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26ba4ea
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Fuck this place and fuck your games. This is where you first failed us. You gave us minds and told us not to think. You gave us curiosity and put a booby-trapped tree right in front of us. You gave us sex and told us not to do it. You played three-card monte with our souls from day one, and when we couldn't find the queen, you sent us to Hell to be tortured for eternity. That was your great plan for humanity? Whatever
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Richard Kadrey |
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0e0209d
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Everyone in the world is a Charlie. The trick is to figure out which Charlie you're going to be. Charlie Manson. Charlie Starkweather. Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." "Charlie Chaplin." "Charlie Parker." "Charly... from Flowers for Algernon." "Charlie Brown." --
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personalities
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Richard Kadrey |
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e2bf679
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None of the palaces in Hell come close to Lucifer's in size or beauty. Lucifer lives at the top of a literal ivory tower, miles high. You can't even see the top from the ground. The joke is that he built it that high so he can lean out the window and pound on Heaven's floor with a broom handle when he wants them to turn down the choir.
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lucifer
heaven-and-hell
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Richard Kadrey |
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c89b0fd
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Yes, there are vampires. Try to keep up.
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Richard Kadrey |
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0335233
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He pulls the tape off Allegra's mouth. Grabs her BY THE HAIR and gives her a peck on the lips.
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Richard Kadrey |
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385a622
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He's a little ray of sunshine, your partner." "I look at him as my last training test. Can I work with him long enough without shooting him to get a promotion?"
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Richard Kadrey |
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ee68be5
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CANDY AND ALESSA are practicing in the storeroom. One of them is burning through "Miserlou" and the other sounds like she's falling down the stairs with a boxful of cats. But she keeps playing. Good for her."
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Richard Kadrey |
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76e0b00
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How long has it been since I've seen sunlight? Down in the asshole of creation, it was a dim, perpetual crimson-and-magenta twilight.
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Richard Kadrey |
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d67adae
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THERE'S ONLY ONE problem with L.A. It exists. L.A. is what happens when a bunch of Lovecraftian elder gods and porn starlets spend a weekend locked up in the Chateau Marmont snorting lines of crank off Jim Morrison's bones.
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Richard Kadrey |
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b8c6d05
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SOCIETY IS A CARNIVOROUS FLOWER
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Richard Kadrey |
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9855fe3
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What I do know is that once said, "Life is a bucket of shit with a barbed-wire handle."
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Richard Kadrey |
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9ad74b7
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She kisses me on the cheek and runs back into Donut Universe. People in line glare at me, wondering why I rate special treatment. I saved your lives, assholes. Let me have a fucking donut. C
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Richard Kadrey |
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33f9185
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Really, Cooper, you're in good hands. We can't afford any more employee homicides until the next fiscal quarter," said Woolrich. "If you try just a little harder, I think you can be even less reassuring." "Think"
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Richard Kadrey |
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3fc7f6a
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Hell doesn't run on prayers or promises. Downtown magic is about reaching out and grabbing what you want, and that requires payment. An offering. Blood.
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Richard Kadrey |
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e01fe20
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Where are we going?" "For ice cream. What's your favorite flavor?" "Fuck you." "That's my favorite, too."
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Richard Kadrey |
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aa334dd
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Reality is a two-ton weight strapped to your balls. And they just keep getting heavier.
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Richard Kadrey |
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772d855
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Cash is the magic that anyone can do.
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Richard Kadrey |
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f41a6b0
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Black magic on Earth isn't so different and it's why so many dark magicians dress like cashiers at Hot Topic. Black is a good color anytime you're flinging around blood.
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Richard Kadrey |
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7f4ee5b
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You still think I have a good side?" "There's a search party out for it but I'm optimistic they'll turn up something."
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Richard Kadrey |
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b148125
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It's not something you think about, it just happens. You fall into the orbit of friends and familiar faces. You don't even have to like each other. You just have to be there to remind each other that you survived and that this is real. I'm sure there's a scientific name for it. The old fighters just called it Tea Time. Geryon
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Richard Kadrey |
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e6db385
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Lucifer was his name in Perdition. In Heaven, he's Samael.
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Richard Kadrey |
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14f0e8f
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Quid salvum est si Roma perit?" What is safe if Rome perishes?"
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Richard Kadrey |
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f602251
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Beautiful. Now I have to burrow like a groundhog into Mason's basement to the same room where he summoned those things to take me Downtown. Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.
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Richard Kadrey |
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bb1bebc
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I don't believe in conspiracies. Guys will say anything to get laid.
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Richard Kadrey |
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a3a1ce1
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Of course, aside from fear, the God business runs on sentimentality. That's the only explanation. Unless it's a real estate scam.
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Richard Kadrey |
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57847c3
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That's how you know someone likes you. Anyone can give you chocolate and flowers, but when they'll disembowel someone for you? That's true love.
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Richard Kadrey |
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583b877
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Carlos comes back with our drinks. "What should we drink to?" "To love," says Brigitte. "To the few loyal customers I have left," says Carlos. I have to think for a minute. "To the dead. Let's think of them always, but not join them too soon." Everyone in the bar drinks to that."
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Richard Kadrey |
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7c8a525
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I never liked Michael, and since he tried to kill me, I like him even less.
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Richard Kadrey |
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e9d8c4c
|
Kasabian's head is still under the bed. I pull it out and set it on his chest, then grab his body by the ankles and drag him into the Cube. I straighten the arms and legs, set Kas's head back on its shoulders, and generally try to make him look more like a respectable human being and less like a big pile of loser jerky.
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Richard Kadrey |
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a081150
|
Then you better tell whoever is Lucifer, because I'm living in his palace, wearing his clothes, and peeing in his shower.
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Richard Kadrey |
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0bb3203
|
Oh God, look what you did." "God's away on business, Kas. Talk to me."
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humor
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Richard Kadrey |
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2f5485e
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If I'm going to ride this out and stay alive, then I'm king high ballbuster. I took on God and almost did the old man in. A few grumpy horns and hoofs types and a petting zoo full of rabid Pokemons? I'm Satan. I can deal that and play "Smoke on the Water" while getting a lap dance on a runaway train all at the same time."
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Richard Kadrey |
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ae6b669
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When I was Downtown, I learned a lot about making threats. Make them big. Make them outrageous. You're never going to kick someone's ass. You're going to pull out their tongue and pour liquid nitrogen down their throat, chip out their guts with an ice pick, slide in a pane of glass, and turn them into an aquarium.
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threats
torture
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Richard Kadrey |
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7add094
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Young vampires are all assholes. It's part of their job description.
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Richard Kadrey |
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93798c2
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It's more than coping. It's adaptation. You go into the dark one species and mutate to fit your surroundings. Grow better eyes and ears. Get used to the feel of the air so you can tell when something is coming at you. After a while you're so suited to the environment you're a whole new species.
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Richard Kadrey |
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0928410
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And you're going to do that all by yourself?" "If I pray real hard, I'm sure I can get the baby Jesus to watch over me." "You just blew up a church," says Candy. "Okay. The Devil then." "That's more like it."
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Richard Kadrey |
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604f736
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The sound of fighting, even movie fighting, is weirdly comforting when I'm falling asleep.
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Richard Kadrey |
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10c4e3d
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The third time you commit murder, you change into that extra shirt you brought along, the one that's not covered in blood, and you go out for a drink.
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Richard Kadrey |
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d1bd4d2
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The Magistrate hasn't said a word this whole time. He just stands there like a mantis, all insect patience and killer instincts.
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Richard Kadrey |
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9e27719
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Ray comes out a few seconds later, wiping his hands on a small towel. He's in a white shirt and tan pants. In good shape. He's sandy haired and wearing Buddy Holly glasses. Ray could be a computer programmer or an ad writer. Whatever he does for a living, he doesn't look like any brujo I've ever seen. He puts out his hand as he comes in. "Hi. I'm Ray," he says. We shake. "I'm Stark." He walks back to stand by Carlos."
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Richard Kadrey |
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13184f2
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I'm on the edge of vomiting up everything I ever ate since childhood, strained peas to chicken and waffles. Damn. Wrong memories. My stomach starts doing a hillbilly two-step.
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Richard Kadrey |
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190572b
|
She looks like she just saw a ghost, a unicorn, and Hello Kitty having a three-way in a clown car and they didn't invite her.
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Richard Kadrey |
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dac2471
|
I've never seen a Jade in full feral mode before. Candy's nails have curved out into thick claws. Her eyes are red slit pupils in a sea of black ice. Her lips and tongue are as black as her eyes. Her mouth has a slightly different shape. Like she has a few more teeth or the ones she has are wider and sharper than before. A mouthful of pretty white shark's teeth. She's the most beautiful thing I've seen in eleven years. I want to have monste..
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Richard Kadrey |
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df9dbe2
|
LOLLIPOP DOLLS IS like some weird little girl's hunting lodge. The heads and faces of every Japanese cartoon character and monster are hung on the walls like trophies. Their plastic guts are in model kits on the shelves and their skins are draped on padded hangers in long rows of animal prints and Little Bo Peep frills. When I turn around, there's a platoon of twelve-year-old Cutie Honey types staring up at me, letting me know that I'm extr..
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manga
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Richard Kadrey |