whom you are speaking.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Finding the right time is like discovering a social portal which opens a gate for others to receive your message and "get you." You only get one chance to make a first impression and if the gate begins to close, you may never get another opportunity to walk through it. Watch for the openings and synchronize your movements with your intended recipient."
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Susan C. Young |
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"Susan RoAne is the bestselling author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections in Person and Online. She is known worldwide as the Mingling Maven and is a respected expert, author, and keynote speaker on networking, connecting, and conversations. In her book, she shares the roadblocks and remedies to help people become savvy socializers and succeed at networking. She recently shared with me that putting labels on personality styles can sometimes create bias and limitations. She said, "We've spent so much time crystallizing our differences that it can be to our detriment. It is more important to simply engage with people on a respectful and authentic level."
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Susan C. Young |
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Understanding Personality Styles Helps You: * Communicate more easily with others by understanding their perspectives. * Adapt your behavior to resonate with others. * Develop deeper levels of compassion, patience, and communication. * Deliver personalized customer service. * Build trust and rapport faster. * Nurture existing relationships. * Make more sales. * Feel more confident networking. * Realize that people behave the way they do for their reasons, not yours. * Appreciate the diversity of teammates, family members, friends, and work groups. * Unify your teams and get the best out of your people by focusing on their strengths, aligning their styles with their assigned positions, and knowing how to motivate and reward them.
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"The concept is made even more fascinating when you consider it as a psychological spectrum. Imagine a sliding scale of personalities that range from being an "introvert" to an "extrovert" and placing "ambivert" smack dab in the middle. This linear scale illustrates a continuum of experiences, because these descriptions do not apply to every person at all times. We all have tendencies, preferences, and comfort zones that change according to the people we are surrounded by, the environment we find ourselves in, and our levels of confidence in the moment. Using the scale above, where do you typically fall in the spectrum?"
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Susan C. Young |
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"In his book, The Four Agreements, Miguel's Ruiz encourages us to "not take things personally; people behave for their reasons, not ours." Our personality differences and life experiences shape how we perceive, engage, react, and respond."
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Susan C. Young |
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The synchronicity found in nature extends to the rhythm and patterns in our relationships; it explains how random events can come together to achieve harmony, flow, and order. Similarly, social synchronicity plays a large role in the art of constructive communication by helping us understand how social patterns can positively impact our relationships.
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Susan C. Young |
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Knowing when to say something is as important as knowing what or what not to say. You may have the perfect message, but it can be negated by imperfect timing.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Being "out of sync" can be exasperating. Seek to synchronize to increase your chances for success and positive outcomes. Just because your timing is good for you does not mean it is a good time for another person."
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Susan C. Young |
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Years ago, one of my girlfriends and I were going on a road trip and our destination was four hours away. We started an amazing conversation as our trip began. We arrived four hours later, but it felt like we had been driving for only half an hour. Have you ever been so immersed in the free flow of conversation that it transcended time, space, and effort? That is the beauty of being in flow.
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Susan C. Young |
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It is not unusual for people to believe that their way is the best way--that they are right and everyone else is out-of-sync or mistaken. The divine irony is that since we are better at being ourselves, how can we expect others to be less like themselves to fulfill our expectations? We cannot change who we are wired to be and neither can others.
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Not everyone is going to like us or understand us. And that is okay. It may have nothing to do with us personally; but rather more about who they are and how they relate to the world.
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Susan C. Young |
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Eloquent speakers, communication experts, seasoned actors, and musicians all understand the transforming power of the pause. They know all too well that strategic silence and a well-placed whisper can speak louder than words in delivering a memorable presentation. It captures people's attention . . . creating eager anticipation for your next words.
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Susan C. Young |
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I love to read. However, there have been times when certain books did not resonate with me because the timing was off kilter. Their lessons fell flat because their messages were not pertinent, relevant, or interesting to me at the time. Then, when I would re-read the same book years later, it could rock my world and change my life for the better. The message was more in alignment with where I was at that moment in time. With most anything, just because your timing may not be good now, does not mean it won't be better later.
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Susan C. Young |
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5 Reasons to Develop the Power of the Pause. It . . . 1. encourages your communication partner to express their thoughts without interruption. 2. provides a moment of silence to calm incessant talking. 3. allows time for your brain to catch up with our mouth. 4. provides your listener with space to process your message. 5. highlights important points for your message to have more impact.
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Susan C. Young |
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Getting into Sync People feel the most comfortable with and gravitate more quickly to the people with whom they are the most alike. You will receive your best results by seeking first to understand and then to adjust your energy, movements, posture, words, gestures, and behaviors to synchronize with theirs. This alignment will build a sense of rapport and commonality which will help your conversations progress smoothly and more successfully.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Free Flowing Dialogue "Have you ever been engaged in a conversation which was so dynamic that you were both firing on all cylinders, in perfect harmony and at warp speed?"
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Susan C. Young |
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"Labels have always represented limitation, conformity, and narrow-mindedness to me since the human personality is multi-faceted and continuously evolving. Perhaps that is why I am so intrigued by the concept and labels of "introvert" and "extrovert." Neither description accurately defines the state of my social interactions. What about yours?"
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Susan C. Young |
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Although my sister, Liz, is socially engaging and very confident with people, she tends to more of an introvert. She generates energy from the inside, from center to circumference, and would rather have one-on-one conversations to connect quietly and deeply. I, on the other hand, am energized by walking into a room filled with three hundred strangers; I like to meet as many people as possible and walk out with new friends. After all that excitement, however, I am content to go home and curl up with a good book in complete silence. Is one of us right and the other one wrong? No. We are just different.
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Susan C. Young |
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Groundbreaking research at Cal Tech has now revealed that humans not only tend to synchronize their movements, such as clapping in unison or walking at the same pace, but they also synchronize their social interactions as well.
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By becoming aware of the differences and developing an understanding of each person's uniqueness, you will improve your interactions to make more positive first impressions.
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Introverts typically . . . * Process information internally. It is normal for them to continuously contemplate, generate, circulate, evaluate, question, and conclude. * Are rejuvenated and energized by rest, relaxation, and down-time. * Need time to process and adapt to a new situation or setting, otherwise it is draining. * Tend to be practical, simple, and neutral in their clothing, furnishings, offices, and surroundings. * Choose their friends carefully and focus on quality, not quantity. They enjoy the company of people who have similar interests and intellect. * May resist change if they are not given enough notice to plan, prepare, and execute. Sudden change creates stress and overwhelm.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Bull in a China Shop The metaphor "bull in a china shop" appropriately describes how a clumsy (or socially awkward) person can sometimes find themselves in a quite delicate position. Have you ever been in a social situation where it was prudent to bite your tongue, smile and nod, choose your words carefully, or remain silent all together? One in which, if you didn't--it could cause damage?" "You can be a bull. And you can be in the china shop. But, just don't break anything! Even the biggest, baddest, most boorish bull can skate carefully through a china shop with dignity and grace if he exercises mindfulness and consideration." --
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Use Names. Calling a person by name makes him/her feel recognized, appreciated, and special. It shows respect and that you are genuinely interested in making a connection. You make them feel remembered!
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Wise with Your Words. Speak words that support your highest good. Are your thoughts building you up or tearing you down? Notice the quality of your words--your best first impressions ride on them.
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Effective communication requires an elevated level of self-awareness, and desire to understand and appreciate one another.
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"My man Daniel sees twenty patients a day, many of whom he has never met before their appointment. With only fifteen to twenty minutes to spare, he has no choice but to use the gift of gab to connect quickly. He said, "Small talk is easier than big talk, especially with someone you do not know. It is an easy stepping stone to help you break the silence for more comfortable conversation. This initial form of communication opens the door for big talk." Find ways to start small talk with new people and they will be impressed by your friendly disposition and sincere interest."
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Susan C. Young |
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"The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung (1875-1961) first introduced the concept of "synchronicity" to describe the meaningful coincidences which occur in our lives and connect us all in our humanity."
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Susan C. Young |
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"Being "out of sync" happens all the time . . . * Have you ever begun a discussion when the timing was not right and your message was subsequently rejected? * Have you ever said the right thing at the wrong time and ended up looking stupid or inappropriate? * Or perhaps rather than having a positive or a negative effect, your message fell on deaf ears and had no effect at all? * Has your poor timing ever resulted in social awkwardness, humiliating rejection, or alienation? * Has anyone ever attempted a serious discussion with you in the middle of your day when you were overwhelmed by phone calls, emails, and appointments?"
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Susan C. Young |
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ASK YOURSELF: * Have you pondered a question and someone ironically shows up with the answers? * Have you ever been thinking of a friend and within moments they mysteriously call or come by? * How many times have you seen a meaningful relationship start because the right people were in the right place at the right time for the right opportunity?
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Susan C. Young |
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"Delicious Dialogue "We've all known the proverbial conversation hog who dominates a discussion and pays little notice to another person's input. They're so busy talking about themselves, we can barely slide a word in edgewise. Don't be that guy!" "An engaging conversation is a two-way street. Learn to delight in dialogue to ensure mutual respect and consideration."
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Susan C. Young |
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Extroverts typically . . . * Process information externally by verbalizing, collaborating, brainstorming, discussing, sharing their ideas, and communicating until they achieve desired results. * Are rejuvenated and re-charged by being around people, interacting with friends and family, and having dynamic conversations. * Enjoy the excitement and adventure of a new situation or setting. * Tend to be more colorful, unpredictable, daring, stylish, and cluttered in their clothing, home furnishings, offices, and surroundings. * Love meeting new people and making new friends. They enjoy variety and engaging on all levels. * Are very spontaneous, resilient, and adapt well to change.
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Susan C. Young |
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When you strive to become a conversational chameleon, you can more swiftly adapt to your environment and surroundings for your own safety, survival, and healthy well-being.
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Susan C. Young |
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Learning the personality styles of others will further heighten your awareness of differences to enhance your social agility. When you gain clarity on what is important to others and why they act as they do, you will be better able to engage confidently with their energies and personalities to thrive in most any situation.
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"The Gift of Gab She continued by saying, "Many people dismiss small talk as being a waste of time. If you think small talk is not worthy of your time you are making a big mistake. It is actually one of the best ways for you to get to know someone. Don't be afraid to share a little bit about yourself so that you give another person enough information to ask questions. Small talk is the biggest talk we do."
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Susan C. Young |
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An engaging conversation is a two-way street. Learn to delight in dialogue to ensure mutual respect and consideration.
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employee-engagement
first-impressions-quotes
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Susan C. Young |