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2a742c7
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I'm not a natural
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peacekeeping
sam-vimes
police
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Terry Pratchett |
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78568a2
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There were only three times in your life when it was proper to come through the front door, and you were carried every time.
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humor
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Terry Pratchett |
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315080e
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Broadly, therefore, the three even now lurching across the deserted planks of the Brass Bridge were dead drunk assassins and the men behind them were bent on inserting the significant comma.
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Terry Pratchett |
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53d0dad
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Another priest said,"Is it true you've said you'll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?" "Yes." Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps away from Dorfl. "But the gods plainly exist," said a priest. "It Is Not Evident." A bolt of lightning lanced down through the clouds and hit Dorfl's helmet. There was a sheet of flame and then a trickling noise. Dorfl's molten armour formed puddl..
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humourous
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Terry Pratchett |
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05e71a1
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The only way to get something to turn up when you need it is to need it to turn up.
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Terry Pratchett |
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d71b6f2
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Our rulers rule by consent, which means that we like having them as rulers, if they do what we want them to do.
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Terry Pratchett |
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72734b5
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Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you, sir, that your polar ice caps are below regulation size for a planet of this category, sir.
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Terry Pratchett |
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5d94f49
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Granny Weatherwax always held that you ought to count up to ten before losing your temper. No one knew why, because the only effect of this was to build up the pressure and make the ensuing explosion a whole lot worse.
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Terry Pratchett |
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eac5d70
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Blessings be upon this house,' said Granny, but in a voice that suggested that if blessings needed to be taken away, she could do that, too.
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Terry Pratchett |
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3bc602a
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Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat.
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Terry Pratchett |
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3599290
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Witches have animals they can talk to, called familiars. Like your toad there." "I'm not familiar," said a voice from among the paper flowers. "I'm just slightly presumptuous."
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Terry Pratchett |
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fb32084
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That's how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits.
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Terry Pratchett |
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5ca6b5e
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In Ankh-Morpork even the shit have a street to itself," said Detritus, awe and wonder in his voice. "Truly, this a land of opportunity."
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Terry Pratchett |
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5f3db34
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Things like crowns had a troublesome effect on clever folk; it was best to leave all the reigning to the kind of people whose eyebrows met in the middle when they tried to think. In a funny sort of way, they were much better at it.
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Terry Pratchett |
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3487c34
|
Now consider the tortoise and the eagle. The tortoise is a ground-living creature. It is impossible to live nearer the ground without being under it. Its horizons are a few inches away. It has about as good a turn of speed as you need to hunt down a lettuce. It has survived while the rest of evolution flowed past it by being, on the whole, no threat to anyone and too much trouble to eat. And then there is the eagle. A creature of the air an..
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Terry Pratchett |
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a0d35ab
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He was said to have the body of a twenty-five year old, although no-one knew where he kept it. The point was that everyone else had someone, even if in Nobby's case it was probably against their will.
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nobby
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Terry Pratchett |
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3b85fc5
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gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide
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Terry Pratchett Neil Gaiman |
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81e2563
|
You can either be on the stage, just a performer, just going through the lines... or you can be outside it, and know how the script works, where the scenery hangs, and where the trapdoors are.
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Terry Pratchett |
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4d86881
|
Sometimes I dream that we could deal with the big crimes, that we could make a law for countries and not just for people,
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Terry Pratchett |
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dedb9d3
|
Biers was where the undead drank. And when Igor the barman was asked for a Bloody Mary, he didn't mix a metaphor.
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undead
puns
hogfather
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Terry Pratchett |
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472aaef
|
About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.
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humorous
humor
retort
witty
satire
funny-and-random
wit
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Terry Pratchett |
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3f7e983
|
Joshua, cynicism is the only reasonable response to the antics of humanity.
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Terry Pratchett |
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f12082f
|
Om rubed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.
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Terry Pratchett |
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5ea8911
|
It had a very long pendulum, and the pendulum swung with a slow tick-tock that set his teeth on edge, because it was the kind of deliberate annoying ticking that wanted to make it abundantly clear that every tick and every tock was stripping another second off your life. It was the kind of sound that suggested very pointedly that in some hypothetical hourglass somewhere, another few grains of sand had dropped out form under you.
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death
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Terry Pratchett |
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d7ea650
|
Oh, there's plenty of reasons. I just don't know which one.
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Terry Pratchett |
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43285ea
|
He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was the Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him.
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Terry Pratchett |
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3320785
|
Child. That was a terrible thing to say to anyone who was almost thirteen.
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Terry Pratchett |
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1aaf511
|
Can I ask a question, sir?" said Maurice, as Death turned to go. You May Not Get An Answer. "I suppose there isn't a Big Cat in the Sky, is there?" I'm Surprised At You, Maurice. Of Course There Are No Cat Gods. That Would Be Too Much Like...Work. Maurice nodded. One good thing about being a cat, apart from the extra lives, was that the theology was a lot simpler."
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Terry Pratchett |
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a2b4525
|
the awesome splendor of the universe is much easier to deal with if you think of it as a series of small chunks.
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Terry Pratchett |
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833bdbd
|
They represented what people called the "international community." And like all uses of the word "community," you were never quite sure what or who it was."
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Terry Pratchett |
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c2d7308
|
The Library didn't only contain magical books, the ones which are chained to their shelves and are very dangerous. It also contained perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader'..
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Terry Pratchett |
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e3c10c2
|
Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed anymore.
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Terry Pratchett |
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79f7c5b
|
We are as gods to beasts of the field. We order the time of their birth and the time of their death. Between times, we have a duty.
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terry-pratchett
kindness-to-animals
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Terry Pratchett |
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3b77a79
|
There were a lot of things he could say. "Son of a bitch!" would have been a good one. Or he could say, "Welcome to civilization!" He could have said, "Laugh this one off!" He might have said, "Fetch!" But he didn't, because if he had said any of those things then he'd have known that what he had just done was murder."
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murder
police
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Terry Pratchett |
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c4fd5f2
|
Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get.
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Terry Pratchett |
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b53bdbe
|
Two uniformed trolls were standing in front of Sergeant Colon's high desk, with a slightly smaller troll between them. This troll was wearing a slightly downcast expression. It was also wearing a tutu and had a small pair of gauzed wings glued to its back. " - happen to know that trolls don't have tradition of a Tooth Fairy," Colon was saying. "Especially not one called' - he looked down - "Clinkerbell. So how about we just call it breaki..
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humourous
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Terry Pratchett |
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8ea6700
|
Teppic hadn't been educated. Education had just settled on him, like dandruff.
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Terry Pratchett |
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ab9720a
|
Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!
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war
jingo
vimes
vetinari
|
Terry Pratchett |
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a6a3fe2
|
Stanley always followed the rules. All sorts of things could go wrong if you didn't. So far he'd done 1:Upon Discovery of the Fire, Remain Calm. Now he'd come to 2: Shout 'Fire!' in a Loud, Clear Voice. 'Fire!' he shouted, and then ticked off 2 with his pencil. Next was: 3: Endeavour to Extinguish Fire If Possible. Stanley went to the door and opened it. Flames and smoke billowed in. He stared at them for a moment, shook his head, and shut..
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Terry Pratchett |
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3858b6b
|
Being Ymor's right-hand man was like being gently flogged to death with scented bootlaces.
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flogging
right-hand-man
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Terry Pratchett |
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f076448
|
Legitimate First watched them go as they walked away. Sergeant Colon felt he was being measured up. "I've always wondered about his name," said Nobby, turning and waving. "I mean...Legitimate?" "Can't blame a mother for being proud, Nobby," said Colon."
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humourous
|
Terry Pratchett |
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9bded9a
|
Somewhere deep inside his mind, somewhere beyond the event horizon of rationality, the sheer pressure of insanity had hammered his madness into something harder than diamond.
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Terry Pratchett |
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5fb936d
|
Insofar as he'd formed any opinion of her, it was that she suffered from misplaced gentility and the mistaken belief that etiquette meant good breeding. She mistook mannerisms for manners.
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Terry Pratchett |
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0adc905
|
But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as drunk as a skunk, Drumknott, which of course means skunks are just as drunk as I. I must say the term is unfamiliar to me, and I had not thought hitherto of skunks in this context, but Mustrum Ridcully was kind enough to enlighten me.
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idioms
vetinari
|
Terry Pratchett |