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7f82f77
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If you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday. I'd like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun--I'm afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened.
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humour
funny
giant-snake
ra
tsunamis
riordan
tornado
rebellious
riots
serpent
floods
earthquakes
survive
sun
snake
funny-and-random
sadie-kane
destruction
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Rick Riordan |
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60dc4e0
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Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
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humour
funny
giant-snake
ra
tsunamis
riordan
tornado
rebellious
riots
serpent
floods
earthquakes
survive
sun
snake
funny-and-random
sadie-kane
destruction
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Rick Riordan |
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7000607
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"Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt's collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I'd met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted. "Hindenburg," I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. "Walt, why in the world--?" "Sorry!" he yelled. "Wrong amulet!" The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn't much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas. I moved to Walt's side and tried to get my bearings."
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humour
funny
giant-snake
ra
tsunamis
riordan
tornado
rebellious
riots
serpent
floods
earthquakes
survive
sun
snake
funny-and-random
sadie-kane
destruction
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Rick Riordan |
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5caadb9
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"Go on, my dear," urges the snake. "Take one. Hear it? 'Pluck me,' it's saying. That big, shiny red one. 'Pluck me, pluck me now and pluck me hard.' You know you want to." "But God," quotes Eve, putting out feelers for an , clever girl, "expressly forbids us to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge." "Ah yessssss, God ... But God gave us life, did He not? And God gave us desire, did He not? And God gave us taste, did He not? And who else but God made the damned apples in the first place? So what else is for but to the we ?" Eve folds her arms schoolgirlishly. "God expressly forbade it. Adam said." The snake grins through his fangs, admiring Eve's playacting. "God is a nice enough chap in His way. I daresay He means well. But between you and The Tree of Knowledge, He is terribly insecure." "Insecure? He made the entire bloody universe! He's omnipotent." "Exactly! Almost neurotic, isn't it? All this worshiping, morning, noon, and night. It's 'Oh Praise Him, Oh Praise Him, Oh Praise the Everlassssting Lord.' I don't call that omnipotent. I call it pathetic. Most independent authorities agree that God has never sufficiently credited the work of virtual particles in the creation of the universssse. He raises you and Adam on this diet of myths while all the really interesting information is locked up in these juicy apples. Seven days? Give me a break."
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myth
religion
god
tree-of-knowledge
serpent
apple
snake
knowledge
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David Mitchell |
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e198b78
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"A likely story indeed!" said the Pigeon, in a tone of the deepest contempt. "I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never one with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!" "I have tasted eggs, certainly," said Alice, who was a very truthful child; "but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know." "I don't believe it," said the Pigeon; "but if they do, then they're a kind of serpent: that's all I can say."
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eat-eggs
alice-in-wonderland
serpent
girls
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Lewis Carroll |
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c4d2ecc
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...for who can speak of the Mazes of the Serpent to those who are not lost in them?
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serpent
occultism
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Peter Ackroyd |
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c508891
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The Serpent, to my interpretation, was pain.
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pain
suffering
christianity
eden
serpent
snake
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William Goldman |