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ffc4f65
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He was trying to conjure up a succubus." It should be impossible to leer when all you've got is a beak, but the parrot managed it. "That's a female demon what comes in the night and makes mad passionate wossn-" "I've heard of them," said Rincewind. "Bloody dangerous things." The parrot put its head on one side. "It never worked. All he ever got was a neuralger."
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humor
discworld
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Terry Pratchett |
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583a0fe
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A screaming vampire is always the centre of attention.
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Terry Pratchett |
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0cf3098
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You Bastard was thinking: there seems to be some growing dimensional instability here, swinging from zero to nearly forty-five degrees by the look of it. How interesting. I wonder what's causing it? Let V equal 3. Let Tau equal Chi/4. cudcudcud Let Kappa/y be an Evil-Smelling-Bugger* (* Renowned as the greatest camel mathematician of all time, who invented a math of eight-dimensional space while lying down with his nostrils closed in a viol..
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Terry Pratchett |
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b85220b
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The captain glared at him. The sergeant put on the poker face that has been handed down from NCO to NCO ever since one protoamphibian told another, lower-ranking protoamphibian to muster a squad of newts and Take That Beach.
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Terry Pratchett |
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700082a
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William groaned. It was Vimes. Worse, he was smiling, in a humourless predatory way. "Ah, Mr de Worde," he said, stepping inside. "There are several thousand dogs stampeding through the city at the moment. This is an interesting fact, isn't it?" He leaned against the wall and produced a cigar. "Well, I say dogs," he said, striking a match on Goodmountain's helmet. "Mostly dogs, perhaps I should say. Some cats. More cats now, in fact, 'cos, ..
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Terry Pratchett |
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24f8537
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I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma...
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Terry Pratchett |
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2f62029
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they wore their hair long like a poet who hopes that romantically flowing locks will make up for a wretched inability to find a rhyme for "daffodil."
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Terry Pratchett |
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e1d5481
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The year is round! The wheel of the world must spin! That is why up here they dance the Dark Morris, to balance it. They welcome the winter because of the new summer deep inside it!
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Terry Pratchett |
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b1b6fd7
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The R is the wrong way roond and you left the A and a Y out of Anybody,' said Jeannie, because it is a wife's job to stop her husband actually exploding with pride. 'Ach, wumman, I didna' ken which way the fat man wuz walkin',' said Rob, airly waving a hand. 'Ye canna trust the fat man. That's the kind of thing us nat'ral writin' folk knows about. One day he might walk this way, next day he might walk that way.
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writing
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Terry Pratchett |
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87b106e
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Astfgl peered around through the swirling gas clouds. At least he was in the right place. The whole point about the end of the universe was that you couldn't go past it accidentally. The last few embers winked out. Time and space collided silently, and collapsed. Astfgl coughed. It can get so very lonely, when you're twenty million light-years from home. "Anyone there?" he said. YES. The voice was right by his ear. Even demon kings can shiv..
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Terry Pratchett |
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ca431b8
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REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.
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sarcasm
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Terry Pratchett |
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fb58198
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We (people) only remembered that elves sang. But we forgot what they sang about.
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terry-pratchett
humor
lords-and-ladies
parody
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Terry Pratchett |
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c940d6e
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What's this here," he said suspiciously, "about us got to give you faggots?" Oh, we have to have them," said Newt, "We burn them." Say what?"
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Terry Pratchett |
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45ee0d7
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Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching the bottom just ahead of the terrible carnage of men and cheeses as they piled up. Then it rolled back to the top and sat there demurely while still gently vibrating. At the bottom of the slope, fights were breaking out among the cheese jockeys who were still capable of punching somebody, and since everybody was w..
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horace-the-blue-cheese
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Terry Pratchett |
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82697e3
|
Inspirations sleet through the universe continuously. Their destination, as if they cared, is the right mind in the right place at the right time. They hit the right neuron, there's a chain reaction, and a little while later someone is blinking furiously in the TV lights and wondering how the hell he came up with the idea of pre-sliced bread in the first place. Leonard of Quirm knew about inspirations. One of his earliest inventions was an ..
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Terry Pratchett |
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9e5523b
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The important thing about being a leader is not being right or wrong but being certain. Of course it helps to be right as well, the Abbot conceeded.
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Terry Pratchett |
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28f8647
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Look, how about this? Let's pretend we've had the row and I've won. See? It saves a lot of effort.
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Terry Pratchett |
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d2ab1e7
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Vimes had never mastered ambition. It was something that happened to other people.
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Terry Pratchett |
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bd4cc47
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Genuine anger was one of the world's great creative forces. But you had to learn how to control it. That didn't mean you let it trickle away. It meant you dammed it, carefully, let it develop a working head, let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then, just when the whole structure was about to collapse, opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge.
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Terry Pratchett |
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f4b11ac
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Sam Vimes could parallel process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at any time they could be challenged and must be ready to quote the last sentence in full. A vital additional skill is being able to scan the dialogue for telltale phrases, such as "and they can deliver it tomorrow" or "so I've invited them for d..
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Terry Pratchett |
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bd8d32d
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I know nothing about her. Just some books, and some stories she tried to tell me, and things I didn't understand, and I remember big red soft hands and that smell. I never knew who she really was. I mean, she must have been nine too, once.
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grandmothers
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Terry Pratchett |
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1a64ad7
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Omens were all very well, but sometimes it would help if people just wrote things down.
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Terry Pratchett |
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04cbb3b
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Your friend Mr. Tulip would perhaps like part of your payment to be the harpsichord?" said the chair. "It's not a --ing harpsichord, it's a --ing virginal," growled Mr. Tulip. "One --ing string to a note instead of two! So called because it was an instrument for --ing young ladies!" "My word, was it?" said one of the chairs. "I thought it was just of sort of early piano!"
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Terry Pratchett |
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bdd6f02
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It might have interested Newt to know that, of the thirty-nine thousand women tested with the pin during the centuries of witch-hunting, twenty-nine thousand said "ouch," nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine didn't feel anything because of the use of the aforesaid retractable pins, and one witch declared that it had miraculously cleared up the arthritis in her leg."
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witches
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Terry Pratchett |
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394e4c5
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The monk solved his immediate problem by giving a little whimper and fainting.
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Terry Pratchett |
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f88e587
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We try to make guests feel welcome," said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes's amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses. "You had papers?" he said. Vimes handed them over. "It says here "His Grace"," the dwarf said, after reading them for awhile. "Yes, that's me." "And there's a sir." "That's me, too." "And an excellency." "'fraid so." Vimes narrowed his eyes. "I was blackboard monitor for aw..
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humourous
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Terry Pratchett |
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1036293
|
For the first time in her life Granny wondered whether there might be something important in all these books people were setting such store by these days, although she was opposed to books on strict moral grounds, since she had heard that many of them were written by dead people and therefore it stood to reason reading them would be as bad as necromancy.
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Terry Pratchett |
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348e54b
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Why? Why not do things differently? Why should we do things how they have always been done before? And something inside her suddenly thrilled to the challenge.
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Terry Pratchett |
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93004f3
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PRAY TELL ME, WHY WERE YOU CONTENT TO LIVE IN THIS TINY LITTLE COUNTRY WHEN, AS YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING AND ANYBODY IN THE WORLD? "I don't know about the world, not much; but in my part of the world I could make little miracles for ordinary people," Granny replied sharply. "And I never wanted the world--just a part of it, a small part that I could keep safe, that I could keep away from storms. Not the ones of the sky, you und..
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Terry Pratchett |
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6b2cdb0
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either the gods are there whether you believe or not, or exist only as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the whole business...
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Terry Pratchett |
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80beff0
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Mrs. Earwig (pronounced Ar-wige, at least by Mrs. Earwig) believed in shiny wands, and magical amulets and mystic runes and the power of the stars, while Granny Weatherwax in cups of tea, dry biscuits, washing every morning in cold water and, well...mostly she believed in Granny Weatherwax.
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Terry Pratchett |
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5d75d06
|
BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE RATHER STUPID AND WASTE THEIR LIVES. HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THAT? HAVE YOU NOT LOOKED DOWN FROM THE HORSE AT A CITY AND THOUGHT HOW MUCH IT RESEMBLED AN ANT HEAP, FULL OF BLIND CREATURES WHO THINK THEIR MUNDANE LITTLE WORLD WAS REAL? YOU SEE THE LIGHTED WINDOWS AND WHAT YOU WANT TO THINK IS THAT THERE MAY BE MANY INTERESTING STORIES BEHIND THEM, BUT WHAT YOU KNOW IS THAT REALLY THERE ARE JUST DULL, DULL SOULS, MERE CONSUMERS ..
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soul-music
susan-sto-helit
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Terry Pratchett - Soul Music |
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79b26bf
|
Goodbye," Mort said, and was surprised to find a lump in his throat. "It's such an unpleasant word, isn't it?" QUITE SO. Death grinned because, as has so often been remarked, he didn't have much option. But possibly he meant it, this time. I PREFER AU REVOIR, he said."
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Terry Pratchett |
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929d5a9
|
Can't we do anything about it?" - "No!" - "Then I can't see the sense in panicking", said Twoflower calmly"
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humor
ricewind
pratchett
twoflower
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Terry Pratchett |
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fa0e29e
|
You see and hear what others canna', the world opens up its secrets to ye, but ye're always like the person at the party with the wee drink in the corner who cannae join in. There's a little bitty bit inside ye that willnae melt and flow.
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Terry Pratchett |
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c4c250b
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I know it's not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!" "My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow..." "Is that so? Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig!"
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Terry Pratchett |
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f048a71
|
Everything is magic when you don't know what it is. Your sliding rule is a magic wand to most people.
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Terry Pratchett |
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2aa737e
|
Learning how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them. Harder, maybe. There'd be a sight more frogs in this world if I didn't know how not to turn people into them. And big pink balloons, too.
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pink-balloons
transformation
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Terry Pratchett |
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c136988
|
The mountains of madness have many little plateaux of sanity.
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Terry Pratchett |
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d7e4da0
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Bee there Orr Bee A Rectangular Thyng
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Terry Pratchett |
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b6c6782
|
And the Nac Mac Feegle are, well, they're like tiny little Scottish Smurfs who have seen Braveheart altogether too many times.
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Terry Pratchett |
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f24aa88
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It didn't look like the kind of snow that whispers down gently in the pit of the night and in the morning turns the landscape into a glittering wonderland of uncommon and ethereal beauty. It looked like the kind of snow that intends to make the world as bloody cold as possible.
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Terry Pratchett |
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558315b
|
Daft Wullie had raised a finger. 'Point o' order, Rob,' he said, 'but it was a wee bittie hurtful there for you to say I dinna hae the brains of a beetle...' Rob hesitated, but only for a moment. 'Aye, Daft Wullie, ye are right in whut ye say. It was unricht o' me to say that. It was the heat o' the moment, an' I am full sorry for it. As I stand here before ye now, I will say: Daft Wullie, ye DO hae the brains o' a beetle, an' I'll fight an..
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humor
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Terry Pratchett |
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01235dd
|
The price for being the best is always... having to be the best.
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Terry Pratchett |