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a89086d
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The ashes of your existence will fertilize the soil for the universe to follow.
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new-worlds-exploration
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Richard Kadrey |
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3f407c1
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Besides Getting my ass kicked, my main accomplishment on this trip has been to massacre an incredible number of completely innocent clothes. I'm the Joseph Stalin of laundry.
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Richard Kadrey |
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fedb545
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I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarettes ever.
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Richard Kadrey |
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c0656f6
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For eleven years, I've been worked over and abused in ways you can't imagine by things you don't want to know about. I've killed every kind of vile, black-souled, dead-eyed nightmare that ever made you piss your pjs and cry for mommy in the middle of the night. I kill monsters and, if I wanted, I could say a word and burn you to powder from the inside out. I can tear any human you ever met to rages with my bare hands. Give me one good reaso..
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phones
monsters
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Richard Kadrey |
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7ef9a5b
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Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead.
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Richard Kadrey |
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1df85b6
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Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?
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zombies
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Richard Kadrey |
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dda6fc3
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If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now.
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power
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Richard Kadrey |
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dc8c24a
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Don't drink too much." "When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I'll stop." "I'll have to get a shorter name." "I'll have to forget how to spell it."
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Richard Kadrey |
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c94a348
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playing with the Barbie-size keyboard on my new phone. Phones are like toys now. They fit in your pocket, light up and vibrate like joy buzzers. Plus, you can get-I mean, "access"-the Internet and find anything you want. Music. Maps. Porn. Anything. If cell phones came with a cigarette dispenser, they'd be the greatest stupid invention ever."
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Richard Kadrey |
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457df29
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The place looks like where David Lynch would meet Beaver Cleaver's mom for secret afternoons of bondage and milkshakes.
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Richard Kadrey |
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34ec339
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There's the opposite of love at first sight. There are people walking the earth that the moment you meet them, you want to punch them and keep punching them.
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Richard Kadrey |
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d6bb44c
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I'm trying very hard not to think about anything I'm doing. Of all the iffy things I've ever done in my life, I've never had to ditch a body before. While it's giving me a migraine right now, I think the fact that I'm not an expert on corpse disposal says a lot of good things about me and my life choices.
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Richard Kadrey |
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0ae6208
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Don't talk. Kill it." That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date."
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killing
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Richard Kadrey |
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18738bc
|
Let me finish my beer." (Stark) "Of course. The end of the world can wait.(Kasabian)"
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end-of-the-world
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Richard Kadrey |
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7e5c854
|
The universe is a meat grinder and we're just pork in designer shoes, keeping busy so we can pretend we're not all headed for the sausage factory. Maybe I've been hallucinating this whole time and there is no Heaven and Hell. Instead of having to choose between God and the devil, maybe our only real choice comes down to link or patty?
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existential
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Richard Kadrey |
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7545a67
|
If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.
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Richard Kadrey |
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1971004
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Fuck you, angel. Fuck you and all God's little prison bitches. He slips you some cigarettes and a con job smile and you run off to do his dirty work for him. Go and scare some sinners. No one's listening to you here.
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god
prison
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Richard Kadrey |
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2bcb02d
|
It's so quiet and peaceful out here I'm getting bored with breathing. Maybe we'll get lucky and the world will go to Hell again. Fingers crossed.
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Richard Kadrey |
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88cbfc7
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Hell didn't make me a monster. It just confirmed all my worst fears about myself.
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human-nature
insight
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Richard Kadrey |
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773db90
|
If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.
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funny
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Richard Kadrey |
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e8e4414
|
The clerk is looking at me. His expression hasn't changed. What I want to do is punch a hole in the front of the desk, reach through, grab his balls, and make him sing The Mickey Mouse Club song. But these days, I'm working on the theory that killing everyone I don't like might be counterproductive. I'm learning to use my indoor voice like a big boy, so I smile back at the clerk.
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relationships
social
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Richard Kadrey |
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b411e15
|
Chasing a burning girl down a city street is a lot harder than it sounds. Civilians tend to stop and stare and this turns them into human bowling pins. Slow whiny bowling pins.
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Richard Kadrey |
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8a8339d
|
See? Even dead she makes me a better whatever-the-hell it is I am. A less stupid person. A more considerate monster.
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monsters-of-men
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Richard Kadrey |
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1343003
|
I'll give you another example. The snake in the Garden of Eden?" "Yeah?" "It was just a snake. Humanity's first real decision was to defy God. So was mine. That's the reason I make you uncomfortable. We're so much alike."
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humanity
lucifer
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Richard Kadrey |
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a96bd8f
|
You were a prick and a crook, but no one deserves to go out the way you went. I hope it was over quick and that you tasted like ass all the way down. Amen.
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Richard Kadrey |
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f0c8211
|
Love a man who'll bleed to make a point. (Candy)
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men
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Richard Kadrey |
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351c865
|
Thanks for treating me like, you know, a person through all this shit. I know that isn't always easy. (Stark) You do have a habit of pissing on other people's welcome mats. But, when a gentleman gives you a booty call to a massacre, it's easy to forgive. Ciao. (Candy)
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massacre
forgiveness
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Richard Kadrey |
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9861c7b
|
Besides, do you think you would have come if I'd just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing and said, 'Hello, I'm the Prince of Darkness. Think you could help me out with a little war next Tuesday, say, sixish?
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lucifer
|
Richard Kadrey |
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632c6c0
|
The dead think they can get away with anything because you'll feel sorry for them. If you play cards with the dead, make sure you deal and don't let them buy you drinks. They'll slip you a formaldehyde roofie and pry the gold fillings out of your teeth.
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dead
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Richard Kadrey |
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596f38d
|
THERE'S ONLY ONE problem with L.A. It exists. L.A. is what happens when a bunch of Lovecraftian elder gods and porn starlets spend a weekend locked up in the Chateau Marmont snorting lines of crank off Jim Morrison's bones. If the Viagra and illegal Traci Lords videos don't get you going, then the Japanese tentacle porn will.
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Richard Kadrey |
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5baa916
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If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.
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humour
romance
humor
sandman-slim
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Richard Kadrey |
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f70b9d1
|
They can talk shit about each other behind the others' backs, but when it comes down to it, money is the one true race and everyone down here is the color of greenbacks and as tall as mountains.
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money
relationships
greed
society
pride
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Richard Kadrey |
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d3370bf
|
Down here in the pain, I don't have to know. I just note the question and move on. Answers are rare and come in their own time but hangovers are reliable and never in short supply.
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Richard Kadrey |
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4cbf37c
|
I guarantee you I'm not going to forget your voice. We're going to run into each other down the road sometime, and when we do I'm going to pop you apart one rivet at a time." "There's the monster. Hello, monster."
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Richard Kadrey |
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9e11c16
|
If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.
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jesus
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Richard Kadrey |
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df0ad18
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Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.
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Richard Kadrey |
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620099b
|
I don't want to run for anything. I want to shove this miserable cheap-ass check so far up Wells's ass he can read the routing number out the back of his eyes.
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Richard Kadrey |
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92ab914
|
I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar.
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sex-appeal
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Richard Kadrey |
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b5f4f57
|
My head is full of monsters and I'm one of them.
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Richard Kadrey |
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38862da
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A gun is like love. The universal language.
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Richard Kadrey |
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fcf24ea
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Most people are idiots. There's nothing worse than idiots who tell you their opinions.
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Richard Kadrey |
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7227c5e
|
Vices shouldn't be safe. They're what remind us we're alive and mortal.
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Richard Kadrey |
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1fe96ef
|
When the world began, there were no such things as monsters. Demons were just fallen angels who, booted out of Heaven and bored with Hell, wandered the Earth sticking little girls' pigtails in inkwells and sinking the occasional continent.
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funny
|
Richard Kadrey |
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c46e1e0
|
Now you are thinking like a thief. Fewer guns and more exits. We'll cure your cowboy ways yet. (Vidocq)
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thief-humor
|
Richard Kadrey |