|
c151b49
|
Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.
|
|
irony
humor
humorous-quotations
ironic
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
87efbfd
|
If there's one thing that really annoys a god, it's not knowing something.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
7e241fb
|
He had never been interested in stories at any age, and had never quite understood the basic concept. He'd never read a work of fiction all the way through. He did remember, as a small boy, being really annoyed at the depiction of Hickory Dickory Dock in a rag book of nursery rhymes because the clock in the drawing was completely wrong for the period.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
6caebc4
|
We need to borrow your boat," said Vimes. "Bugger off!" "I'm choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning 'Why, certainly,'" said Vimes."
|
|
humourous
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
8e8fefc
|
at least nine-tenths of all the original reality ever created lies outside the multiverse, and since the multiverse by definition includes absolutely everything that is anything, this puts a bit of a strain on things. Outside the boundaries of the universes lie the raw realities, the could-have-beens, the might-bes, the never-weres, the wild ideas, all being created and uncreated chaotically like elements in fermenting supernovas. Just occa..
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
efa3d75
|
They were indeed what was known as 'old money', which meant that it had been made so long ago that the black deeds which had originally filled the coffers were now historically irrelevant. Funny, that: a brigand for a father was something you kept quiet about, but a slave-taking pirate for a great-great-great-grandfather was something to boast of over the port. Time turned the evil bastards into rogues, and rogue was a word with a twinkle i..
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
b462f09
|
Words have always had the power to change the world.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
e5f48e7
|
He's bound to have done ," Nobby repeated. In this he was echoing the Patrician's view of crime and punishment. If there was crime, there should be punishment. If the specific criminal should be involved in the punishment process then this was a happy accident, but if not then any criminal would do, and since everyone was undoubtedly guilty of something, the net result was that, , justice was done."
|
|
funny
ethics
punishment
justice
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
5c5ec71
|
If you took the world away and just left the elctricity, it would look like the most exquisite filigree ever made - a ball of twinkling silver lines with the occasional coruscating spike of a satellite beam. Even the dark areas would glow with radar and commercial radio waves. It could be the nervous system of a great beast.
|
|
creative
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
2b709c2
|
Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it were created at all and didn't just start, as it were, unofficially, it came to being between ten and twenty thousand million years ago. By the same token the earth itself is generally supposed to be about four and a half thousand million years old. These dates are incorrect. Medieval Jewish scholars put the date of the Creation at 3760BC. Greek Orthodox theologians put Crea..
|
|
universe
science
creationism
genesis
creation
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
78917b0
|
Taint what a horse looks like, it's what a horse be.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
cd59f35
|
My granny used to say if you're too sharp you'll cut yourself,
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
8d16c49
|
This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
9ac9752
|
Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erraticaly in all directions, that the chance of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
57cdc9a
|
Is that the drink with the vodka? Because- " "No," said Lady Margolotta quietly. "This, I am afraid, is the other kind. Still, ve have that in common, don't ve? Neither of us drinks...alcohol. I believe you vere an alcoholic, Sir Samuel." "No," said Vimes, completely taken aback. "I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic."
|
|
humourous
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
659ae6a
|
I may be daft but I'm no' stupid!
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
053d7f0
|
You can die for your country or your people or your family, but for a god you should live fully and busily, every day of a long life.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
5fba770
|
Then the Dean repeated the mantra that has had such a marked effect on the progress of knowledge throughout the ages. "Why don't we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens?" he said. And Ridcully responded with the traditional response. "It's got to be worth a try," he said."
|
|
progress
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
dccc0ea
|
As the eye of narrative drew back from the coffin on its stand, two things happened. One happened comparatively slowly, and this was Vargo's realisation that he never recalled the coffin having a pillow before. The other was Greebo deciding that he was as mad as hell and wasn't going to take it any more.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
9c415c2
|
Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother.
|
|
humourous
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
8a56f62
|
He'd always known that the world was an interesting place, and his imagination had peopled it with pirates and bandits and spies and astronauts and similar. But he'd also had a nagging suspicion that, when you seriously got right down to it, they were all just things in books and didn't properly exist anymore.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
5bb1621
|
The best way to describe Mr. Windling would be like this: You are at a meeting. You'd like to be away early. So would everyone else. There really isn't very much to discuss, anyway. And just as everyone can see Any Other Business coming over the horizon and is putting their papers neatly together, a voice says "If I can raise a minor matter, Mr. Chairman..." and with a horrible wooden feeling in your stomach you , now, that the evening wil..
|
|
meetings
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
753d455
|
Firstly," said Ponder, "Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here." "Do? We are the premier college of magic!" said Ridcully. "But do we teach?" "Only if no alternative presents itself," said the Dean. "We show 'em where the library is, give 'em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open." "Metaphorically, sir?" said Ponder. "Yes. But technically, of course, it's lock..
|
|
wizards
discworld
university
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
2de049f
|
I have certainly noticed that groups of clever and intelligent people are capable of really stupid ideas.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
a69ee12
|
I did start out in witchcraft to get boys, to tell you the truth.' 'Think I don't know that?' 'What did you start out to get, Esme?' Granny stopped, and looked up at the frosty sky and then down at the ground. 'Dunno,' she said at last.'Even, I suppose.
|
|
wisdom
nanny-ogg
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
563f9b2
|
Map-making had never been a precise art on the Discworld. People tended to start off with good intentions and then get so carried away with the spouting whales, monsters, waves and other twiddly bits of cartographic furniture that the often forgot to put the boring mountains and rivers in at all.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
5b0dcd7
|
They say that the eyes of some paintings can follow you around the room, a fact that I doubt, but I am wondering whether some music can follow you for ever.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
5b59ef9
|
Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it could accommodate three football fields and a bowling alley.
|
|
humour
fiction
women
fantasy
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
dff0a3f
|
Tiffany's Second Thoughts said: Hang on, was that a First Thought? And Tiffany thought: No, that was a Third Thought. I'm thinking about how I think about what I'm thinking. At least, I think so. Her Second Thoughts said: Let's all calm down, please, because this is quite a small head.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
5e13837
|
When he was a boy he'd read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had come as rather a shock, when he later began to participate in some of these, to find that the painters had unaccountably left out the intestines. Perhaps they just weren't very good at them.
|
|
humourous
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
e106351
|
Death was hereditary. You got it from your ancestors.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
a25d915
|
Moist waited. Lord Vetinari could outstare a statue and make even a statue start to feel nervous and confess. Moist's counter was a fetching grin, which he knew annoyed Vetinari beyond measure, and there was absolute silence in the Oblong Office while blank stare and cheery grin battled it out for supremacy in some other dimension.
|
|
raising-steam
vetinari
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
8785f5a
|
Monsters are getting more uppity, too (...) I heard where this guy, he killed this monster in this lake, no problem, stuck its arm up over the door (...) and you know what? Its mum come and complained. Its actual mum come right down to the hall next day and complained. Actually complained. That's the respect you get.
|
|
humor
grendel
parody
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
b75ce5d
|
If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have got no further because of all the people saying "What colour?"
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
736904a
|
The aristocrats, if such they could be called, generally hated the whole concept of the train on the basis that it would encourage the lower classes to move about and not always be available.
|
|
trains
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
65940e0
|
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett Neil Gaiman |
|
fb7b8b8
|
Preston, I don't think this creature could ever find its way into your head. Quite apart from anything else, it seems pretty crowded and complicated to me.
|
|
mind
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
a17706c
|
It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
eabe906
|
Time and space were, from Death's point of view, merely things that he'd heard described. When it came to Death, they ticked the box marked Not Applicable. It might help to think of the universe as a rubber sheet, or perhaps not.
|
|
time
topology
space
physics
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
e2d0042
|
Several sellers of hot meat pies and sausages in a bun had appeared from nowhere and were doing a brisk trade. [Footnote: They always do, everywhere. No-one sees them arrive. The logical explaination is that the franchise includes the stall, the paper hat and a small gas-powered time machine.]
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
620e22d
|
The brain works fast when it thinks it's about to be cut in half.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
01e0444
|
There's no educating a smart boy.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
fe5e422
|
Ye ken, we've been robbin' and running aroound on all kinds o' worlds for a lang time, and I'll tell ye this: The universe is a lot more comp-li-cated than it looks from the ooutside.
|
|
|
Terry Pratchett |
|
66e2c25
|
There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins.
|
|
marching
|
Terry Pratchett |