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| Link | Quote | Stars | Tags | Author |
| 9716e2c | If you don't change your direction, you're likely to end up where you're heading. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| fb98f4a | complaining about anything. You will be surprised how difficult this is. You will also be surprised to learn how much complaining and criticizing you do. By | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 7ad30f2 | Feel the fear .. and do it anyway | Susan Jeffers Ph.D. | ||
| b26a779 | excitement and possibility is a first step. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 14b867e | Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers | Jack Canfield | ||
| e5a8407 | How can you buy the sky? Chief Seattle began. How can you own the rain and the wind? My mother told me, Every part of this earth is sacred to our people. Every pine needle. Every sandy shore. Every mist in the dark woods. Every meadow and humming insect. All are holy in the memory of our people. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| c098dd8 | How can you buy the sky? Chief Seattle began. How can you own the rain and the wind? | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 34525fd | My father said to me, I know the sap that courses through the trees as I know the blood that flows in my veins. We are part of the earth and it is part of us. The perfumed flowers are our sisters. The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers. The rocky crests, the meadows, the ponies--all belong to the same family. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 11edd51 | The voice of my ancestors said to me, The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not simply water, but the blood of your grandfather's grandfather. Each ghostly reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells of memories in the life of our people. The water's murmur is the voice of your great-great-grandmother. The rivers are our brothers. They quench our thirst. They carry our canoes and feed our children. You must give to.. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 1d9cf9f | The voice of my grandfather said to me, The air is precious. It shares its spirit with all the life it supports. The wind that gave me my first breath also received my last sigh. You must keep the land and air apart and sacred, as a place where one can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 0c46787 | When the last Red Man and Woman have vanished with their wilderness, and their memory is only the shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will the shores and forest still be here? Will there be any of the spirit of my people left? My ancestors said to me, This we know: The earth does not belong to us. We belong to the earth. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 56626b0 | The voice of my grandmother said to me, Teach your children what you have been taught. The earth is our mother. What befalls the earth befalls all the sons and daughters of the earth. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 5eafec0 | Hear my voice and the voice of my ancestors, Chief Seattle said. The destiny of your people is a mystery to us. What will happen when the buffalo are all slaughtered? The wild horses tamed? What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men? When the view of the ripe hills is blotted by talking wires? Where will the thicket be? Gone. Where will the eagle be? Gone! And what will happen when we say goo.. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| effad92 | This we know: All things are connected like the blood that unites us. We did not weave the web of life, We are merely a strand in it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 0461c17 | We love this earth as a newborn loves its mother's heartbeat. If we sell you our land, care for it as we have cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when you receive it. Preserve the land and the air and the rivers for your children's children and love it as we have loved it. | Susan Jeffers | ||
| 6b99cc2 | The general attitude of owning your strengths can be summed up in two words: Of course. * Of course I am intelligent. * Of course I am funny. * Of course I am an attractive guy. * Of course I am kind and patient. * Of course. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 9a7d158 | Through repetition, you can start to alter the way you see yourself, thus changing your identity. The process is simple, yet powerful. It involves taking your list and stating your strengths out loud, using a full, strong tone with slightly louder volume than you would normally use in regular conversation. You firmly assert the strength in a way that links it to your identity. The most powerful and efficient way to do this is to use the phr.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 53b34ce | Say each phrase out loud, with emphasis, energy, and emotional intensity. Keep in mind that you may have repeated negative statements about your weaknesses thousands of times over the years. In order to create momentum for your mind to start focusing more on your strengths, it requires emotional intensity and frequent repetition. You can do this exercise while driving, brushing your teeth, and many other times throughout the day. You can ev.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| b114936 | I AM loving. I treat the people in my life so well. I am warm and affectionate with my friends, my family, my girlfriend, and my cats. People around me can feel my warmth and love. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| a981901 | Much of the time, when we experience social anxiety and come to fear interactions, it is because we have not chosen or defined our desired outcome. Or, it is because the desired outcome we've chosen does not serve us. Below are questions we frequently ask ourselves before a social interaction: * How can I get this person to like me? * How can I make sure that they think I'm okay? * How can I get through this without embarrassing myself? | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| e111ec5 | Your purpose could simply be to enjoy yourself, to fully listen to another person and hear about her life, or to share something interesting with someone else. Your purpose could be vulnerability and authenticity, or to tell the other person how you honestly feel. Notice how these types of outcomes are not manipulative. In reality, they are often mutually beneficial. When your purpose is focused on the other person, or on connecting, you wi.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| f0f249c | Rather than being a single entity, you can view yourself as a collection of different parts. Part of you wants to eat a pizza, and part of you wants to get the salad because it is healthier. Part of you hopes something will go well, and another part is paralyzed by fear of failure. In working with these parts of ourselves, it can be helpful to imagine that inside your head there is a corporate boardroom. There's a large wooden table with ma.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 3722f7c | Additionally, it can help to give your critic a name or title. This not only helps you label and catch it quicker, it also helps you take some of the charge out of what it is saying by giving it a playful or silly name. For example, when I am dealing with my inner critic, I call him Admiral Doom. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 1d41f56 | I have identified other parts as well. The part of me that is terribly frightened that something might go wrong in the future is The Blind Prophet. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 67b2534 | The part that is convinced everyone will dislike me because I won't meet their expectations is Double More--it always demands I do more. When I ask Double More just how much more I should do, it always says "double!" The list goes on. It can be incredibly helpful to start to notice, identify, and name the different parts of yourself, especially your inner critic. Once" | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| b82b233 | When you name your critic, you tell your subconscious that the critic is not you. This reinforces that the harsh, negative thoughts are simply ideas in your mind. They do not reflect clear facts or the whole truth. In fact, as you have done the Awareness Logs, you may have realized that many of your critical thoughts are quite distorted or inaccurate. Once you realize this, you can start to make a distinction between having a thought and be.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| ba9bc39 | The best way to break the trance is to start asking yourself specific questions that will help you see the situation clearly. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 32c3db5 | What is the truth? When your critic launches an attack against you, it can seem incredibly convincing. So much so that many people just accept whatever their critic says as accurate. Part of this is due to the familiarity of the critic's voice, and part is because of how certain your critic sounds. Your critic does not typically put forth a tentative hypothesis for you to check out. On the contrary, it loudly asserts a claim as if it were a.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| bd403e1 | is what we communicate with our eyes. The way we look at someone can communicate trust, distrust, dislike, hatred, admiration, joy, and even love. When we want to connect with someone on a deeper level, we almost always choose a face-to-face interaction. This way, we can look into the other person's eyes as we talk. When falling in love, we can spend hours simply gazing into the eyes of our beloved. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| d89d363 | Hidden assumptions In addition to asking yourself questions, you can defend against your critic by examining your hidden assumptions about yourself and the world around you. These assumptions are often unconscious, yet lurk behind every interaction. The more aware of them you become, the less ammunition your critic will have when it launches attacks against you. Hidden assumptions are beliefs or rules you have about how you are supposed to .. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 45b5660 | While it might sound abrasive and harsh, your critic is actually a very scared, vulnerable part of you. Even though your critic seems tough, chances are it is terrified of | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 668f642 | There are three ways to respond to your critic that you might find particularly helpful: defense, questioning, and acceptance. The first way is to directly challenge your critic, saying something like: "I disagree. That seems extreme. I'm not sure that is true." The second way to respond is to ask your critic questions that highlight his logic. You can also ask for specifics when he is making a vague or extreme claim. For example: Critic: N.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 43065c6 | The third step of creating self-compassion is learning how to give this kind of empathy to yourself. Instead of trying to talk yourself out of your feelings, or criticizing yourself for having the feelings, you can empathize with yourself. Yes, it is really uncomfortable for me to go talk with those people. I am feeling really scared right now. Whew, this is tough. A lot of people feel this way. The attitude behind empathy for yourself is t.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 39f11de | Sometimes when we attack ourselves, we feel like we are the only ones suffering in a particular way. This can lead to feelings of personal inadequacy and loneliness, which can exacerbate an already overwhelming situation. We start to believe that we are the only people who feel social anxiety, and that everyone else has no problems with confidence. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 6c3a426 | When you believe this, you will keep most of what you think and feel to yourself. After all, who would really care anyway? As a result, if we are in a situation where we are forced to speak, we do the best we can to discount what we are saying. We speak in a quiet, hesitant manner. We may mumble or trail off at the end of a statement. This makes us difficult to hear and understand, and easy to write-off as unconvincing and insignificant. Th.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| b659e29 | The most basic way to begin this practice is to consciously increase your speaking volume to a level that is in the normal-to-loud range. This is the volume that is loud enough so that everyone can hear what you are saying, but it is not so loud that it seems unusual. In addition, you can practice counteracting the tendency to trail off or mumble at the end of a phrase by consciously increasing your volume as you speak a phrase. When you do.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| cf3dd48 | Speaking in front of a group was one of the worst experiences I could imagine. As I worked through the same process that you are working through now, I began to move towards what scares me, rather than away from it. I started seeking out places to practice speaking, including a local Toastmasters chapter. I continued down this path for many years, regularly moving towards what scared me most. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 8c4b016 | During my public speaker training, I learned it is inevitable that I will sometimes misspeak, stumble over my words, or make some sort of mistake. This prospect used to terrify me, and it was one of the reasons I avoided speaking so avidly. But what I realized was that it did not seem to matter when I made a mistake, if I applied the principle described in this section. I discovered I could mispronounce a word and even say something that di.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 8bedfb4 | The first time I stumbled across this principle, I thought it was a fluke. But as I practiced doing this each time I made a mistake, it became very clear to me that people did not seem to notice the misstep, as long as I concluded my sentence in a confident manner. This | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| aa9a067 | if you do not plan on speaking publicly, this communication secret can help ensure that others are hearing you clearly, and are listening to what you're saying. It will also help you gain greater respect in your relationships with friends, coworkers, and life partners. In order to get comfortable with the volume of your voice and speaking with conviction, I highly recommend you find a private place to practice, whether in your car during yo.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 8eeeaec | When anxious, you might tend to look away frequently, and keep your eyes cast down towards the floor. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| bea07c3 | By now, however, you have realized that the pattern of avoidance produces relief in the short term, but tends to cause more fear and restriction down the road. One simple way to shift your pattern of eye contact is to consciously walk with your head held up high and your eyes on the level of the horizon. It is so common for us to walk and move with our eyes cast slightly downward, lost in our own world of thoughts. Instead, you can practice.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| a9c2d7c | A powerful way to overcome your fear of eye contact is to engage in the Smile and Hello Practice discussed earlier. This involves walking down a busy street and making eye contact with as many people as you can. You can get their attention by smiling and loudly saying "hello!" or "hi there!" You can also choose to increase eye contact with strangers throughout the day. You can experiment by looking at people's eyes as you walk down the stre.. | Aziz Gazipura | ||
| 347f085 | A final way to experiment with exposure to eye contact is to decide to sustain eye contact with people when you are listening to them. As they are talking, allow yourself to look directly into one of their eyes. As you do this, you can focus some of your awareness on the sensations in your feet on the floor, and the air coming in and out of your lungs as you breathe. This will help you remain present while you practice making sustained eye .. | Aziz Gazipura |