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8ffc37b
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I kept asking myself: What do these people with strong relationships, parents with deep connections to their children, teachers nurturing creativity and learning, clergy walking with people through faith, and trusted leaders have in common? The answer was clear: They recognize the power of emotion and they're not afraid to lean in to discomfort.
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Brené Brown |
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aa1e6bb
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The imperfect book that gets published is better than the perfect book that never leaves my computer.
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Brené Brown |
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4d404b6
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When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness--that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging--lives inside of our story.
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Brené Brown |
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51fb304
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This is the shame of the woman whose hand hides her smile because her teeth are so bad, not the grand self-hate that leads some to razors or pills or swan dives off beautiful bridges however tragic that is. This is the shame of seeing yourself, of being ashamed of where you live and what your father's paycheck lets you eat and wear. This is the shame of the fat and the bald, the unbearable blush of acne, the shame of having no lunch money a..
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Brené Brown |
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e6441ea
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were..
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Brené Brown |
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569d0f7
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When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness--the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging.
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Brené Brown |
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e64178a
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What do we call a story that's based on limited real data and imagined data and blended into a coherent, emotionally satisfying version of reality? A conspiracy theory.
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Brené Brown |
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a547077
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The important thing to know about worthiness is that it doesn't have prerequisites. Most of us, on the other hand, have a long list of worthiness prerequisites--qualifiers that we've inherited, learned, and unknowingly picked up along the way. Most of these prerequisites fall in the categories of accomplishments, acquisitions, and external acceptance. It's the if/when problem ("I'll be worthy when ..." or "I'll be worthy if ...")."
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Brené Brown |
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a141325
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The connection that we forge by judging and mocking others is not real connection,
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Brené Brown |
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b4887ba
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Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience--something we all go through rather than something that happens to "me" alone. Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negativ..
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Brené Brown |
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0fa5822
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When we engage in dehumanizing rhetoric or promote dehumanizing images, we diminish our own humanity in the process. When we reduce Muslim people to terrorists or Mexicans to "illegals" or police officers to pigs, it says nothing at all about the people we're attacking. It does, however, say volumes about who we are and the degree to which we're operating in our integrity."
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Brené Brown |
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2c697c6
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It's helpful to keep in mind Alberto Brandolini's Bullshit Asymmetry Principle or what's sometimes known as Brandolini's law: "The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."
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Brené Brown |
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2999abd
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In his book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, a professor of psychiatry at Boston University, explores how trauma literally reshapes the brain and the body, and how interventions that enable adults to reclaim their lives must address the relationship between our emotional well-being and our bodies.
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Brené Brown |
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5319b5d
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As a matter of fact, we are wired for connection. It's in our biology. From the time we are born, we need connection to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. A decade ago, the idea that we're "wired for connection" might have been perceived as touchy-feely or New Age. Today, we know that the need for connection is more than a feeling or a hunch. It's hard science. Neuroscience, to be exact."
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Brené Brown |
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d605550
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If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, I fit in.
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Brené Brown |
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287a172
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And often the result of daring greatly isn't a victory march as much as it is a quiet sense of freedom mixed with a little battle fatigue.
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Brené Brown |
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741e261
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How much we know ourselves is extremely important but how we treat ourselves is the most important.
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Brené Brown |
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23ff328
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Art has the power to render sorrow beautiful, make loneliness a shared experience, and transform despair into hope.
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Brené Brown |
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9cb173b
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We don't want to be uncomfortable. We want a quick and dirty "how-to" list for happiness. I don't fit that bill. Never have. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to skip over the hard stuff, but it just doesn't work. We don't change, we don't grow, and we don't move forward without the work. If we really want to live a joyful, connected, and meaningful life, we must talk about things that get in the way."
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Brené Brown |
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532ad59
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Pain will subside only when we acknowledge it and care for it. Addressing it with love and compassion would take only a minuscule percentage of the energy it takes to fight it, but approaching pain head-on is terrifying. Most of us were not taught how to recognize pain, name it, and be with it. Our families and culture believed that the vulnerability that it takes to acknowledge pain was weakness, so we were taught anger, rage, and denial i..
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Brené Brown |
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c1733c6
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We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we're afraid to let them see it in us. We're afraid that our truth isn't enough--that what we have to offer isn't enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing. I was afraid to walk on that stage and show the audience my kitchen-table self--these people were too important, too successful, too famous. My kitchen-table self is too messy, too imperfect, too unp..
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Brené Brown |
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2b146b5
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Oversharing? Not vulnerability; I call it floodlighting. ... A lot of times we share too much information as a way to protect us from vulnerability, and here's why. I'm scared to let you know that I just wrote this article and I'm under total fire for it and people are making fun of me and I'm feeling hurt -- the same thing that I told someone in an intimate conversation. So what I do is I floodlight you with it - I don't know you very wel..
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floodlighting
self-fulfilling-prophecy
oversharing
vulnerability
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Brené Brown |
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a479899
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We put so much of our time and energy into making sure that we meet everyone's expectations and into caring about what other people think of us, that we are often left feeling angry, resentful and fearful.
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Brené Brown |
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d99524c
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Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it's the process that teaches us the most about who we are.
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Brené Brown |
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1c6232b
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Knowing what I do now, I think about shame and worthiness in this way: 'It's the album, not the picture.' If you imagine opening up a photo album, and many of the pages are full eight-by-ten photos of shaming events, you'll close that album and walk away thinking, Shame defines that story. If, on the other hand, you open that album and see a few small photos of shame experiences, but each one is surrounded by pictures of worthiness, hope, s..
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worthiness
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Brené Brown |
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8637e61
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One of the most powerful ways that our shame triggers get reinforced is when we enter into a social contract based on these gender straitjackets. Our relationships are defined by women and men saying, "I'll play my role, and you play yours." One of the patterns revealed in the research was how all that role playing becomes almost unbearable around midlife. Men feel increasingly disconnected, and the fear of failure becomes paralyzing. Women..
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Brené Brown |
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903fbae
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Connection: Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment. Belonging: Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belon..
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Brené Brown |
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e16b8ac
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The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome.
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Brené Brown |
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fee6e3a
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There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
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Brené Brown |
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48bfb06
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Betrayal is an important word with this guidepost. When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves. When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love. When we don't give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely tolerate that freedom in others. We put them down, make fun..
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Brené Brown |
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c0b7f75
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Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
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Brené Brown |
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4f82df1
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We can spend our entire life betraying ourself and choosing fitting in over standing alone. But once we've stood up for ourself and our beliefs, the bar is higher. A wild heart fights fitting in and grieves betrayal.
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Brené Brown |
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e261cd4
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You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
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Brené Brown |
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15a9d52
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Show up for people in pain and don't look away.
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Brené Brown |
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c4b347d
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the idea that we're "wired for story" is more than a catchy phrase. Neuroeconomist Paul Zak has found that hearing a story--a narrative with a beginning, middle, and end--causes our brains to release cortisol and oxytocin. These chemicals trigger the uniquely human abilities to connect, empathize, and make meaning. Story is literally in our DNA."
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Brené Brown |
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b23ecfb
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When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding.
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Brené Brown |
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6c48db1
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The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness.
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Brené Brown |
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f2e3885
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Requiring accountability while also extending your compassion is not the easiest course of action, but it is the most humane, and, ultimately, the safest for the community.
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compassion
boundaries
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Brené Brown |
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1f81d83
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Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event or the circumstance.
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Brené Brown |
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1e048bf
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Not caring about our own pain and the pain of others is not working. How much longer are we willing to keep pulling drowning people out of the river one by one, rather than walking to the headwaters of the river to find the source of the pain? What will it take for us to let go of that earned self-righteousness and travel together to the cradle of the pain that is throwing all of us in at such a rate that we couldn't possibly save everyone?..
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Brené Brown |
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f785ad0
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Perfectionism is not abut healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It's a shield.
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Brené Brown |
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04c2f2c
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As I asked more pointed questions about the choices and behaviors Wholehearted men and women made to reduce anxiety, they explained that reducing anxiety meant paying attention to how much they could do and how much was too much, and learning how to say, "Enough." They got very clear on what was important to them and when they could let something go."
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Brené Brown |
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2b05ba0
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You either walk into your story and own your truth, or you live outside of your story, hustling for your worthiness.
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Brené Brown |
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9106a41
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The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we're defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback.
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Brené Brown |