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5e0a81b
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Nothing good has ever come from anything that begins with "God has a message for you."
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Richard Kadrey |
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4448511
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So far, being dead is about as much fun as a barbed-wire G-string. Yes, there is such a thing. They invented it in Hell, which is where I am. I already said I was dead. Where else would I be? Try to keep up.
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Richard Kadrey |
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078f128
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What's a shvitz?" he yells. "Really? You're driving up Hell's asshole with these Grease rejects and that's the first thing that falls out of your skull?"
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Richard Kadrey |
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5cfb3dd
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I'd rather watch you do the backstroke in lava.
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Richard Kadrey |
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f27ab61
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For a second, nothing happens and I'm sure that I've reached a new level of fucked. Then the hardpack around the rib shatters and I haul it out of the ground like a deranged Fred Flintstone.
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Richard Kadrey |
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35900fb
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Horned Toad's pal, the baby face in the jeep, is running at me, firing the rifle. I guess he's upset because he hasn't grasped the fact that it's really hard to hit anything when you're running and your gun is bouncing around like a rubber duck in a typhoon.
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Richard Kadrey |
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6f3fd4c
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The way he's shooting, he couldn't hit the sky from a weather balloon.
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Richard Kadrey |
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c73022b
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It explodes with an extremely satisfying whoomp. Satisfying to me, at least. It would be nice to think that the screams from the burning Hellion are him cheering me on for making such a great shot, but that's probably too much to hope for.
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Richard Kadrey |
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16a37ac
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I've swallowed enough sand that I'm going to shit cinder blocks.
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Richard Kadrey |
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4551579
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And if he's found guilty?" "Then his fate will be that of all the ignobles."
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Richard Kadrey |
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1261d5e
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That's where you're wrong. When a tidal wave washes out the luau, you surf it and look for land.
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Richard Kadrey |
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1314697
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Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "Then you'll fit in just fine around here," he says."
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Richard Kadrey |
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00f6d9c
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We follow Daja to a Hellion motor home. It looks less like something your grandparents would drive to the Grand Canyon and more like a Gothic mansion on wheels--one designed by insects and decorated by something with more tentacles than taste. Hellion chic. Daja opens the door and we go in.
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Richard Kadrey |
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7393fd6
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Maybe I'll live long enough to find out. The way the day is going, though, I'll be lucky to make it through the appetizer course.
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Richard Kadrey |
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5b67d14
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I down whatever's in the glass, though, because at this point I'd drink paint thinner out of a hobo's galoshes.
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Richard Kadrey |
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a5cf368
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She hands me back the bottle. The stuff we're drinking is vile. Greasy and fishy, but even flounder-flavored turpentine will taste good when it's the only drink in town.
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Richard Kadrey |
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ff36066
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What happened to your face?" she says. She pulls down my shirt a few inches. Spots more scars. "And the rest of you." "Never follow a foul ball into a wood chipper," I say. "We didn't even win the game."
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Richard Kadrey |
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106e22b
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I played minigolf once, but the windmill scared me. I try to avoid excitement these days.
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Richard Kadrey |
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b367a2c
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I hope watching the Bradys depresses them as much as being trapped here in Creation's shit pipe depresses me.
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Richard Kadrey |
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b1d18ef
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No, humans are good at growing bones, toenails, and cancer. That's about it.
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Richard Kadrey |
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a92ea97
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Maybe he was destined to die under the fading shadow of a plastic dinosaur surrounded by pickpockets, hookers, and panhandlers, but at least he'd never been to Mississippi.
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Richard Kadrey |
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f86692a
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Shit," Jonny mumbled as he stepped on something soft and clinging in the doorway of the abandoned hotel. Then "Shit" again as he recognized the accuracy of his curse."
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Richard Kadrey |
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6a50f86
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There's something magical about the sound of breaking glass. Especially around a mob. It works for both humans and Hellions. If you want to start a riot, throw a bottle.
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Richard Kadrey |
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9b7a93b
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Stark: So, you think Mason knows I'm back. Vidocq: You just blew up his home. He might suspect something.
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hellions
suspect
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Richard Kadrey |
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6f17629
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When you jump off a cliff, is it better to land on jagged rocks or burning lava? I know this one. The answer is obvious: It doesn't matter where you land. You just jumped off a cliff.
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Richard Kadrey |
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ee9153f
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What's that old Sunday school warning about how if you fight dragons too long, you can become one? That's been spinning around in my head for years, long enough that I know I'd rather be a dragon than a sheep to the slaughter.
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Richard Kadrey |
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d13737d
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I might be dead and damned for all eternity but I'm not addle-brained. I remember.
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Richard Kadrey |
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4cb6ec3
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I take a long drag on the Malediction like maybe it'll start a tornado and carry me back home like Dorothy.
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Richard Kadrey |
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92ad4a6
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One rule of thumb in fighting is that crazy can often overcome skill and numbers, because, while a trained fighter might actually enjoy going up against another trained fighter, no one really wants to wrestle with crazy. Crazy doesn't know when it's winning. And crazy doesn't know when to stop. If you can't pull off crazy, if, for instance, you're handcuffed in a small van with six armed assailants, stupid is a decent substitute for crazy.
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Richard Kadrey |
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2472369
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I pick up a long, charcoal-gray silk overcoat at a West Hollywood rent-boy boutique. Anything heavier than silk will look ridiculous in L.A., and wearing a black overcoat is nature's way of telling you to lay off the Bauhaus.
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Richard Kadrey |
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c88ec2b
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Dignity is nice but it's money makes the lights and shower work.
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Richard Kadrey |
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2c9f187
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Whatever happened, he wasn't just Mason anymore. He was Mason and something else. Like God's older brother, who takes God's money, steals his car, and fucks his girlfriend. That's Mason now. A guy who isn't afraid to pants God...
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humor
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Richard Kadrey |
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6fa755b
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Good intentions and a dime won't get you a damned thing in this world...
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money
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Richard Kadrey |
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62ef837
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There's only one way to steal a car and not feel guilty about it, and that's to steal the most expensive car you can find. That way, you know that it carries the maximum insurance possible, so whatever happens, the owner is covered.
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stealing
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Richard Kadrey |
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a57fa3c
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Thievery pays for the tools, and the work shows me the mind of God. Stealing is a lot like alchemy, you know. In each, we each try to find what is beautiful and hidden and make it ours.
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thievery
stealing
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Richard Kadrey |
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b4035b2
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So far, being dead is about as much fun as a barbed-wire G-string. Yes,
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Richard Kadrey |
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7ecea34
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The 405 is one breakdown away from turning into the Donner Party.
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Richard Kadrey |
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ae19681
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As sweet as it feels, I can't lie here forever curled up in a big ball of fuck-the-world.
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Richard Kadrey |
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63aef0c
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And that makes a difference?" said Coop. "Let me put it this way," said Phil. "Were you fucked ten minutes ago?" "No." "Are you fucked now?" "Yes." "Then I guess it makes a difference." Coop" --
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Richard Kadrey |
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e5bfbed
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There's another half that thinks you're just crazy." "Finally. My people." She"
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Richard Kadrey |
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5332b0b
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If you're in the exorcism business, you must know a lot about demons." "Qliphoth," he says. "What?" "It's the proper word for what you call a demon. A demon is a bogeyman, an irrational entity representing fear in the collective unconscious. The Qliphoth are the castoffs of a greater entity. The old gods. They're dumb and their lack of intelligence makes them pure evil." "Okay, Daniel Webster. What happened at the exorcism?" Traven takes a ..
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Richard Kadrey |
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02ceb4c
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It seemed to be going well. You see, a Qliphoth can only possess an imperfect and impure body, one that's sinned. Of course, that describes all humans except maybe for the saints. When I eat a possessed person's sins, their body returns to a pure and holy state. With nowhere left to hide, the Qliphoth is ejected like someone spitting out a watermelon seed.
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Richard Kadrey |
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f0f9fcc
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So, why'd you come back?" " I'm going to kill some people," I tell him. I pour the Jack into the coffee. "Probably a lot of people." The bartender picks up a rag and starts wiping glasses. "Guess someone's got to." "Thanks for understanding." "I figure that at any given time, there's probably three to five percent of the population that are such unrepentant rat-fuck pendejos that they deserve whatever they get."
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Richard Kadrey |
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75d243b
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Don't fuck with me, ball sac,
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Richard Kadrey |