2438a30
|
or are there always shades of gray when it comes to matters of the heart?
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
175edab
|
I think of how life takes unexpected twists and turns, sometimes through sheer happenstance--like running into Leo on the street. Sometimes through calculated decisions--like Margot's. Or mine, tonight, when I left Leo. In the end, it can all be called fate, but to me, it is more a matter of faith.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
d78a284
|
It's a matter of curiosity--and anyone who says they are utterly indifferent to what their significant exes are doing is, in my opinion, either lying or lacking a certain amount of emotional depth. I'm not saying it's healthy to be past-obsessed, ferreting out details of every ex. But it's simply human nature to have an occasional, fleeting interest in someone whom you once loved.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
eb1775b
|
I exposed every part of myself to him, keeping no secrets, no defense mechanism in place.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
9fba9a4
|
He was a symbol of independence and possibility. The ultimate fantasy.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
12fa3f1
|
First of all, it's impossible not to compare. When you go down a fork in a road, it's impossible not to think about that other path. Wonder what your life could have been like...
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
e65dad7
|
There simply is no way to tread these dangerous waters.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
85fbde2
|
He was just the wrong guy for me at the time. Nothing more, nothing less.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
cd6beac
|
Deep down, I am also repenting. I am proving my love. I am renewing my vows. I am safeguarding my marriage. I am choosing Andy.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
f1a17f3
|
Underscoring all of this is Leo--his constant presence in my mind, along with the troubling realization that I deeply associate him with the city and vice versa. So much so, in fact, that leaving New York feels an awful lot like leaving him.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
5e38156
|
thinking that's the thing about Andy--I'm always at least okay when I'm with him.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
12cf479
|
And yet, there is nobody I'd rather talk to, be near, look at, than my husband, an unprecedented feeling that overcame me the moment we met.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
6a3d7ee
|
Somewhere deep down, I know I'm in the wrong. I know I'm rationalizing my actions, and worry I might even be manufacturing problems with Andy to get this result. I also know that I'm only inviting more trouble into my life. But for now, I feel good. Really good. Better than I've felt in a long, long time.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
8150a7f
|
Sometimes there are no happy endings. No matter what, I'll be losing something, someone. But maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
0d98332
|
thinking that so much of how we see the world is a matter of interpretation. A matter of wishing and wanting and hoping rather than really deep-down believing.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
aedee8d
|
I smile at my husband's unwavering thoughtfulness. Sometimes he really does seem too good to be true.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
ad964de
|
Wasn't there something to be said for working to live, as opposed to living to work?
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
07dc462
|
We all agree that there is no bright-line litmus test for what works in marriage, or what happiness looks like. That it all comes down to the two people inside the relationship.
|
|
|
Emily giffin |
6efea60
|
parents might not be keen on the idea of seeing each other, but then essentially
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
b4e8e07
|
Ellen laughs, as we've both made fun of those nauseating Facebook posts that use a religious concept to justify their thinly veiled bragging.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
a1f2982
|
But I still remained paralyzed by indecision, reluctance, and endless second-guessing...
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
320af25
|
And so I do, with Gabe's help, feeling as scared as ever about the uncertain journey ahead, but also at peace. I know by now that you can't control your life, no matter how hard you try. That inevitably people leave and disappoint and die. But there is one constant, one thing you can always count on: that not only does love come first, but in the end, it is the only thing that remains.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
8a4b416
|
Maybe someday I would be happy. --
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
1800197
|
She says that everyone creates a version of her life that she wishes were true and tries to believe.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
1115135
|
I ever stop loving him the way you're supposed to stop loving everyone but the one you're with? If the answer is no, then will the lapse of time or a change of geography really fix the problem? And regardless of the answer, what does the mere question say about my relationship with Andy?
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
e23cd2b
|
But it's simply human nature to have an occasional, fleeting interest in someone whom you once loved.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
b014a82
|
endings are almost always a little sad, even when there is something to look forward to on the other side.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
66f9c0a
|
I'm not really shy. I'm an introvert." I went on to explain the difference--the fact that being around people didn't make me uneasy, I just preferred to be alone most of the time."
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
8665a04
|
A big mistake. The kind of mistake that brews resentment and dangerous fissures. The kind of mistake that makes your heart ache. The kind of mistake that makes you long for another choice, the past, someone else.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
03ba352
|
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is fast. And it keeps speeding up. Sometimes I lose track of the season--or even the year. And we just have to make the best of it all.
|
|
life
love
mothers-and-daughters
|
Emily Giffin |
4bc97e0
|
Our choices. Our fleeting moments together.
|
|
life
love
mothers-and-daughters
|
Emily Giffin |
302b89f
|
I think of Josie's theory that it's all interrelated, that it all goes back to that night in December, all of our decisions and dreams and mistakes from the past inextricably linked.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
97e4550
|
Clutter is knowing all of the things that you absorb through your fashion magazines. Clutter is knowing which celebrities broke up with whom and why.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
1e00cfc
|
I am learning that perfection isn't what matters. In fact, it's the very thing that can destroy you if you let it.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
05601e9
|
No second chances. It's not so much about morality, but about my inability to forgive. I am a champion grudge holder, and I don't think I could change this about myself even if I wanted to.
|
|
emily-giffin
forgive
forgiveness
grudge
|
Emily Giffin |
8250401
|
Well, anyway... it's over," I say, realizing that those two words lump me right in with a hoard of naive women who say it's over while praying it's not, looking for any shred of hope, insisting that they only want closure when what they really want is that one last conversation disguised as seeking closure while they work to keep the door open for more."
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
6257093
|
So much of how we see the world is the matter of interpretation. A matter of wishing and hoping rather than really deep-down believing.
|
|
collage
football
life
love
texas
|
Emily Giffin |
967971d
|
Ne volim krajeve i pocetke. Uvijek bih se radije ljuljuskala u sredini.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
f980197
|
A really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
0200d72
|
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is fast. And it keeps speeding up. Sometimes I lose track of the season - or even the year. And we just have to make the best of it all. Our choices. Our fleeting moments together.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
35683be
|
Did you always know you wanted to practice law?" She considers this - considers the truth - that she had no real passion for the law, but simply wanted to achieve for the sake of achievement...But of course, she did not divulge any of this, and instead says, "No, not really."
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
3ceb2f2
|
Although too much time has gone by to miss her, I feel regret that I didn't maintain our friendship. Even if we no longer have much in common, we would have always had the past, which, in some ways, is just as important as the present or future. It is where we come from, what makes us who we are.
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
f3b033e
|
past something,
|
|
|
Emily Giffin |
64e2da2
|
I still find myself reaching out and knocking twice on our wooden cutting board. Because you can never be too sure when it comes to the things that matter most.
|
|
heart-of-the-matter
|
Emily Giffin |