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| Link | Quote | Stars | Tags | Author |
| 64ca6f0 | while the modern, human animal is capable of deep thought and, like its mammalian forebears, can nurture and play, it also is capable of behaving in an absolutely "reptilian" manner." | Edwin H Friedman | ||
| 82f75f0 | The three criteria of reptilian functioning that leaders of any family or institution can always rely on to judge madness (of others or their own) are interfering in the relationships of others; unceasingly trying to convert others to their own point of view; and being unable to relate to people who do not agree with them. | Edwin H Friedman | ||
| 1b22cef | information does not consist of energy, and leadership is all about energy, about making an impact. Basing leadership on information theory disempowers leaders and is part of the bias toward data that was discussed earlier in this chapter. Impact, to the contrary, is about emotional process. | Edwin H Friedman | ||
| 63936ca | In our society today, much is made of treating children as persons, human beings who have a right to be heard. But many family leaders today bend so far in the direction of consensus, in order to avoid the stigma of being authoritarian, that clarity of values and the positive, often crucial benefits of the leader's self-differentiation are almost totally missing from the system. One of the most prevalent characteristics of families with dis.. | Edwin H. Friedman | ||
| 0617cab | A willingness to be exposed and vulnerable. One of the major limitations of imagination's fruits is the fear of standing out. It is more than a fear of criticism. It is anxiety at being alone, of being in a position where one can rely little on others, a position that puts one's own resources to the test, a position where one will have to take total responsibility for one's own response to the environment. Leaders must not only not be afrai.. | Edwin H. Friedman | ||
| d2df8c8 | But no one has ever gone from slavery to freedom with the slaveholders cheering them on, nor contributed significantly to the evolution of our species by working a forty-hour week, nor achieved any significant accomplishment by taking refuge in cynicism. | Edwin H. Friedman | ||
| 84a34b8 | The second attribute of imaginatively gridlocked relationship systems is a continual search for new answers to old questions rather than an effort to reframe the questions themselves. In the search for the solution to any problem, questions are always more important than answers because the way one frames the question, or the problem, already predetermines the range of answers one can conceive in response. The critical difference between | Edwin H. Friedman | ||
| 569cb2d | Those five characteristics are: 1. Reactivity: the vicious cycle of intense reactions of each member to events and to one another. 2. Herding: a process through which the forces for togetherness triumph over the forces for individuality and move everyone to adapt to the least mature members. 3. Blame displacement: an emotional state in which family members focus on forces that have victimized them rather than taking responsibility .. | Edwin H. Friedman | ||
| ad3f9be | Sabotage is not merely something to be avoided or wished away; instead, it comes with the territory of leading, whether the "territory" is a family or an organization. And a leader's capacity to recognize sabotage for what it is--that is, a systemic phenomenon connected to the shifting balances in the emotional processes of a relationship system and not to the institution's specific issues, makeup, or goals--is the key to the kingdom." .. | Edwin H Friedman | ||
| 029a84a | the ability to allow or even make room for reactivity in the other, without reciprocating, creates the best chance that both partners can go on to their next relationships with the least amount of emotional baggage. | Edwin H. Friedman | ||
| 1e01ff5 | Daniel Kahneman astutely observed, "No one ever made a decision because of a number. They need a story." | Edwin H Friedman | ||
| 4c7b21b |
Kharrington v Okeanii skhodnym obrazom otsylaet k < |
Quentin Skinner | ||
| 5bd53d6 | The intellectual historian can help us to appreciate how far the values embodied in our present way of life, and our present ways of thinking about those values, reflect a series of choices made at different times between different possible worlds. | Quentin Skinner | ||
| 0bd0286 | Somehow she was becoming the kind of woman she didn't like, somebody who felt one way but smiled it off in a mask of cheerfulness, the kind of woman who got very good at small talk. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| 59ceb12 | But beneath them all, at the very bottom of the stack, is a worn and slightly tattered magazine called African Mamas Sucking Hog. I flip through it real quick; a bunch of young black girls dressed like Kenyans giving fat-ass bikers blow jobs. I smile at this; Elroy the scholar. Elroy the sicko masturbator. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| 06a9392 | If my father had been working at the 7-Eleven in Wyoming last night, what would he have done? Would he have gone for Elroy's vital-organ zones? Or would he have aimed for his elbows, knees, and shoulders? | Andre Dubus III | ||
| 29b913e | He thought of winter coming, how it's the only season that stays like it will never leave; | Andre Dubus III | ||
| d9ef9c9 | The JD wasn't going down smooth at all. Not like good stuff should. Instead of a warm slow seeping, it seemed to be kicking its way down his throat. And the buzz felt wrong; it was coming too fast, after only a few shots, and it wasn't rounding out any of the sharp edges. It was somehow leaving everything ragged. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| f02d5c7 | But now his body feels like some dumb beast he merely exists inside, and every now and then it lets him know it needs to do something: To eat. To piss or shit. To move or just lie down and rest. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| f27f86a | Her thighs are oiled and dark, and oblivion never felt as good as it does now, | Andre Dubus III | ||
| 45a2163 | She tried to stand but he had her by the hair and with his other hand he was jerking back and forth on himself, and she couldn't breathe and then he let out a groan as warm spurts fell wetly across her cheek and nose and eye, and Davey was laughing as if he'd just scored points in a game, and Luke let go of her hair and she fell back on her hands. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| ef6d435 | I blinked and looked around my tiny rented kitchen, saw things I'd never seen before: the stove leaning to the left, the handle of the fridge covered with dirty masking tape, the chipped paint of the window casing, a missing square of linoleum on the floor under the radiator. I stood and closed the notebook. I picked up the pencil and set it on top like some kind of marker, a reminder to me of something important I shouldn't lose. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| f432505 | But when he sat on the bed beside me, then leaned over and kissed my forehead, my cheek, my lips, his hand pressed to my rib cage, the other stroking my hair back, it was like I was an empty well and didn't know it until just now when he uncovered me and it started to rain. | self-awareness love knowing self-realization | Andre Dubus III | |
| d476006 | On the hottest days you could smell the wood from the lumberyard on the other side of Water Street, the piss and shit of the drunks in the weeds, the engine exhaust, the sweet lead of the paint flaking off our clapboards. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| ffc5abb | I felt more like me than I ever had, as if the years I'd lived so far had formed layers of skin and muscle over myself that others saw as me when the real one had been underneath all along, and writing--even writing badly--had peeled away those layers, and I knew then that if I wanted to stay this awake and alive, if I wanted to stay me, I would have to keep writing. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| f308654 | I feel so much I hardly feel anything at all. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| 42f7d77 | What did he think? That time moved forward? No, for the good times it slipped out of your hands like water, but when things went wrong time stopped. It stopped and stared at you and never took its eyes away from what you'd done. I hope they hurt you in there. If you come looking for Susan, you will be sorry. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| b878a9c | For there is so much she needs to pass on to this child, that our lives are brief, even long ones like hers, and the one thing we should do is take care of each other. That's all. But honey, it's so hard. Why, child, is it so hard? A voice through the trees. | Andre Dubus III | ||
| 71a79cb | In an age in which rulers wrote history in the form of triumphal inscriptions, the Israelites alone recorded their failures more vividly than their successes. | Jonathan Sacks | ||
| 6e5a754 | The American dream is kind of stupid, anyway. Slave ninety percent of your life so that you can spend the last ten percent of it doing nothing? And there's no guarantee you even make it far enough to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Look at the state of the world. At this rate it's all going to implode any second, anyway, and you could...die unexpectedly. So you should do what makes you happy. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 906bc1a | All my life the only reliable person, the one I could count on, the one who hasn't abandoned me, is me. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 2634ea2 | Das wird sich alles finden. Everything will be okay. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 25229f1 | Why do we drag around like life is so awful?' Why did they forget that there was so much to love? | Sara Zarr | ||
| 10ecb56 | A decent society will be one in which enemies do not allow their rancour or animosity to prevent them from coming to one another's assistance when they need help. | Jonathan Sacks | ||
| de09327 | You used to not give a damn about anything, but that was because you were brave, not cynical. You used to have so much courage. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 71a8aa4 | Why do you want to come in?' Because I'm lonely, I think. Why does anyone ever want to be with another person? | Sara Zarr | ||
| eca6524 | He said I didn't need to save him.' 'But you want to.' 'Yeah. But I can't. Right?' 'Probably not. Usually not. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 2986a56 | I think about how there are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. ... And I don't just mean that they change you. A lot of people can change you... I'm talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much a part of you as your own soul. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. My mom was right about that. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundre.. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 480aca3 | Can it really be love if we don't talk that much, don't see each other? Isn't love something that happens between people who spend time together and know each other's faults and take care of each other? ... In the end, I decide that the mark we've left on each other is the colour and shape of love. That's the unfinished business between us. Because love, love is never finished. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 8763dd3 | Right now I would love to have a personal message from God. I want to believe the way I used to, when my dad or mom or sometimes both of them would pray with me at night and I would picture God listening, kind-eyed and bearded. He was real to me, as real as my own parents. I don't know when God stopped being someone I saw as my true friend, and turned into something I'm mostly confused about. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 7260f12 | Now I think miracles are things that happen in stained glass, and on dusty Jerusalem roads thousands of years ago. Not here, not to us. Not when we need them. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 40a3a10 | Mom always says that doubt is just another way of expressing faith... This is different than doubt. This is something I've never felt before, a total absence of whatever it is that's made me who I am, on the inside, all my life. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 9e59c57 | Right now it's like we're three islands, and nothing but oceans between us. | Sara Zarr | ||
| 511de82 | And, to our collective surprise, it turned out that for a person who doesn't like people, I'm pretty good at this customer service stuff. | Sara Zarr |