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616edf8 He was low-key, I was intense; things that cut me to the quick he was able to sail by with scarcely a notice; he was slow to anger, I quick; the world registered gently upon him, sometimes not at all, whereas I was fast to feel both pleasure and pain. Kay Redfield Jamison
2f7618b Within psychiatric circles, if you kill yourself, you earn the right to be considered a "successful" suicide. This is a success one can live without." Kay Redfield Jamison
6ca3471 There were, however, definite advantages to studying invertebrate zoology. For starters, unlike in psychology, you could eat your subjects. The lobsters--fresh from the sea and delicious--were especially popular. Kay Redfield Jamison
72c09d1 Even in my blackest depressions, I never regretted having been born. It is true that I had wanted to die, but that is peculiarly different from regretting having been born. mental-illness suicidal-thoughts suicide Kay Redfield Jamison
df8fa81 when I was told either to lower my sights or to rein in my enthusiasms Kay Redfield Jamison
81520f7 Yet however genuinely dreadful these moods and memories have been, they have always been offset by the elation and vitality of others; and whenever a mild and gentlish wave of brilliant and bubbling manic enthusiasm comes over me, I am transported by its exuberance--as surely as one is transported by a pungent scent into a world of profound recollection--to earlier, more intense and passionate times. Kay Redfield Jamison
021c017 here is, for me, a mixture of longings for an earlier age; this is inevitable, perhaps, in any life, but there is an extra twist of almost painful nostalgia brought about by having lived a life particularly intense in moods. This makes it even harder to leave the past behind, and life, on occasion, becomes a kind of elegy for lost moods. Kay Redfield Jamison
9fcab05 My thoughts were so fast that I couldn't remember the beginning of a sentence halfway through. Kay Redfield Jamison
eed6dec I have seen the breadth and depth and width of my mind and heart and seen how frail they both are, and how ultimately unknowable they both are. Kay Redfield Jamison
fc79fbe The most powerful tool to lift families out of extreme poverty is to grant micro-loans to women. Begum Aga Khan
b89021a Many wish to believe that the odd is not so odd, the bizarre not so bizarre, and there is little changing of minds once they are set. There are only so many ways to understand the strange and disordered. The Greeks imagined gods to explain what they themselves could not. It is human nature to invent reasons for why the mind shatters, hope plummets, or the will to live dies. Scientific explanations are complicated and, for many, less humanly.. mental-illness pseudoscience science Kay Redfield Jamison
b03dd10 There was a fine-tuning of Richard's and my temperaments during the years we lived with his heart disease, lymphoma, and lung cancer. Before, our differences had triggered sporadic tension; now our basic natures served us better. Our sensibilities and quirks evolved into something more shared and complex, more mingled. illness love relationships Kay Redfield Jamison
09d5b05 We put our faith in things great and small. We assign to them meaning they may actually have, or meaning that we need for them to have in order to carry on. life meaning Kay Redfield Jamison
dc98722 Pills cannot, do not, ease one back into reality; they only bring one back headlong, careening, and faster than can be endured at times. Psychotherapy is a sanctuary; it is a battleground; it is a place I have been psychotic, neurotic, elated, confused, and despairing beyond belief. Kay Redfield Jamison
489330d No pill can help me deal with the problem of not wanting to take pills; likewise, no amount of psychotherapy alone can prevent my manias and depressions. Kay Redfield Jamison
e74e6df Even so, what I read often disappeared from my mind like snow on a hot pavement. Kay Redfield Jamison
2f02e93 People say, when I complain of being less lively, less energetic, less high-spirited, "Well, now you're just like the rest of us," meaning, among other things, to be reassuring. But I compare myself with my former self, not with others." Kay Redfield Jamison
d23569b I kneeled without ecstasy, prayed without belief, and felt as a stranger. Kay Redfield Jamison
2042fe2 Try not to let the fact that you can't read without effort annoy you. Be philosophical. Even if you could read, you probably wouldn't remember most of it anyway. Kay Redfield Jamison
5ac8c3d This was not why I had gotten a Ph.D., and I was beginning to understand Bob Dylans lines "Twenty years of schoolin' and they put you on the day shift." Only it was twenty-three years, and I was still pulling a lot of night shift as well." -- Kay Redfield Jamison
ebfc6f5 It was one of those still, clear moments when you realize that you haven't understood anything at all, that you have had no real comprehension of the other person's world. Kay Redfield Jamison
3c23f96 but there is an extra twist of almost painful nostalgia brought about by having lived a life particularly intense in moods. This makes it even harder to leave the past behind, and life, on occasion, becomes a kind of elegy for lost moods. I miss the lost intensities, and I find myself unconsciously reaching out for them, as I still now and again reach back with Kay Redfield Jamison
aa369a7 he slowly put down the hamburger he was eating, stared straight into my eyes, and, without missing a beat, said rather dryly, "That explains a lot." Kay Redfield Jamison
787758c I have often asked myself whether, given the choice, I would choose to have manic-depressive illness. If lithium were not available to me, or didn't work for me, the answer would be a simple no--and it would be an answer laced with terror. But lithium does work for me, and therefore I suppose I can afford to pose the question. Strangely enough I think I would choose to have it. It's complicated. Kay Redfield Jamison
7409327 am reminded of Byron's wonderful description of the rainbow that sits "Like Hope upon a death-bed" on the verge of a wild, rushing cataract; yet, "while all around is torn / By the distracted waters," the rainbow stays serene: Resembling, 'mid the torture of the scene, Love watching Madness with unalterable mien." Kay Redfield Jamison
1026963 So why would I want anything to do with this illness? Because I honestly believe that as a result of it I have felt more things, more deeply; had more experiences, more intensely; loved more, and been more loved; laughed more often for having cried more often; appreciated more the springs, for all the winters; worn death "as close as dungarees," appreciated it--and life--more; seen the finest and the most terrible in people, and slowly lear.. Kay Redfield Jamison
d73157d In the bipolar patients we have studied, there is a significantly increased number of small areas of focal signal hyperintensities [areas of increased water concentration] suggestive of abnormal tissue. These are what neurologists sometimes refer to as 'unidentified bright objects,' or UBOs. Kay Redfield Jamison
4219ea1 I also started giving Christmas lectures to the house staff and clinic staff that focused on music written by composers who had experienced severe depression or manic-depressive illness. These informal lectures became the basis for a concert that a friend of mine, a professor of music at UCLA, and I subsequently produced in 1985 with the Los Angeles Philharmonic. In an attempt to raise public awareness about mental illness, Kay Redfield Jamison
b0af962 I am no heroI just want to be a man Bei Dao
236020f Freedom is nothing but the distancebetween the hunter and the hunted Bei Dao
9edc869 manic-depressive illness, we proposed to the executive director of the Philharmonic a program based on the lives and music of several composers who had suffered from the illness, including Robert Schumann, Hector Berlioz, and Hugo Wolf. Kay Redfield Jamison
27c33e1 knew better than to assume a straight shot at happiness: If we see a light at the end of the tunnel, he said, it's the light of an oncoming train. Kay Redfield Jamison
3df236c It is the history of our kindnesses that alone makes this world tolerable," wrote Robert Louis Stevenson. "If it were not for that, for the effect of kind words, kind looks, kind letters ... I should be inclined to think our life a practical jest in the worst possible spirit." Kay Redfield Jamison
cabe69e His wife maintains she can tell whether or not Jim is in the house simply by the amount of energy she feels in the air. But Kay Redfield Jamison
dc0f965 Mogens Schou, a Danish psychiatrist who, more than anyone, is responsible for the introduction of lithium as a treatment for manic-depressive illness, Kay Redfield Jamison
f53c58d John Cade's article about the use of lithium in acute mania first appeared in 1949, in an obscure Australian medical journal, Kay Redfield Jamison
63bb372 It did the kind of lasting damage that only something that cuts so quick and deep to the heart can do. Kay Redfield Jamison
a7b5e30 We all build internal sea walls to keep at bay the sadnesses of life and the often overwhelming forces within our minds. In whatever way we do this - through love, work, family, faith, friends, denial, alcohol, drugs, or medication - we build these walls, stone by stone, over a lifetime. One of the most difficult problems is to construct these barriers of such a height and strength that one has a true harbor, a sanctuary away from crippling.. Kay Redfield Jamison
b24fcc3 manic-depressive illness can confer advantages on both the individual and society. The disease, in both its severe and less severe forms, appears to convey its advantages not only through its relationship to the artistic temperament and imagination, but through its influence on many eminent scientists, as well as business, religious, military, and political leaders. Subtler effects--such as those on personality, thinking style, and energy--.. Kay Redfield Jamison
b159fd4 Schubert's posthumous Piano Sonata in B-flat, D. 960. Its Kay Redfield Jamison
a0cf32f Mania is a strange and driving force, a destroyer, a fire in the blood. Kay Redfield Jamison
647553f Now and again she would break in with "Yes, yes, that's very interesting," "Of course you can," or "Had you thought of ...?" Never, but never, was there an "I don't think that's very practical" or "Why don't you just wait and see how it goes?" -- Kay Redfield Jamison
47ebc7c He, like my father, had a deep love for natural science, and he would discuss at length how physics, philosophy, and mathematics were, each in their own ways, jealous mistresses who required absolute passion and attention. Kay Redfield Jamison
58e1156 Navy Cotillion was where officers' children were supposed to learn the fine points of manners, dancing, white gloves, and other unrealities of life. It also was where children were supposed to learn, as if the preceding fourteen or fifteen years hadn't already made it painfully clear, that generals outrank colonels who, in turn, outrank majors and captains and lieutenants, and everyone, but everyone, outranks children. Within the ranks of c.. Kay Redfield Jamison