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aad3384
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" "Nothing can slow them down," Leo mused. "I wonder..." "What?" Jason asked. Leo looked at the dwarfs. "I'll make you a deal." Akmon's eyes lit up. "Thirty percent?" "We'll leave you all the treasure," Leo said, "except the stuff that belongs to us, and the astrolabe, and this book, which we'll take back to the dude in Venice." "But he'll destroy us!" Passolos wailed. "We won't say where we got it," Leo promised. "And we won't kill you. We'll let you go free." "Uh, Leo...?" Jason asked nervously. Akmon squealed in delight. "I knew you were as smart at Hercules! I will call you Black Bottom, the Sequel!" "You, no thanks," Leo said. "But in return for us sparing your lives, you have to do something for us. I'm going to send you somewhere to steal from some people, harass them, make life hard for them any way you can. You have to follow my directions exactly. You have to swear on the River Styx." "We swear!" Passalos said. "Stealing from people is our specialty!" "I love harassment!" Akmon agreed. "Where are we going?" Leo grinned. "Ever heard of New York?"
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kerkopes
passalos
riordan
the-house-of-hades
dwarfs
jason-grace
leo-valdez
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Rick Riordan |
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7837919
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"No!" Leo yelled. "Uhhh," Nico groaned from the floor. "Piper!" Jason cried. "Monkey!" Frank yelled.
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piper-mcclean
the-argo-ii
riordan
the-house-of-hades
frank-zhang
jason-grace
rick-riordan
hazel-levesque
leo-valdez
monkeys
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Rick Riordan |
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fc400ea
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"Um..." Hazel faltered. "You mean you won't... you're not going to-" "Claim your life?" Thantos asked. "Well, let's see..." He pulled a pure-black iPad from thin air. Death, tapped the screen a few times, and all Frank could think was: Please don't let there be an app for reaping souls. "I don't see you on the list," Thantos said. "Pluto gives me specific orders for escaped souls, you see. For some reason, he has not issued a warrant for yours. Perhaps he feels your life is not finished, or it could be n oversight. If you'd like me to call and ask-" "No!" Hazel yelped. "That's okay." "Are you sure?" Death asked helpfully. "I have video-conferencing enabled. I have his Skype address here somewhere..."
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riordan
thantos
rick
frank
jackson
percy
hazel
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Rick Riordan |
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7f82f77
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If you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday. I'd like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun--I'm afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened.
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humour
funny
giant-snake
ra
tsunamis
riordan
tornado
rebellious
riots
serpent
floods
earthquakes
survive
sun
snake
funny-and-random
sadie-kane
destruction
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Rick Riordan |
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ee44050
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Curse us eh/I'll make you pay!/I don't want to rhyme all day!
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riordan
rick
olympian
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Rick Riordan |
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1130d27
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"It's mechanical," Leo said. "Maybe a doorway to the dwarfs' secret lair?" "Ooooo!" shrieked a nearby voice. "Secret lair?" "I want a secret lair!" yelled another voice from above. ... "If we had a secret lair," said Red Fur, "I would want a firehouse pole." "And a waterslide!" said Brown Fur, who was pulling random tools out of Leo's belt, tossing aside wrenches, hammers, and staple guns. "Stop that!" Leo tried to grab the dwarf's feet, but he couldn't reach the top of the pedestal. "Too short?" Brown Fur sympathized. "You're calling short?" Leo looked around for something to throw, but there was nothing but pigeons, and he doubted he could catch one. "Give me my belt, you stupid-" "Now, now!" said Brown Fur. "We haven't even introduced ourselves. I'm Akmon, and my brother over there-" "-is the handsome one!" The red-furred dwarf lifted his espresso. Judging from his dilated eyes and maniacal grin, he didn't need any more caffeine. "Passolos! Singer of songs! Drinker of coffee! Stealer of shiny stuff!"
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balogna
espresso
passolos
secret-lair
shiny-stuff
riordan
the-house-of-hades
dwarfs
coffee
rick-riordan
the-heroes-of-olympus
leo-valdez
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Rick Riordan |
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2f06961
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"The giant raised his fist, and a voice cut through the dream. "Leo!" Jason was shaking his shoulder. "Hey, man, why are you hugging Nike?" Leo's eyes fluttered open. His arms were wrapped around the human-sized statue in Athena's hand. He must have been thrashing in his sleep. He clung to the victory goddess like he used to cling to his pillow when he had nightmares as a kid. (Man, that had been so embarrassing in the foster homes.) He disentangled himself and sat up, rubbing his face. "Nothing," he muttered. "we were just cuddling. Um, what's going on?"
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dreams
riordan
the-house-of-hades
nike
jason-grace
rick-riordan
the-heroes-of-olympus
leo-valdez
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Rick Riordan |
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60dc4e0
|
Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
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humour
funny
giant-snake
ra
tsunamis
riordan
tornado
rebellious
riots
serpent
floods
earthquakes
survive
sun
snake
funny-and-random
sadie-kane
destruction
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Rick Riordan |
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7000607
|
"Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt's collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I'd met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted. "Hindenburg," I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. "Walt, why in the world--?" "Sorry!" he yelled. "Wrong amulet!" The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn't much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas. I moved to Walt's side and tried to get my bearings."
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humour
funny
giant-snake
ra
tsunamis
riordan
tornado
rebellious
riots
serpent
floods
earthquakes
survive
sun
snake
funny-and-random
sadie-kane
destruction
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Rick Riordan |
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a084814
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"Come on," I said. "I've got some questions for Thoth. And then I'm going to punch him in the beak."
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chronicles
riordan
kane
rick
pyramid
red
sadie
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Rick Riordan |