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436ae9e
|
Can you sign something?" Nicole demanded. "This paper? This napkin? My chest? My inner thighs or my wildest dreams? Whatever you want."
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ryan
sam
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T.J. Klune |
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cc0b109
|
Anyway," I said loudly. "Are we good? Did the Priest give us enough hoodoo so we can get the fu--fudge out? Sorry, Father." "It's okay," the priest assured me. "I'm pretty sure your soul is already doomed."
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T.J. Klune |
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3863445
|
So, funny story. There are fairies? In the Dark Woods. And I might have pissed off their king." There was silence. Then, "Of course you did."
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sam
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T.J. Klune |
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39a294f
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Another fairy flew up, carrying a spear and wearing a helmet and not much else. I thought about asking why he had armor on his head and not his balls, but I didn't think that was proper etiquette while being held prisoner by the Dark Woods fairies.
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ryan
sam
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T.J. Klune |
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a11df5e
|
And yours is brown. Like bear-shit brown. Or maybe otter shit. Or maybe bear and otter shit combined.
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T.J. Klune |
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f7cde90
|
But you have to believe me that it's always been you. I promise. I promise." His voice cracked and my hands shook. "I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you."
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T.J. Klune |
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912c3d3
|
low-slung shorts/you and joe IT WAS not a gradual thing. Wait. That was a lie. I didn't know it was a gradual thing. But it must have been. It had to have been. Because it's the only thing that explained the cosmic explosion that was the feeling of want and need and mine mine mine. The force of it was ridiculous. It had to have been there. For a long time. JOE
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T.J. Klune |
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e3dd676
|
Oh, you know...," I start. In my head, I finish: Oh, you know, just the usual. I've slept in Otter's bed two or three times now. Oh, don't worry! We haven't really done anything. Except tell stories about you. And me. And him. Did you know he's wanted me for a long time? He really left because he needed me so bad that it hurt, and he thought he was projecting. Remember when I used to say that to you? That you're projecting? Well, he thought..
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T.J. Klune |
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19f2efc
|
Because Joe was standing at the front. He'd changed. White shorts. Green shirt that hid nothing. He was barefoot too. And his feet were sexy as all hell. "Uh,"
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T.J. Klune |
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0ad2256
|
You got a boner over my little brother." I"
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T.J. Klune |
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0cd446d
|
He grinned at me again, and the butterflies in my stomach turned into dragons and laid waste to my innards.
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sam
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T.J. Klune |
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f6cc2a5
|
Why?" he cried. "Why the hell are you doing this? Why do you even care? Is it guilt? Is this your way of getting back at me? Do you really hate me that much? Why the hell are you doing this, Gordo? Now, after all this time, why are you doing this?" "It's because I'm scared," I said, voice breaking. "I love you, and I'm so scared I'm going to lose you."
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T.J. Klune |
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fa164f2
|
It's been said by many people that I look like I know what I'm doing.
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T.J. Klune |
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4dae85a
|
And then Gary choked and said, "Hot motherfucking damn, that is some good shit right there." So I turned around. And immediately realized I was wearing the wrong kind of pants to be on the boner carriage to Holy Fuck Me Town. "Sweet molasses," I managed to say."
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T.J. Klune |
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c02207c
|
The second message is one that I have saved for weeks. It's Otter, and he simply says, "I love you."
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T.J. Klune |
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458f322
|
I am Lulu Deerdancer and I am twenty-nine years old and I am perfectly legal to enter this here homosexual establishment and partake in beverages and repetitive techno music." "Because you both have been here before." "Yes," I said. "Hmm," the bouncer said. Then Paul sneezed and his mustache flew off his face and landed on the cheek of the bouncer. The silence that followed was slightly awkward. "Huh," Paul said. "I guess that's easier than..
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T.J. Klune |
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d9b81cd
|
Yes, Gus, because a Ford Taurus screams class," Casey said, sounding amused. "It does," Gus insisted. "Did you know there are message boards on the Internet devoted to Ford Tauruses? I should know. I'm on one of them now. I have conversations with other Ford Taurus enthusiasts." Which, in hindsight, was something he wished he'd never admitted out loud. Casey grinned. "Oh . What's your username on this message board?" Gus narrowed his eyes...
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T.J. Klune |
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2192179
|
I can't do this anymore, I think, my own voice almost lost in the storm. I can't do this anymore. I can't face this on my own. I am drowning in this river and I am haunted in this house my father built and my mind is breaking.
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T.J. Klune |
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74e82e1
|
You should put your shirt back on," I said. He squinted at me. "Why?" "Because of... you know. All of that." I waved my hand at his entire being. Then he grinned. And it was evil. "All of this?" He flexed his chest. Unfairly. I managed to say, "Yes. To all of that." He took a step toward me. "We could... ah. You know." He waggled his eyebrows at me and I thought, fuck. I took a step back. "Or we could wait until you're eighteen." Now he gla..
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T.J. Klune |
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a72c040
|
Take your pick. It literally could be any one of those things and many, many more. It's hard to live a morally good life when you have a propensity for shenanigans.
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humor
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T.J. Klune |
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02a314c
|
Why do I need to be defined as anything? Why can't I just be who I am without some asshole trying to make me into something I'm not?
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T.J. Klune |
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811f83d
|
It was weird to have a straight crush on a lady. But I powered through it.
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T.J. Klune |
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928fd7a
|
I wasn't posing," Joe said. "Totally posing," Elizabeth said. "Ox--" "Totally posing," I managed to say. "Fine," he said. "I can tell when I'm not wanted." No, I almost said. You're always wanted. I always want you. I never want to leave you. I never want to say good-bye. I'm sorry, Joe. I'm so sorry. I said, "For just a little while." "Yeah?" Joe said. "And then you'll want me? I feel so used." I nodded. "Hey," he said, and he was right by..
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T.J. Klune |
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a795a1b
|
Sorry," he muttered as he pulled it away. "Sure," I said faintly. "Sure." I wondered how to go about asking him to poke me with his sword again."
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T.J. Klune |
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b18a759
|
Four men walked from among the trees. All of them had their heads shaved. The one in the front, the Alpha, had a beard, dirty blond and full. He was the same size as the other two wolves, large and intimidating, moving with a grace he hadn't had before. The fourth man moved with them, smaller than the others, but his tattoos were as bright as they'd ever been, the raven fluttering on his arm. They
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T.J. Klune |
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e226e52
|
You'll have to warn them," Mrs. Von Patterson said seriously. "When you go in there. Tell them this town is filled with cougars on the prowl. But that it's definitely okay to feed the wild animals." All three women curled their hands into claws, baring their teeth and hissing at him. "Bad touch," Gus cried, trying to back away as they reached for him. "Bad touch!"
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T.J. Klune |
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e927677
|
It doesn't matter. I've moved on from something that was never there to begin with. That's one of the dire things about escaping from childhood. Eventually you grow up and realize the things you wanted when you were young weren't really yours to ask for. I know that now.
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sad-quote
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T.J. Klune |
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8ea223c
|
You can't say your wish out loud. Not when you look up at the stars. If you do, it won't come true. And I can't... I can't allow that to happen to you." He watched me. I watched him back."
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T.J. Klune |
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eb1a1e3
|
Paul?" "Yeah?" "Don't take this the wrong way." I tried not to flinch. Here it comes. Vince sighed. "I think I'm going to fall in love with you."
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T.J. Klune |
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d8399a6
|
Dad," I admonished lightly. "You can't threaten the King. You'll be pooping in buckets by nightfall." "I don't care," he retorted. "I'd poop in buckets for the rest of my life if it means your heart was safe."
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dads
heart
kings
|
T.J. Klune |
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e4266e3
|
Joe and Carter and Kelly were coming out of the woods, finishing up their run as I came back from the garden. They were laughing and shoving each other the way brothers do. I loved all three of them. Except. Except. Joe wore a pair of low-slung shorts. Just the smallest things. And that was it. He was almost as big as I was now. We were eye level, or so close that it didn't matter, which put him a couple of inches over six feet. There was a..
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T.J. Klune |
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038e9b9
|
Carter said, "You drenched yourself in the worst-smelling thing you could find so you could cover up the smell of your boner." "Stop saying boner!" He waggled his eyebrows at me. I glared at him. He said, "It's about time." And so I said, "What?" He squinted at me. "You and Joe." "What about me and Joe?" "Seriously. That's what you're going with." It was either that or have a panic attack. "Yes," I said. "That's what I'm going with." "It's ..
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T.J. Klune |
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911968c
|
Carter?" Gordo asked. "Who is he? I want to meet him. In my office so I can scare the shit out of him. Goddammit, Ox. You better be using fucking condoms." --
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T.J. Klune |
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c51d430
|
This is my family, and the noise around me is soothing in a way it hasn't been in quite a long time. That's mostly my doing, I know, given my self-imposed exile in the Land of Sorrow. But hearing the overlapping voices and laughter, seeing the bright eyes and smiles, does more for me than I thought it could.
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T.J. Klune |
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f930af4
|
Your magic gets me hard," he said, looking like he wished he could be anywhere but where he was. "When you do anything, I get hard, really. Even your ridiculous sex puns. You remember when you wrapped those Dark wizards in stone at the restaurant?" "Yeah," I managed to say. "I wanted to tell you that you gave me an e-rock-tion." He bent over and banged his forehead against the table. "Why, why, did I say that out loud? Please. Someone. An..
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T.J. Klune |
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775c52c
|
I just like looking at nice things. And want to touch them with my mouth.
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T.J. Klune |
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e87e368
|
Michael doesn't flinch. 'You can't know,' he says quietly, 'how much you truly love something until it's gone.' 'That's not fair,' I say as I tremble. 'No one said it would be. He tests you, Benji, and he tests Calliel for a supremely simple reason. You are tested because if you aren't, how could you know what you believe in?'
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belief
faith
love
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T.J. Klune |
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5ba7a22
|
I can't do it. I can't get into a philosophical debate with an archangel, knowing how ridiculous it is and how unprepared I am.
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unfair-advantage
|
T.J. Klune |
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bd24698
|
Today has been so weird," I side-whispered to Gary. "I think the word you're looking for is erotic," he said back. "Today has been so erotic."
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sam
|
T.J. Klune |
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f860fb1
|
I was too busy writing sad ballads to unrequited love in my head and planning a life where my hand would be my boyfriend.
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T.J. Klune |
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b32644c
|
United States of America? More like United States of Extraordinary Injustice Against Certain Segments of the Population All Because Rednecks Are Scared of Butt Sex.
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T.J. Klune |
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2dcb889
|
I check out guys sometimes." It came out fast because that was the first time I'd said it aloud. It felt like relief. And terror. Carter didn't say anything for a minute. And then he said, "Oh. Okay. Did you lick his balls?" I laughed so hard that I thought I would die. Carter was laughing right along with me. He said, "You know I don't give a shit, right? Like, of all the things in the world to freak out about, that's one of the least?"
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T.J. Klune |
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c684674
|
Mom said, "He didn't want to sleep with you so he knocked you through a building? That's rude. He could have just moved on."
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T.J. Klune |
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f7b11b6
|
Ungh," Ryan said. "That shit is so hot." Everyone turned to stare at him. He was bright red. "I said that out loud, didn't I? Dammit." "What?" I squeaked. "When you do magic, it turns me on," Ryan said, shaking his head frantically. "Ah gods. I can't--stop. Just stop. Ahhh, I get erections when you cast spells. Oh shit." "Sweet molasses," I managed to say. "This... this is not what I thought was going to happen today," Gary said. "What you ..
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T.J. Klune |