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Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think? Perfectionism is a hustle.
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Brené Brown |
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6d047d3
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When we apologize for something we've done, make amends, or change a behavior that doesn't align with our values, guilt--not shame--is most often the driving force. We feel guilty when we hold up something we've done or failed to do against our values and find they don't match up. It's an uncomfortable feeling, but one that's helpful. The psychological discomfort, something similar to cognitive dissonance, is what motivates meaningful chang..
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Brené Brown |
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6e3a508
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we can never go back. We can rise up from our failures, screwups, and falls, but we can never go back to where we stood before we were brave or before we fell. Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being. This change often brings a deep sense of loss. During the process of rising, we sometimes find ourselves homesick for a place that no longer exists. We want to go back to that moment before we walked into the arena, but there's..
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Brené Brown |
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27faa15
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When we feel good about the choices we're making and when we're engaging with the world from a place of worthiness rather than scarcity, we feel no need to judge and attack.
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Brené Brown |
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df1b297
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Generosity is not a free pass for people to take advantage of us, treat us unfairly, or be purposefully disrespectful and mean.
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Brené Brown |
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61feabe
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No regrets" doesn't mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life. (P.211)"
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Brené Brown |
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7265840
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we don't judge people when we feel good about ourselves.
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Brené Brown |
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5d490b7
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Daring is not saying, "I'm willing to risk failure." Daring is saying, "I know I will eventually fail and I'm still all in."
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Brené Brown |
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1f3ecd5
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The most transformative and resilient leaders that I've worked with over the course of my career have three things in common: First, they recognize the central role that relationships and story play in culture and strategy, and they stay curious about their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Second, they understand and stay curious about how emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are connected in the people they lead, and how those factors a..
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Brené Brown |
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when we are in pain and fear, anger and hate are our go-to emotions.
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Brené Brown |
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I can confidently say that stories of pain and courage almost always include two things: praying and cussing. Sometimes at the exact same time.
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Brené Brown |
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5a6cbe8
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When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don't go away; instead, they own us, they define us.
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Brené Brown |
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3f5d3c4
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Cruelty is cheap, easy, and rampant. It's also chicken-shit. Especially when you attack and criticize anonymously--like technology allows so many people to do these days.
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Brené Brown |
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bd94361
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One of the most profound changes in my life happened when I got my head around the relationship between gratitude and joy. I always thought that joyful people were grateful people. I mean, why wouldn't they be? They have all of that goodness to be grateful for. But after spending countless hours collecting stories about joy and gratitude, three powerful patterns emerged: Without exception, every person I interviewed who described living a j..
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Brené Brown |
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dee7e78
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Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare.
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Brené Brown |
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c9cc0d3
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Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow,
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Brené Brown |
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I only accept and pay attention to feedback from people who are also in the arena. If you're occasionally getting your butt kicked as you respond, and if you're also figuring out how to stay open to feedback without getting pummeled by insults, I'm more likely to pay attention to your thought about my work. If, on the other hand, you're not helping, contributing, or wrestling with your own gremlins, I'm not at all interested in your comment..
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feedback
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Brené Brown |
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4d0dd98
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Stop scouring people's faces for evidence that you're not enough. You will always find it because you've made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don't negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts.
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Brené Brown |
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f8ca117
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Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them--we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
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Brené Brown |
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What we know matters, but who we are matters more.
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Brené Brown |
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We do that by numbing the pain with whatever provides the quickest relief. We can take the edge off emotional pain with a whole bunch of stuff, including alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, affairs, religion, chaos, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change, and the Internet. And just so we don't miss it in this long list of all the ways we can numb ourselves, there's always staying busy: li..
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Brené Brown |
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e1da61c
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In order for slavery to work, in order for us to buy, sell, beat, and trade people like animals, Americans had to completely dehumanize slaves. And whether we directly participated in that or were simply a member of a culture that at one time normalized that behavior, it shaped us. We can't undo that level of dehumanizing in one or two generations. I believe Black Lives Matter is a movement to rehumanize black citizens. All lives matter, bu..
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racism
slavery
black-lives-matter
inclusion
dehumanization
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Brené Brown |
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3579358
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We've all fallen, and we have the skinned knees and bruised hearts to prove it. But scars are easier to talk about than they are to show, with all the remembered feelings laid bare. And rarely do we see wounds that are in the process of healing. I'm not sure if it's because we feel too much shame to let anyone see a process as intimate as overcoming hurt, or if it's because even when we muster the courage to share our still-incomplete heali..
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Brené Brown |
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You will always belong anywhere you show up as yourself and talk about yourself and your work in a real way.
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Brené Brown |
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If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing--it doesn't matter. As long as we're creating, we're cultivating meaning.
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Brené Brown |
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4ed0163
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Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, she defines each of these elements: Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience--something we all go t..
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Brené Brown |
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37349e8
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Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it's about creating a clearing. It's opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.
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Brené Brown |
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dc5315c
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The most powerful emotions that we experience have very sharp points, like the tip of a thorn. When they prick us, they cause discomfort and even pain. Just the anticipation or fear of these feelings can trigger intolerable vulnerability in us. We know it's coming. For many of us, our first response to vulnerability and pain of these sharp points is not to lean into the discomfort and feel our way through but rather to make it go away. We d..
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Brené Brown |
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5e805cf
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Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.
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Brené Brown |
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2c3e8ea
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When we're kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others. Our children learn how to be self-compassionate by watching us, and the people around us feel free to be authentic and connected.
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Brené Brown |
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17cefd2
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There's a great quote from the movie Almost Famous that says, "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool."
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Brené Brown |
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the women and men I interviewed who had the strongest sense of true belonging stayed zoomed in. They didn't ignore what was happening in the world, nor did they stop advocating for their beliefs. They did, however, commit to assessing their lives and forming their opinions of people based on their actual, in-person experiences. They worked against the trap that most of us have fallen into: I can hate large groups of strangers, because the m..
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Brené Brown |
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7baa00c
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We either own our stories (even the messy ones), or we stand outside of them--denying our vulnerabilities and imperfections, orphaning the parts of us that don't fit in with who/what we think we're supposed to be, and hustling for other people's approval of our worthiness. Perfectionism is exhausting because hustling is exhausting. It's a never-ending performance.
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Brené Brown |
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09e1639
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Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle.
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Brené Brown |
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When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.
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Brené Brown |
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Show me a woman who can hold space for a man in real fear and vulnerability, and I'll show you a woman who's learned to embrace her own vulnerability and who doesn't derive her power or status from that man. Show me a man who can sit with a woman in real fear and vulnerability and just hear her struggle without trying to fix it or give advice, and I'll show you a man who's comfortable with his own vulnerability and doesn't derive his power ..
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Brené Brown |
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1cbcbaf
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The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It's the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid--all in the same moment. It's showing up in our vulnerability and our courage, being both fierce and kind.
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Brené Brown |
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59f8a0c
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At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say I contributed more than I criticized.
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Brené Brown |
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What is the hypothesis of generosity? What is the most generous assumption you can make about this person's intentions or what this person said?
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Brené Brown |
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ef7d5d2
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The secret killer of innovation is shame. You can't measure it, but it is there. Every time someone holds back on a new idea, fails to give their manager much needed feedback, and is afraid to speak up in front of a client you can be sure shame played a part. That deep fear we all have of being wrong, of being belittled and of feeling less than, is what stops us taking the very risks required to move our companies forward. If you want a cul..
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Brené Brown |
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2518d05
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The new cultural belief that everything should be fun, fast, and easy is inconsistent with hopeful thinking. It also sets us up for hopelessness. When we experience something that is difficult and requires significant time and effort, we are quick to think, This is supposed to be easy; it's not worth the effort, or, This should be easier: it's only hard and slow because I'm not good at it. Hopeful self-talk sounds more like, This is tough, ..
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Brené Brown |
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7fabf35
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The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.
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Brené Brown |
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07a15d7
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People are opting out of vital conversations about diversity and inclusivity because they fear looking wrong, saying something wrong, or being wrong. Choosing our own comfort over hard conversations is the epitome of privilege, and it corrodes trust and moves us away from meaningful and lasting change.
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Brené Brown |
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0b54bae
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There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we'll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, "Don't do it. You don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness." This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, "I am the wilderness."
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Brené Brown |