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| Link | Quote | Stars | Tags | Author |
| af2c677 | November 4, 1987 Chicago I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read I LOVE KILLING COMMUNISTS. The word love was replaced by a heart shape I'm guessing they'll put on the typewriter keyboard any day now, right beside the exclamation point. The bumper sticker was on a Ford Fairlane on Montrose Avenue. | David Sedaris | ||
| 57b4ed0 | We passed a gun shop advertising a "Blowout Sale. While listening to a country music station,we heard a talk/song narrated by our flag. "I flew proudly at Iwo Jima and the blustering deserts of Kuwait, anywhere freedom is threatened, you will find me." | David Sedaris | ||
| 437769e | A few hours laterDad called again. The vet had put his Great Dane, Sophie, on antibiotics, and, figuring it was all basically the same thing, he had started taking them. "I'm just not sure of the dose," he said. Lisa then called me. "Can you believe this?" I thought she was upset that her father was taking pills meant for a dog, and then I remembered who I was talking to. "I mean, how is Sophie supposed to get better when Dad is taking all.. | David Sedaris | ||
| dac1479 | Fiecare reuniune are un moment anume in care se sparge. Ajuns la maturitate, mi se intampla de multe ori sa incerc sa identific acest moment, temandu-ma in acelasi timp, de inevitabilul care urmeaza sa se produca. Musafirii vor repeta aceleasi poante, iar la un moment dat, va fi prea mult - sau vei ramane fara iarba sau bautura, si-ti dai astfel seama ca atat ati avut in comun. | David Sedaris | ||
| 8fc8b46 | I had no interest in football or basketball but had learned it was best to pretend otherwise. If a boy didn't care for barbecued chicken or potato chips, people would accept it as a matter of personal taste, saying, "Oh well, I guess it takes all kinds." You could turn up your nose at the president or Coke or even God, but there were names for boys who didn't like sports." | David Sedaris | ||
| 6f24180 | Even in a jar, that kid has outearned me. | David Sedaris | ||
| 3cac46f | La momentul respectiv, Bob sapa morminte, o cariera care denota o lipsa imbucuratoare de ambitie. | David Sedaris | ||
| 75c2c54 | Cu exceptia Lisei, noi nu imbratisam pe nimeni. In ceea ce priveste confortul emotional, aveam convinderea ca niciun fel de contact fizic nu ar fi putut egala puterile vindecatoare ale unui cocktail bine facut. | David Sedaris | ||
| 76fbc4b | Cand ne certam, tehnica lui tata era intotdeauna sa nege dorintele pe care ni le exprimam. Doca voiai, sa zicem, un teanc de clatite, nu-ti spunea ca nu ti le ia, ci ca tu, de fapt, nici nu le voiai."Stiu ce vreau" era, fara exceptie combatut cu " Nu, nu stii"." | David Sedaris | ||
| 0e21910 | Imi place sa vad oamenii dezbracati, dar nu sunt sigur ca sunt pregatit sa ma vad pe mine dezbracat. Cel mult voi scapa de cateva kilorame din cauza anxietatii si voi iesi castigat de doua ori. Cu cut sunt mai putin obligat sa ma accept asa cum sunt, cu atat mai usor imi va fi. Deja simt ca mi-a pierit apetitul. | David Sedaris | ||
| 5c04124 | I felt the hatred of my classmates and slunk down in my seat. Then, | David Sedaris | ||
| b899c1a | June 3, 1987 Chicago This afternoon I found a $50 bill in the foyer of the building near the mailboxes. It was folded thin and full of cocaine. Some of it spilled when I opened it up, but there's still plenty left. So that's $50 in cash and around $80 worth of cocaine--$130! If I find $50 every day, I won't need to get a job. | David Sedaris | ||
| c9bf662 | For my fifty dollars, I want to leave the doctor's office in tears, but instead I walk out feeling like a hypochondriac, which is one of the few things I'm actually not. | David Sedaris | ||
| 054418b | I need to touch the person's head again. Experience has taught me that you can do this three times before the head's owner either yells at you or rings for the flight attendant. | David Sedaris | ||
| e51300d | He led me to the barn, where a Mexican man stood waiting for his turn at the shower. "Whole-aah, Toe-moss," he shouted." | David Sedaris | ||
| 1cd9655 | There was a sink for washing glasses and an assortment of cartoon napkins illustrating the lighter side of alcoholism. | David Sedaris | ||
| 48821ce | his voice was high and strange, as if it had been recorded and was now being played back at a faster speed. | David Sedaris | ||
| dec85f1 | Your trash. You're trash. Your family's trash. | David Sedaris | ||
| 9c6423c | I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. --David Sedaris | Joseph Grenny | ||
| 4c9407a | even then that without them, I was nothing. Not a son or a brother but just a boy--and | David Sedaris | ||
| b131e51 | I noticed my mother's face assume an expression she reserved for unspeakable horror. I had seen this look only twice before: once when she was caught in the path of a charging, rabid pig and then again when I told her I wanted a peach-colored velveteen blazer with matching slacks. | David Sedaris | ||
| 56f5403 | If she'd had it her way, we would never have known about the cancer. It was our father's idea to tell us, and she had fought it, agreeing only when he threatened to tell us himself. Our mother worried that once we found out, we would treat her differently, delicately. We might feel obliged to compliment her cooking and laugh at all her jokes, thinking always of the tumor she was trying so hard to forget. And that is exactly what we did. [.... | David Sedaris | ||
| 9c90c53 | Having spent my life trying to fit the will of others, I was unable to distinguish between what I enjoyed and what I thought I should enjoy. | David Sedaris | ||
| d690302 | Well, where did it come from?" I asked. "How did I get it?" | thinkable | David Sedaris | |
| 5cfcf07 | It hardly seems fair we'd get the universe all to ourselves... | David Sedaris | ||
| ad3bf6e | The Artist's impressions of a walk in the woods. The Artist's view on viewing. The Artist on Art. How do you get your ideas for stories, Mr. Valentine? Well, I simply exploit everything I come into contact with. One ended, of course, by losing all spontaneity. You saw people as characters, sunsets as an excuse for similes-- | David Sedaris | ||
| 600abbe | To know the narrative in advance is to turn yourself into a machine," the Manager continues. "What makes humans human is precisely that they do not know the future. That is why they do the fateful and amusing things they do: who can say how anything will turn out? Therein lies the only hope for redemption, discovery, and--let's be frank--fun, fun, fun! There might be things people will get away with. And not just motel towels. There might b.. | David Sedaris | ||
| adee639 | Imi place sa vad oamenii dezbracati, dar nu sunt sigur ca sunt pregatit sa ma vad pe mine dezbracat. Cel mult voi scapa de cateva kilorame din cauza anxietatii si voi iesi castigat de doua ori. Cu cat sunt mai putin obligat sa ma accept asa cum sunt, cu atat mai usor imi va fi. Deja simt ca mi-a pierit apetitul. | David Sedaris | ||
| 2b3a495 | Trying to explain moral principles to Khe Sahn was like reviewing a standard 1040 tax form with a house cat! | David Sedaris | ||
| 8d3789e | Now it seems cruel, abusive even, but this all happened before the invention of self-esteem, which, frankly, I think is a little overrated. | David Sedaris | ||
| 146e28c | Having been destroyed, it is now indestructible, meaning I can wear it without worry. For half this price, I could have bought an intact sweater, thrown it to a tiger, and wrenched it back myself, but after a certain age, who has that kind of time? | David Sedaris | ||
| 4d6f247 | Me: Did you get your tree yet? Ken: I'm a Jew, I don't decorate Christmas trees. Me: So you're going to go with a wreath instead? Ken: I just told you, I'm a Jew. Me: Oh, I get it. You're looking for a cheap wreath. Ken: I'm not looking for a wreath at all. Leave me alone, will you. Me: You're probably just tense because you haven't finished your Christmas shopping. Ken: I don't Christmas shop. Me: What are you telling me? That you make all.. | David Sedaris | ||
| ede1638 | I can manage in a restaurant, take a cab, and even make small talk with the driver. "Do you have children?" I ask. "Will you take a vacation this year?" "Where to?" When he turns it around, as Japanese cabdrivers are inclined to do, I tell him that I have three children, a big boy and two little girls. If Pimsleur included "I am a middle-aged homosexual and thus make do with a niece I never see and a very small godson," I'd say that. In the.. | David Sedaris | ||
| 0f30ce9 | I attribute my wife's language to the fact that she's one-quarter spaniel. She says she's only an eighth, but, come on, the ears say it all. That and her mouth. (The Faithful Setter) | David Sedaris | ||
| 1b722e7 | Police caught the guy responsible for smashing windows and painting swastikas outside Jewish businesses on Devon Avenue. He's out on bail now, and this morning's paper included a picture of him. What strikes me is that he has a very small mouth, smaller than a baby's. I mean, tiny. If you wanted him to suck your thumb, you'd have to grease it up first. The article says he belongs to a skinhead group and has tattoos, which is strange, I thin.. | David Sedaris | ||
| 45c4f7c | For an American, though, Australia seems pretty familiar: same wide streets, same office towers. It's Canada in a thong, or that's the initial impression. | David Sedaris | ||
| 9bf0f8f | identify | David Sedaris | ||
| 244bee5 | I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance. | aspiring-actors drama | David Sedaris | |
| ee4d394 | Hugh's old drawing teacher used to have one, and though it had been ten years since he'd taken the woman's class, I could suddenly recall him talking about it. "If I had a skeleton like Minerva's . . . ," he used to say. I don't remember the rest of the sentence, as I'd always been sidetracked by the teacher's name, Minerva. Sounds like a witch." | David Sedaris | ||
| 60993e9 | One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work. | David Sedaris | ||
| 1e4e4f8 | My mother was, for the most part, delighted with my brother and regarded him with the bemused curiosity of a brood hen discovering she has hatched a completely different species. | David Sedaris | ||
| 1abab64 | When I bleat here on page seventeen, do you want me to just bleat or to really let go and 'bleat, bleat'? " I asked. "I feel like 'bleat, bleating,' but if Mother/Destroyer is going to be crawling through the birth canal of concertina wire, I don't want to steal focus, you know what I mean?" He did. That was the scary part, that someone understood me." | David Sedaris | ||
| 61be44b | That all is right with the world. "Man, oh man," he'll say in my memory, lifting his glass and taking us all in, "isn't this just fantastic" -- | David Sedaris | ||
| 9e54bf7 | bowl. It was disgusting to think that this was what a gumdrop might look like in your stomach, and it was insulting to be told not to take too much of something you didn't really want in the first place. | David Sedaris |